Fun At The Cemetery
65I Am Deeply Honored
It would seem that a somewhat dubious honor has been bestowed upon me. Having been declared the winner of rockinjoe's Most Boring Hub Title contest, I am now charged with writing a boring hub, to go along with my boring title.
In truth, I submitted several titles that I thought were pretty good. But this one was something that I threw out there after an extended period of sleep deprivation, and with very little thought. So, perhaps winning this major award without really trying, means that I am just boring by nature. Or maybe someone out there just voted a lot, because they really wanted to see me sweat this one out. In either case, thanks (I think) for all of the votes.
Since misery loves company, I hope that some, if not all of the top ten competitors will write hubs to go with the titles that they submitted. I think that, at the very least, Trish1048 should write her hub about naming empty toilet paper tubes. As the runner up, I think she deserves to join me in the winner's circle.
On With The Borefest
I don't know if I've ever mentioned this on Hubpages, but many years ago, I was in the military. At the risk of bordering on interesting, I will also tell you that I, along with several other lucky soldiers, were forced into service as "Duty Buglers." Bugling duty was a 30 day rotation, and was just about the most fun a person could have with their pants on. If you've ever had the pleasure of pulling bugling duty, you will notice the sarcasm dripping off of that last sentence.
One of the greatest joys, was spending a perfectly good Friday night at the Officers' Club. Banquets happen quite often, there. Of course, you just can't have a grand officers' banquet without a peon and his horn. It usually went something like this: First, tell your wife you have to cancel your dinner date, because you've been called into "action." Then you show up at the Officers' Club an hour before any actual officers, put on your dress blues, make sure your medals are perfectly aligned, and your shoes extremely well shined. Now the fun begins.
Your first duty, is to stand at attention at the banquet room door, as the dignitaries file in. Then you continue to stand at attention, as they mingle and drink large volumes of seriously over priced liquor. You'll know that your time to shine is near, when your back begins to cramp, or a drunk lieutenant colonel trips, and spills his Tanqueray on your meticulously cleaned and pressed uniform, whichever comes first (It usually takes about an hour and a half for either one to happen). The officers' "mess", as it is so aptly named, is served at 19:00 hours (7:00 p.m.), and you watch for the clock to move that last tiny bit. If you're lucky, that jackass that spilled his drink on you will be standing right in front of you when it happens.
It's 30 seconds before 7:00. The drunk guy is staggering around a foot and a half from your face. You snap your brilliantly polished horn to your lips and wait for it. His back is turned, and his head is inches from your bugle as the clock ticks off the last few seconds. With 5 seconds to go, you discreetly draw a very large breath. At the stroke of 19:00, you unleash the loudest "mess call" ever heard, directly into the back of the lieutenant colonel's bald head. He is instantly sober, and more than a little wet in the pants. You manage to keep your military bearing, and not wet your own pants, laughing. Of course you wanted to warn him, but a soldier is not permitted to talk when standing at attention, and you could suffer disciplinary action if you are tardy in performing your assigned duty. I guess he'll be more careful about where he stands, next time.
Having performed your vital role in the festivities, you stand at "parade rest" (Back straight, feet shoulder width apart, hands locked behind back), and watch the big shots drink even more, and eat their government issued chicken, or beef. Then they mingle and drink a little more, and you snap back to attention, as they drag themselves back out the door without even noticing you. Hell, you could be in your underwear and they wouldn't care, at this point.
So what does all this have to do with the cemetery? It's a package deal, my friends. As I said, the banquets are only one of the greatest joys of bugling. Besides, I figure that part of the art of being boring, entails hooking your readers with a moderately interesting tidbit, so they don't fall asleep right off the bat. If you get them to read a bit, then knock them out, your time-on-page stat goes up dramatically. I've had people spend 3 or 4 hours on a hub, because they nodded off in the middle.
The Real Joy Of Bugling
What I have outlined already, was the end of a typical day. If we back up a bit, you will have a better picture of the glamorous life of a military bugler.
04:00 hours (that's 4:00 a.m. to you non-military types): Into the shower, then put on your class "A" uniform. This looks more or less like a green business suit, festooned with rank insignia, and medals.
04:30 hours: Climb into a green van with 4 to 8 other people, and begin your journey to the cemetery. Today we will be attending a military funeral. If the journey is short, you have the luxury of sleeping a little later, but since we were up at 4:00, you can bet that we're driving at least 5 or 6 hours.
