Have You Gotten Comfy with Frumpy?
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As an over 40 woman, I am at that point in my life were I am very comfortable with who I am. I'm not afraid to express myself and I feel comfortable in my skin.
But, am I too comfortable? I've started to notice that I take less time to get dressed or ready for work. When did that happen?
I have taken less interest in style or fashion. Why?
I feel that if you dress frumpy, you begin to feel frumpy. If you feel frumpy, you start to act frumpy. When you act frumpy, it will show in your work, your writing, and your relationships.
I think I've gotten way to comfy with frumpy and I think it's time to stop.
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Let's Assess the Situation
What is 'frumpy'? According to the Urban Dictionary, "frumpy" is defined as:
1)A female with lack of concern for appearance. Often characterized by sweatpants, frizzy hair, gramma panties and a pasty complexion
2)clothing style that usually consists of bagging, careless slothing i.e. sweatpants, large baggy t-shirts, sweatshirts, etc.
If you're like me, you have several really comfy big t-shirts to choose from that you slip into when you get home. Maybe you round it off with some baggy shorts or sweatpants. I know, we convince ourselves that we should consider comfort over fashion especially behind the confines of our own home. Perhaps that's true.
For me, I think the big shirts and baggie shorts keep me a prisoner in a frumpy attitude of unmotivated, unkempt sluggishness that keeps me from performing at my best. I can't imagine it turns my husband on much either.
Time to go through all my clothes.
Wardrobe Evaluation
First, I'm going through all my dresser drawers and closets and clean out m clothes, shoes and accessories. This is the criteria I'm using:
- Keep only what is comfortable, up-to-date, and makes me feel good to wear it.
- If something needs mending decide if it's worth mending. If it is, put it in a box to set aside for mending later. If it's not, then donate it or throw it away
- For work clothes, how would I feel if I were to be introduced to someone important while wearing it? Would I be embarrassed? If so, can it be transferred to casual at-home wear?
- For at-home wear, how would I feel it some one knocked at the door unannounced while I was wearing it? Would I answer the door in it?
- Shoes-do they fit? Are the soles still good? Are they in style? Are they comfortable?
- Purses-would I tote this purse while wearing a new outfit? If not, donate it or discard it.
- Scarves, belts, etc. Are they still in style?
Makeup Evaluation
In evaluating my make-up:
- I'm throwing out anything that has been around for more than 6 months.
- I'm steering away from glittery or shimmering eye-shadows such as frosts.
- I'm throwing out powder foundations since liquid or cream foundations are better able to fill in the small wrinkle lines.
Hairstyle Evaluation
As a kid, my hair never seemed to grow. It wasn't until I hit 40 that I could suddenly grow long hair. I enjoyed being able to do that for the first time. But, I soon realized it was a lot of work and I hate hair in my face. In 2007, I opted for a hairstyle makeover and shortened the length a good 6-8 inches. In the last couple of months I've shortened it some more and colored my hair for the first time in my life.
I had always put off coloring my hair because I knew that once you started that, you have to keep it up. I just wasn't ready for that kind of commitment. I've really been pleased with how long this coloring has lasted.
My advice is to look around online for style you like. I cut and pasted photos onto one sheet and carried that in to the hairdresser to give them a better idea of the look I was after. Don't be afraid to try something new and daring.
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Tweak Your Chic with the Glam Gals
Conclusion
As I take this time to upgrade my look, I hope I have encouraged you to take a look at what areas you might be able to improve upon. I don't we realize how it affects other aspects of our self-esteem and our reactions to the world around us.
I have located a number of excellent resources I'd love for you to check out. The links below contain so much good information. I hope you enjoy them.
UPDATE 6/2/09: This hub really has surpised me. I didn't expect this to be as big a topic as it has turned out to be. I'm very pleased with that. At this point I feel the need to clarify one of the reasons I personally want to improve the way I look that I haven't previously included. I will place a comment below and you'll know that any comments above that one did not have a chance to read this portion at the time they commented.
