A few months ago I got engaged- three days before we drove across the country to get our lives going in Colorado. I don't consider my fiance, Joseph, and I to be typical. He is two years younger than me; we are 27 and 25 and we met in a college town where we both went to school, but not until we were both done with what we wanted from the university. He drew blood at a plasma center and I was a broke post-graduate donating plasma for 20 dollars a pop. Sounds like romance, yes? It took me weeks but I gathered myself and asked him to have coffee with me. Nearly three years later we are engaged. We don't have our own place yet, and I am still job hunting, but we are getting married. What's that thing they say about "We have our love to keep us warm." I hope that's how it works...and that it keeps you in food and drink too.

Before Joseph and I got together, I thought for years that I didn't ever want to get married. The things that bothered me about marriage still bother me, mainly its history of the father giving his daughter away like sack of flour to some other man and getting some cows and a horse in return for her. But I have realized that being married only means what the two of you agree it means. For us it means an egalitarian relationship and enjoying sitting on the back deck laughing at the neighbors silly dogs or camping out in the woods with the bears.

Self protrait by Mary-Anne McNeley.

People say that little girls dream about their wedding days. When I think about having a wedding day with a room full of people staring at me as I walk by in a giant dress and then having an intimate moment with Joseph where we tell eachother how much we love eachother in front of distant relatives- I cringe, really, I actually cringe. I don't know how other people pull that off and enjoy it, but I sure can't and I know that I'm not the only one.

The important thing with your wedding is just that you both enjoy it and don't put yourselves or your families into debt to put it on. There are lots of benefits to having a small wedding. They are less expensive, more personal and you can be creative with the ceremony and celebrations since you don't need a venue to hold hundreds of people.

You could marry in a park or garden. You wouldn't even need chairs for the guests, unless the ceremony is extremely long in which case you could have a picnic type ceremony where your family and friends bring blankets and sit on the ground. I also like the idea of the celebration afterwards being a pitch-in meal so that there is no large burden on anyone, but your loved ones get to spend time together and with you. For your wedding cake try having cupcake tiers. You could make them yourself or buy them. I like the festive look and individual servings. Something about cupcakes just screams joyous celebration.

Not only can a wedding be small if you like, it can be absolutely tiny. My sister got married last year in Washington Park in Denver. It was just she, her fiance and the judge. The judge told them that there was nothing he had to say to proclaim them married and that he would say anything they asked him to. People sometimes assume that certain things do need to be uttered in order to be official, but the whole "in sickness and in health" speech is just tradition and can be turned into any words you want. All you need to be officially married is the signature of the official you choose and possibly a witness, but in some states you don't even need that.

Afterwards my sister and her husband walked across the street and treated themselves to a romantic dinner. Once they had gotten married, they sent out announcements to friends and family telling of their marriage and let people know it had been a ceremony just with the two of them (so no one thought they had been left out). A year later she and her husband are still glad that this is the way they chose to spend their wedding day.

Now that it is going to be Joseph and I, we are thinking of doing something similar. Some other ideas that I like for tiny wedding locations are a bed & breakfast, winery, historic home, or in a state or national park with a nearby lodge where we could stay the night. Then there is always the backyard. And you could call for folks to wear casual clothes or go just as dressy as you ever would. Focus on celebration; that is what it is and it should feel like one.

As for a dress, if your wedding is small and less formal, you don't have to buy a big expensive wedding dress. I got my dress for just over $50 at a little boutique in Boulder. In fact, I wasn't even looking for one, but when I saw it hanging there I thought, "I know what I can do with that!" It is cotton and falls just bellow the knee and it is exactly my style. Also, I can wear it to other events after the wedding, parties and summer outings. The idea of wearing a dress once that cost hundreds of dollars makes me slightly ill. Even if my ceremony was formal I wouldn't want to waste money on such an impractical thing as a one time wedding dress. Look for one in unexpected shops and boutiques. You may be surprised like I was.

Well, congratulations and cheers!