I'm Friends with my Ex Wife, & my Current Wife HATES It!

Dear Veronica,

My ex wife and I have been divorced for ten years. We share 3 children, and see each other several times a week at the children's sporting events and activities, and at pick ups and drop offs. I get along great with my ex wife. I think we are great parents, and work together well to make sure our children are being raised with consistency. We have actually become friends in this process. I may not call her to talk about a problem at work I'm having, but if we are both at a school function, we can share a cup of coffee and a conversation very pleasantly.

My current wife is furious. She sees no reason for me to be friends with my ex. I've explained to her that I've known my ex wife for more than half my life, and that's its good for our children to see us working as a team. Yet my current wife is still furious about the situation. What are your thoughts on this?

Ron

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Dear Ron,

Well, after a few afternoon martinis, I have to tell you, I think your current wife is nuts. She is unreasonable, immature, irresponsible toward both you and your children, and she is insanely selfish. She knew you were a man with a past when she married you. She knew you had children. She should be proud of the kind of commitment you made to your children, and your ability to have worked so well with your ex wife to insure the children's best interest.

Based on the information you've given me, my thoughts are very clear.

But now I want you to think about the information you haven't given me.

Is there any chance that your current wife is picking up more then friendship and parenthood between you and your ex?

Let me ask you this: had you had an affair with your current wife prior to divorcing your first wife? Once a cheater, Ron... Your current wife may be lashing out at your friendship with your former wife, because she doesn't trust you. Have you given her any reason not to trust you? Have you cheated on her? Have you cheated with her? If you have, then she is valid in her fears.

Let me also ask you this: is your current wife considerably younger than you are? The behavior you described sounds terribly immature. This is a phenomenon that never ceases to amaze me. People are so attracted to younger partners. You could be a guy in his 40's, very attracted to some 22 year old chickie, for example. And you and this 22 year old get together and you think life is wonderful. Then, when you're 22 year old starts acting like a 22 year old, you're shocked. And appalled.

Ron, I have no idea why you and your ex got divorced or why your current wife is behaving so irrationally and immaturely. I have no way to know if your current wife is acting age appropriately or out of justified fear. I'm not accusing, or suggesting, or mocking. I'm just saying: think about the situation honestly, and try to be as honest as you can be with yourself regarding why the situation is what it is. If it really is as cut and dry as you've made it sound, then your current wife needs to consider getting some professional help.

And regardless of what becomes of your current marriage, you should be applauded for your commitment to your children's well being, and your ability to be friendly with the ex. I hope nothing changes that. You're an example to others. Good luck.

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All text is original content by Veronica.

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