Two hours into the trip, is the obligatory breakfast stop. A vote is taken, and McDonald's wins. No surprise, really. McDonald's wins every single time. Breakfast, lunch or dinner, it doesn't really matter. "Who wants some tacos, or a juicy Whopper? Too friggin' bad, here's your Quarter Pounder! Enjoy."
Now for the fun at the cemetery. As you may or may not know, the U.S. Army is not the model of efficiency in the area of communication. It was not unusual that we were given the wrong start time, and arrived several hours early. Left to our own devices, we found some creative ways to pass the time. Below are a few helpful suggestions, just in case you find yourself with a little too much time on your hands.
Search For Funny Epitaphs
'Nuff said? I think this is pretty self explanatory. You'd be surprised at what some people have written on their gravestone. I know I was. In case you're not sure what to look for, this hub by Mistyhorizon2003 has some wonderful examples. If you still have questions, my good friend, Christoph Reilly, has been contemplating hubbers tombstones for a while, now. Both are recommended reading, on the subject of funny epitaphs.
See The Famous Dead People
During my 3 years of service, I attended more than 200 funerals throughout Indiana, as well as parts of Illinois, Ohio and Michigan. As such, I consider myself something of an expert on killing time in cemeteries. If you want to know where all the action is, so to speak, I recommend Crown Hill Cemetery, in Indianapolis. With over 190,000 "residents", it's the third largest in the United States.
The impressive list of celebrities buried there, includes the father of the guy who wrote Ben Hurr, he can be found in section 3, lot 10. Right next door, in lot 9, you can pay your respects to Dr. Richard Gatling. He invented the Gatling gun. From there, you can head on over to section 6, lot 4, and visit the grandfather of the one and only Kurt Vonnegut. His name is Bernard. Tell him B.T. says hi.
If you are feeling adventurous, take a hike all the way back to section 44. In lot 94, you will find the notorious bank robber, known as John Dillinger. 74 years after his death, this guy still attracts a lot of attention. People flock to this grave, and chip off pieces of the headstone, as souvenirs.
If you want to stand before greatness, stop at section 13, lot 57, for a visit with our 23rd president, Benjamin Harrison. He'll probably be happy to see you. He doesn't get a lot of visitors. He's kind of an obscure president. He does have friends here, though. Crown Hill has an extensive list of former mayors, governors, and congressman who are in permanent residence there.
If you're going, don't forget to bring pencils and paper. You might want to take an etching from the Ben Hurr guy's headstone. You just never know.
Jog A Few Miles
People enjoy jogging and biking at Crown Hill. Seriously. Within the cemetery, is "The Crown." An 842 foot tall hill, that is the highest point in the county. It offers a great opportunity raise the heart rate.
Take A Tour
They also offer public tours of their historic Civil War section, as well as tours with various other themes, such as artists' graves, actors' graves, musicians' graves and authors' graves. Many tours end at The Crown, where you are encouraged to relax, and take in the sunset.
If you have remained awake this far into the hub, and are curious, tour descriptions can be found on their website. No, really. Click the link and see for yourself. You get a 1 mile walk, and an uphill one, at that, for only 5 bucks.
Don't Forget To Visit The Gift Shop
That's right, there's a gift shop. What better way to remember your visit, than with an official souvenir? Here you can buy small remembrance items, as well as flowers, friut baskets, and even a gift box of frozen porterhouse steaks. A little disturbing, I know. But it's true. You can also buy right from their online store, which is powered by Amazon. Don't you just love the internet?
Hey, You! Wake Up!
I hope that I have bored you silly, per the rules of the game. If you need a little stimulation to get going again, why not read a few of my other, less boring hubs. Or better yet, go check out rockinjoe's hubs and website. He's a funny guy, and he's also the reason I had to write this damned cemetery hub!
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Comments
I'm so sorry, Em. I tried to be boring, honest! I guess it's just to exciting of a subject. Maybe Im just not worthy of this honor.
Well done, BT. Not quite what I was expecting, but I guess that's to be expected, isn't it?
Once I figured out what "bugling" was (I watched a movie last night called "Bug" and it's been bugging me out ever since), I found the detailed description of military life reasonably excruciating. After that, I was actually starting to doze off, even through the pseudo celebrities buried in Crown Hill Cemetary. But I have to admit, the idea of buying frozen porterhouse steaks at the gift shop -- man, that's creep city. Is it me, or is the idea of a cemetary schilling stiff meat a little suspect? And do they sell a special brand of "grave rub" to tenderize it too?
Hi MM. The meat in question is 100% Angus, and it's from Mybutcher.com. The fact that it's sold through the cemetery just creeps the Hell out of me. Thanks for dozing, it was very sweet of you!
