Getting Kids to Eat Right
57Family Mealtime
After parenting over 250 kids during the last 18 years, I've learned a lot about getting children of all ages, to eat what's put before them. Kids seem to always be eating, but never the "right" thing. But, maybe we're judging too quickly. What are we "feeding" them?
Today, my three sons eat almost every kind of vegetable, seafood, (even sushi) and meat. I think they like so many things because we made a conscious decision to put lots of variety in front of them as they were growing up, and decided to let them make their own decisions. Now, of course, there was a lot of prompting from us along the way, but basically, we placed it on the table, and let them decide.
Basic "Food Philosophy" That Works!
Do these comments sound familiar? I had quite a bit of well meaning help from various relatives saying things like:
"He didn't finish his food." (His first helpings were a bit more than he could eat, he's learning not to take so much.)
"I'd make him sit down and eat that." (He wasn't hungry but promised to put his plate in the microwave for later. He had just finished 2 hours of football practice and was beat.)
"He didn't eat his breakfast." (No, but he grabbed 1 energy bar, 3 fig newtons, an apple and a gatorade on his way out the door. Sounds pretty healthy to me.)
Trying to be diplomatic, we'd reply "You know, our kids are great 'eaters,' we don't put much pressure on them about meals. We just offer healthy food and they do the rest." Then, we'd change the subject. However, we did seem to go through the same conversations at every gathering. Resist the pressure!
What frustrated me the most was listening to friends, relatives and other parents tell their kids to "Eat three more bites of peas" or "Eat 2 more bites of chicken," "Put that down," "Eat this instead," "No dessert because you didn't eat the broccoli," repeating all of those phrases over and over as the kids picked with their food. These battles occurred at every meal until I wanted to scream out "Quit counting their food bites! Let them enjoy the 'gathering,' even if they eat later. Let them choose!" (Stop it, Stop it, Stop it!)
Our own sons would look at us and secretly roll their eyes, often saying, "Gosh Mom and Dad, I'm sure glad you don't force me to eat!" One time, our oldest son said, just as serious as he could be, "You know Mom, she said he only ate 2 bites of his peas, but I could've sworn it was 3." We cracked up. Well, you had to be there.
Make a good effort to take the pressure off the kids regarding food, especially when friends and family are over for special times. Let them help choose what goes on their plate. Ask them to: sit at the table especially at the beginning of the meal; eat what they can; and soon give them permission to run off and play. I mean, what's the point of the gathering? A good time, or eating everything? Decide NOT to battle with them. It's much more pleasant and I'll bet they won't lose any weight over it. We want our kids to eventually become "self-reliant" and they won't get there if we're constantly hovering.
Short and to the Point:
Put colorful and healthy food in front of them, encourage them to socialize, be mannerly, and eat what they can.
Let them choose what goes on their plate, for the most part. You could say "We pick 2 things, you pick the rest." (I normally chose vegetables as my two things for them, knowing they'd go for the meat anyway, but occasionally I'd "play with them" and put the dessert on their plate. It always got a giggle and an exaggerated "Mawwww om!")
As soon as possible, let them fill their own plates. That sends a powerful message that THEY are in control, giving them more independence, therefore less arguments. (Naturally, we asked them to take less than they want, to make sure others get their portion, then come back for more.)
Stock up on raw vegetables and fruit, less on salty crunchies or sweets.
Place a few posters and articles about food, or even the food pyramid, on the family bulletin board.
Talk about nutrition during family conversations or cooking times.
Keep food/meal rules to a bare minimum, creating just enough rules to keep the meals something everyone awaits with pleasure.
Avoid This Behavior:
I have a friend who drives me crazy with the way she feeds her child. Here's an example: For dinner, she's prepared porkchops, buttered potatoes and peas. For her child she'll fix cold cereal, or scrambled eggs. Now the little girl is 8 and while the cereal is healthy, what she's teaching isn't. If this happened on occasion, no harm done. We're all "in the mood" for a certain food sometimes. But, this is almost a daily occurrence. She cooks meatloaf, the child eats a cheese sandwich, she fixes spaghetti, the child picks at cheese and crackers.
What bothers me, is that the child dictates what she eats and when, and has not yet learned to sit down and eat what's been put on the table for the family. When asked to eat from the prepared items, she wrinkles her nose and says, "I don't like that." Every meal? I don't support forcing kids to eat a food they're sure they don't like, but yes, they need to choose from what's prepared.
Basically, meals should be pleasing, happy, simple times, not a constant flow of "let's make a deal" comments. Here's to building great memories!
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Comments
Marisue, your hub is loaded with "food for thought". I agree in every way with what you wrote.
However, sometimes, an eating problem has different origins. Sometimes it's not the matter of the variety we offer, the patience with our kids' moods, or the avoidance of threatening our kids with what we might do if they don't eat what's in front of them. Sometimes it's something deeper and different.
Thanks for a great hub on this subject. I hope that you or other hubbers can add to this topic.
