Fun new products on my Christmas shopping list
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Warning: some people may find the following Hub offensive.
With the holidays approaching fast I have gathered a list of fun new products that I would love to buy for my friends here at Hubpages. These would make great gifts for anyone with a great sense of humor.
For Shirley Anderson.I have chosen the gift of adoption of an alien. Shirley can then adopt it, raise it as her own and not have to be worried about getting anal probed, unless of course that is what she is into.
This is on my shopping list for Shadesbreath
This is really the perfect gift for him as he can always be armed with a beer and not have to waste time going back to the refrigerator/ and or cooler.
This is a great gift for those friends of yours that like fast cars and even better fast women. An I love group sex bumper sticker. This one is on my list for Misha.
This is a great gift for all women. Who couldn't use a bunny? This is a weanie baby, and I know how much Spryte loves animals, especially bunnies. This item is on my shopping list for Spryte.
The next item is a wearable gift, a funny T-shirt. Christoph is a truly funny guy, but also the kind of guy that you can always count on for help and advice.
For B.T. Evilpants I have decided on the Hornitos pills, By looking at his rack you might think he is horny enough, but being extra horny is even better.
For MistHorizon2003, I have chosen Instapoop. I know that misty has had a lot of animals in her life, so I am sure she has seen a lot of poop. This is for when she gets reminiscent of her childhood.
For Constant Walker I have decided on a on some crime scene tape, based on his hub Looking for a roommate.
On my list of gift I have chosen this particular gift for Agvulpes. I know that he would enjoy this finger shaped nose hair trimmer.
The following item on my list is for Julie-Ann Amos.
I think julie might enjoy a design your own beaver game as Julie has published a hub about Pubic hairstyle.
For Princessa I have chosen a giant martini glass.This will come in handy for all her great parties.
For Sixtyorso, I have decided that an apron for this self proclaimed foodie is the perfect gift for this sexy man.
For SirDent, I have put men's underwear repair kit. You just never know when you might have a blowout, and with this little kit you will always be prepared.
For Sally's Trove I think the perfect gift for her is Liquid Ass, then the next time she decides to gossip she can spray this before and no one will want to be around to hear in on it.
When Ananta65 cannot get his daughter to clean her room he now just comdem it.
And last but definitely not least, Ryan Hupfer or Hup, I have decide to get him a new mouse, so that he can enjoy his work even more.
I hope everyone who reads this will check out the profiles of the people I have mentioned here, They are a fun and talented bunch.
To my HP friends, I hope you enjoy your virtual gifts.
I know that I have left some of my friends off this list and I am sorry. I will try to do another hub before Christmas so that you can be on my shopping list too.
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New Funny Gift 2 in 1 Electric Shock Gag Pen Adult Toy
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Toilet Mug Coffee Dog Bowl Gag Joke Gift Bathroom Prank
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MARIJUANA LEAF AMERICAN FLAG PATCH POT SMOKER GAG GIFT
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NEW Le Tooter Pooter Fart Machine Farting Gag Gift
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Silver Shocking Digital Camera Adult Prank Gag Toy Gift
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Sarcastic Ball Magic Gag Gift Ball Toy Game Age 8 Up
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Comments
Christoph, your so sweet. Hope you like your virtual gift.
It's still funny! Your solution to the picture thing is perfect. I works very well. Good job. Everyone who is not getting a present from you will be soooooo jealous! I give it 5 HA's.
LOL! I love it!! I didn't see your bunny poem earlier and while reading it I almost inhaled my coffee through my nose. *giggle* Thank you for thinking of me this holiday...*big big hugs*
Great hub, and very appropiate, not only by looking at there profile, but also some of the comments they make, on other peoples hubs.
Nice to wake up to find I have a present :) I love it, thank you very much. Now I just need to go and visit Christoph's hub on How To Make the Classic Martini... to fill it up. Cheers!
Your hub made me laugh! You've found some very useful presents there.
Thankyou Gwendymom for puting me on your present list. And I think I got the best present. As you know we foxes don't have fingers so it's a mulitasking tool:-
task 1) trim nose hair
task 2) Pick nose. (could be the logo for our secret society, I allready have 2 members )
task 3) Extract wedgie (when unable to remove by means of your other ideas)
task 4) I could stir Princessa's martini?????? or is that shaken not stirred? (this one might be better at 3 what do you think?)
task 5) Have Finger/ Will Travel. No job too big. No job to small. Ph.555 agvulpes.
Task 6) Open to suggestions? (Chris,forget the anal probe)
Thanks again, if you post today I should get it by Christmas?