Evilpants: Don't tell anyone but I found your hub entertaining, but will pretend to yawn for your sake. :::::Yawn:::::::::::: :) I lived half of a block from a cemetery for 23 years while in NY, and on occasion I would entertain myself reading the epitaphs, guess I am boring.
Thanks, Violet Sun! It's really very kind of you to yawn. Some of those epitaphs are pretty unbelievable. When I was a kid, I was known to play "Who died first?" That involved searching for the oldest dated head stone.
LOL, B.T. that was not boring at all, you really can't help but be funny can you. Anyway, well done for being so very entertaining :)
Well, damn! You've managed to take a perfectly boring idea and turn it into something interesting. I don't know whether you have failed miserably or succeeded admirably. It' s a conundrum.
OK, in the second part, you did start to bore me a little, but then I thought, "he's done it. He's gone into the boring part to put me to sleep so I'll spend more time on this hub, thereby giving him a higher hub score. And then I got all interested again.
Good job, or is that "bad job?" Well done...piss poor work....Entertaining and agreeable, you suck! Didn't bore the hell out of me...Sometimes was really good...?
I just don't know...
And I thought we were friends. How can you say I'm not boring? Violet Sun was yawning, and Mighty Mom dozed off. That's gotta count for somethin', right? Did you read the part about the celebs? Nap city, baby! Oh well, I guess I should respect your opinion. As one of the judges, you must know what you're talking about. I must be condemned to a life of being somewhat interesting. Thanks Cindy.
Et tu, Christoph? I'll have you know that people have been staying away from ALL of my hubs in droves! I must be doing something right...I mean Wrong...I mean, Hell I don't know what I mean.But thanks for the compliment(?) I shall try to be more long winded and dull in the future.
200 funerals?? Wow...that must be truly boring. I'm trying to be really bored but well, your experiences and how you view and state things makes it all interesting nontheless. LOL Anyhow, congratulations for winning the contest. :-)
Thanks for the hub. theres quite a lot I'd like to say
quite a lot I'like to say
quite a lo
OMG have you totally lost your mind now??? Winning really changed you and went straight to your head...bigger now then before..yuck...I miss the other B T Evilpants...Hell my ex stole a grave stone from a old grave yard back in the 1800's...no writing on it tho just a big stone....it's even in my yard now...yawwnnns G-Ma ...well I hope you return to us soon...till then tah tah...G-Ma :o) Yawns & Peace
NOT BORING! What a disappppppointment! B.T. That was as always a great hub! And as always your sense of humor shows.
I think you did really bad 'boring'.
Here is lesson 1 in 'How to write boring hubs'
I went to the cemetary and there a I saw some graves. I saw grave stones with writing on them.....
A change of subject........Did you ever wonder how many were dead in that cemetary? My answer to that age old question would have to be ....If there in the graves hopefully all of them.
Well, thanks everyone. I tried. Don't worry G-ma, now that the contest is over, I'm starting to feel like my old self again.
Zsuzy, I tried to write it like that, but I kept falling asleep. At that rate, it was never going to get written. Thanks for coming by, and commenting!
TOF, I sense that there is quite a lot you'd like to say. Go right ahead.
Ripplemaker, I guess there are worse things to be than interesting. Thanks for the lovely words.
I think I've figured out what saved an otherwise delightfully boring, snore-worthy hub from succeeding. It's the damned sound effects! How can anyone nod off with all that damned bugling going on!!!??? Shhhh. For Chrissakes, man. Are you trying to wake the dead, or just your fellow hub readers!!!???
I'm putting my earplugs in. Zzzzzz... G'night all.
I'm with Christoph on this...you almost had me there, thought you were going to talk at length about standing by a door all night, but then you dropped the ball and got all interesting.
I love walking through graveyards. Until last year, I lived across the road from the oldest and one of the biggest in London (Ontario). It has street signs and gazebos, and people use it for walking, including me. There are many stones so old that you can't read them anymore, and some have fallen over. I have my favs that I revisit periodically, but no one as famous as the ones you dropped in on.
Sorry, this hub is not boring.
OK, I was bored. Is that ok? Does that make you feel better?
Sorry BT, I kept loosing the thread, and fell asleep.
So you and Gwendymom are both buglers?
Thanks Jewels. That's all I was hoping for.
See that, Shirley? Jewels gets it. You can be so hurtful, sometimes. Couldn't you at least pretend to be bored?
Ok, MM. I put my bugle away. Try to read it again, and get some sleep.
Aw, thanks Old Firm. What a pal. I feel so much better, now!