You are right, and my hub was aimed at those "normal" eaters. However, during my time in as a foster parent, many kids had eating disorders of some kind. I wondered then and now, if some of it was because of how they were parented and of course, some were sufferiing from deeper issues, and who knows why or how they came about. If you know anyone suffering "more than what seems normal" from eating issues, and is either gaining weight or losing to the extreme, please help them seek professional help.
Look forward to hearing more from you! Thanks again for reading! Marisue
Hey Trish1048 thanks for the kind words. Kids who love peas this week and hate them tomorrow, are just showing age and stage reaction to learning about food, textures, taste and themselves. They change so fast, and so do their bodies. Kids often develop likes and dislikes as their bodies grow - sometimes they could even have an allergy to something and just naturally reject it. It's always best to accept their decision, see it as temporary, and offer other healthy choices, hoping they'll bounce back one day soon.
The less emotion we show, feigning surprise "You DON'T like peas? I see. You are an interesting little person, my dear...tell me more! Have you ever tried peas and ice cream? NO? Why Not??" I'm just trying to illustrate that if get a little silly with them, it allows them to relax and be what they are. A kid learning a bout their world. We parents have to bend....but not break. Ha. Enjoy the little stinkers. Marisue
Marisue, I really admire your experience. Thanks so much for the good comments to comments.
Please keep writing on HubPages.
Thanks again Marisue,,,,and enjoy them? Absolutely! :)
Hey there Sally's Trove, Love your hubs too great google ads as well....You'll see more of me....Marisue
Wow, I think my mom needs you around to teach my young sibs to eat! It's a battle she gave up long ago and now their nutrition is zilch!
I've been looking at that book "Deceptively Delicious: Simple Secrets to Get Your Kids Eating Good Food" by Jessica Seinfeld. Everytime I go to the bookstore I consider buying it for my mom... and myself... ok, I admit it, I totally need to eat more veggies.
Thanks for the comment...it is a very sensitive issue to most of us parents...we want our kids to be healthy and the first word out of their mouth when we say "eat this..." is "no!" So, don't ask; just put it on the table...and make lots of yummy sounds as you eat it. Over time, it works. Plus, the only after meal snack we offered to the many foster kids (including our own children...) was fruit, nuts or ....nuts and fruit. (ha)
Either way...it was healthy! I'm sorry to say candy was hidden in the house under lock and key....sad but necessary.
Mainly it was locked away from ME> ha
There are no easy answers tho...just no battles...good choices...lots of "psychology" and a few simple rules for snacking. It'll improve....
Marisue =)
I like this article. Our philosophy? Lots of variety, make them try everything, and the majority of the time, make them stuff they like to eat to begin with! Oh, yeah, and don't give them too much of anything-they can always ask for seconds. Great thoughts Marisue.
all5together --- thanks so much for reading and commenting. I agree we need to provide variety!!
How would you handle my six year old daughter who, night after night, refuses to eat anything on her plate and then two hours later says she's hungry but still won't eat any of the wide variety of nutricious foods you've provided. Should I let her starve, or give her the yogurt she's asking for?
Hi Fred, Thanks for your question. I suggest to build on success. Here's a few quick tips:
1. anytime she eats, even after mealtime, she eats at the table.
1. Dinnertime she comes to the table, makes a couple of choices from whats offered, it's put on her plate, she eats or not with no punishment. Eating with everyone else is rewarded with extra tv time(forexample) or something of interest for her. Not eating is not punished. It's ignored. Only reward the eating something from her plate and reward it with pleasant comments and then the above offer you decided on, but no bells and whistles. Just casual rewarding.
3. Limit snacks to all the veggie choices, and healthy fruit. No sugar. Just take it out of reach or sight. that way, she learns the taste of good things. Yogurt is a good thing, but she needs protein, etc.
4. Talk about food during non mealtimes. Watch a movie, - veggie tales or something else.
5. Let her help cook, involve her BIGTIME in the preparation of food. Help her look up nutrition of at least one food a day on the internet.
6. Involve her big time in grocery shopping. She gets to pick out (for example) 3 snacks, 2 fruits, 2 vegetables, 2 meats.
Get the idea? For more information, email me through the contact button on my profile page and I'll go into more detail.
The general idea is you've got a gal with a strong personality who knows her own mind. That's a great skill and it just needs to be channled. I'm impressed with her!! It's not rebellion, but "here's who I am" thinking from her. It shows she's very smart. Avoid turning her choices of not eating into behavior issues.
Set the limits as I've described, and she'll feel the power she wants to make her own decisions. But, you maintain the adult role by saying "You sit at the table, put 2 foods on your plate, and visit with the family. If you eat a portion of your food at dinnertime, it's easier on the family as a whole and you'll be given an extra 30 minutes on the computer." (Don't mention any punishment for not eating.) Then say, "It's your choice."
Be patient, but I bet you'll see improvement within 2 weeks if you are consistant and cheerful during this time.
Good luck and let me know how it goes.
I appreciate your question! Marisue
Loved this hub!...Being the parent of three (wonderful) children, I have 2 that are picky eaters. It was just one, but her sister made comments about how she hated the food she had to eat and now the other one won't eat it either. I used to stress at the dinner table, but now I just let them choose what they want from the table. Some nights (lots of times) they do not eat their veggies, I have substituted fruits instead. Is this ok to do?...
ljm thanks for reading and asking this question...I understand your challenges. For the most part, kids will eat whats offered, except when they don't. Not meaning to be flip, but they're so impressionable and you are doing the right thing by not over reacting to their changes.