Aww, and I haven't gotten you anything, yet. Although, people have said that if a jackalope brings you a gift, you probably don't want it. For the record, I have been thinking about dyeing my fur. I'm told that purple bunnies have more fun!
I think purple beavers have lots of fun?
Gwendy, please do NOT send the pills! B.T. lives with me, and I can tell you he doesn't need any help in that department. Ever hear of a Tennessee leg hound? It took months to figure out why I was waking up with bruises on my legs.
Christoph, your still sweet! I thought doing the pictures this way worked a little better than the other. Thanks for the 5 Ha's, I guess that is like thumbs, but better.
Spryte, Ouch, coffeee through your nose, that could be really painful, and probably hot or at least really warm. Be careful. I love that little poem I cracked up when I read it to, but I wasn't drinking coffee, just diet coke and that culd burn your nose too. I was careful. How could I not think of you, your great!!! HUGS!
Just Rodney, Thank you, I tried very hard to make sure the gift matched the personality. I took me awhile to go through profiles and comments, glad you enjoyed it.
Princessa, Could I join you, I think that martini is big enough to share, I'm always looking for a good party and I hear yours are the best.
Moon Daisy, Thanks so very much for stopping by! Glad I made you laugh.
Agvulpes, Your welcome. I knew you would like it. Fingers are a very valuable tool to have, maybe next year I'll get you aposable thumbs.
B.T. your friendship is the only gift I need from you, or want. Purple bunnies do have lots of fun!!!!
rmr, Maybe B.T. needs some kind of padding for his antlers, that would probably stop the bruising, I don't think I can help you with the horny problems, sorry.No, I've never heard of a Tennessee leg hound, but I think I know where your going with that comment.
Loved the gift Gwendy, I can now happily leave instant poo on all the doorsteps of people I don't like :) Great and hilarious hub, worth waiting for.
Misty, I am so glad you liked it. That's a great idea for the insta poo! Glad you enjoyed it!!!!
Thanks for the gift, I'm sure it will come in handy at certain times through my life. Now I gotta think about what I can get for you.
SirDent, I hope you like the gift but I hope you never have to use it. May your underwear always be hole free.
LOL Thank you Gwen! Now I have a tough task of deciding to which exactly of my cars this sticker goes... :)
Gwendy, these are GREAT! Thank you, and I'll be shopping for you... Ooo-ha-ha!
I want the "crime scene" tape and most of the other gifts, too. Can I shamelessly use the fact that I was recently injured to get them all? Epecially the "liquid ass," Gyno shirt and the "insta-poop."
Misha, I am sure you can figure it out. Your welcome.
CW, Your so very welcome. lol. Now don't get selfich cw, There is one for everyone and you wouldn't want Christoph, Sally, and Misty to be without gifts would you? Maybe if your a good boy you can have two next year.
I don't mind giving my *Liquid Ass* up to CW, gwendymom. Only because I can't figure out how to use it without being clobbered by it myself. So I toyed with the idea of a *gossip bubble*, you know, where I can inflate a big balloon and my gossip partner and I can be protected inside while I spray the LA outside. I also thought of carrying gas masks in my purse, to accomplish the same purpose. But then, what about the residual smell on my clothes, and that makes for doing laundry. You see? It's become kind of complicated for me. Maybe CW could put it to use without so much complication?
What is not complicated is my thank-you to you for including me on your Christmas gift list. It means so much to me, because it means you think I have a sense of humor, while all my life I've been told, when I thought I was funny, *Keep your day job*!
Well done, gwendymom!
ROTFLMAO
Sally, The bubble or gas mask's just might work, with the bubble you could avoid laundry. Your very welcome for being included on my Christmas list. How could I forget about you, you are always so sweet and reading my hubs and taking the time to comment, and I think you have a great sense of humor.
Thank You Sally!!!
Ok, this is just frickin' hilarious. I was cracking up so hard at so many of these. I know someone for almost every one of these too. That beaver design kit is priceless; I think I need one of those just for the pure hilarity of it. Fine work, Gwendy, and thanks for starting my morning off with levity.
Shades, Thank you, thank you, thank you! I am so glad you like it. The beaver design kit is priceless, I think I would like to have one too. How better to spend my time then designing beaver hairstyles? Your welcome, and anytime.
That opens up a whole slew of mental imagery fun, there, Gwendy. lol
Shades, lol. That reminds me I just got a home waxing kit yesterday and I'm thinking that little game would be a lot less painfull.