In October 2008, when I joined HubPages, I really didn't see myself as a serious writer. I wanted to be a writer. I had started a book even. But, at the urging of a creative writing teacher, I joined HubPages to practice my writing skills. Right at 100 hubs later (some I deleted along the way), I finally see myself as a writer. I ask myself if the way I dress is how a writer would dress. If I were a published writer (and I know many of you already are, but I'm not) would I still wear what I wear? Would I continue to go out the way I go out now? Would I want people to recognize me and see me dressed the way I'm dressed. For me, I think I need to think more highly of myself and start dressing the part. This is my opinion of what I should do. I'm not talking about becoming someone I'm not. I'm talking about becoming someone I know I am and have yet to express it properly.
In a nutshell, it's all in how you feel. If you feel good in whatever you're wearing, then you're wearing the right thing, and I would never recommend you stop.
Additional Resources
- The Box Method--Cleaning Out Your Closet
- De-Cluttering Your Life
Now what? You're here, so you must have something you feel you need to de-clutter. What is it? Too many material possessions? Too much going on in your head? Too many chores or tasks on your 'to do list'?... - Women over 40 - Fashion
Useful fashion tips for women over 40. What to wear, how to wear it and where and look always fabulous. Useful tips! - Over 40 and Loving It!
Excellent tips for women over 40! - Fashion Over 40 – How to Update Your Closet: Learn How to Overhaul Your Wardrobe & Buy Less But
Looking stylish in your 40s is about updating your wardrobe so you are not dressing too young, or looking old-fahioned or older than your years. - Fashion Over 40
Women over 40 can be just as sexy and vital looking as their younger counterparts. Find out what style expert Kim Johnson Gross has to say that keep your shoes, hair, clothes and makeup looking fresh and pretty. - The Glam Gals - Vibrant Nation
- Fabulous After 40
Fabulous After 40 - Fashion and Beauty advice to help you Tweak Your Chic™
Fashion Makeovers in the News
- Fashion boutique on wheelsAsbury Park Press15 hours ago
Christie Loran was getting ready to give a makeover to an audience member of the Tyra Banks Show, and the cameras were about to roll. The fashion icon was waiting outside, and Loran was nervous.
- Denver Pavilions re-introducing itself after extreme makeover9 News Denver2 days ago
VIEW SLIDESHOW DENVER - After going through a multi-million dollar makeover, the Denver Pavilions is re-launching its image on Tuesday, with a local celebrity fashion show featuring Denver's Mayor John Hickenlooper , shopping sprees, gift giveaways and special deals.
- Fashion for a causeThe Milton Standard-Journal26 hours ago
LEWISBURG — Saturday night kicked off a three-step campaign for Mary Kay cosmetics to raise money in support of the Lewisburg Cancer Center’s Charitable Foundation with a Night of Fashion at Pursel’s Irish Pub.
- Pavilions Makeover Just In Time For The HolidaysCBS4 Denver2 days ago
The Denver Pavilions has had an extreme makeover just in time for holiday shopping.
- South Jersey Healthcare Foundation's 8th annual Fashion Show and Fair heldBridgeton News2 days ago
PITTSGROVE - The South Jersey Healthcare (SJH) Foundation's 8th Annual Fashion Show and Fair was recently held at the Centerton Country Club. Nearly 500 people enjoyed the fashionable evening, supporting the SJH Foundation's mission of providing renewable financial resources for SJH and enhancing health care in southern New Jersey for generations to come.
- Sari gets a sexy makeoverNDTV3 days ago
India's traditional six-yard wonder is igniting imaginations anew. The sari, say fashion designers, can be worn over a pair of jeans or jazzed up with a sexy slim belt for a trendy look.
- Fashion Forward: Obama looks perfectly polished in TalbotsUSA Today3 days ago
This week: Michelle Obama raids Talbots for her latest event ensemble.
