Not that long ago I stirred up some sh*t by writing a male-point-of-view response to a hub written by a lady here on hub pages. In fact, you can find almost my entire history of responsive hubs in the hub mentioned above. You should also read this hub which followed all those others. You don't have to BUT it makes more sense when you do!

Still, a lot of you dig male/female "back-and-forth even more than my humor and I thought it might be interesting to do MORE male-female back-n-forth type of hub again.

I've copped to not knowing everything about females and have even written a hub admitting it, I am a cunning linguist. Yes, being a spokesperson for the "Penis Club" it's more of a responsibility, a solemn duty, if you will. Recently I read another hub by sandra rinck. I read it and did NOT entirely disagree with it. It's called "He Probably Doesn't Like You".

Still, it seemed like it was missing something . . . a good hard, long injection of maleness. So, I told myself: Self, you really should be fair here.

The pretty lady has a point or two of sorts. Still, you know there is something missing. SHE knows there is something missing, too.

Perhaps if she had a man she would be complete. So I hereby once more stand ready to give her what she needs so she won't have any empty holes. (I just hope I don't give her more input than she can handle. I hope I'm not a pain in her BUT, I digress . . . )

NOTE:The female comments appear in italicized font and "quotes" and my point of view appear in normal font. (Also please note that I do not always correct the typos and spelling errors of others.)

Here we go again. MY response to "He Probably Doesn't Like You".

I know it's a bit "old school" but, ladies first . . . just what do you say to these women, Sandra?

"Are you still waiting by the phone?"

So, wait, why do you ask women that question anyway? Or is this like a therapy or something? What all do you ask them anyway?

"Do you spend most of you waking life with your phone within arms reach "just" in case he calls? Tip one, he probably doesn't like you."

Oh, for shame, Sandra Dee, look at ME. I'm a guy and I'm here to tell you that we guys have a rule that many men follow. You wait three days before calling a girl! maybe he likes you BUT he wants to stick to the traditional guy rules, okay? What else do ya ask 'em?

"Does he call you on a Tuesday night but never on a Friday? He probably doesn't like you."

Hey, do you even ask them if they ask the guys what their work schedules are? Maybe he calls on a Tuesday because HIS weekend is Tuesday and Wednesday and not Friday and Saturday, okay? Go on . . .

"Have you found yourself turning down plans with your girlfriends so that you can be open for him if he calls and wait around until Sunday morning wondering what he was doing all weekend and why he didn't call you? Well... he probably doesn't like you."

Maybe he WORKS on the weekend. Maybe he has kids and he can only see them on the weekend. Maybe he is a responsible father and doesn't

automatically introduce every chick he (ahem) dates to his kids who the court says he HAS to see only on weekends.

Geez, Sandy beaches, what doe these women LOOK like that you are telling them guys don't LIKE them so quickly? Wow! Go on tell them some more . . . I'll try to hold my tongue.

"No doubt, if this is you, you have probably even played "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not". But instead of a dandelion in the yard you opted for a bouquet of flowers and said to yourself... 'Well, I will just do it one time and then I will know the answer.' Next thing you know, it's best 2 out of 3, then 3 out of 5 and so on until you

have finally got the result you were looking for; then before the nights end, you have started all over again! And for why? Because... He probably doesn't like you!"

Wow. You are just a ray of sunshine, aren't you? Damn, girl. There could be LOTS of reasons for this kinda thing! Please continue though . . . let's hear what else you tell these poor souls.

"I am so sick of dating sites or blogs that insist...

you will find the right guy for you using E-Harmony type dating sites but even then, it is a dead end street because as it turned out, he really didn't like you."

Well, E-Harmony sucks. That is simple enough. If one person doesn't like your screen-name you are out. I mean, come on, is WillSniffurundies really

that offensive? What if your real name is WIlliam Scott Niffurundies, huh? So going to E-harmony was your first mistake! Next?

"And then there are those sites that women go to looking for clues as to whether or not he is cheating on you . . ."

Wait Sandy-Beach, are you talking about MARRIED people here? because single people are free to date anyone they wish!

"And then there are those sites (on) how to improve your sex life . . . "

Sites on how to improve your sex life? Really? WHY would you ladies need something like THAT? hell, as long as your thighs don't lock up, your

"hoo-hoo" is clean and disease-free and you don't scrape my "goo-goo" with your teeth you are just fine with me!

" . . . or worse you become a stalker . . . "

Oh please! You need to watch "Two And A Half Men" sometimes. Guys sometimes even enjoy the attentions of a stalker as long as she is cute!

Any other sites we need to know about here?

"Sites that insist you must look hot to get the right guy . . . "

Okay. You have a point there. Men are visual. God made us that way. You could always date blind men if you don't like making yourself look presentable.

Seriously though, while I have things I like the "hottest" woman to ME is the one who makes a clear, obvious effort to show me she WANTS me. Think about that one, ladies.

"When that doesn't work you begin to think there is something wrong with you."

When you can't look hot then there is something wrong with you? MAYBE . . .maybe NOT. Maybe you just plain want the wrong guy! (Reread what I just said above about what is HOT to ME.)