Without question... although not nearly as effective in overall and actual aesthetic, uh, smoothery.
lol, I decided last night to play with this new toy. So I decided to wax my eyebrows, I didn't see much results as I have just had them waxed last week. So I decided to try more things. First let me say that I hate shaving my thighs. I hate it hate it hate it! I shave my lower legs everyday and do not mind that, but I only shave my thigh in the summer. That is just too much area to cover and it takes forever. So I decided after waxing hair from all over my body that I would try waxing my thigh, I thought this is going to be great. I won't have to shave anymore and I won't have to wax that often because it pulls it out by the root so it takes longer to grow back. So I proceeded to spread the hot wax on my inner thigh, because what a logic starting point that is. I got the muslin strip and pressed it onto the hot wax and then pulled. I won't be doing that again and I know have a huge bruise on the inside of my thigh. I figure if it does this to my thigh I am not going anywere near my bikini area with that stuff. I'll just stick to the razor.
After such a nice present how can I not say that you are more than welcome to join us at any of our parties :) but I must warn you... full waxing is recommended -you never know who you might meet at one of this parties!
Princessa, I am afraid to ask where the full waxing should be, my legs or other places? Thanks for the invite, If I am ever in France I will look you up. I will bring my own martini glass, I have one of those and use it for shrimp cocktail, It works great!
Better do not ask... France has some strange ways @_@ but it is always fun!
Princessa, I just realized that The french don't shave their legs. Your right, better not to ask.
LOL, yes better don't ask, just come wit your martini glass and say OUI OUI OUI
Princessa, I am pretty sure that if I showed up to one of your parties and I had to get "waxed" the words I would be saying would be owee owee.
Gwendy; If I can find one the right shape, I'm going to add an image of crime-scene tape to "Roommate Wanted."
Thanks for the great idea!
Hi Gwendy....Your christmas gift list hub is sooo sooo funny. I think you put in a lot of thought to buying the right gift for the right friend. I had one of those designer boards when I was a kid....I don't think it was a beaver one though but it still was a lot of fun! Such an entertaining hub. I loved it!
Gwendy - Y'know if I were wealthy, I'd buy a ticket for you to go to Paris just cuz I bet the story afterward would be hilarious :)
Gwendy, found the PERFECT tape image. Couldn't believe my luck! You gotta check it out. I put it all over the hub.
Spryte, I am seriously considering relocating to Tuscany, Italy. I wanna live someplace that provides healthcare for its citiznes and Tuscany is, well, ...Tuscany!
Cw, I was just about to tell you that you cam get the pic from the link to the store that all of these products can be purchased from. Glad you found one though. I'll be by to check it out shortly.
Dottie, I had one of those boards too when I was a kid, and it also wasn't a beaver. I had so much fun with that thing. Thank you Dottie, I hope you drop by again.
Spryte, your so sweet! You know that if I went I would have to take you. Can you imagine the hell that the three of us could raise. We better find out how they treat their prisoners there in France first. Oh yea, you'll have to get waxed first.
Noooo...keep that wax away from my tender bits!! LOL! My sister (a hairdresser) did my eyebrows once and the lights were so bright that my eyes kept tearing up and of course I whined a lot...so just imagine how I'd behave if anyone tried to wax anything even more sensitive.
CW - Great idea...Tuscany! I don't think they wax women there either. If I end up in France, accosted by mad waxers, can I count on your for asylum?
roflmao, I think I'll skip the waxing too. I like to keep things nice and neat in that area, but I'll stick to a razor. It takes more time and I might get a lttle stubble now and then but I just think of the stubble as speed bumps.
Or 'plucked chicken syndrome' LOL
rofl , that's funny Misty
Come on girls... pain is just a state of mind -and a lot of wine-
CW: Tuscany is a great place to be, stunning scenary and excellent food
spryte: waxing etiquette in Italy is similar to the French, Europeans like their women pretty smooth, so there is no scape LOL
Spryte, sure! Just don't try to do my laundry!!!
Sorry... couldn't help it...
Princessa, I'm already a complete Italian food freak. I can only imagine it's far better there.
Princessa, It ould take a lot of wine for someone to come at my crotch with some hot wax.
I wanna go too, and I won't do your laundry, at all. I won't even look at it!
Deal! Get your passport ready.
One more thing before we go CW, will you make me french toast in the morning?
Well Princessa...I'll just have to be that hairy celibate American chick. :)
And, CW...no worries...I wouldn't dream of doing your laundry, or much of anything else since you look perfectly capable :P Although, from the sound of your hubs, I bet we'd have a blast experimenting with food in the kitchen...cooking...that's what I meant.
Ok. I'm going to France too. I'll watch and take copious notes.