- Baby-faced Chris Colfer leaps into 'Glee,' his acting targetUSA Today14 hours ago
The baby-faced California native, 19, harmonizes perfectly on the Fox show, one of the fall's biggest, most hummed-about hits.
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Comments
Can't wait to read this, because just from the title, I can tell you the answer is a big fat 'yes'! But I'm off to t-ball then back to the hospital. It'll be the first thing I read this afternoon, I promise!!!
Ooh -- I gots ta bump the frump!
Did they seriously say granny panties = frumpy? Lol. Thank god I slayed that dragon.
Hi, KCC! I would have to say that opting for comfy has made me lazy, which has led to weight gain. I started buying sweats, which expanded to any pants with an elastic waist. Bad move! I now live in comfy mode, and because of the weight gain, I don't like trying on clothes. I buy them when I have to but I hate it. The beauty of the elasticized waist is that it's so easy to throw on. But then, it disguises the fact (if you keep your head in the sand) that these things expand with the weight gain. Heaven forbid I really take a long hard look in the mirror. I don't know who I'm kidding, other than myself. Many years ago, when I asked my hubby did a pair of pants I put on make me look fat? His reply was, it doesn't matter what you put on, if you're fat, you're fat. And he was right. That's the other problem, wearing comfy clothes that also happen to be dark in color lets us fool ourselves that we're not as fat as we think. After all, dark colors have a slimming effect, yes? Wrong!
Sorry, went off on a rant here LOL. Let me put it this way. I do love comfy, but I so miss dressing up. When I allow the comfy to take over, yes, it does tend to make me look frumpy. First the hair goes, then why bother with makeup, etc,,
Very good advice here, thanks for sharing, and congrats on your score of 100!
Thanks Feline Prophet, Laughing Mom, Teresa McGurk, RandyBehavior & Trish!
Feline: I agree....frumpy is VERY comfy.
LM...you are always on the go. Catch you later.
Trish: I know what you mean about the elastic pants. Thanks for noticing my 100 score today!
Teresa....gotta bump the frump, eh?
Randy: so you slayed the granny panty dragon? Good girl!
wow...I heard that this is common but I could never understand it. My aunt is beautiful but she too fell into the Comfortable category....I myself was brought up with my mom who wore a sexy suit practically everyday to work. I never saw her without make-up a day in my life...and she always told me to keep my looks in tact NO MATTER WHAT....I think she over does it but I found my happy medium between HOT and Comfy and I am staying right here!!! =) But you will never catch me without my make-up on though!!! GREAT HUB!!!
I was taught that makeup and fancy clothes were unneccessary and wasteful. So, it took me years to realize that isn't necessarily true. You can dress attractively and inexpensively if you do a little research. Luckily, my current husband believes in buying nice clothes and I've seen how nicer clothes last longer and fit better. Thanks for commenting Pachuca!
I enjoyed this Hub very much. Good info, great advice. Thumbs up!
Thank you so much Patty! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
nice article!
Jeans and t-shirt are my official uniform. On days that I have nowhere to go (yeah, right) I won't wear makeup and most of the time that undergarment that all the girls look forward to wearing as they close in on puberty. But I''m too self-consious (not vain) to go out without them except in a dire emergency.
Once, when we were mounting our first big screen to the wall, such an emergency arose. All I heard was yelling and something about "This thing is heavy! Go get it now!!" Wearing a t-shirt that said something about 'American Sign Language', sans bra, I headed into Walmart. I kept my arms folded across my chest to minimize the effect of missing such an important garment and headed to the electonics section for whatever it was he was needing 'right then'. Just as I reached for the item on the shelf, someone tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I indeed knew sign language. Quickly crossing myself again, I mumbled a yes and attempted to turn back to my item of interest. Not good enough, however, as there was a deaf couple in the department needing assistance and the clerk was unable to understand to help them. You may not know sign language, but you can imagine how difficult it is to sign anything clearly with your elbows clamped as tightly to your sides as physically possible. Something akin to whistling with your mouth full of Ritz crackers.