No, sorry, can't. You have too much potential for me to lie about it. Don't you want to stretch and grow as a writer? Reach for that golden chalice, don't give up, you've already reached a milestone with a boring title, keep at it!
Now go write a BORING hub.
Okay, the officer club duty did sound horrible, but as I've spent more time than any normal person should at cemetaries of late, I do find them very interesting and historical. AND, our family really did appreciate the military guys (and girl) who showed up to do the honors at my Dad's service. He would have LOVED it! I know it must be a super drag, but it means a lot to the families...I did invite the guys, (and girl) back for lunch and drinks (lots of them) with us at a local restaurant, but I guess they aren't allowed, or something.
Sorry however, your hub wasn't boring; I liked it!
Madison
Shirley, isn't that a TOMBSTONE with a boring title? This is a grave hub, however a little digging should uncover the bones of a deep and foetid concealment, something right up BT's ally. He's usually shoveling it.
Ok Shirley, you win. I'll write a new one called "Does This Look Infected?" I'm not sure that anyone could make that one interesting.
Madison, the funeral duty isn't really a drag. It was an honor to pay respect to veterans in such a personal manner. Sure it can get boring doing the same thing over, and over. But when it comes right down to it, sending off a hero with full honors is the very least we can do for our veterans. There were many times that I shed a tear, playing taps for one of these fine Americans. Thanks for coming by.
TOF - very punny! You're right, of course - it should be tombstone, not milestone!
Ohhh, I like that title, BT!! That should be plenty good and boring. See, now you're getting it.
At first I thought this hub wouldn't make me bored if I chased it down with a half bottle of Ambien and a quart of Southern Comfort, but it was then I realized the secret to his genius.
Want to make this otherwise very interesting hub incredibly boring? Read it twice.
Yawn....
Gooooooodniiight.
(Excellent Job, BT, Thank you!)
Burning questions: How did you manage to fit your military headwear over your antlers? And weren't the gloves a bit clumsy? If you eat Whoppers, is that eating your cousin?
Well BT, I set out over an hour or more ago trying to write a smart arsed answer to Shirley about hats, gloves, and relative consumption, But in the end, and no matter how I re-edited the whole mess, it appeared to me to make servicemen small. I won't intentionally do that. In consequence I suppose you must blow your own strumpet.
Cheers, Sucker.
BT,
First, congratulations on winning the contest! And a huge thanks (?) for mentioning me as the runner-up. Looks like now I'm going to have to put together a hopefully boring hub :)
I probably should have composed it even before the voting was over, on the off-chance I won, now I'm sorry I didn't LOL
So,,sometime in the very near future you will get to read my boring hub. My hope is that just the title alone will stop people from reading it. Or not.
I have to say, compared to your other writings, this one definitely, in my opinion, had the boring factor, but an interesting read nonetheless.
Again, congrats and thanks for sharing!
I have had several romantic interludes in cemetaries on hot, humid nights.
I admit, I struggled getting through the first third. On the other hand, overall, you missed writing a totally boring Hub. So the title was sort of boring, the start was sleep inducing, but the rest was too good! I guess you are just too funny to be boring, even when you try. Congrats on winning the prize.
Joe, I'm glad you saw through my thinly veiled attempt to appear interesting. You have discovered my secret. Most of my stuff is moderately amusing, at first. But if you take a second look, it's nap time.
Shirley, I don't know what they are putting in the Whoppers over in Canada, but I'm not related to the cows they use here in the states. *note to self: stay away from Canadian Burger Kings*
TOF, blowing your own strumpet, sounds like another interesting hub title. You should give it a go!
Trish, thanks so much. I look forward to learning the names of all of your old cardboard tubes! If you get around to it, maybe you could suggest some names for all of these old banana peels that I can't bring myself to throw out.
Hey, C.C. Don't you ever go to the movies? Romantic interludes in the cemetery are dangerous! Maybe next time you could try it down at the wharf.
Sally, you are very kind. As Joe suggested, give it another read, and you should be asleep by the third paragraph. Thanks for the comment!
I was hooked until the VERY end...so not boring :) But then again, I just love anecdotal writing and I really, really, REALLy enjoyed your description of bugling at the officer's mess. LOL! Being an Air Force brat I giggled at that :)
Sorry...I really don't think you could write a boring hub on a boring topic even if you tried. And I'm glad!
Thanks Spryte! You should come around more often. You're very good for the ego! Also, someone told me that you are fond of rabbits.
Glad to see this thread ain't dead yet! Would it be divine justice if BT could get the score on this hub up in the 80s or even 90s!???
