Happy Halloween! I don't usually follow people like a blind sheep. My regulars know that. I write to please myself first and my regulars next. Everyone and anyone else follows.

While I know I could score an easy high score hub showing you ideas for Halloween costumes I am going to go in a different direction. I am going to do a Halloween Hodgepodge if you will. I figure since I have a lot of funny material sent to me by regulars and friends I would share it with you. I also know that every time one of us posts a

hub on Halloween it frequently if not always pisses off the far too politically correct people who feel the need to use such terms as Fall festivities instead of Halloween.

Wow. I've used quite a few "F" words here already: "follow", "first", "follows", "for", "figure", "funny", "friends", "frequently", "far", "feel", "Fall" and "festivities". You know what? I have a special "F" word phrase for those people who insist on using alternate terms for Halloween: F*CK You! I know I now risk yet another "F" word coming up: "FLAGGING". (Oh well, if you don't like Halloween I have a special holiday treat for YOU. You can kiss my candy-flavored BUT, I digress . . . )

Without any further "aBOO", here is my Halloween Hodgepodge!

Here is the costume I won an award with a couple years ago. I wore it over my varsity-style "Sopranos" jacket, blue jeans and boots.

I was a "Chick Magnet". I will be one again THIS year, too.

This costume has been retired since I won an award with it.

Okay, I confess. The award I won with this costume was the "Funniest Costume" but still I got my share of Halloween "treats" that night.

Sometimes it's okay for a woman to be a "witch" . . . as long as she is GOOD at being a "bad" witch IF ya know what I mean!

I actually know a lady from PlentyOfFish who has some great witch pics but I lost touch with her when I started to seriously date this lady in La Verne.

Oh well, at least I got away with referring to a woman as a witch.

By the way, the bulk of the pumpkin pics came from a regular or a lady-friend or both actually.

If you would like to see the original, uncensored pic just let me know and I will post it AFTER the holiday when I won't give a damn about it getting flagged!

I got a pic like the above one last year but I was not writing hubs then so it was nice to have this one sent to me again so I could share it here.

"They eat their own". This one reminds me of my youngest son's mice. THEY eat THEIR own, too. (He's working on Pets Merit Badge which Daddy earned,too! Naturally, Daddy raised prehistoric animals.)

Here's a novel idea for a Halloween costume! Go as your favorite hubber! Here is the official Mighty Mom costume!

Just so you know, panties do NOT come with the costume. They are an optional accessory. (Okay, I'll shut up now before MISTER Mighty Mom drives over to my place and kicks my ass!)

Mind you, I DID have this really funny joke about finding out just HOW "Super" Mighty Mom really is for a Halloween "treat" but-hey-I can behave! It's not like i think of nothing but a small, select group of hub women dressed up as super-heroines bursting through my bedroom door! (I'm normal. Sometimes I think about them NOT wearing a costume!)

Halloween "treat" but-hey-I can behave! It's not like i think of nothing but a small, select group of hub women dressed up as super-heroines bursting through my bedroom door! (I'm normal. Sometimes I think about them NOT wearing a costume!)

The other costume suggestion I have for one or two other of my special favorite lady hubbers is something along the lines of this Wonder Woman costume. (I was going to save this as the literary example for a future edition of my S.H.I.T. series but it's perfect for Halloween, too!)

I can live without the tiara but I really DO think you need to get the golden lasso thing because the creator of Wonder Woman was into bondage.

Speaking of "witches", I was sent some Halloween (NOT FALL) comics by a regular.

This is the first of them.

I hope you enjoy them all.

I think some are funnier than others but-hey-you never know what someone will like, right?

That's my logic when it comes to hitting on women, at least, and it works a lot more than I ever thought it would!

I told ya I'm a "chick magnet"!

Here is another one.

(In case you don't get it, the kids are trick-or-treating at the home of Peter Peter who is a "pumpkin eater".)

It's a reference to a character from children's literature. Google it. I'm busy trying to get this hub finished by Halloween!)

Speaking of pumpkins, you really need to see the one on this hub of mine.

It's funny as hell and I think ALL you ladies should follow the example of the model in the pic at this link.

I especially think the ladies I speak with should do this!  (Go click on that link then you'll get it!)

Can you tell I got really hungry while putting this hub together?

I think this is cool.

I also have a feeling that if this pumpkin was judged in a contest some douche would NOT give it the winning vote because it has nothing to do with Halloween.

Those of you who watch those Food Network competitions know exactly what I'm talking about, right?

I think this is totally cool and perfect for a Halloween dinner or lunch, too!

Here is another one of the pumpkin pics sent to me by a regular.

I include this one because last year my youngest son dressed up as an evil jester for Halloween.

This reminds me of HIS evilness.

It also demonstrates a clever use of gourds.

(I was going to make some kind of off-color joke about creative uses of my OWN gourd, but, again, I can behave.)

Mind you, stay with me as there are a few naughty submissions I will post "later" in this hub!

Here is one for all of the married men and my lesbian fans out there.

Any of you guys know a "witch" who flies off the handle?