T-Shirt: $20. TV mounting bracket: $100. Watching as my boobs hit the ground: priceless.
LMAO @ LM.......I can imagine it very well! I learned the alphabet in sign language when I was in 4th grade. We used to sign all the time to each other in 5th and 6th grade. I always wanted to learn sign language. I find it quite interesting. I love watching songs done to sign language. There are some cool ones on YouTube.
I have gone out in public twice without a bra I think, but only with a big coat on. When I got the 14 hook bra I talk about in my "14 Hooks Later" hub, I was very self-conscious for about 2 weeks because I felt there was such a drastic difference in my boobage before and after it.
well, as long as you don't carry around the "before" photo, or worse yet, plaster it on one of those "gift tshirts" from the photo dept, you're the only one who is the wiser, right?
I dig this article, KCC! :-) I think you're SOOOO right when you say "if you dress frumpy, you begin to feel frumpy. If you feel frumpy, you start to act frumpy." As a matter of fact, I think it's the biggest disaster that happens to men and women alike over the years, particularly when we've been in a relationship long. It's like we stop bothering, like we already caught all the fish we wanted to catch and we can't be bothered anymore.
I'm lucky that my SO won't take frumpy for an answer... in a manner of speaking :-) She refuses to let me go the way of baggy stuff outside the house :-) And I appreciate that very much -- the fact we've been together years, or that I'm over 40, doens't mean I can stop being attractive to her. And the good thing is, when "you dress attractive, you begin to feel attractive. If you feel attractive, you start to act attractive." YAY!
I do agree Elena that the more attractive you dress, the more attractive you feel and act. It's a win-win. It's just been a fine balance for me. I'm glad my hubby has taught me that I am ok to go out without makeup, but I don't want to make it a habit. It's made me lose TOO much interest in how I look. I really am going through my wardrobe and getting rid of stuff. A piece or two at a time, I will replace things with nicer stuff. Thanks for you comments, as always, Elena!
As with all things balance. Don't live or loose your frump.
Well, I managed to give up the sweats, but I still gotta be comfy. Running a bed and breakfast and writing in all my spare time demands comfy. So, I've opted for capris and a T shirt. Not exactly glamourous, but at least comfortable and presentable. Thanks for the cute hub and good ideas
A little frump is good, Paper Moon?
Alekhouse, I guess it all boils down to how you feel in them. If you feel good wearing them, then they're perfect! Glad you enjoyed the hub!
I guess I've become a little frumpy too. I've never really liked to dress up though I must admit, at my age, I could probably use a bit of help.
I hear ya, suziecat7! Thanks for stopping by!
Just say no to "Frumpy"!! That's my motto, yessiree! Comfy doesn't have to be 'un-sexy' don't ya know! Granny panties! LOL, my grandmother bought us these in grade school, for every Christmas. {{{shiver}}}.
So true, Candie! Thanks for stopping by!
This frump can tell it gets worse in your fifties lol
Oh no! Say it isn't so, Ethel! LOL
I'm closer to 50 than I am 40 these days! I am determined to bump the frump out of my life! LOL
Thanks for stopping by, Ethel!
Not to rain on the glam parade here, but for too many years I based my self-worth on how I looked. "Fishbowl" jobs where I *had* to wear makeup and dress up every day. No surprise then that I never met a man who appreciated the "real" me, only the facade I presented.
It took a near-breakdown to make me learn to like myself without the surface decoration. These days, as long as I'm bathed, shampooed, and wearing a clean shirt and jeans, I consider myself "dressed". And when a nice-looking man flirts with me in a store or at the library, I know he's doing so because he finds the *real me* attractive.
As for answering the door to uninvited callers, I never apologize for whatever I happen to be wearing. They should've called first.
I understand what you're saying JamaGenee and you're right, we can't let our self-worth be dependent on how we look. I'm glad you were able to realize your worth and found men who did the same. I'm not saying anything is wrong with jeans or tshirts, but it's really more about how you feel in them. If you feel attractive, you'll portray 'attractive'.
