Gay Dating Advice: Is He Embarassed Of You?

Shane is a repeat offender having sent two questions to me in the past month. Shane sounds like a catch who keeps getting the throw-aways. His latest email to The BOTTOM Line poses a great question and I intend on giving my two sense.

"The guy I'm dating will go out with me and my friends, but won't invite me to go out with him and his friends. Is he embarassed of me?"

-Shane, Laguna

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No, he's not embarassed of you Shane. He's just kind of a dick. But you have to realize that not all fresh gay couples take the 'lesbian' route - declaring immediate marriage and house-shopping by the 2nd date-. Guys are particularly hard to settle down, even if they are gay. And meshing social and life-time friends with the new boyfriend is a hallmark of a serious, settle-down type relationship. That's great that you are comfortable and aggressive with mixing him with your crowd. It shows him you are secure, know what you want and most importantly, aren't bullshitting about the relationship. If he's not introducing you to or inviting you out with his friends, being embarassed of you is not where my mind first goes.

Have you both verbally communicated the state of your relationship? I have a feeling that you haven't, and that it is a conversation he is trying to avoid. There will be no awkward "Is this your boyfriend?" questions if his friends arent around to ask them. Perhaps he feels less serious about the relationship than you, and if that's the case, it is imperative for YOUR happiness to vocalize your feelings ASAP. If you are integrating him into your life effortlessly, you are being a great boyfriend. However, if it's not balanced on his side, you are merely fooling yourself. Ask him to set you straight; if he says he doesn't want anything serious, ask him to set you gay for the night, and let him go. Someone who is serious about a relationship WILL come along, and you'll know how serious he is the first night you go out with him and his buddies.

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The BOTTOM Line: His reluctance to introduce you to his friends does not reflect anything about you OR your personality. It simply indicates his level of readiness for taking a relationship towards the serious side.