Getting Hassled By Sadness

Getting Hassled by Sadness

June 9, 2008 at 9:18 pm (Uncategorized) · Edit

I thought long and hard about what I was going to say to the Lady who approached me this morning at the BART station. I thought, take into consideration her facial features, expression, emotions, clothing, degree of cleanliness, value of life, etc., before making any rash discriminations about what this person was really up to or if the Bay Area is really such a harsh world to survive in that one must and thus would eventually take the role as beggar or panhandler.

Her face was clean, her hair matted down in a ponytail; thrift store clothing placed neatly about her, and carrying a rather normal looking purse. At first, I rode up on my bicycle and began the methodical movements of securing my bike to the rack by first taking the quick release off my bike and then… looking around, see the figure I had noticed only briefly (and as well, quickly knew she may very well be “an Approacher”) coming slowly closer to my physical standstill at the rack.

Why must I feel like I am doing a disservice to people when they glance at me with eyes sullen and yet hopelessness, seeping out of them so desperately, but yet also a flicker of trickery always.

Always. I can feel their eyes looking at me, judging me and thinking they know everything about all the rest of the people that aren’t sitting on the street or giving instant dripping eyes to someone who they dub obvious as prosperous and financially responsible for the whole of societies drudgery.

I say FUCK YOU and GET A LIFE to those people. Preying on the emotions of those who you deem to be pompous, over needy and overusing individuals, once they scorn the very inappropriate and often times more than not, rude and aggressive behavior they spit forth upon the world from unclean and smelly mouths. But then when the coins start dropping, or even more hopefully for them, the dead trees stamped with the inferior injustice of their price of life, the tone changes to “Bless yous sir, maam” or very often nothing, a generous thanking of “You Owe it to Me” attitude which drives them from the very society they banish yet won’t give up.

Hate society? Stick it to society then by going out into the woods and building a house. Or making the sacrifice of trying for once. Give a person a fish and they will come back every day, give a person a fishing pole, and they’ll pawn it off as soon as they can for another drink of alcohol to silence the rage they carry inside.

I have often times thought of creating a monetary system of my own creation, to give to the people I see every day spending time making up any excuse they can and lying through their teeth to whomever they can find who will give them the politeness of being lied to. The money would give them directions to the Food Banks, free food dinners and other (and there are tons) of services offered to the homeless and despaired individuals in the area. This money would give them a note to refer back to and give them the option of going to those places, although the idea may have already been in place in their minds.

As much as people want to help people, even for the reason of “out of sight out of mind”, it is not possible for one person to give another coins or dollars and expect they will do better in life. It only prolongs the degenerate way of “you owe it to me” lifestyle that they have often immediately gone to. Put organizations and government funding into a project, and you will get people who HAVE money to give to organizations for hope and helpfulness. This way the scale of the project jumps from giving money to those who will most likely go and abuse their already extreme problems, and in place give them a way to a track of getting back on track of better living. It is true that some homes often times encourage the needy to steal from the needy themselves and deter them from approaching the area in the beginning. But is the gutter a better place?

To go back to the lady at the Train Station, I felt like her display was honest at first, and then quickly found myself turning into detective and questioning her real intent. To sum up the interaction as a script:

(Standing with Headphones on, see Woman approaching slowly so not sure if she’s just “waiting for her ride” or coming towards me in hopes of communication)

“Excuse me maam, and I must say you have beautiful skin”

“Sorry?, Oh, I was just looking at my leg and thinking that I was atrociously pale.”

(slight laughter)

“I’m sorry to have to say this and I have been thinking about what to say here, and well, I just can’t get the baby Milk formula at the store and it’s $3.99 and I really haven’t had anything to eat and there are some sandwiches over there, you know (tears start coming but not real tears just the act of sniffling and sounding teary) it’s been so hard for me…”

(pause for another lady of color walking by, thus perhaps distracting or humiliating the woman to the point of her immediately “turning off the water works and looking normal again”)

[Me- sweet voice] ‘Well, you know, we all have our times, but you have to persevere in these times. There is a job opening downtown, they are hiring anyone for Customer Service for Blood Drives…”

(cut off as she makes more excuses so hastily I can’t even understand her)

[Me] “I’m awfully sorry but all I have is a card and then a $20 to which I need for the rest of the weeks commute. I’m actually in the same place that you are in for the part of being low on funds, I don’t even make enough to pay taxes (true).”

“Well, theres a bill changer over there.” (in a voice so readily not-somber that I rationalize her to be faking the crying bit all along)

“I’m sorry, I need to save my money for a trip that I have been saving up, I really do wish you the best, and with good intent in our minds we can often overcome even the worst seeming situations. I wish you the best, I really do.”

“Thanks” (for nothing I’m assuming by the tone in her voice).

Now, not to say that people are ligitimately hurt or have mental conditions that can not sustain themselves for regular employment, but often times it really comes down to the person not wanting to do anything with their lives. They start getting into the habit of “If someone will give it to me, then why work for it?”, and that is really where I draw the line. If you are capable and able to work, then there should be no reason you cannot get a job.

People pour in from Mexico with their lives riding on their backs and secrecy abound to perform jobs for which most people would think unworthy of performing, only to send back the money to their families and loves ones back home. They risk their lives often times just for the chance to work hard at a job they can’t even speak the language of (yet). People often times think they are owed something in life because they have been dealt a sour hand at one point or another. This should be the reason to persevere, to rise up and say “I won’t be like my father or mother or whomever hurt me or disgraced me.” Or other circumstance pertaining to the situation.

For those mentally incapable of self-sustainment, they should be helped in an in-out day program at a mental institution. They would get a place to sleep, food, and medical treatment. These programs are in place to help people. People just need to stand up and say “It is easy to get ahead, and especially once I put down my problems and start turning my life around.”

One can only give advice and lead people to a better life. Tossing change at someone just to get them to leave you alone is not a corrective solution to a dire problem that we in cities everyday see first hand.

I make no claim to having all the answers but I can say that the problem of homelessness in the Bay Area is only incorporated into a scheme of laziness and degenerate behavior.

And I can only write, here, about the way I feel on this subject. I offer nothing else because I am just one person with no children and the power of mind to communicate and try to offer untimely wisdom of someone who looks at the world as a whole, not biased and yet, direct at the same time.

Do not look at me as a walking ATM for your problems. Look upon yourself and find the inner peace you need to survive in the rat race of society.