Practice With These 10 Steps

Some days, you just wake up with an attitude.  "An Attitude" meaning 

not a good one.  It doesn't feel good to feel bad, but it's hard 

to shake.  Stress piles up on us....burying us so far under we can't seem to 

dig out.  So we grump around, slamming things, scarin' the dog 

and the kids,and wishin' we were somewhere else or feeling happy 

instead of "slappy." 

When you're down and lashing out at those you love, it may 

feel impossible to change your attitude, but yes, you can; 

and you must.  Going negative isn't good for the soul or family.

Somewhere along the way, we've been told that venting was 

healthy.  Uh-huh, yeah.  That's why everyone including the 

dog wants out of your way when you're doing it.  Three words

that just don't work:  "I was mad."  Venting can be healthy, 

but only if used with the intent to do no harm and sometimes

even then just barely.  

Here's why: 

• Venting while angry seldom solves problems
• Venting while angry often causes arguments

Good Venting Strategies

Vent to someone not involved - Only a few people are strong 

enough to wait to vent to the people who can listen with 

understanding because they're not in the middle of the 

situation, but it's worth the wait.  You actually come away 

with solutions and a lighter load, compared to feeling guilty

and having to line people and pets up while you apologize.

So, swallow the mad gab and talk yourself out of it for the 

moment.  Later, talk to an understanding uninvolved person, 

take a walk, or do some mental problem-solving before tossin' 

the baby out with the bath water. 

Thinking positive in a negative situation can be a powerful 

tool to stress management and achievement.  I'm not talking 

about a 'Poly-Anna' attitude. Approaching our problems with 

clear thinking and an "I'm going to make it" strategy will 

take us far.  

As a parent and foster parent for over 18 years, I 

experienced one crisis after another; in fact, we lived in 

the middle of emotional tornadoes.  Taking it out on those 

around us would have destroyed our own family's relationships.

As a foster parent, teaching positive thinking to kids who

had an overdose of exposure to negative situations; had lost hope;

had lost contact with family and friends, was a primary focus.

We tried to lead the child and ourselves down this road, and 

discovered many advantages to positive thinking. 

My experiences have taught me that to a certain extent, how 

we think, act and re-act may very well influence and 

contribute to what happens to us.  Now, of course, some 

things are out of our control.  Governments make their 

decisions and we all pay the price.  Yet, even then, we have 

more control than we may realize, if we are disciplined in 

our response.  

Business & Family Relationships - Common Connections  

We can apply many of the same principles we use when building

relationships in our business to the work we do with our 

family.  There are common connections between family and 

business relationships.  

At work:  

• we hold our tempers

• we are patient

• we go the extra mile

• we share the credit

• we work on a team

• we "give in" to others

• we participate in activities we may not like

• we are polite and mannerly.  

(Well, most of the time.)

As we demonstrate good attitude, we apply and create solid 

business rules or practices.  Basic economics shows that if 

we don't want to pay the current price for something, we can 

choose to not purchase the item and if enough consumers make 

that same decision, prices will most likely decrease.  

In that way, supply and demand pushes us through life.  For 

example, when chicken is too high, buy pork; if pork goes up, 

buy beef, and so it goes.  For other items, such as gasoline, 

we can't always substitute, but we can cut back on the amount 

of use, etc.  

Note:  Cutting back on needs can create attitudes with 

special characteristics; most foster kids find themselves

in that situation.  It's much more difficult to re-shape 

attitudes that are based on repeated loss experiences, but 

consistent use of these steps still work.

Positive thinking is basically an attitude; and thankfully, 

that means we can change it.  We decide how to respond to 

what happens to us on a daily basis.  Those decisions set us 

apart; those decisions are empowering.  

Ask yourself these questions: 

Are we responding, or re-acting?  

Is the push behind our behavior emotional?  

Can we think about our next step calmly, 

even put a plan in place before we act?  

Do you have faith in yourself, or in 

those who can help you?  

Let's Take Action!

10 Secret and Essential Steps to Developing the Habit of 

Thinking Positively:

1.  When experiencing a negative moment, understand that you 

will need time to vent, but resist the impulse to "keep venting"

for days and days or weeks, or "forever."  Get it off your 

chest, and then OFF your mind using problem solving techniques.

2.  Think "problem - solution."  Most problems do have 

solutions, and most problems are not instantaneously solved.

Think about that for a moment.  Decide what the next step 

should be.

3.  Make a list of possible solutions, with an outcome 

predicted for each solution.

4.  Weigh the outcomes, pick one or more solutions 

and begin to think of "how to" steps.

5.  Write down the "How-To's," then prioritize them.  

Take all the time necessary to focus on this task. 

6.  Take time for physical exercise, it does help your 

mood.

7.  Vent to friends and ask them to give you feedback.  

Brainstorming with others increases creative thinking.

8.  Use self talk that builds you up, saying something 

like:    

• I can do this
• I will be ok
• I can solve this problem
• I can find qualified help
• This will get better as I work on it
• I need to be patient
• I need to keep trying
• I need to put this aside until later.

Note: Forming mental boxes or "compartmentalizing" around stress that seems overwhelming is a healthy coping skill, as long as you remember to take it out of the box at a time when you can focus on it, and then chop it up into manageable sections, beginning the problem solving process.

As a foster parent living in the emotional tornado, I would have to put off the emotion of the moment, travel to a peaceful place mentally, and then deal with the situation at hand. After many years, it became second nature. I say many years because I am a slow learner.

Here's my thought process that would make "stepping out of anger" a success:

I would think about why I was mad, and once it was in my mind, (the reason for my anger) I would picture it, freeze the frame - like a camera snapshot - and then cut and paste it into a box. I would see it in the box with all the borders around it, holding it there, and I would drop it. Don't even look at it again until you have the time.

This mental cutting and pasting of my anger worked and gave me the energy and clarity of thought to deal with the anger of the child, which was always over-whelming for me. The anger of others can drain you and push you into a mental swamp. Don't get caught in another person's quicksand! You can be in control, if you step out of the moment long enough to refocus your energy.

9. Repeat these steps until the problem and solution come closer together.

10. Be patient.  Only on TV and in the movies are problems 

solved in minutes.

Bonus Steps:

1.  Give yourself permission to change your mind, but 

give your solutions a chance.

2.  Did I say ask for qualified help?

Summary:  See the connections between work and family?  Thinking 

positively spills over into all aspects of our life.  The 

ingredients for positive thinking are much like the ingredients

of a good recipe. Recipes for delicious food involve careful

thought and planning.  It's the same procedure when you're "cooking

up a solution!" 

When you find a way that works, stick with it.

Self control, and good attitude will change your life and 

the life of those you love.  It changes your world.  It's 

worth the effort to learn to possess good cheer and hope.  I 

know you can do it.  Your family needs you to be the best 

example for them, as well.  Work hard! Practice healthy thinking

for a happier attitude.