If you go to church you know that the funniest things that can ever happen can happen at church.

The first story happened at a little country church my dad pastored in the Ozarks.

Pernys Problem

My mother the sweet little pastors wife went to pick up an elderly saint. Bless her heart she only went through the third grade. She had a very distressed look on her face so Mom asked her, " Perny whats the matter?" She said so upset," It's Ishmael their gonna have to remove his prostitute gland."

Yes, she sure did, when they arrived at church she announced in front of the congregation, " Pray for Ishmael their gonna do surgery and remove his prostitute."

The church roared in laughter, my dad, the pastor was so dumbstruck. "Try leading a service after that!" "The poor lady still didn't know what she said so funny."

______________________________________________________________

Lilies Cuz

This happened at the same lil country church during prayer requests.

Lily, a large Indian lady with a strong hick accent announced, " Pastor, please pray for Mary she has a sperm in her heel."

"Oh my goodness we needed parental control in some of these services, so funny!"

_____________________________________________________________

Watch it! Praise Who?

My cousin was in Bible college and asked to minister. He was a fiery Pentecostal, had everyone on their feet excited about his powerful sermon. He then ruined everything when he announced, " Lets all praise the devil!" Oops! he meant the Lord, but too late now everyone was rolling laughing. Was his face red?

____________________________________________________________

Shoo Weeeeee

A pastor we know was preaching a wonderful sermon about going back to where we used to be when we worshipped God and had powerful spirit-filled services. He named several people and asked them things like, " How long has it been since you moved out and took a step for God?""How long has it been since you danced before the Lord?"

Then he look at another fellow said his name and said, " How long has it been since you cut a good one?" Hmmmmmmm!!!!! Maybe a few minutes ago?

It was hard to take the sermon serious after that one.

_____________________________________________________________

Breaking Wind

One preacher was using an illustration in his sermon about how ducks or geese when they fly in formation how one duck flies a certain way to break the wind.

Challenging the saints to do their part in the service he says, " Church, lets all stand and break wind!"

Whoo!! That one went over real good, everyone roared in laughter.

______________________________________________________________

Tent Revival Bloopers

My little brother when he was around two years old during an outdoor tent meeting decided to play the streak.

During the service the tent flap lifted and all you could see is the bare front of a little boy who had just found somewhere to use the bathroom.

Whoo! Was we embarrassed? Not too mention he was the pastors kid.

______________________________________________________________

Are we seeing what we think we are seeing?

In the little white church on a Sunday morning we had a visiting minister. Being a Pentecostal preacher he was full of life. My dad, the pastor and his fellow deacons were enthusiastically backing him up.

Suddenly, the backers eyes caught a moving object going past the church window heading straight toward the parsonage. Are we seeing what we think we are seeing? Yes, they were! " It was the big yellow church bus rolling down the hill. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!! The men all took off out of the church to stop the giant converted school bus before it crashed into the parsonage.

The preacher thought he got them to run the isles, ( he did not see the bus). He ran after them, shouting, " Praise the Lord!" Much too funny!

"These are all true stories that were eye-witnessed mostly by me or my family. I hope you enjoyed them. I will be adding more soon.