This took place years ago when the USA was looking for The Mullah. I have kept it a secret until now. Harvey

 

Geraldo: Mullah Omar thank you for granting me this interview

Omar: Yeah Yeah.

Geraldo: It wasn't easy getting here.

Omar: If an army was after you, would you want it to be easy? ( Dummy ).

Geraldo: I see what you mean ( rat bastard ).

Omar: Did you follow my directions?

Geraldo: Until they put the bag over my head.

Omar: I'm sure you understand ( who cares )?

Geraldo: You said a right after the third crater. Well there are more craters now (and there will be more ).

Omar: But with Allah's guidance you got here safely ( pig of an American ).

Geraldo: I'm just not sure what you consider safe?

Omar: You're still breathing and you have all your limbs, don't you?

Geraldo: So far so good.

Omar: I wouldn't have it any other way ( die you pig ).

Geraldo: So tell me, how did life start for you ( like I really care ).

Omar: I will tell you everything ( he'll listen to anything ). My family was very poor. We couldn't get a place in the projects. Of course we didn't have welfare, so we lived in whatever cave was available.

Geraldo: How many of you were there?

Omar: If you give me a chance I'll tell you (can't he be quiet for a minute ).

Geraldo: Please continue ( his mouth doesn't stop ).

Omar: Of course my father, mother myself and two sisters.

Geraldo: So there were five of you!

Omar: Yes (oh boy he can count ).

Geraldo: Please continue.

Omar: When I was born, I was the first child.My father was so happy to greet his first and oldest son.

Geraldo: I can relate to that.

Omar: (Who cares ) Then came Hasima, that was the following year. But her birth made my mother very ill. The next year Rabsha was born, this birth killed my mother.

Geraldo: I think I understand.

Omar: Just listen. ( man ). I'm told my father was never the same.

Geraldo: What do you mean by that?

Omar: ( He doesn't understand different? ) He hated women, women had killed his wife. In my ... this great country, women deliver the babies. Do you want a man looking at your wife naked or touching her in that HOLY PLACE?

Geraldo: Forget my wife, did your father teach you to hate women (Mullah Gay Man)?

Omar: I'm not married and I don't have kids. Does that tell you anything, I am a Muslim?

Geraldo: I thought you might be gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that (Seinfeld).

Omar: I will not answer that.

Geraldo: So what was life like as a child? ( Like I could give a shit ).

Omar: As a child living in a cave, there wasn't much food.

Geraldo: That's a bad childhood.

Omar: Would you please shut up, we were very lucky to have a GOAT! I remember her well. My father would say; " Life's love begins with Mothers Milk". We would drink the goats milk and my father would make us call the goat "MOTHER." I thought the goat was my mother until my father died. He was very old, about 32.

Geraldo: He was only 32?

Omar: Didn't I say that!

Geraldo: How old were you?

Omar: I was 16.

Geraldo: You thought your mother was a goat until you were 16?

Omar: You have a problem with that? (your mother must have been a pig ).

Geraldo: So tell me what happened then?

Omar: I had to support the family, I was THE man!

Geraldo: ( You're still not a man ) How did you do it?

Omar: First I stole a gun. Then everything became easier.

Geraldo: You became a thief ( and a killer ).

Omar: I was very good at it, it wasn't long before I was feared. I was like "Robin Hood".

Geraldo: He gave money to the poor!

Omar: Weren't my sisters and I poor?

Geraldo: I see ( goat boy ).

Omar: Then I found out people loved to follow people who talked religion. I began to study, but it was boring. So I changed it to the way I thought it should be, that was fun. Women were to be like dogs.

Geraldo : Like dogs? Isn't that a little harsh?

Omar: It is what they deserve, they killed my mother and ruined my family. But I love them, we are all Gods children.

Geraldo: You're speaking out of both sides of your mouth.

Omar: You don't have to understand. My people will follow anything I say, what else do they have?

Geraldo: They really don't have anything.

Omar: And that's the way it will stay, then they will continue to follow me. They must remain desperate.

Geraldo: ( You slime ball ). Please continue.

Omar: I decided I no longer wanted to look at women.

Geraldo: And you say you're not gay? Not that there's anything wrong with it.

Omar: Aren't you interested in anything else? ( Please help me Allah ).

Geraldo: ( I should bring in a goat ). First let me ask you how you got to be a Mullah? I can't read Arabic, but I see what looks like diplomas on the wall.

Omar: Yes they are.

Geraldo: Why are all the diplomas in the same handwriting and they aren't from a printer!

Omar: I wrote them myself.

Geraldo: You mean you never earned them? ( What a piece of crap ).

Omar: Why did I need to earn them. After all, I basically started a new religion. ( I am the closest thing to Allah ). Of course it's in my handwriting. Most of my people can't read, so I tell them what they say. They are so stupid they'll believe anything I tell them ( oops ).

Geraldo: What won't you lie about?

Omar: I can't hear you. The plane. The plane.

Geraldo: O.K. - O.K. So tell me what you changed?

Omar: Lets start with the men. Does that look like an army? Everyone looks the same, and we're not even communists. I made a joke! I always remember my mother.

Geraldo: You mean the Goat?

Omar: Yes. I mean, just listen. Notice all the men have their beards at the same length.

Geraldo: Isn't that the law?

Omar: Yes. But the reason is because that was the length of my mothers, err Goat's beard.

Geraldo: O.K. lets get past the beard. Please continue.

Omar: They must be educated. So I, ehh we sent them to school. Ours of course.

Geraldo: Of course ( I want to strangle him ).

Omar: There they learn my version of the Koran. As if there is another?

Geraldo: What else did they learn?

Omar: They learn to follow me. Why would I teach them anything else?

Geraldo: Yeah why?

Omar: They learn how to dress, kind of like Mohammad did. I tell them no exceptions.

Geraldo: Why?

Omar: My cousin is a clothing designer. He also manufactures Hee- Hee.

Geraldo: I thought money wasn't important?

Omar: Not to them, only to me. ( Why am I telling him this? )

Geraldo: You are quite different than I had imagined.

Omar: You wouldn't believe what goes on in my mind!

Geraldo: Thank God. Oh, please continue.

Omar: I can't stop laughing. Have you seen an army that looks like that since Gengis Khan? Look at those stupid Turbins.

Geraldo: They don't seem to wear any socks? It is quite cold!

Omar: My feet are warm.I wear two pair of socks. If I didn't someone would give me theirs. Maybe they would steal some. They might even kill someone to keep my feet warm.

Geraldo: Why?

Omar: Didn't I tell you they get good training.

Geraldo: Isn't that brain washing?

Omar: What brain? ( It doesn't matter what I tell him, he's going to die soon.)

Geraldo: What about those clothes?

Omar: My cousin hasn't learned to make anything else.

Geraldo: Couldn't you send him to school?

Omar: You must really be stupid. Haven't you been listening?

Geraldo: Let's go on to the women.

Omar: Oy vey. I mean, if I have to talk about the pigs I will.

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