You can admit it. This is the internet. No one can prove it was YOU who said yes.

Yup. I thought so.

Again, these witch comics were sent to be by a regular. Funny enough, this regular is a woman.

Nothing makes me harder than a witch's broomstick than a woman with a sense of humor.

(Then again, if any of you ladies care to test that theory send me a private e-mail and pics!)

Get it?

For those of you not fortunate enough to enjoy fine American cusine, a "Baby Ruth" is a candy bar.

(Again, Google it I am on a deadline here!)

Nothing like a fine cannibalism joke to celebrate a holiday that some people already object to, eh?

Okay, how about some other Halloween pics here?

(Did I already use the word "lesbian" here?  Oh yeah, up above okay.)

On to the next pic.

Here is another Halloween costume suggestion for my few favorite hub ladies.

You can go as the Google girl!

I don't want to hear your breasts aren't that big or pert.

I love you for the person inside.

So put on that bikini top and send me pics, my hub lovers.

How about the above costume idea, ladies?  You can be a female ninja.  (Just so you know, I prefer butter or margarine on my sandwiches NOT mayonnaise.)

Another submission from a regular.

Scatological humor. Bathroom humor.

Ya gotta love a woman who can appreciate sophomoric humor, guys.

That's almost as hot as a chick who actually gets the Three Stooges; am I right?

A woman who can "pick two" or enjoy a good "nyuk-nyuk" can arouse me, too! I found a lady like that, in fact. She was big on Halloween, too, but she had to move to Texas.

Damn. Some cowboy might be getting head while Moe is slapping Curly and Larry even as we speak!

Speaking of "witches", here is another one.

Again, this pumpkin pic was sent to me by a regular, a lady-friend or both.

(By the way, this is probably one of the only Halloween hub that won't be covered in advertisements posted by the "writer". That is yet another Halloween treat from me to all of you!)

Now on to the next picture!

Here is another pumpkin pic submitted by the same person who sent me most of the pumpkin pics.

I included this one not because I thought it was that cool but as a tribute to the one or two people who would silence me.

I figure this is how they wish they could see ME!

Join my ex-wife you "witches"! I gotcher "treat" right HERE!

Okay, loet's move on now, shall we?

In my senior year of high school a few of use were going to dress up as Kiss.

My friends were lazy-asses and never came through with their costumes.

I didn't care. I went out as Peter Criss anyway.

As it turns out, Peter Criss was the first to quit the band and put out solo material.

Sorry. No pic of me but I was really close to the original seen here.

On to another costume suggestion!

You could dress up as Homeless Ronald McDonald!

In truth, this pic was left over from a hub on McDonald's.

Rent a Ronald McDonald costume and "borrow" a shopping cart.

Done!

A play on words. This one was submitted to me by my "babymomma".

Yeah, I know. I could so easily make another "witch" reference but it's getting late and i have more to post here, folks.

Besides, unlike my ex-wife and unlike my "baby-momma" I don't think you should badmouth your the parent of your child . . . at least not constantly . . .

Don't y'all just love these hubs that don't have a lot of words?

Is there anyone out there who doesn't have an eating disorder and isn't a pig who can eat a bunch of candy corn?

Above is another pic submitted by my baby-momma. This one is more of a political cartoon. Who says I can't be intellectual or political or both?

Just look at the detail in the above pic. Thanks to the submitter!

Here is yet another excellent pumpkin.

If you want to see a larger version of this pic the website is on the pic BUT please don't go there until you have read THIS hub and left it sit open for several hours.

Hey! It's only fair! I have read some of the "best" hubs and I find that I fall asleep in the middle of some of them and they stay open for hours until I wake up!

Seriously, some of the subject matter is a bit too dry or too obvious for my tastes.

Thanks again to those who contributed pics!

Here is another pumpkin where the carver was thinking out of the Halloween box and created something impressive but not directly Halloween-related.

Again, feel free to go to the site on the pic.

I give credit where credit is due. However, finish reading my hub first!

Please!

I am saving some of the nastier, scarier stuff for the end!

So don't stop reading now, okay?

Here is a twist on the traditional Might Mom costume shown earlier in this hub.

This is the "Mighty-Mom-AFTER-Mister-Mighty Mom-gets-Tired-Of-her-Flirting-With-Strange-men-On-Hub-Pages" costume.

There's something weirdly hot about it; don't you guys agree?

Okay. Are you ready for the nastiest, naughtiest stuff?

I hope so!

Here we go!

Prepare your sense of humor.

The above picture originally came from my "baby-momma's"  best friend.

From what I recall, she can make HER breasts look almost as large as those in the picture.  Mind you, they aren't nearly as orange . . . or so I hear.

Ya wanna see my Halloweenie?  I was going to tell you that I modeled for the above work of art. However, the gourd is way too small! It's not GREEN either . . . not YET anyway. (Anyone got some wood I can knock on? Yeah, I know. The ladies who know me think it's really odd that I don't have "wood".)

Happy Halloween!

My name is Phoenix and . . . that's the bottom line.