I was at a warehouse store last weekend with my wife. We bought laundry additive in a big tub, because it was cheaper and when I was doing the laundry I noticed we were running low. When we were finished checking out I picked up the big tub and the clerk, whom I had never seen before, handed the receipt to my wife and said, "I'll give this to you. He'd probably lose it."

Now if this were the first time I'd heard something like this it would be different. If I had known the woman, or joked about losing things, or even had to search for my wallet in front of her, it might have been a funny thing to say. However, the only thing that she knew about me was that I was male. The thing that really makes the event significant to me is not that someone might have had that thought, but that she had no compunction about saying it.

I tell this story as an example of something I have noticed, that it is socially acceptable for women to publicly bash men. I'm not talking about entertainment or popular culture, but in everyday life. Let me take this moment to say that I truly do recognize that there is inequity in the world. There is inequity in pay and opportunities, violence against women, cultural oppression. I find it insufferable that those things exist.

I don't think that anyone should ever be treated as less than someone else. Here's the thing for me. If we truly want to have a world where such inequities are not accepted, then we can't accept them, period. Women have legitimate gripes, no question, but turning the weapon the other way only wounds a different person. To change the system we need to put the weapon down.

One thing that is worth noting here is that after the comment was made in the store, it was my wife who said something about it. I've gotten so used to hearing things like that, that I don't always realize it. Over the years I have worked in environments which are traditionally female, nurses training, massage training, salons and spas. Frequently I would become "just one of the girls" and got to hear all the things woman say about their husbands/sons/domestic partners.

They were often brutal in their assessments of everything about their men, even intimate details. These comments are, however, by no means restricted to women-only contexts. I have, by virtue of being male also been in a few locker rooms and even in private I haven't ever heard the kind of comments from men that I have heard from women. I've often thought, why be married to someone you feel such animosity toward. However, I've come to realize that these are women who actually love their men.

It seems that the very fact of this intimacy lets them to feel safe enough to make these comments. Because I love him, I can say these things. What they don't realize is the effect this has on their men. Imagine, the person you love and trust outing your every secret in a public forum. The real kicker here is that this is far from a two way street.

I don't know a guy who's been in a relationship that hasn't faced a no win question like the classic, "Do these jeans make me look fat?" So many answers...none of them right. If a man answers that question incorrectly, and odds are he will, he is an insensitive, a**. If a male clerk handed the credit card back to the man rather than the woman and said, "It probably wouldn't be safe with her" it wouldn't be tolerated.

The bottom line is this, why can't we just be nice to each other? Wouldn't it be a better world if we all tried? I learned two lessons early in life. 1) Treat others as you wish to be treated. 2) If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. I think that the other important lesson is not to judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes. I think gender (add race, religious, political, international) relations would be much improved if we followed those simple rules.

I would love to read your comments on this issue. I'm certain that there are many opinions to share.