Most people realize they are gay and begin a journey that seems to be all up hill. At one point or another, you begin to wonder...Will my family accept me? What about God? or Religion(s)? Can I be myself at work? Will I ever find someone special that will be committed to me and ONLY me? The list goes on and on...

One thing I have noticed is that your family must be viewed in very simple, REAL terms. We are born and raised by someone. We all have extended famiy like cousins, uncles, aunts, brothers, and sisters, etc.

BUT...why do we become so nervous at the thought of telling them? Realistically, the fear is pretty normal in the beginning, but it shouldnt consume you since it is NOT real. I lived a life like that for a long time and it was damaging. Good news is it can be reversed, and/or viewed in a new light that will offer peace and HOPE.

We hold our family up high on the hierarchy, thus resulting in the fear of "what if I tell them or what if they find out. But think about it for a second...WHO are these people? You are your own person, free to do and be who you want...so why all the fear? I look at it like this...

Before my birth date, or conception, it was just my parents. They were two people that wanted to be together, so they were. One day, they had sex, and I resulted from it. Thats it!!! There is no real allegiance to them, so if they banised me, of course I would feel hurt and have pain, but do you really need them to survive? Absolutely not. Most people at age 18, (some younger and some way older) leave their parents to go live their lives.

You survive by what you do...your choices, your likes and dislikes. You live your life how YOU see fit, or do you? Sometimes we live with their voices in our minds, or the thoughts that say "my mom would do this, or say that if she knew what I did", or..."my dad would kill me if he knew this".

There may be a SMALL amount of truth to this, but realistically...SO WHAT! Who's life is this? Yours or theirs?

Naturally, our parents want only the best for us...and if your gay, sometimes your parents feel that the best way to protect you, would be for you to NOT be gay. Bottom line, they are only making this choice because they view it as a hard life, a life of persecution, a life of pain...or from religion, so naturally, they challenge it because they want what they feel is better for you (in their mind)...which is to NOT be gay.

Bottom line, it was never a choice to begin with! So your parents can not change anything. A lot of parents (especially religious ones) will throw the bible at you...they will scream at you "This is not what GOD wants". What they are really saying, is, it is not what they want. No one knows the mind/heart of God...or if there is a God to begin with...and I do not care what is written in the bible since we all know it all depends on who is reading it, their interpretation, their intelligence at the time, their exposure to the world and to events, etc... that determine what the bible means to them. Not to mention, it has been translated over and over and over again.

So my take on it is this...who cares what my parents feel on the subject, I owe them nothing. In fact, since they claim to be much wiser and older...etc...they owe you the duty of being a LOVING parent, not a God fearing, hate mongerer..and they are usually this way for a while until they realize it is killing you and that all the need to do is LOVE you and you WILL be happy and healthy.

You will not go to hell, you are not cursed, God isn't chasing you with a lightening bolt and NO MAN or women on earth can tell you what you are, or are not, or that you can change. Instead of you changing, why not ask them why they cant change instead?

My choices are my own. While I do not want to hurt my parents, I certainly refuse to live my life the way they see fit...after all, it is MY life. This is my journey, no matter how good or bad it is, it is mine, I am the the only one that pays for any consequence and the same goes for them...and YOU do not need acceptance from them or anyone else. We all seek it naturally, but that is based on the conditioning from birth (listen to your parents)...not always true.

WORK

How do you be yourself at work? It takes years to get to this point. Once you have accepted yourself completely, you stand strong and proud in your convictions, you know the law regarding discrimination in the workplace (check your state's laws), then you will be free to be yourself. I am and have been since I was 22 and I have had zero problems in this area. If your military, you will gauge who you can tell and who you cant since our government is still behind in the times and has a LAME dont ask dont tell policy. If your police or fire, you will know after a while based on the dynamics of the people in your department. BUT legally, you can go for it! There is nothing anyone can do about it and if they fire you, your attorney will be able to prove harrassment. Trust me, there are ways to prove everything!

NOW THE GOOD STUFF:

Gay Relationships...(Im literally sitting here staring at the screen trying to decide where to being). LOL.

Ok...this is MY take on it.

Our society is still struggling to accept us. So naturally, we lack all the perks of being straight like walking around holding hands, cuddling in a movie, shopping together while being affectionate, etc.

I was with a girlfriend of mine and we were walking through the mall. I put my arm around her waist and she put her arm around mine. We were talking about her boyfriend who very recently had died of cancer at age 26 (YA SUCKS). But as we were walking, I realized I had to slow down my pace in order to walk at her pace...and then all of a sudden I felt a new connection with her. I had to stop my usually, fast paced, aggressive walk and slow down in order to be close to her...(you have to give to get).

This made me think. When Im out with a guy I like and have been dating, we dont get to do that. We dont get to make connections anywhere really. Except at another lame gay bar or club. But if I was able to be anywhere and be affectionate, and be myself like I wanted too, together, (if he was willing), we would be able to build these kind of affectionate connections and that would take our relationship to a whole new level and hopefully keep going up from there.

By slowing down because I wanted to be close to her, and her slowing down to be close with me, a connection was made that felt amazing. I finally realized why straight people are so affectionate when doing things as casual as walking down the street, or window shopping, or ordering food, etc. They are in love and they are ABLE to show it!!!! That act alone builds the chemistry and love which continues your relationship to the next level. I know that now.

But our society does not allow that. Sure anyone could say, "you can if you want too", "just do it if you want" etc etc...but they do not know what kind of shit you have to go through. The very thought of having to deal with snickering people, mean spirited comments, etc makes you just not want to deal with it at all. So, our only real domain is our home. But that gets old.

So I think right now, gay relationships are in an infantile state. We are still just babies in society. Our sub-culture is still too new. I mean think about it, only recently have people fought so hard for gay rights...only 20 years ago did people start to come out, loud and proud... our legal system is still behind, what makes you think GAY people would be embraced and stregthened as a sub-culture?

My only wish is to see it in my lifetime. To see all young and old people have NO fear...and to see all people view them with a heart of love and a mind of wisdom.

What do you think? (Comments below)

By Kevin Michaels.