Are you gonna wax, too?! :O
awesome thanks! I'm so pleased to be included! And great hub - very funny. Thanks so much
There's always electrolysis. Takes some time and money, but hey, it's permanent (although I have to say, seems like it gives a wrinkled effect to the upper lip).
Smooth is good though, the Europeans have it right. You know, guys go bald as they get older (at least the more evolved ones still climbing up the ladder from the apes further and further as they go) on their heads... maybe women should evolve more as they get older and go bald in the, uh, other key areas.
Julie, Thanks for stopping by and not being mad for including you in my hub. I just loved yours so much and had to help promote you.
Shades, If only it was that easy for us, The hair just does not fall out. As a matter of fact it seems to take on a tighter grip and doesn't want to be removed. And have you ever noticed that most guys who are bald grow hair on their backs? It's really weird.
I wonder when was the last time Shades asked a bald man if he could look at his back. Depending on the response I think he'd need one of those beers for sure. Or an ambulance!
Agvulpes, I think he would have already had a beer and might need the ambulance. Just a guess though.
Of course your'e right Gwendymom, you don't need an excuse to have a beer, what on earth was I thinking. Shame on me!
My shout!!! That should bring Shades out , someone else buyin'?
I think him and Christoph went to CR's puberty party. If anything can pull him away from that it is free beer.
Golly I thought Chris was way past puberty! Or is this the Claytons one!
By what I hear Shades and Chris will be in anything with the three letters "pub" in the front? You know what I mean Public Bar, Publicity etc.
pubic region, etc, You are so right. maybe that how they came across Hubpages, they thought it said pubhages or something like that.
Do you think they are both Republicans?
Pubably!
LOL, good one agvulpes!
LOL Gwendy, as I was reading down this list, and AG went with that anything with a Pub thing... I just knew you'd see the obvious next step. You didn't dissapoint. lol.
G'day Shades thought the suggestion of a beer might flush you out!
My SHOUT !!!!
Whhaaaat? :0 what did I miss? I said pubic regions. Pubic lice, what?
Confusus say "Man or Woman who smoke pot, finish up with handle stuck in throat?"
Ok, I am still confused and am not smoking pot, I am however under the influence of sleeping pills.
Sleeping pills do wonders for your typing, Gwendy. LOL
Confucius say, "Woman flying upside down have hairy crack up."
He also say, "Man who have sex with woman lying on ground get piece on earth."
and good will to all men!
Confucius say, man walking through airport turnstile sideways going to bankok.
Confusius says "Man or woman who sniffs Coke drowns"
I thought that was rather appropriate!
Gwen I nearly wrote that one!
Oh my God I'm tired, but I can't go to bed know, just too much fun going on. Glad I beat you to the punc Ag.
One more for you to ponder on your journey to noddyland.
Confusius say "man who pees into strong wind gets own back"!
So its goodnight from him, sleep tight don't let the bed bugs bite.
Thank you Ag, I'll try to stay for awhile longer.
LOL @ "sniffing coke" one. I'mma use that one.
What did I miss Shades?
Welcome!
This is hilarious - still laughing - thanks Gwendymom!
Thanks Ajcor, glad you are laughing, still. Come by again and join in on the fun.
The confucius one about man who sniff Coke drowns. That's good stuff.
Shades I thought you might enjoy that one. It comes from a highly reputed place of education. All right if you insist. I just read it from my sons boxer shorts hanging on the clothes line.
Shades, I'm still waiting.
Waiting for what? Now I think I missed something. I must have needed to drink another martini before I put it all away.
What did I miss on the pub thing that Ag said? I am confused and I think you are being a tease and enjoying it very much.
I already used my only confucious joke.
It's ok, your so darn cute you don't have to be funny.
/looks up innocently at Gwendy and bats big, doleful eyes that shimmer in the light with purity beyond the capacity for teasing and stuff.
I only know one...
Confucius say - Man who fart in church sit in own pew.
Okies...I'm heading to bed and uh...Christoph guess what? I get to be Bugs Bunny!
Yeah because she bribed all the refs and she's a chick. She never would have survived the twinkie incident, so the whole thing is a sham and a travesty of sportsmanship. I may take it to the commissioner tomorrow.
And I'm out too. Night, y'all.
Whatever Shades, Tell me know before I have to break out the ass kicking boots.
Well you would have won my heart Shades! but Christoph is better looking than you. Sorry to break it to you like this man!
Christoph has another fan.
Yeah. So I read. Good night everybody!
Goodnight you sexy Biotch.
A very scary guy.
It's that cute avatar, it can't be resisted.
Ok everyone I am going now, and Shades, I will deal with you tomorrow. Good Night and sweet dreams.