I would love that, MM. I'm not sure any of my hubs have climbed much above the mid 80's for more than a minute or two!
Oops! Now that I've said that, I see my wife's ass is scoring a solid 87. Sweet!
I love visiting cemeterys and have done so in various places on vacation trips. What does this tell you? Ha!
Sweet indeed! Lotsa guys would give anything for a wife with an ass as solid as that!
Perhaps, with Trish's permission, we should plan a hub gathering here in your boring cemetary. Everyone can bring their favorite empty toilt paper rolls and we can have a midnight naming ceremony! It may not add to the boredom factor, but might add a coupla digits to your score and push you over 80!
Congratulations B.T. for winning rockinjoe's competition - and then writing this amazingly boring hub - Not - I stayed awake long enough to enjoy your "mess' duty description but then my step father was an army officer and I could recoqnise certain military boring behaviours! a bugle in the ear could be considered good payback .....
a conundrum - if a person likes a boring hub does that make them ....boring ....ah well ...I join the club...cheers
I don't think it makes one boring, but then I'm probably the wrong guy to ask. Thanks for coming by, ajcor. Don't be such a stranger.
Peggy, I hope you didn't buy any frozen meat at those cemeteries! Thanks for making it all the way through this hub, and still having the energy to comment.
MM, I'd be totally in favor of getting the gang together here. My toilet paper tube collection is getting a little out of hand. It may be easier to adopt them out, if they had names.
feel I have to help with the future adoptions.....
tubal ligated
pressed paper
screwed scrunch
dotndash
whereisit?
That's a great start. Thanks!
B.T. - Your Hub placed me into a coma, rating 2 on the Glasgow Coma Scale, but I have since recovered.
You see, it reminded me of being a horn player, marching in 90-degree August parades while wearing heavy woolen uniforms. Fortunately, I never had to stand at attention for 8 hours, but I did have to play Taps at the high school more often than I'd have liked to have done - student and celebrity deaths and whatnot. But I certainly enjoy you blatting the dickens out of a drunk.
As for cemeteries, it's all very interesting, but I think we can bore ourselves by taking a week and searching for our own graves - provided that we have not pre-bought the dastardly real estate.
Good show, overall. Shovels up!
Thanks Patty. I too played taps a lot, in high school. There was a VFW post next door to my school.
Hi BT just thought that as you have been so honoured with the winning of this contest you go on to bore for Hell or even the U.S.! good thought? ... lol
Uhoh, I'm beginning to feel the pressure here. You'll have to be patient with me, that is, if jackalopes know how to be patient :)
I just arrived home from a mini vacation, so I will need to recuperate from that. I even managed to bring home some cardboard tubes to add to my collection. Maybe they'll speak to me while I sleep and get me inspired.
Trish, I had no idea you were so attached to your tubes! Naming them is one thing. Sleeping with them and being inspired by their talk pillow talk -- that's true dedication. I'm taking notes for the next hubber competition:-)!!!
So it seems we're getting ready to move on from being bored by dead stiffs to being bored by stiff cardboards. Hmmm. Symmetry is nice.
Mighty mom! Did you notice the score? It's back above 80, at the moment! Thanks for helping to keep it going!
It's gonna be ok, Trish. Just breathe in and out. You have plenty of time. We jackalopes have been known to bide our time for months. Just say the word, and I'll be over to raid your refrig...I mean help you brainstorm!
ajcor, sounds good to me! Make sure to keep coming back here. Maybe this hub can make its way to the top.
Scoring in a cemetery BT? You're not a romantic, your a necromantic!
Wow! You're at 81 right now. That's so exciting (or is it boring? I get confused).
Fun in cemetaries -- hmmm. Maybe it's time to start talking about those romantic interludes CC Riter mentioned above. Misty, Misty, where are you???
TOF, why must you keep digging up my past?
I don't know about that, MM. Like I told C.C., the interludes in the movies always end in disaster. Try watching "Return Of The Living Dead".
hahaha. I enjoyed it, thought I was gonna get bored. then I was wondering why I refuse to read my ebooks and claim I cannot taste the pages and now, I'm spending 10 hours of reading HP. whew! weird.
Now, I know what G-Ma is talkin' about.
Hi Sheena! In my experience, hubpages taste much better than ebooks. Thanks for the comment!
Good point about not engaging in nookie on hallowed ground. Here's another flick that has a graveyard sex scene that ends badly. It's called 11:14 (interesting movie with a cast that includes Barbara Hershey, Hilary Swank and Patrick Swayze, to name a few).
