Whether or not you are already a parent, becoming a stepparent can be mentally and emotionally taxing. In Part I, I wrote about preparing with your spouse, here are some tips to prepare yourself for your new role and, hopefully, keep from going crazy.

First of all, keep a positive attitude. I realize this sounds cliche, but it is oh, so important. Once you start thinking negatively about your situation and/or your stepchild(ren), things start to go downhill fast and other aspects of your life start to get effected. One method I have found to be helpful is finding a word or phrase to say to yourself when the negativity cloud starts to loom. For example, I say, "Hallelujah." It's an extremely positive word and diverts my attention.

Another thing you must do is remember that you are the adult. This means you have to be the bigger person. Sometimes your stepchildren can grate on your last nerve and make you want to run up to the roof and dive off. This is when you remind yourself that they will grow up someday and if you can give them some guidance, they might someday turn into an adult whom you can like and respect.

Your spouse most likely will treat your stepchild differently than your other children. There can be several different reasons for this:

1. The stepchild is (usually) your spouse's first child and there is always a certain bond that comes with that. 2. If your spouse does not get to spend as much time with the child as they used to and/or want to, they probably have a lot of guilt so they try to find ways to compensate. 3. The stepchild is your spouse's favorite. I hate to say that, but unfortunately some parents do have favorites.

Hopefully, your spouse will treat all of his/her/your children in the same loving manner. However, you have to prepare yourself in case he/she doesn't. It may be enough for you to just remind yourself of reasons 1 and 2 above. Or, you may have to just suck it up and deal with it. Just make sure you communicate your feelings to your spouse and let them know if you think the other children feel they are being treated unequally. At the very least, your spouse should try to make all children involved feel that they are loved the same. Otherwise, there could be major issues as they get older.

Another issue is trying to feel like one big happy family. Perhaps your spouse finds out about your stepchild after you are happily married with children together. Or maybe the custodial parent withholds visitation intermittently. In these cases, you might feel like your "happy family" is somewhat disrupted when your stepchild visits. This does not make you a bad person. When routines are disrupted, most people have some type of negative reaction, even if it is a small one. It all comes back to having a positive attitude. Think about the fact that your spouse gets more opportunities for bonding with his/her child. These are also times when you get to have some influence over the child. Maybe there are some manners he/she is lacking. Take these opportunities to be a teacher in some way. This will help you feel better about yourself and, at the same time, help your stepchild grow as a person.

Last, but not least, talk to as many other stepparents as you can. Online bulletin boards are a great place to meet them. I don't know how I would have made it through some of my challenging times as a stepmother if I hadn't been able to talk to others in a similar situation. You will be amazed at how many different blended family situations there are and how vast the differences are in feelings and opinions on making the situations work.

The fact that you are researching this subject shows that you care, which means you are already on the right path to being a great stepparent. Keep looking and keep talking to people. There will always be new things to learn along this journey.