I know as a ‘reasonable’ human being that It is ok to feel annoyed, indignant, disgusted etc. Also I know it’s ok for me to express these feelings, so long as my intentions are right, that is, I don’t wish to hurt anyone. But, if by my complaining I cause offense to any person, I can say.........

1/ Forgive me please, if you took this personally and are an innocent victim of my outrage.

2/ Forgive me please, for my outburst, but I’m happy you are going to listen to me and do something about it.

3/Forgive me please, because I know what I’m saying is falling on deaf ears, and the energy I have wasted expressing outrage would have been better served doing something else.

That established, I will move on to the object of my indignation.....officiousness, or more aptly officious behaviour. So, clearly it is the behaviour and not the individual who is ‘getting my back up’........well, I’m desperately trying to see it that way, but failing abysmally.

Right now I feel like launching a personal crusade against officiousness. So, lacking the necessary manpower, skills, know-how, courage and all the rest, I will forget my wise, not so old, English teacher’s advice from years ago, ’’Remember girls, whatever you commit to paper with a pen, you can never take back’’, and I will rant.

I can excuse those fussy interfering individuals who actually really do mean well, but somehow or other, through years of conditioning, or maybe genetics, they just can’t help it. Theirs is usually  a harmless sort of officiousness, even if a bit irritating: the conscientious do-gooder; their ‘girl-guide/boy scout-esque’- behaviour is motivated by a desire to please at all costs and maybe gain some brownie points in the process.However,he/she  is not motivated by ‘power’.

Example:

The nice waiter who is so keen to please you, he all but wrecks your romantic dinner for two by asking repeatedly..... Is everything alright? how’s your meal?....can I get you anything?...etc.etc.and then, recognising the face of your significant other, proceeds to engage him in conversation on topics you thought you could leave behind  for a few hours.

One of Type H’s oft used expressions is ‘’If I was you, I would.........’’

In this situation, you have to choose between ,

a/ Put up and shut up; in which case, quite honestly, you probably deserve all you get.

or

b/  Make your dissatisfaction obvious. There really is no place for subtlety or hinting here. Type H doesn’t do subtle nor take hints. Choose your own language with the express purpose of shaking him off: while making every effort to be polite, be as blunt as is necessary without undue offence. Type H can be very sensitive about himself.

Then you have the not quite so harmless, or to be more precise the officiousness that makes you want to S-c-r-e-a-m. Henceforth known as Type S:

Type S Officiousness (make you want to scream):

Dealing with this type is equivalent to banging your head off a solid re-inforced concrete wall. Their officiousness, like Type H ‘s, may also have a genetic and a conditioned link ,but it doesn’t stop there, not by a long shot.

Type S, fall into the ‘It’s more than my job’s worth’ group .There is no evidence of initiative in any shape or form, and every minor problem must be referred back to the boss. The fact that the boss is currently holidaying in Timbuktu and is inaccessible by ‘phone, email etc. makes no difference whatsoever. Type S is inflexible and operates by the rules ,after all what other way is there to operate!

He appears to be very insecure and depends hugely on making ‘the boss’ happy or not making him unhappy. Your happiness as the customer /client is of no material interest to Type S. His desire to please does not include you and it never will. So get over it. Not overly ambitious, he is happy with the reflected power he has as a diligent employee of ‘the boss’.

Example:

My brand new landline telephone refuses to ring, i.e., to make a ringing sound; so when someone calls me the ‘phone sounds like it’s ringing from their end, but there’s total silence at my end. Having carried out what basic tests I could, I can simply deduce that the ‘phone is broken. Therefore, I need a replacement.

As a fully operational ‘phone is a part of what I am paying ridiculously high rental to my service providers for, I ring them of course. I explain to the man -who is employed as a customer services agent- the nature of my problem. The gist of the conversation goes like this;

Me: New ‘phone, never made ringing sound, sounds like it’s ringing to caller .I need a replacement as soon as possible.

S: Is it definitely not ringing? Have you checked the on/off switch?

Me: Yes, I keep phoning myself from my mobile ‘phone, it sounds like it’s ringing at callers end, but there’s no sound from the actual ‘phone.

S:Is that the number you’re ringing me from now?

Me: Yes.

S: But, I thought you said it wasn’t working.

Me: It’s not ringing in...no ringing sound......etc.I can make outgoing calls.......but...

