Of course it's not compulsory for every woman - or man - to be in a relationship. If you are happy on your own, let people know that and ask them to stop nagging you about it! But do have a good hard look at WHY you don't want a relationship.

It's human nature to justify our actions - to talk ourselves into thinking that we're doing what we're doing because it's what we want. It's called a "coping mechanism" and it's a normal human reaction. We do it to stop ourselves going crazy!

But in the end, it may not be good for us. Sit down and write down your reasons for saying "I'm better off on my own".

GOOD reasons for not wanting a relationship are:

• it's been less than 2 years since your last one ended. You may think you're genuinely "over" your ex before then, but the majority of people take a good 2 years to recover. If you start a relationship within that period, there's a high risk that issues from your former relationship will contaminate the new one. So it can be a wise idea to steer clear of serious commitment for a while. The only exception would be if YOU ended the relationship, and you had been contemplating the split for at least 2 years.

• you are naturally a loner and have always enjoyed being on your own, even as a child.

BAD reasons for not wanting a relationship are:

• you get enough love and companionship from your children. They're going to grow up - faster than you think! - and if you rely on their love entirely, you will end up clinging to them. It's bad for the kids because it will prevent them learning independence and affect their own future relationships. And it's bad for you too - I know single mothers who've said they don't need a man, and when the kids leave home, they are completely lost because they have no life without them. Yes, you need to care for your children, but you have to be your own person, too.

• You've had several relationships and all of them have failed, so you've given up. Think about it. If you were buying a house or a car, how many would you look at before you found the right one? How many relationships have you had? Isn't a relationship more important than a house or a car? Then surely you should be willing to look at as many potential partners as you would houses? Yes, I know it takes longer and is more painful, but the fact remains, you won't find the right person if you don't keep looking.

   

If you feel you keep picking the wrong men, you may be right. It may be worth going to counselling, to find out WHY you keep picking the same personalities, and get that out of your system.

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Text copyright Marisa Wright. Photo by miguev on Flickr.