I confess – I am trying to be an Artist, and hope to be a first class jerk.

Recently my job went away, yes, another polite way of saying forced early retirement.

Now was my time to do whatever I wanted. My goal became to pursue my dream of writing, playing guitar and producing videos, all very noble artistic pursuits.

The first two weeks were great – I got nothing done – but great – finishing some chores around the house, ran allot of errands and started working out.

Yes, my first two weeks of freedom from the daily grind, looked just like when I had a daily grind. All the things I was going to do, well, I was going to do them tomorrow, when other things were not so pressing.

How to stop life from destroying my art?

Well I sat my wonderful wife down and explained that, as much as I loved her and the kids, I was about to become a huge jerk;

Self-absorbed,

Narcissistic,

Anti social,

Demanding,

Egotistical,

Ya, class A JERK.

There was no other way to be the great artist that I was destine to be without destroying the things that were holding be back.

For thirty years I told myself, and everyone that would listen, how I could write the great American novel, play a song that would make top ten on the charts, produce an awesome video…. But of course I could not do them now, because I had a family and a job, well responsibly there was no way to chase these dreams.

Without the self-imposed limitations to stop me, why was the book not progressing?

The computers were set up, I have all the video, guitars, amps, recording software… so where were the results.

Exhaustive research shows that the artistic people that are highly successful are normally not normal.

Ok, the exhaustive research was reading a few tabloids and looking at paparazzi photos of Brittney cutting off her hair and not wearing underpants. There were grim photos of drug overdoses, and my uncle pointing out that the great writers of his day were all divorced alcoholics.

Divorce is high among artistic people, but anyone that knows my wife well has probably told her she could do much better than me, and I do not want to give her the satisfaction of finding that is true.

So for a couple of hours, before the kids come home, I will try to be the great writer, video and guitar player that I know I should be, that I know I could be, that I know hides in me.

Will I really become a jerk?

If I become a jerk to be a great artist will everyone hate me?

What happens if I become a jerk and no one notices or cares?

Worst of all, what happens if I become a jerk and then find out the thing holding me back was a lack of talent?

Quick, get me some chores to hide behind and complain about….

Luck and Love

Steve