S: Put it down and I’ll ring you back.

Me: But it won’t ring!

S:Just put the receiver back ma’am so I can check it.

Meanwhile, I sit in silence for 30 seconds or so, then I pick up the silent ‘phone.

S:Hello Ma’am,so your phone is ringing now?

Me:No,it’s not, I just knew you would be trying to ring me unsuccessfully: so rather than go through the palaver of trying to make contact with a human again for another 20 minutes, I thought it best to pick it up in case I lost you.

S: Right Ma’am,well I’ll have to get an engineer out to you to check if it’s an internal problem.That will be three weeks.

Me: You must be joking. The actual ‘phone is the problem, nothing else. I would like you to send me a replacement ‘phone and I will gladly return this one.

S: I’m sorry ma’am, you see our policy is..........

Me:Ok, ok; may I speak to a supervisor please.

S: By all means Ma’am, however,I have to advise you that your call will be queued.

Me: Really? How come so many customers need to talk to the supervisor?

S: Ma’am ,I must also advise you that this call is being monitored .

Me: Good, best news I’ve heard all day, now when you get a free 10 minutes, would you mind playing this call back to your supervisor.Thank you.

I then take myself off to a store at great inconvenience, and buy a decent ‘phone.Meanwhile,I continue to pay rental for the ‘phone which lies abandoned somewhere in the house.Why?Because it seems a smaller price to pay than dealing with such officiousness.

However, one positive about Types H and S is you can actually get a chuckle afterwards when you realise the utter absurdity of these encounters.

Not so with the following Type ‘I’.

Then we have the category whose function is to make your life as difficult as is conceivably possible. They bring out the most basic instincts in their ‘victims’. You want to roar, thump, yell,dance.

They are living proof that you have a functioning adrenal gland, ready to spring into action pouring out gallons of adrenalin, to help you cope with them. They all but drive you over the edge, and maybe often do just that.

This officious group of people I have decided to call Type I. The’ I’ standing for Inspirational; this hub was inspired by meeting a few members from this group over the week-end. However, if you wish, I’m sure you can find another, more appropriate, word beginning with I, I will offer no suggestions.

Example:

Saturday morning- a day I had been looking forward to for months- arrived. Having flown over to England the night before, I was now entering the massive expanse of a huge exhibition centre to attend a ‘ Live Exhibition ‘. The event was fascinating; I was like a child in a candy shop strolling up and down the aisles and viewing the vast array of products from the most innovative to the tried and tested.

Of course, as time went on, the crowd grew; I needed some air. There were scores of emergency exits each one ‘manned’ by an official whose job it was to make sure people didn’t block the exit-way; an excellent practise I agree.

However, for the life of me, I couldn’t find the regular exit-this place is really enormous- then I spotted an official standing in an open doorway. I approached her and asked if I could just step outside for a few minutes-the door was wide open-I explained that I was a bit overwhelmed by the heat ,crowds etc, and I desperately needed to get outside.

There followed a brief questioning from her as to what exactly my role was at the exhibition-I told her I was there viewing the exhibits! Oh so I wasn’t an exhibitor, well in that case I wasn’t allowed use that door.

Almost pleading, I asked if I could just step out for a few breaths of fresh air-please. Well this lady must have written ‘the book’ on officiousness. She was unbendable, immovable, rigid, unyielding, I was not going out that door and that was that.

The officious lady directed me to the appropriate door –another twenty minutes of jostling through the crowds- Lo and behold, when I finally exited, there in all her officious glory stood the very lady with whom I had the discussion above.

Her, carefully monitored, door was a mere few feet away from the one through which I had just exited. It looked so obvious and uncomplicated on the outside, but, not so inside.

Type I thrives on power; give it to her and she will use it. She takes no prisoners. Whatever way, in whatever guise, this weapon –power-is entrusted to her, rest assured, she wears it loudly and proudly. It is her battle –armour.

I was going to give another example of Type I, but I will spare you that. I think I have made my point.

I wonder though, what is wrong that causes people to behave like this? Is it that they have such a poor sense of their own ‘personhood’ that they can only function by conforming, whatever the cost?

Who are they when they are at home? I suspect that who they really are is something they don’t even know themselves; sadly they have been stripped of any sense of identity and self- worth and have become the projected images of other officious people ...and so the cycle continues.

Proverbs 17:22 (KJV)- "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.