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0331811/
I may have seen this one. The plot sounds kind of familiar. I'll have to rent it, and see.
I'm here, just checking in briefly before going all guns blazing after the B***ard who stole my "Twelve Reasons NOT to Sleep with your partner or Spouse tonight" and published it as his own here on Hubpages. Not to mention the fact he is deleting the comments of anyone who complains about it, including my own. He has also copied several other people's hubs and published them as his own too.
I know all about that guy, Cindy. I flagged him a time or two myself. In my experience, HP takes care of these things pretty quickly. Just not as quickly on the weekend. I would be willing to bet that it's gone tomorrow morning.
Hey BT how come you wrote a Hub with no Politics or Religion (well nearly) how boring. (what a relief). Evil I have tried to read your Hub at least 5 times but having the concentration span of a gnat , or a fox whichever is the smaller I just could not get to the end. My score one the "nodmeter". 10 out of 10.
disclaimer: I'm only saying that to be contra versual I actually enjoyed it.
Now lets get back to the sex. How about the sex scene in "Dracula"?
It's an evil plot you're delving in BT.
BTW, the Google ad. at the top of this page on my computer reads "Free Sexy Girls" - are you moonlighting in the procurement trade?
Hey B.T. if you admit to having fun in cemetaries does that make you a cemetarian?....cheers
TOF, I think those ads are placed based upon the readers predilections. Unfortunately, the one at the top of my page is for Alzhheimer's treatment info. I wonder what that...
Hey, ag! How are you? I try not to do much on religion. The last time I was in a church, I got smoked out.
Aj, actually, I'm a very cemetrical cemeterian. Thanks for asking!
even the score of this hub is boring....
Thanks BT, I hope you are right, but all the same I want him to SUFFER for his sin of stealing my hub, (as well as most of his other hubs also being stolen from what I can tell after checking them out).
Things going well here though, well done. I guess people just wanted to be bored by the one and only Jackalope. :)
sorry, double posted.
Oh, woa. Even the score of this hub is boring? Is that some kind of compliment, Rockinjoe?
I'd be pretty jazzed with an 83. In fact, I'm pretty jazzed right now -- of course, I'm watching Napoleon Dynamite and his "Vote for Pedro" dance. Ain't nothin' boring about that!!!
Mighty Mom, that is the finest dance in all of cinema history. I just keep wondering if he squished his tater tots.
Vote for Summer!
I'm so sorry B.T., I have to agree with many others here and vote for the ide that you have failed miserably at being boring. I'm afraid you just haven't got it. As modest as my own hubs are, i'm afraid I have you beat in the boring department, and I have the stats to prove it.
Keep trying!
Definitely better than the previous record holder, Tom Cruise in his BVDs in Risky Business, I agree.
Summer's hawt, but her boyfriend is a putzy dweeb.
Rochelle, I have read your hubs, and they are anything but boring! If I held your interest, that is praise enough for me. Thanks!
Hi Joe. I think the score and the hub were both boring. Then all these people came along, and left some pretty damned interesting comments. The bore factor has since dropped exponentially!
MM, I am jazzed with the 83. It's a completely unremarkable number, as Joe has already pointed out. It's not nearly as boring as 100, but it's a start.
Cindy, that guy will probably be history, soon. In the meantime, you want I should go beat him up for ya? Just say the word!
B.T. I am sorry to say that I did not find this boring, well not completely anyway. There were a few boring moments but I just knew that if I kept reading I would be entertained and I was not disappointed. You are just too good of a writer to every be boring for very long.
Hi Gwendymom! I'm glad your computer is working again. I do appreciate the fact that you were at least open to being bored. Sorry I couldn't deliver. Maybe next year. I'm already working on some new titles. Swing by any time!
Yes please B.T. :)
Actually the comments getting left for him on my copied hub are pretty good I have to admit. Serve him right. He has also completely copied hubs by AEvans, Whitney05 and Paul Edmondson.
Ok. I'll polish up my brass knuckles before bed. I jut reflagged him too. We'll take care of this guy.
You could be right about Google, BT. I like sexy girls and I'm as tight as a fishes fundiment when it comes to parting with money.
It's no Fun Being Death... Or is it?
Hi Dutchman. Actually, the way I see it, being Death could have some advantages. Being dead, on the other hand, is probably boring as hell.
Well, if anyone would know about what's boring at Hell, it would be you, wouldn't it, BT! He he (as Countrywomen would say).
So what's going on? Score of 88. Respectable. Climbing. Two more and you've cracked 90! Woo hoo. How can something so boring be so exciting?
