Getting Over A Loved Ones Death
82Celebrate a Life
Folks,
This page is meant to be some advice for Eileen in her time of grief, but hopefully it will help some other believers out there as well.
First of all, "having a hard time getting over the loved one" is completely natural. I don't know how long it has been since the loved ones passing, but it really does not matter. As a general observation, the stronger the love, the longer it takes to get over them. And quite frankly, I'm not sure what "getting over them" really means. That is different for each individual. If you truly loved them, you will never completely get over them. What you will do is learn to live with them from a different perspective. Then you will feel better about moving on with your life. How long it takes to do that is also different with each person.
Here are a few things that have helped me and others move from the "hard time" to "moving on" phase.
What I do know is this:
I personally believe there is an afterlife for all those who believe in a loving, merciful God. That afterlife is so much better than any life we experience while on earth. It is the best thing a person can hope and dream for. Your loved one has just achieved that. This is a cause for celebration.
Even though I have no intention of leaving this earth anytime soon, I have instructed my spouse to make sure that my funeral is not a mourning of my death, but a celebration of me reaching my goal. I want upbeat inspirational music. I want food, wine and song. I want people being happy for me.
I want people to continue to talk about me after my death (hopefully in a positive way). I don't want people to try to forget about me. That is a tough thing to do. That is one reason why people feel that sense of mourning for sooooo very long. They are dwelling on their own physical loss instead of the deceased glorious gain.
Yes people naturally feel the pain of losing someone who will not be there every day physically. But the sooner you begin to switch the focus and the talk from you to your loved one, the sooner the healing will occur.
Focus on the good that the loved one did and the great life they now have, with the knowledge that you will someday be joined with them again.
Don't feel at all bad if you cry while talking to people about your loved one. It is natural. But try, although it will be hard at first, to begin changing your focus and your talk away from your personal loss to the new life you are now starting with the loved one. They are not gone, they just take a different place in your life now. Begin talking about the positive things you are going to be doing with your life and know that your loved one would whole-heartedly approve.
I believe every person is put on this earth for a purpose that God has in store. Sometimes it is hard to figure out what His purpose was while your loved one was living, but it is usually much easier to understand after a person passes away.
Just a small physical thing you can do to help: I would suggest making a written list of all the good things your loved one did while on earth. Who did they help? Who did they touch? What example did they set for people who may have needed a good example?
For me, I know that I have a purpose while I'm here and I know where I am going when I leave this earth. When I die, these are good reasons for my friends and family to take some time to celebrate (of course they will have to mourn their physical loss a bit). But then I truly hope they will quickly move on with me still in their hearts.
With our loved one in your heart, you still have a lot of good to do on this earth. So for your loved ones sake, get going.
I am sure every departed love one, including yours Eileen, wants that.
Keep positive, keep faithful, and Help Someone UP Today!
copyright © 2008 Rodney Grubbs
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Comments
I don't think people really get over the death of a loved one their life goes on and time it gets easier but everyone has to go at their own pace.
thanks for that strory i just lost my mom
Chris, we will pray for you today. We will mourn your loss as well as celebrate your mother's great new life. May you be blessed today.
Death leaves a heart ache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal
I lost my father 6 months ago and really i cant stop thinking of it I feel my whole life revolves around it happy moments become sad and sAD JUST REMAIN SAD!!!!
Thank you for this, I have recently lost my school friend, who was a good and kind person. Thanks again for the help, Aden...
my teacher died of cancer....i was at school and we had to go to the lunch room and they told us that he passed away.....i just want to see him one more time my whole class was crying....i miss him...he was the greatest...
Shelley, Crying is fine. It is a natural part of the grieving process. One of the best ways to help get through the process is to talk a lot about him. Talking about all the great things that he did with your class or things that made him a standout teacher. Celebrate his life to help preserve his memory. Putting your focus on him and not on your pain will help.
life teaches everything.
I understand that death is a fact of life. But no matter what I try I can,t get over the loss of my grandmother and it has been over 12 years. To be honest you make it sound like it,s like loosing your pet.I can not believe no one has gone through the gief I am going through.I will probaly never get over it.
Jeff, Everyone is different when it comes to the grieving process because, well everyone is different individually, and everyone has their own unique relationship with the one who passed away. It sounds like you had a great relationship with your grandmother. It has been 26 years since my grandma died and I still think of her often. Generally when I think about her, I also then talk about her to someone. I tell them what a great woman she was and about all the good times she made for me. This somewhat helps me forget my pain of losing her (grieving is the act of focusing on your pain of loss) and instead helps me keep her memory alive while celebrating how good her new life is. I am very happy for her. Still sad for me, but I now, after many years, think more about her happiness than I do my sadness. Again, it is a gradual shift and everyone is different. This is just a quick thought, but maybe it would help if you did something physical to remember and celebrate the life of your grandmother. Maybe do something like build a memorial or start and build a charitable fund of some kind. Anyhow, all the best in your individual process. Be blessed.
Its been about 9 years that my mother passed away, it still hurts to this day, but I do know she is with God so its great that way, no more pain. great hub
wolfpack5, your mother was obviously blessed while here, to have someone who would still keep her memory alive nine years later. Thanks for sharing and be blessed!
Atontour says:
2 years ago
As a grieving mother who just recently nursed a terminally ill son at home, your comments are so true and I thank you for sharing them. We did the positive memories prior to my sons death, so that he was aware of how we would remember him. It was very important to him. And it helped us too. A great and throughtful article. Thank you.