In the spring of 1994, in the tiny Central African nation of Rwanda civil war erupted between the Hutus and the Tutsis, the two dominant tribes. In the next one hundred days a million people died. One million men, women and children were executed in the most horrific carnage in the history of the African continent. Many women and young girls were raped, contracted the dreaded disease HIV-AIDS and died a painful and slow death over the next couple of years. Others, like Angela simply wished they had died in the first hours of the first day of the bloodshed.

Angela, aged only 22 years old had been a happy young woman, trained as a nurse and engaged to be married to her high school sweetheart, Mark who was a young intern. They were both working at the local mission hospital. When the militia men burst into her father’s home they were all taken by surprise. There was no time to say good bye, no time to say one more time “I love you…” Her father, mother and her two brothers were shot in the head and died instantly. Her fiancé was shot dead later that day when he came to check on her. Angela prayed that she would die too, so great was her heartbreak.

The men chose to spare Angela, instead making her cook for them. That first night she was raped repeatedly by four different men. The next morning they made her make tea and grits for them in her mother’s kitchen. Then they raped her again, beat her up and left her for dead. Once again, she prayed without ceasing that the Lord would just let her die. She was not even sure what hurt more, the physical degradation or the mental anguish from losing all her loved ones.

Three weeks later, Angela felt strong enough to go back to work at the hospital. The condition of many of the patients she found there caused her to forget her own pain as she now fought to save lives. Some were so severely brutalized it was a wonder they still had breathe in their bodies while others were so dehydrated it was a miracle they were still alive. The race against time to stem the flow of blood for those who came in bleeding, administer antibiotics to those who needed them, give comfort to those who were distraught and hold the hands of those whose lives were simply ebbing away took up all her waking hours. Angela was working double and triple shifts, only catching a few hours sleep when she could not go on any more.

Time flew and days blurred into weeks and weeks into months. One morning, about nine weeks into the war Angela woke up after a restful four hours sleep, ready for another day on her feet. Suddenly a wave of nausea hit so hard she almost fell onto her knees. She put it down to hunger and after a cup of tea and dry bread she felt a little better. She hurried about her duties and did not think about the nausea again until the next morning when it happened again. She wondered whether she might have picked a bug being exposed to so many patients during the past nine weeks.

Later that day, Angela was assisting one of the doctors do a blood transfusion when the nausea hit her again. The doctor immediately ordered a battery of tests to be done on her to ensure she was not coming down with some infection. In shock and disbelief, Angela learnt that she was pregnant, a result of the rape by the militia men. She thought she would die from the agony of the thought. She prayed she would die immediately. She prayed she would suffer a miscarriage and when that did not happen she prayed that the baby would be stillborn. That prayer went unanswered but instead, Angela gave birth to a bouncing baby girl. So great was her anguish that she refused to acknowledge the baby, did not look at her, nurse nor even give her a name. A couple from her church offered to look after the little one in the hope that Angela would change her mind and give her a home.

Three weeks later, Angela felt strong enough to go back to work. She found both comfort and pain in walking the halls of the hospital in which her beloved Mark had walked with her not so long ago. Her friend Zainabu invited her to a Bible Study that was held at one of the nurses’ home on Wednesday nights. On the second night that Angela went, David, Faith’s husband opened the fellowship with prayer and these words “Tonight and for the next two weeks we shall study of forgiveness. When everything in you wants to hold a grudge, point a finger and remember the pain, God wants you to lay it all aside”.

Angela felt lightheaded and considered leaving but did not have the courage to get up and leave.

“What is total forgiveness? David asked, looking around at the group of twelve sitting around the coffee table.

“Father, forgive them for they do not know what they are doing…” ventured Naomi, quoting from Luke 23:34.

David nodded his approval. Angela sat still though her heart was racing; her head was throbbing and her breathing shallow and labored. Martha, David’s wife, realized that Angela was having an anxiety attack and put her arm around her for support and comfort.

“The ultimate proof of forgiveness takes place when we sincerely petition our Father in heaven to let those who have hurt us off the hook … even if they have not hurt only us but also our loved ones,” David went on to elaborate.

“Surely, he does not mean I should forgive the militia men who killed all my family, raped me and stole not only my future but all my dreams, does he?” Angela wondered silently in shock and disbelief. In the silence that ensued Angela heard the still, small voice in unmistakable clarity, “Jesus did and so can you, my child…”

Angela fell onto her knees and with hands raised up she cried, “Father, forgive my unbelief; forgive me for not trusting you with this pain and with my future. Please take away my bitterness. I choose to forgive those men for what they did to me and my family. I now accept the little baby because she was wonderfully and fearfully made in your image. I will call her Grace because your grace is sufficient. Thank you, Father, for your unconditional love. Give me the strength I need to do this according to your Will. Amen”.

Everyone in the room echoed “Amen”. A hush fell over the room for a few moments. They were all moved to tears and they realized that they had witnessed the mighty hand of God. The Bible study went on for another hour then David gave then notes he had made for them to take home. Angela read them carefully:

1. It is a demonstration of greater grace when we are fully aware of what happened and we still choose to forgive.

1. Love “keeps no records of wrongs” 1 Corinthians 13:5. Total forgiveness is a choice. It is not a feeling, at least not at first…but rather it is an act of will.

1. Relinquishing bitterness is an open invitation for the Holy Spirit to give you His Peace, His Joy and the Knowledge of His Will.

1. “All things work together for good to them who love God, to them that are called according to His purpose” Romans 8:28

“Good night. Next week we shall continue our study of forgiveness. God Bless,” David said as he and his wife, Faith, saw their friends to the door.

Angela could not sleep that night but she knew what she must do in the next few days. She cleaned the small bedroom next to her own then took a nap for a couple hours. She was awake at daybreak. After a quick breakfast she called the couple that had so graciously kept her baby with them and made arrangements to go visit them later that morning. When she got to Mary and Daniel’s home she was welcomed warmly and invited to join them for a cup of tea. Angela surprised them with the news that she was now at peace with what had happened to her and her family, she had forgiven those who had defiled her and she was ready to take the baby girl home.

“I will name her Grace because I know that God’s grace is sufficient for me. Thank you for loving her when I did not know how,” Angela smiled at them kindly as she took her baby from their loving arms. She took Grace home and nurtured her, cherished her and brought her up to fear the Lord.

In the spring of 2007 Angela was diagnosed with leukemia. Her only hope of survival was a bone marrow transplant. The only match found was her young daughter, Grace. But for Grace, Angela would have died. Even though she had previously pleaded with God to let her die during the civil war, Grace had brought her so much joy that now her fervent prayer was that the lord would let her live.

One evening as she sat in the bleachers of the school gym watching Grace play basketball in a match for the national championship, Angela marveled at God’s handiwork. Her daughter, tall for her age, had a beautiful smile. She had long black curly hair which she held in a pony-tail. Everyone loved her because she was very charming, an excellent student, and a really talented and disciplined athlete. Angela smiled and waved when she saw Grace look up at her.

“Yes, surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life…” she thought to herself, with gratitude, silently reciting from Psalm 23:6.