Hi guys As you know I am on a different time zone. you guys carry on while I sleep and vice versa. but at least I now know what you guys were on about when you were doing the bodyswapping bit.
Thanks for the great gift. loved the comment on the apron. But How did you know? Insider information somewhere.
I am still wiping he tears from my eyes and my stomach is aching from all the laughs I have had reading your comments.
I look forward to catching up each day and the fun I have trying to find the hub on which the threads have moved to.
I love you all! (um especially the girls!)
I just took some of these pills, and they don't seem to be...wait a minute, I feel...oooh, the hamster is awake! Be back later!!
Sixtyorso, So glad you liked your gift, and yes it was insider information. I have spies everywhere. Glad you got a good laugh, sorry your stomach is aching, and glad you found us. You should become a tracker. We love you too, especially the girls.
B.T. that poor hamster. At least your are leaving rmr's leg alone. Maybe the bruising will heal.
Wow! I just went for a glass of wine last night -waxing was done last week- had a short sleep and I missed all the fun in here ...
So who is coming to France? Christoph? Gwendy, CW? Don’t forget to invite Sixtyorso, with his apron… ONLY with the apron and we will need to extend the invitation to Misha’s group for some extra fun ;-)
Princessa, I think it is me, Christoph, CW, and maybe Spryte, she is kind of scared of getting waxed, so I'm not sure. Sixty does need to go with that sexy apron. I don't know if Shades is going and to be honest with you I'm a little afraid of Misha's friends.
Can I bring my Finger?
It might help with the waxing and whatever?
Hey, I didn't get my invitation! If you guys let me come, too, I promise to leave these pills at home. Pretty please? No waxing for me, though.
Agvulpes, Of course you can come, and bring your finger if you want.
B.T. I don't know if we could get you through customs. Can you get a passport? Besides, I really think If I am going to party I don't want bruises all over my legs. Hmmm, the offer of leaving the pills at home home is promising, but Princessa says you have to get waxed.
Aww, that you Princessa, I am flattered with your invitation. Does it mean we can have Mark, Jenny, and Sandy, too? Oh, Mark is already there, so it's gonna be even easier :D
I'm getting scared.
Of waxing B.T.? Rightly so! It should be a heartbreaking sight :D
*waves to Sixty*
I love you too!!
I might go...how close to a border will we be or perhaps the US Embassy? That might come in handy in case I need to run away screaming "Help! I'm being waxed!"
I'll come but I ain't drinking none of that sissy French wine. And couldn't we just dip BT in a bucket of Nair or something? Give him some sort of dipillatory shampoo? Heck, even a belt sander would be fun.
Misha, I won't even comment.
Spryte, I have no idead where we are going, just a spur of the moment thing and I haven't thought this through very well, like most things I do. You might talk to Princessa. I am hoping for that too, you just never know who could be trying to wax you.
Shades, Ouch to the belt sander. I think he might prefer the waxing, or maybe he is into belt sanders.
Why on earth would you want your belt sanded? Let alone your antlers!
Hey I'd never be mad about it I'd be flattered! Sorry i've been out of the discussion, I was in Berlin last week for a ghostwriting assignment otherwise I'd have chipped in more and been a bit more sociable!
The Instant Pop reminds me of cleaning up the dog yard. I cannot imagine buying that LOL. Wonder who does :).
Julie-Ann, I am so sorry it has taken so long to reply to your comment. I was also busy. I hope you had safe travels and more importantly a good time.
Sweetie Pie, The insta-poo is pretty funny, and I would buy it, as a gag gift of course. I love the weird, odd and funny. It makes life a little more fun.
Gwendy! Where have I been? I just came across this hub now!
I love, love, love my gift!!! Thank-you so much. I'm going to call him Harold. He can grow up to be Prime Minister and bring peace to all the galaxies. Naturally, he'll continue the war against unwanted anal probes.
Now, I want Harold to marry well when he gets older. Anybody got a nice daughter?
Not I...but Sigourney Weaver might be available.
Oh say! I'll bet you're right, Spryte! That might be a good match, though inter-species. She'd understand, but I hope the children don't suffer.
Shirley, I don't know where you have been? but the more important question is Was it fun? Glad you love your gift. I like Spryte's idea of Sigourney Weaver.
Gwendy, you have alot of time on your hands. nice to share it with your virtual friends. Merry Mas to you and yours...
Denise, your right. I do have a lot of time on my hands, actually I usually have too much time on my hands.
Merry Christmas to you and yours also!
Christoph Reilly says:
14 months ago
I'm first!!! Ta-da!