How many times have you walked into the gym locker room only to come face to face with Jabba The Hutt post-work out? I want to thank Dana Carvey's latest comdey special, "Squatting Monkies Tell No Lies" for reminding me that the locker room can be an unpleasant experience. What's with these guys who finish a workout and peel off their sopping wet clothes and stand around naked as if they have nothing better to do? Take your shower, get dressed, move out. I bring it up because I encountered a Jabba of my own yesterday as soon as I walked into the locker room. Not a pretty sight. But it made me think of some other things that annoy me at the gym.

I can't speak to what happens in the women's locker room, but I am sure some of these examples below will translate. So, I offer a few heinous gym faux pas and some suggestions on how one should handle these situations.

1) Don't do your bent over hamstring stretches in someone's face.

Unless your backside is attached to the rest of Jessica Biel, no one wants to be exercising while someone else is contorting themselves directly in front of them. Find yourself a spot in the corner and loosen up there.

2) Is all the grunting necessary?

I get it it. You're pushing hard on those last couple reps to set personal bests, but is the Moinca Seles yelp absolutely recquired? I'm sure the Lou Ferigno's and Arnold's of the world can get away with that stuff, since their kind bench press cars, but most people at the local gym aren't even lifting their own body weight yet the noises pour out of them. I suggested breathing every once in a while, like say on your up reps. There doesn't need to be a cacophony of pain in order to squat 100 pounds.

3) Save your pick-up lines for the bar.

Most women are at the gym to actually workout. So let them. If you absolutely have to talk to the girl who can do more crunches then you, catch her before she leaves or while she's at the water fountain. Don't take up her time while she's de-stressing from her day, and don't do it front of others. Its embarassing.

4) Save your advice.

Personally, if I want help with an exercise I will ask. Most of the time I research new work-out plans and exercises before I attempt them, so I am pretty sure I am doing what I want for the result I want. If you're not wearing a "I get paid to look this good" personal trainer shirt, holster those sweet little pieces of advice on how I should hold the dumbell at a 47 degree angle to induce muscle fiber to optimum gain.

5) Don't join classes late or leave early.

It's your body and you're only cheating yourself. You made time to get to the gym so balance your schedule out better so you can take in a whole session. P.S. post-class stretching and cool down should be savored. Your body will thank you for it later.

6) Clean up after yourself.

Whether its putting weights back where you got them or wiping down the leg press, do the right thing. The excuse that "the weights were already there when I hit the machine" is juvenile. Re-shelve those weights. As for your sweat: you don't like it when a machine is glistening with someone elses' efforts. Neither will the next guy. Bring a towell and tidy up your mess.

7) Leave the sing-a-long in your car.

I'm glad you got Katrina and the Waves thumping in those ear buds, but this isn't karaoke and the rest of us don't need to know that you're "Walking on Sunshine." No singing in the gym. Ever.

8) Dripping the Scale.

You're work out was great and you're now showered and refreshed. Time to see how much weight you lost. Never, ever get on the scale naked. You aren't weighing in for the prize fight, so slipping on some boxers won't matter. Nobody wants to see "naked guy" standing on the scale. And please dry off before you hop up there, too.

9) Shhh if you're sans clothes.

Look man, I don't care about rising gas prices or celebrity gossip or anything else if you're talking to me without your clothes on. Its bad enough that your legs are spread so you can "air it out," don't make it worse by telling me that my form looked good in there today. The locker room is not a nudist colony.

10) Shower selection.

If one guy is in the group shower and you need to shower, its an unwritten rule that you do not take the shower head right next to the guy already in there. There is no need for that. There is no want for that. This isn't a prison and you don't have to cozy up to anyone.

That's all I have for the gym. The bottom line is the gym should be a personal experience between you and your goals. Those other distractions are just that, distractions. Don't contribute to them by singing along with someone or asking the cute chick out. Do your time and move out.