The relationship did not survive, someone called it quits, and now you must get over your ex. Was it a surprise, or were there warning signs? Did you do something to cause the breakup, or were you an innocent by-stander? Were you taken for a ride? What did you do wrong? Why you?

Everything has a beginning and an ending. Whether you want to admit it or not, no one is without fault and there are two sides to every story. Or, to be more accurate, there's three sides: your story, his/her story, and the truth.

Whatever the reasons or causes, the end result is the same; you must pick up the pieces and go on. Easier said than done. I know, I've been there several times. For me, there were three emotional experiences, each a bit different, but progressively less painful. The first was pain and shock of the devastating news, 'it's over.' This can be a time of great pain, tears and depression.

Once there are no more tears, anger set in. Although, anger can be defeating, don't allow it to ruin you as a person. Anger can be healthy, as it's the first step to getting well and back on the road. Turn the energy of anger into self-survival, gain strength from it, but don't become a victim of your own anger. And, finally, the healing process begins.

Get Closure.

If you were left without an explanation, try to talk to your ex lover. Ask him or her one time, and one time only, to tell you why they broke it off. Listen to their words, let them sink in, and learn what the other person is saying. It will not be the most enjoyable experience you'll ever have, guaranteed, but it's something you need and deserve. If they refuse to talk with you, don't badger and argue, no matter how much you hurt, remove yourself from the confrontation, back away.

NO Beggars Allowed!

You tried to get closure, or you tried to get back together. Okay, so neither of these endeavors were successful. Most importantly, do not lower your self-worth and increase mental anguish by begging. Never beg! Begging only cuts deeper into the already raw wound and traumatizes emotions. Begging brings nothing to the table, and will lower your self-esteem by continually beating up on you today, and tomorrow.

Don't Insult Your Intelligence!

Don't call, email, or text the other person. Don't hang out in places you did when you were together, and do not stalk! Following or stalking will only succeed to add insult to injury, and hurt you more. Watching the activities of your former lover will not get you back into their life, and will not help you heal. You need to get back in touch with yourself. Hey, you are not a bad person, start concentrating on your good qualities. You've got them, maybe they've been hiding or were bruised, but they are there.

Dethrone the King or Queen!

Remove your ex from that pedestal! Clear the air, and make a clean sweep. Don't keep mementos or gifts. Return them, give them away, just get rid of them! Try to lighten the damaged baggage, it will only continue to hinder your well-being.

Revisit the Bad Times.

Don't even begin to try to hang on to the thought that everything was wonderful. It wasn't! Relationships have good times and bad times. Obviously, the bad times outweighed the good or you wouldn't be at this fork in the road. Remember the pain, distrust, and how badly you were treated; it can be rejuvenating and allow you to get the perspective to re-build yourself. Don't dwell on the bad things, they can trick you into believing everything was your fault, or that they weren't really that bad.

Put It In Writing!

The pen is mighty, and can lighten your load and give peace of mind. Stamp your thoughts, anger, and pain on something concrete, such as paper. Surprisingly, writing about our deepest secrets, fears, and pain actually soothes the inner-self. You'll feel better, maybe not instantly, but you will.

Get Out Of That Ivory Tower!

Grab your bootstraps and stand up! Make yourself do something! Volunteer or get active within new endeavors. Get involved with interests that may have been on the back burner. Children suffering from terminal illnesses, unwanted or abused animals, or the forgotten elderly all have so much to give. Adding enrichment to another's life returns the favor a hundred times over. They ask for nothing, they don't judge, and they love without boundaries.

Change The Scenery.

Weekend getaways are good ways to get a new outlook on life. Visit new places, talk to people, and learn new things. Don't lock yourself behind bars, push yourself; unfamiliar places don't mind if you appear handicapped by the remnants of pain and shadows . Renewed energy and personal growth begins by opening the door to your inner-self. There's a whole new world that would love to meet you, no matter how heavy your load, you are welcome.

It's All About You!

Take responsibility for your choice, even if the choice was made by another. Some decisions cannot be rectified, and blame and finger-pointing is futile. Letting go of an unobtainable goal is not defeat, and may seem to be an impossible task, but it is part of the healing journey.

Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself, forgive your ex, get in touch with yourself. The road might be a bumpy, but it will smooth out as you travel forward. You are worth the effort!