Yes, a little frump is good. It means you are comfortable with your self. Just as long as it does not become a total lifestyle, I'm down with it. Gotta spiff up once in a while.
Jamagenee seems to have it right.
I agree Paper Moon, I think JG has it going on!
I wear clean clothes, I bathe regularly - thats about it really. I have never bothered with how I look, never worn makeup, now I work from home I wear either shorts or sweats depending on the temperature. I am told I look very different when I put my hair up and wear make up for a dance competition - but thats the only time I do it - its part part of the performance - but me can't really be arsed looking in the mirror and its not an over 40s thing, though I am, Igot over the whole make up thing by the time I was 20!
I'm not saying wearing makeup is a necessity or dressing up everyday. If you (or anyone) is able to wear what they want and not get a frumpy attitude, then you'd got it licked! I personally have developed a frumpy attitude that needs to stop. I am not happy with how I look. Thanks for your input, Lissie!
I started wearing make-up in high school (sneaked a little before then too) and have been wearing it ever since. I don't pack it on, but if I don't have it on I feel tired. I could, I suppose, use a curling iron once in a while. :)
That's it, Lisa, I used to curl my hair every morning. I rarely do now. I wear foundation and eye-liner only. I just stopped caring so much. I want a funkier hairstyle so that it looks great even if I do nothing (is there such a thing?) and a freshen up on my wardrobe.
I too have fallen into the frumpy category on a number of occassions - and I am only 30. I always catch myself though and snap out of it. The problem is it's so comfortable and I really love comfort :). The trick is not to buy "frumpy" clothes as you'll inevitably wear it, then the frump cycle starts all over again.
Thanks notoroious_HAI! We all love comfort, don't we? You're right, we just shouldn't buy the frumpy clothes in the first place if we don't want to fall into that rut too often.
good information
I think moderation is important. While I don't want to look like a bag lady living in a cardboard box, I never want to be one of those people who'd put make-up on beofre leaving a burning building.
Amen, London, and thanks for the much needed laugh!
I'm 30, and I have already started to become to comfortable with frumpy. My boyfriend gives me a hard time everytime I wear baggy sweats or t-shirts. He keeps me in check, I guess. I have him to thank for keeping me from going all the way into frumpy.
This came at the right time for me........ I had made a decision to do something about myself now I know exactly how to do it...
Great hub! I always feel frumpy wearing certain clothes and certain clothes make me feel good. I think I need to find a way to be comfy and attractive and maybe decluttering my wardrobe will help!
Thanks Mehedi!
That's a very good way of putting it, LG....I do agree with Elena! Thank you both for stopping by and adding to the comments.
Anna Marie: It's good when guys help us out, isn't it? Thanks for stopping by!
Glad we could help Brenda and minilady!
Thanks to all!
KCC, have you read Triplet Mom's on this same topic? Knowing that more and more of my cyber friends have similar experiences, I don't feel so bad about the braless Walmart trip story anymore.....
No, actually, I haven't LM....heading there now....thanks for the link!
Thanks for the great hub. It reflects me at the moment so well:)
I've made over the hair. Tomorrow is facial and nails day (treat from hubby).
I will then get round to the wardrobe.
You have brought a renewed sense of purpose. Thanks:)
I'm so glad, Tigermadstanley! Sounds like you have everything headed in the right direction! One thing at time, just like you're doing it, is all we have to do to make a change. :)
You are singing from our song sheet! We so agree that frumpy is not good - for the morale, and possibly not for the health. We don't think that make-up or glam or high heels are necessary, just looking appropriately dressed and groomed. Frumpy can mean fat and frizzle haired or grey-skinned. If you maintain a healthy weight, eat a balanced diet, get enough sleep and try to look 'presentable' we believe that you will better enjoy life, and be in a better position to help those whom you love.
Thanks for an entertaining hub.
