Grandma Lois

                   Grandma Lois 

This is the story of my grandmother Lois. Lois is the wife of my grandpa. She is not my biological grandmother. As a matter of fact they had wed after my mother was already grown, so she did not raise my mom. She did however have a hand in raising some of my mother's siblings when they were teenagers. In fact I myself had never met my grandpa or Lois until I was fifteen years old. This was due in part to the objections of my dad.

By the time I was fifteen my mother and father divorced. My mom then made the decision to move near my grandpa to get a fresh start. We ended up staying with my grandpa and Lois for about a month and then moved about a block from them. During this time I got to know and love my new found grandparents.

My cousins had of course always known this part of my family. Some had warned me to watch out for Lois because she was a witch! She had quite the reputation amongst the family it seemed. She was quite known for her overbearing personality and her ability to speak just what was on her mind when she felt it necessary. She had no problems with correcting her own children, her step children, or her grandchildren. She had a fiery personality for certain.

I will however tell you what I learned from Lois. Regardless of who you were, you were treated equally. Yes my cousins were correct. Lois could be hard on you. She could be a witch so to speak. But what I did realize was that it didn't matter if it was me or if it was her biological grandchildren. She was equally hard on us all. She did correct me when she felt I needed it, and believe me, I needed it... Maybe at the time I didn't think so but looking back now I know that she spoke the truth. I also know that on those off times when I didn't need it she was there for me. She was also there for my mom, she helped my mom through her divorce. She was also there for my siblings. I knew that she genuinely cared for us and treated us all as her own.

I have much respect for Lois and her capacity to love her extended family as her own. My nickname from her was brat. As I grew older she still kept that nickname for me. I respected her bold personality in a little package, and I think that she respected my "bratty" personality that I always maintained.

Little did I know one day I would marry a man that would give me four step children of my own. I credit Lois for indirectly teaching me that biology has nothing to do with love of your family. From this example I gained my own capacity to love them as my own and they have now blessed me with grandchildren. I could only hope that they see me in the same light as I see Lois. That I love and respect and disciplined them no differently than my own.

While Lois has not passed, it breaks my heart to know of her terrible circumstances. She is now currently in a nursing home facility. I had watched her diminish over the years of a terrible affliction of Alzheimer. My grandpa cared for her at home as long as he could. He was eventually forced to place her somewhere that she could get proper care for her condition. She is now diminished to the point that she is bed ridden as she no longer knows how to walk or talk. I feel much guilt at times at my refusal to go to visit her. I have had several opportunities to go. I have driven past the nursing home on several occasions. I just cannot bring myself to go and see the empty shell of a person that she has become. Maybe its out of my own fear also. I don't want to see someone that I care so much for that I know will not recognize me. The most upsetting of it all is that I know that alzheimer was Lois's biggest fear in life. Her mother had suffered from it and Lois had always prayed that she would never have the same fate. That is heartbreaking when you know that someone's worst night mare had come true.

So I have written this story out of love and respect for my grandma Lois. I have also written this as an opportunity to try to heal my own wounds. I don't know that I can ever accomplish that but it does make me feel better to know that other people will read of her big heart and the impact that she made on my life.