Did you go gore that guy with your antlers and brass knuckles? Or did Misty punch his lights out herself?
LOL MM, the plagiariser has gone, I assume expelled by Hubpages after the numerous flags and the fact I complained to the copyright section about his activities. He vanished suddenly in the early hours of this morning (around 5 am), along with all of his copied hubs. Serves him right, I told him he had picked the wrong girl to copy from (especially after he deleted my comments amongst others made on the hub demanding he remove it, and ignored my private email to him), and I am damn sure he knows it now, largely thanks to the support by all my fellow hubbers and fans, plus the quick actions of the Hubpage Team when they received the complaints from both myself and many other hubbers, plus the flags, thumbs downs etc etc.
Thanks for all support you and all my other fellow hubbers gave on this matter. If we all stick together no-one can ever trample on us.
B.T., you took this in a surprisingly brilliant direction that I would have never guessed in a gazillion years. Congratulations for winning, and great job turning a boring title into a very interesting hub. The others are right, you need to outsource future boring ideas to someone who really is boring. ;)
Thanks Pam. Just today, I entrusted what should have been an hilarious hub to rmr. He is managing to make it boring. I can always count on that guy! Hope the new year is starting out well for you!
MM, I couldn't get to him in time. He must have heard Cindy coming, and high tailed it. BTW, the score just bumped up to 89!
Hi BT I guess 88 is a really boring number - am I right - head for hubbing and see if send you right "orf" to sleep>>>>well done ...cheers
Well I have to admit that your hub wasn't at all what I was expecting when I clicked on it....guess I was looking for things that we used to do....you know partying in the graveyard, plenty of food, alcohol, sex, drugs, n rock n roll! However, you weren't inacurate in your title, so I guess I can't be too disappointed. Being of military stock myself, I had to laugh at the description of bugling life, it brought me waaaaaayyyyy back, thanks a mil! But you almost had me napping at that pseudo-celebrity part....as if celebrities aren't boring enough, you have to throw in wannabes? wow. anyway, cudos on a job horribly well done!
Thanks ajcor, and cheers right back at ya.
Rainbow, I'm glad I could bring back some memories for you. And as far as I'm concerned, the only thing more boring than a pseudo-celeb, is a deceased pseudo-celeb. Thanks for stopping in, and leaving a nice comment!
thanks BT, for not picking up my dreadful language as above - it was meant to say
"I guess 88 is a really boring number - am I right? - head for 100 and see if it sends you right "orf" to sleep>>>>well done ...cheers"
fyi my freezer/fridge died last night with about million items of food in it that I had prepared for my son's engagement party in a couple of weeks, and I am up to pussy's bow in cooking (to try and recover some of the losses)and of course there is a little anger surfacing at said losses! so am a bit off key.....
You should have called me! I hate to see perfectly good food go to waste! I'll grab my bugle, and be on the next flight out of Hell!
I think that there is a little Hell going on here at the moment but thanks for your most kind offer to help out and with the bugle - the mind boggles re. the possible bugle effect... of course you could always aim it at the freezer and jerk it out it's stupor......
Nah, the bugle is just for fun. I'll be there to reduce your food related losses. You claim to be losing a million food items. I figure I could eat a couple of hundred thousand, give or take. I've been on a diet, and I am STARVING!
I admit it I am somewhat given to embellishing but it certainly feels like millions of food items - but if you can break your diet and be here within 24 hours there should be something left - have just sent a full esky to my son in Canberra and have another ready to go - so far this am have managed to cook two legs of lamb, a chook and some chicken wings and am about to convert all those chops from a half a sheep, into about 3 Irish Stews....
Oh my, but you have been busy. And you're making me hungry. At the risk of sounding stupid, what is an esky?
a small portable fridge that you fill with food that you keep cold with ice or freezer ice packs and take on outings like football or the beach....or take to the city for your market shopping....very handy - you probably have them but they go under a different name...
So okay, the way i get it is that the title won for you the much coveted most boring hub title ever ever and not the content, right? Right. Because if it were not the case, I'd say do a recount and this hub be disqualified because it definitely is NOT boring! LOL :D
Ah, so it's a cooler, then. That really is too bad about your fridge. I hope you can minimize your losses. I really do hate it when bad things happen to good people. I hope the party still goes well.
Cris, thanks for the comment. Are you sure you weren't just a little bored? Come on, man. Did you read about the Ben Hurr guy (his name is David Wallace, by the way.)?
This was hilarious! Far from boring.
Thanks B.T. I am sure it will all work out.....as she picks herself up, dusts herself off and prepares to start all over again.....
