Gift Giving Etiquette For Your Ex Spouse

Mother's Day, Father's Day, Birthdays...they all seem to bring out the same question: Am I required to purchase a gift on behalf of my child for my ex-spouse?

While this is predominately a personal choice with no set etiquette, there are some guidelines that you can take into consideration to help make your decision:

1. How is the relationship between you and your ex? While a gift purchased by an ex may be intended to viewed as being from the child(ren), if a relationship between exes is sour, it's likely that the gift can be seen as something negative; thereby doing away with any good feelings that may be expected by the child.

If you're relationship is not so good but the child still has a strong desire to present the other parent with a gift, you may wish to encourage a gift that is handmade and obviously requires the effort of the child; not the other parent making a purchase. Handcrafted items often eliminate any disputes about who the gift is from.

2. How long have you and the ex been separated or divorced? If the separation or divorce has been recent, and the relationship between the two of you is somewhat amicable, then allowing the child to pick out a gift that you purchase is often the best way to keep one more change out of the child's life. They'll be plenty of time to ease them into a different gift giving tradition later.

3. Is the ex remarried? Once an ex-spouse remarries, I personally feel, and so many agree, that the gift giving traditions for holidays fall to that of the new spouse. This often creates a time and an occasion for the new stepparent and child to share a common interest and get to know one another better. In addition, any gifts purchased by this method does not create any hostility or ill feelings from the new spouse toward the ex-spouse; as being insistent on purchasing a gift, even if on behalf of the child, can easily be interpreted by the new spouse as a way for the ex to "hold on."

4. Does the ex have any other children outside of the one you share? If so, and the ex is not remarried, you may choose to take into consideration how the parent of the other children handles holidays. In this situation, having an idea on how it is handled keeps things on an level playing field for all children when they are sharing a holiday with a shared parent.

5. What the tradition for gift giving for the holiday when you were married? Some couples don't feel the need to give a gift for all holidays, which is perfect acceptable. If the holiday was not one that, as a couple, you purchased gifts before, don't let a separation or divorce suddenly make you feel obligated to do so.

As I said before, gift giving as relates to an ex can be a frustrating time. Hopefully the foregoing suggestions will help you make a decision for all of the upcoming holidays.