GM's New Communist Economy Car: 2011 Trabant-2
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The first Trabant rolled off the production line on 7 November 1957: the 40th anniversary of the Bolshevik Revolution. Now that the Bolsheviks have taken the White House, it is only fitting that the transportation symbol of the Proletarian Paradise be brought back to solve our modern vehicle challenges.
In accordance with the first Obama Five Year Plan, General Motors Communist (GMC) has announced that it will introduce a new small economy car to its newly socialized lineup: The Trabant-2!
When Time Magazine named the original East German Communist built Trabant one of the worst cars of all time, they summed up the vehicle very well:
Powered by a two-stroke pollution generator that maxed out at an ear-splitting 18 horsepower, the Trabant was a hollow lie of a car constructed of recycled worthlessness (actually, the body was made of a fiberglass-like Duroplast, reinforced with recycled fibers like cotton and wood). A virtual antique when it was designed in the 1950s, the Trabant was East Germany's answer to the VW Beetle — a "people's car," as if the people didn't have enough to worry about. Trabants smoked like an Iraqi oil fire, when they ran at all, and often lacked even the most basic of amenities, like brake lights or turn signals. But history has been kind to the Trabi. Thousands of East Germans drove their Trabants over the border when the Wall fell, which made it a kind of automotive liberator. Once across the border, the none-too-sentimental Ostdeutschlanders immediately abandoned their cars. Ich bin Junk!
The Trabant-2 features all of the characteristics which made the original model such a triumph of Communist engineering. The Trabant-2 features the traditional 595 cc, two-cylinder air-cooled engine which requires a 50:1 gas-oil mix. Filling up a Trabant is fun and easy. Just open up the hood, fill the tank with gasoline, pour in two-stroke oil, and then step to the side of the car, put your hands onto the body and shake it back and forth to mix the oil with the fuel!
The new Trabant-2 reaches a breathtaking speed of 56 mph (91 kph) in just 28 seconds, and remains unmistakeable with its signature two stroke exhaust note "tring dang dang dang dang... trinnnnnng dang dang dang dang..." Trabant-2 drivers will also benefit from exceptional visibility as the smoke from their exhausts can be seen for miles.
The Trabant-2 is a true economy car. Unlike the bourgeois cars of the past, it has no carpeting, glove box, or fuel gauge. The rear windows are glued shut to improve aerodynamics.
Thanks to the Obama Administration's collectivization of General Motors Communist, we can now bring back more nostalgia from the great old Iron Curtain days, such as the lovable Trabant jokes:
- How do you double the value of a Trabant? Fill up its fuel tank.
- How do you measure the acceleration of a Trabant? With a calendar.
- Why does the Trabant have a heated rear window? It keeps your hands warm while you push it.
- How do you turn a Trabant into a sportscar? Put your Nikes in the trunk.
- How many workers does it take to build a Trabant? Two: One to fold and one to paste.
- Why doesn't a Trabant have seat belts? It might be mistaken for a backpack.
- Why is the Trabant the longest car on the road? There's ten feet of car, followed by fifty feet of smoke.
- What's the difference between a Jehovah's Witness and a Trabant? You can shut the door on a Jehovah's Witness.
The Trabant-2 is the newest addition to the redstellar General Motors Communist model lineup. And coming soon... the Wartburg-2!
Presenting: The 2011 GMC Trabant-2!
... And Coming Soon, the 2012 GMC Wartburg-2!
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Comments
I'm not surprised that it couldn't make it from the GDR to the UK, as Trabants could barely make it to the city limits! :)
Aren't you glad that GM(C) is going to bring back these phenomenal glories of Communist automotive science? :(
It should give them a leg up in the restart phase!
It certainly is going to be better than the Chevy Volt. At least GM can actually build this car. The Volt is a MIRAGE! :)
I would really rather have the Indian Nano, but I don't think we'll see that here, much like the VW Polo, (almost 70 miles to the gallon), but not in the US. Here's how it really works:
1) Chrysler merges with popular and decent European company.
2) European company includes powerful Chrysler car engine in their product, Chrysler just keeps churning out the same junk to American public.
3) Chrysler ends association / partnership with European car company and a few years later repeats cycle.
4) When Chrysler doesn't do that, some nostalgic comes along - who happens to be the President of the United States, and decides to relive old times and forces them to merge with Fiat.
Of course, I'm fuzzy on the details, and we do have the Mini Cooper and the Sprinter van in the US, but something economical for the people? No.
Alexander Mark: I think the Tata Nano, slightly modified to suit the North American market would be a huge hit if the price was kept down to the Indian levels. However, by the time they homologate it and put on all of the various mandated junk, it will likely cost more than a real car. I loved your summary of Chrysler's recent history. There is a lot more truth to that than most people would be willing to admit. It's all because North American automakers can't understand that a horrible, badly engineered, worst built, POS like the Dodge Caliber is not an economy car! It's a shrunk 300!
Of course you're right, by the time it ends up on the lot, it will cost maybe a thousand less than a Hyundai. As far as the Caliber is concerned, I always had to laugh when I drove by a Billboard touting it's fuel economy, which was little better than a Ford Ranger. Thanks for the kudos.
I definitely am not going to be the first in line to purchase a $10,000 Tata Nano, but if the impossible were to occur and the car could be sold in North American trim for even a thousand dollars more than the Indian price, it could change the face of North American transportation. And puh-leeez don't get me started on the Dodge Caliber... :(
Its almost as if you all wanted your government to stand by and let your economy crash. Nostalgia for the great depression perhaps?
No, we don't want to saddle our children with a half a million dollar tax bill each. Do you think bailout money grows on Commie Trees? :)
GM's New Communist Economy Car: 2011 Trabant-2 in the News
- Globe-trotting filmmaker returns to rootsBoston Globe18 hours ago
There is no typical day for documentary maker-turned-movie director Mike Cahill. Some days he finds himself in Cuba, capturing the offbeat beauty of a boxer and ballerina transcending communism through art. Other days, he finds himself swimming with whale sharks off the coast of Australia, filming their movements. And once in a while he finds himself in a basement jail ...
- St. Paul and the CommunistsLudwig von Mises Institute20 hours ago
This is a comment on communism in general, on communists in the political establishment, and on Saul of Tarsus. Let us begin with the last. It is written that Saul, a Pharisee, was plagued with the arrogance of Truth. He could brook no error.
- Mark Steel: Come rain or revolution, it's money they all wantBelfast Telegraph18 hours ago
Haven't the 20th anniversary celebrations of the overthrow of communism been miserable?
Gypsy Willow says:
6 months ago
A friend of mine rushed to the GDR when the wall came down and tried to bring it back to the UK as a souvenir but he had to abandon it en route.