Thanks, Mellas Views! Feel free to have a look around.
Go get 'em ajcor. Best of luck.
wow, yeah ive done a little bugling but not with the military. i thought it was pretty funny, thanks for a great hub : )
Sorry BT - this gets a huge FAIL for me as a boring hub.
I think you should try again. You could hire a few political scriptwriters to help you - I believe there'll be quite a few out of work in a few days.
THOSE guys are professionals at writing boring hubs.
You could learn from them.
Thumbs (and body) down. About 6 feet.
I demand a recount! This was mildly entertaining.
B.T.
You coulnd't be more boring if you tried, because you seem to move around the mudane boring stuff, no matter how boring it really is. And you make an innocent drunk piss their highly preesed and polished uniform by putting the bugle to their ear at full volumn is an adversion to boredom. I love the idea, a great way to make boredom too much fun!
With all the other GOOD stuff while you were there, did you you ever get so bored that, you took a hammer and chisel and added your own little epitaph to some of those gravestones? Hey, curious minds want to know.
alien, I would never tamper with a gravestone! That would be inviting a haunting! There are enough living people who are out to get me, I really don't need a pissed off ghost on my tail.
I hold a very high respect for anyone serving in the military, so I won't be able to poke fun here. But I do have one question:
Did your major award come with an Italian stamp on the box stating, "FRAGILE", and pronounced, 'fra-gee-lee"?
"Does This Look Infected?" Now THAT sounds like an interesting hub. Will it come with pictures?
Thanks Proud Mom. I was thinking video would be appropriate for that hub. As for the major award, I think the one to which you are alluding is far less prestigious than the honor of being named hubpages most boring hubber!
I guess you're right. About the award AND the video.
I'll be waiting for that new hub.
Entertaining yes. Boring no. Better luck next time. :-)
I was wondering what BTnopants has been up to. I see that you now dance on the graves of your ancestors. Couldn't find anything better to do?
Looks like I missed some comments here. Thanks PM, and Lifebydesign!
And looky who's back. Gonna try again Mighty Hunter? I've been training, you know!
Hi BT took a while to get to this one but I try to read all the good hubs and hubbers in due course, but I wa put off by the title. Sorry though you were not boring. enjoyed the hub and had a good laugh.
Feeling better yet, BT?
Workin'n on it, PM. Just working through a little chest pain.
Thanks for asking.
Benjamin Harrison "doesn't get many visitors"
hehehehe
Loved it!
Thanks, caesar. You're right. He's not the mega-celeb that he once was LOL.
You failed the boring test when you sounded mess call into the back of that officer's head. Priceless!! It was all downhill - or should I say UPhill - from there. But mum's the word...I won't tell a soul this hub had me ROTFLMAO.
Thanks Jama! If you happen to find yourself in Indianapolis, this cemetery would fit nicely into your currently growing series.
As a matter of fact, I do have to go to Indianapolis one of these days and locate a great-grandfather's grave. The churchyard used to be about 20 miles NW of Indie, but is now in one of its suburbs. Since I hate large (American) cities, this trip isn't #1 on my "must go ASAP" list! :}
Having once played the bugle myself, I thoroughly enjoyed your account at the Officers' Banquet! The cemetery activites were actually quite sensible and hugely entertaining.
I'm sorry to tell you that you have failed miserably in your attempt to write something boring!
Thank you, B.T. I have never been so engagingly bored. I must agree with those wise souls who have already scoped you out - you have failed to deliver boredom.
I don't wan to wax too lyrical, but let me at least say I will be back. I guess if one would truly enter the gates and enjoy the best of hubland, they must be bored again.
You are too kind, RedElf! I tend to live on fringes of Hubland. The very outskirts. If you are a traveller, you have probably noticed that strangeness tends to inhabit the outskirts of most towns, and Hubland is no different. Thanks for having a read!
Fun stuff! I myself am a fan of the cemetary. I don't go there much anymore, but wherever I travel, I do like to take in the cemetary sights. True there's lots to do. Can't say I've played the bugle ever, but there's still time for that. When you get a special cemetary with a gift shop and a tour, now that's super special.
Hi Frieda! I recently had the opportunity to check out a couple of allegedly haunted cemeteries in my area...at night...in the dark. Tres creepy! If you get the chance, I recommend it.
Em Writes says:
11 months ago
I've got to be honest, B.T. I'm a little disappointed. I expected to be bored silly, but instead I was highly entertained. I mean, the subject matter was dull, but your writing is just too darned much fun. I'm thinking perhaps you should've contracted this one out to someone with a little less personality.