Choosing gifts can be a difficult task especially at weddings. It was one of the questions asked on a hub I wrote..What would you gift a close family member who eloped? My first thought cash of course! But the amount eluded me. I guess it would totally depend on how close I was to the person who had just got married!

Unlike the marriage registries which are popular in western countries, we in India do things differently. And of course the gifting traditions are as diverse as our multicultural society! If toasters and irons are common articles in the west In India it used to be steel tins or saucepans. The more steel the better. Never mind that you ended up with three steel drums to store filtered water or that you had stainless steel plates of every size gifted either in 2s,4s or 6s.

Tradition demanded that whatever gifts the bride's parents gave her were displayed at the wedding hall. So while the wedding rituals were going on you'd be sure to see several inquisitive women walking to a corner of the room where the presents were displayed. Not only would there be steel in abundance but also embroidered doilies, bedsheets and cushion covers. All the bride's relatives would pitch in to place their gifts among the display so the display would look grander.

Traditionally I believe this system,  called "rukhwat" in Maharashtra, began to show off the bride's skills. When young girls were married the groom's family had to be told how talented the bride was so all her embroidery skills, or painting skills would be on display. And if the unfortunate girl couldn't hold a paintbrush or needle her sisters, cousins and aunts would chip in for good measure to see that she had enough hand embroidered and painted items on display!

Anyway to get back to the topic how does one choose a gift in this case. Give the bride or groom what they want or take an educated guess? I think most people opt for the latter that's why the abundance of steel vessels. Nowadays these are giving way to mixers and food processors. 

I think I get more worried when people insist on gifting saris and dress material. What a person wears is a very personal choice and unless you know the bride or groom really well I definitely wouldn't venture into buying clothes for them. Of course many think their choice is the ultimate in fashion and I have seen my nieces gifted with clothes they would never ever be caught in. One nephew received several bright coloured shirts, took one look at them and told his mother to "take care of them." How I would hate it if that happened to a gift I presented someone!

Jewellery was a common gift item previously among family members. So it wasnt uncommon for many women to have several mismatched pieces of necklaces and earrings which a well meaning aunt or uncle had gifted. Thankfully now with the soaring price of gold few people gift jewellery anymore!

Tradition also demands that brides be gifted a coconut. So everytime a bride recives a gift she also recives a coconut with it. A coconut is considered a symbol of fertility so even if you don't give any other present you should give the bride a coconut. Now this is a really economical option but consider the poor bride. My niece who got married had half a room of coconuts at the end of her wedding!!!

The latest trend in our weddings is to print a small line in very fine print at the bottom of the invitation card...' No presents or bouquets please.'  The request or should I say plea is often very genuine. who wants the hassle of sorting out presents and clearing a reception hall of dozens of flower bouquets.

A young nephew of mine  had an interesting question.."Can I write No presents or bouquets, only cash?"!!!