I have spent most of my life engaged in arguments with control freaks.  It started with my dad, who was a violent ex-Marine.  He was a very sad and angry person, and my mother and I suffered tremendously at his hands.  They say it teaches young children that this behavior is okay to deal with later on if it is permitted in the marriage of the parents.  I am proof positive that this is true.  To say the least, my life has been chaotic.

Recently, however, it has become a different thing.  I mean, if I did something wrong, I have learned that apologizing heads a great deal of anger off at the pass.  I learned in Al-Anon as well as throughout my life that everyone has a right to feel the way they do about any given subject, but they do NOT have the right to shove their opinions down anyone else's throat. 

So when someone is angry with me for what I feel is a nonissue, and they are being rude and belittling me, I refuse to engage in the argument with them.  If my husband tells me that I am worth nothing, my reponse is now, "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way."  Sometimes I quip, "You might be right about that."  And then I refuse to take the conversation any further.  When I was still with him, he would follow me around the house harassing me, but in the end, I simply refused to argue.  Even though he would tell me that nothing would get straightened out if we didn't "talk things over," which in my mind equalled an argument, I refused.  I had been "talking things over" with him on and off for 12 years.  We just couldn't come to an agreement on certain things, and it was fruitless to argue anymore.  In fact, it was detrimental to the children.  That is why I left him.

No one deserves to be talked down to.  No one.  People do make silly and stupid mistakes, but rarely is a mistake so unforgivable that the person deserves a verbal lashing.  This intimidation tactic is a control drama that needs to be addressed and not tolerated. Recommended reading is a book called, "The Celestine Prophecy," for so many more reasons than just this.  The book is written by James Redfield, and it is written as an adventure story set in Peru.  He talks about the different control dramas, which are also discussed here.

Besides, life is too short for arguing like that.  Your children only have a short time as children.  I don't want the majority of my children's childhood memories to be Mommy and Daddy fighting.  I would much rather they remember the quiet, happy times we spent at the beach or the pool, the times we spent cleaning the car out, the times we spent playing cards, the times we went on little short trips to local hotels, the times we made a mess in the kitchen making smoothies.  That's home, where love is.  Anger destroys that.