I was hoping you would say you'd grown more enlightened and it just wasn't as important to look like a fashion plate anymore. There is so much more to life than obsessing over our appearance. I don't want to waste any more of my life on it. And when I heard on the news last week that 85% of used clothes end up in a landfill, I'm glad I rarely buy new clothes, instead upcycling things I already own that aren't anywhere near worn out yet. We have to quit judging people by the handbags they carrry. So what if mine has seen better days? It still holds all my junk.
Yes, you wrote a great article. Yes, many women will beat themselves up yet again after reading this because they feel frumpy because that's what we are trained to do by the media, but I had hoped at least a few people besides Lissie would say it's okay to be comfortable in your own skin and just be yourself. It's not a beauty contest. And as you age, it's a game you just can't win.
As far as wearing a bra, I believe that is a big contributor to breast cancer. I haven't worn one for years (oh the scandal) unless it's part of a costume or I'm going to a wedding or a funeral.
Just think of all the time women have wasted on looks. I could have used that time to have 6 PhD's by now. I envy men that often get by with 2 pairs of jeans and a drawful of t-shirts.
I have decided, next time, I'm coming back as a man! No more fashion gurus, one hairstyle fits all, two pair of shoes, etc., and the added attraction of being able to write my name in the snow lol...
Winter time I wear what's comfy and warm...sorry if I look a fright, but I prefer warmth...I do dress up when going out (not counting taking the kid to school or grocery shopping,) but the majority of the time, it's layered warmth and comfort.
Summer time I have the best of both worlds ;) ...in a word...Sarongs : D ...fashionable, stylish, cool, comfortable, concealing, and revealing, all rolled into one...dress down with comfy sandals, dress up with a pair of heels...
Well, the cellulite makes me bumpy,
My breasts are saggy and lumpy,
My nerves are all jumpy,
And now you tell me my dress is frumpy!
ANY COMMENTS ABOVE THIS COMMENT DID NOT READ THE 6/2 UPDATE BEFORE COMMENTING.
2Patricias: Thank you so much! I am heading over to your website when I get through here!
Moonmaiden: I'm sorry I disappointed you. I do understand where you're coming from. What you are describing is a comfortable level you've found that makes you feel good. That's not frumpy. The frumpy that I was attempting to describe is the kind that drags me down. I don't want anyone to beat themselves up over any of it, I just think it's a good idea sometimes to re-evaluate one's wardrobe, hair, make-up, etc. and see if it still makes you feel good. If not, it's time to get out of the rut and change. As long as you feel good, go for it! You've found that place and I applaud you!
Enelle: Those all sound like great ideas! Men do have it made, don't they? Winter is about bundling up, although that's less of a consideration in Texas where I am. There are many winters when I didn't even own a coat. I like your summertime sarong suggestion!
Cindy: You're a hoot with your frumpy bumpy poem!
I don't want to be high-maintenance. I don't want to be the sort of person who doesn't do things she likes doing, because it might ruin her hair, like surfing.
My style is towards looking healthy but understated. So natural, shiny hair, not coloured / permed / curled / goo-ed up, and mascara during the day, but not an inch of orange gunk, and clothes I feel comfortable in, and can do things in, but look OK too.
I don't wear very high heels apart from special occasions, because I want to be able to walk, cycle, and run after my son.
So today, for example, I'm wearing mascara, but no other make-up, and my hair is clean, but plaited in a single plait and not full of goo, and I'm wearing a summer dress which is comfortable and looks OK too, I think.
Sounds perfect LG! I think you have the right idea!
I think that taking a little bit of pride (not vanity) in how you look is a statement of how you value yourself. You deserve to feel great about who you are -- however that manifests itself. If you feel good about how you look, great. If you don't, change it. It's all about ensuring that your actions are honouring the real you, and that you are happy with the results. Again, if not, then change what you're doing. If you're OK with the results you're getting and you feel fine about yourself, carry on. Feel beautiful, because you are.
Very well said, Marion.
Feline Prophet says:
6 months ago
Frumpy? Er...well...I prefer to call it comfy! :P