Having said that, fruit is loaded with sugar, still, it's better than nothing. Maybe put it out of sight and you have to get it and are able to say, we're not having that tonight...
I find kids do well with the sweet veggies, like carrots, tomatoes, sugar snap peas, fresh is often accepted as it's the sweetest form of the vegetable, -- fresh or blanched.
Still, variety is the spice of life, an apple a day or applesauce, still holds to be true.
Letting them choose, from healthy choices, and not getting upset is the best strategy. Just be consistant and involve them in the planning, shopping and preparation and you will get good results.
I think you're on the right track!! let me know how it goes!! Thanks again for stopping by...
I love this hub and the comments. I agree that food shouldn't be a power struggle in the family. Provide variety and reward tasting. Great thoughts as usual.
I think all parents struggle over getting kids to eat, probably worrying about it too much. Kids by nature are finicky, but if we consistently put good choices and frequent healthy snacks in front of them, it will make up for the occasional "I don't want that!" times.
Kids in crisis often don't eat the way they should; many of our foster kids hoarded food for security - we had to make sure their rooms were filled with spoiled goodies in sneaky places. I didn't care what they took if it didn't spoil.
We kept out fruit chewies and nutrition bars; still everything can bring a bug. It was a constant problem. We didn't want to punish for eating, so we left the subject alone except asked them to eat in the kitchen. When they realized they could rob the refrigerator for many allowed foods, like yogurt or jello, they gradually quit taking so many perishables to their room - then - you'd get in a new child and have to start over
yikes!!
Never had a problem getting The Boys to eat right, just had a problem preparing enough to fill them up as they got older. They were 9-1/2 pounds and 10-1/2 pounds at birth and I just know they were born with hollow legs.
We never did fast foods. When I prepared a dinner for the three of us, I would prepare enough for two more meals and stash it in the freezer. To keep it interesting, I devised a menu plan so whatever we had "tonight", we would not have for 28 more days.
One of the ground rules in the house was, "If you don't eat all of your vegetables, meats, fruits this week? No Saturday night sleeping-bag-tv-popcorn and koolaid." (I must confess, there were those times I had hopes they would not follow those ground rules. Sleeping on the floor dang near killed me the next morning.)
~NanInkSlings.Com
you had a good thing going. Fast food kills our budget and our waistline. we found success when we just kept putting lots of choices on the table, foster kids said no before they said yes. but watching my boys eat began to make them curious. Soon, they'd eat something new everyday. If they skipped the food, they still sat at the table, and only choices (since we couldn't deny them food ) after mealtime was fruit or nutrition bars..when they became available.
we make too much of "eat 4 more bites of this..." god, if someone did that to me I'd probly throw up. haahha
Great hub! We have found that since our daughter my husband and I now have to eat well or she won't! On the good side I am down 15lbs this year! Love your hubs and all your experience!
hi blogging2 !! I hear ya on the food -- kids know "you can't have that but mom and daddy can" doesn't make sense and are quick to do what we do...
=)) thanks for reading and come back soon!! glad you enjoyed it I appreciate it!!
Marisue, wow 250 kids.Kids are so much drawn to what looks good but what is not necessairly good for them.
Your point about consciously deciding for them. A parents beliefs are a heavy influence in creating the beliefs that the kids carry forward into adulthood.
I am a swimming teacher and I see a lot of parents trying to force them to swim the way they want. In most cases the kid resist and doesn't what learn. While if you bring some fun into it, that changes the perspective. Educate but do it with fun, and which involve them.
A full plate. It's no good saying things like well little Johnny think of all those kids in India who have no food, make sure you eat what's on your plate. This guilt trip encourages over eating and large portion sizes. Moving away from listening to the body - telling you it's full and I don't want to eat anymore.
Like your idea of making them choose what goes on their plate. Your involving them in the eating process. So that meal time is cooperation
Making mealtime a discussion around food, great tip. Involving them in new ideas. Informal education.
We as parents are role models. How we behave influences how the kids will behave. These behaviours carry over to adults.The comments above touch on emotions. For a lot of us our choices around food are very much infuenced by our emotions. Emotions and food go together.
I can see that you take the care with what you say and you have time to respond to your contributors.
Keep up the good work
Be well
Phil
Hi Phil, thank you for taking the time to read my article so thoroughly! I appreciate it and glad you found it worthwhile and helpful.
I believe in choices about many things; always building a foundation, lifting kids up when they stumble, but letting them stumble a little. Food is such an individual thing and should not be dictated except under extreme cases such as a child that is diabetic. Even so, choices are so vital to good health, mental and physical!
Thanks again!!! come back soon!
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trish1048 says:
2 years ago
Thanks for the good advice! Well worth sharing! The thing that surprises me is that foods the child always 'used' to eat, they claim to no longer like. Any suggestions?
Great hub!
Patty