"So, let's get real."

Okay, let's get real.

"If you did do all those things then your are right . . ."

But Dandy-Sandy, I just made it clear you women should NOT do ALL those things. So y'all CAN'T be right. So what do you think now?

"He probably doesn't like you because he probably doesn't know you."

He probably doesn't like you because he doesn't KNOW you? Well, that is a safe "out", isn't it? If you are doing a bunch of stuff strangers tell you to do instead of what YOU would really do left to your own devices then HOW is a

guy supposed to like you when that truly is NOT you?

"That is the bottom line."

Hey! That there is MY tagline, smiley. Please don't steal it from me. Besides, it's not the bottom line until the fat lady sings . . . (while I'm warming my ears with her thighs; that is.)

What else ya got to say? Any other questions from you or your lady-friends?

"If he likes you, he will call you."

There ya go! He WILL call you but on HIS terms . . . the guy rules . . . or maybe he likes when women make the first moves. I'm like that. I also personally like e-mail and texts better 'cause I often can hear right on that silly little razor phone! Besides, I keep

telling you sometimes we get busy.

"Sure, there are probably some circumstances that prevent him from calling right away, one of those things being the traditional dating rules; wait two days before you call, mumbo jumbo."

There ya go! I knew there was a reason I was starting to like you. You're a smart one! But it's wait THREE days. The guy in that pic above shoved his phone up his

bunghole so the police wouldn't think he was taking pics of naked girls while peeping on them. (Well, y'all love bad boys, huh?)

"These are called games."

No. They're called the Guy Rules of Dating. they are traditional for a reason. kinda like how some of you women don't put out on the first date . . . (not that I run into that a lot.)

"If you really like someone then call!"

Okay. It's 2009. You wanna break so many traditions then YOU call! SImple.

Anything else?

"If he doesn't call back, don't keep calling him."

Well, you might have something there BUT you can still make the first move.

"Don't even call back 3 days after the first time you called because if he really liked you, you would be on his mind and I am 99.98% positive that there is no way in Hell he would miss your call."

I miss calls all the time. I have responsibilities. I'm not independently wealthy! MOST guys are NOT!

"If there was some unforeseen reason as to why he could not call you, I am also 99.98% sure that he will call you as soon as he can."

Yes. When the lady is right she is right. of course how YOU define as soon as he can and how a GUY does might be two different things. (By the way, ladies, WE know our schedules better than YOU do so WE know how soon we can get back to you better than YOU do, okay?)

"You can drive your mind nuts about the "what ifs" all you want to but the only "what ifs" that are really guaranteed to make him think twice about whether or not to call you back is how many times you called him."

hey, I think that there was some good advice!

"And don't get too excited if he does finally call you back just to say, 'stop calling me'."

There you go being all Miss Polly Positive again, girl. Shame on you! Look in the mirror and look at that cute smile. Who would NOT want to call you back and say something nice, huh? (You know what? Guys like cute girls with LOW self-esteem. We can truly work with that; trust me!)

"This is a one way street. If you like him, call him. If he likes you he will call you. I don't think anyone in the world whose curiosity will not persuade you to call and find out if they are interested in you too. Really, what have you got to lose? There aren't any "probablies" in the event that he does like you. One call, that's all!"

Now you're making sense again. When the lady is right, folks, she is right!

So are we finished yet now? No? You still have more questions for the ladies? Go on, then . . .

"Did you call him on a Monday to find out if he had any plans for the weekend?"

Are you serious? Ask my lady-friend, I just cannot plan that far in advance sometimes UNLESS y'all got some kickass seats to a ball game or something . . .

"Unless you got some kick ass seats to a ball game or something . . ."

I was just kidding. I can't watch sports or my teams lose! Go on, please . . .

"Why on Earth would you call on a Monday to find out what he is doing 5-6 days later?"

Yeah? No kidding! listen to Sandy-Candy. She's talking sense now.

"I don't know what I am doing on Wednesday let alone Friday unless I got some kicks ass seats to a show or something."

Uh oh. Sandy, you sure you don't have a penis? I mean, no offense but I just figured those of y'all who weren't gifted by God with a "goo-goo" got a sense of planning for a sorta genetic

consolation prize . . .

"If you guys are dating and he always seems to call you on a Tuesday for a date but never ask you out for a Friday or Saturday, chances are... he probably doesn't like you."

Oh my, and you were doing so well, too. maybe it's his screwy work

schedule. Look how many of you can't stay HOME on the weekends. SOMEbody has to work at all those places you refuse to stay out of on the weekends, right?

"He might like you as a "friend" . . . "

Use what ever label you like, Sexy

Sandy, as long as we're gettin' some we don't care if y'all wanna be called "Mommy", "Mistress", "Princess", "Friend-With-Benefits", or "F*ck-Buddy".

"If he isn't willing to bring you out and introduce you to his friends then it

means that he doesn't know if his friends will like you."

Maybe he doesn't HAVE friends. If he hasn't got any friends he can't introduce you to anyone. Besides, y'all know some of use have friends that don't even clean up in a wedding party tux, ya know? Ya ain't missing anything; trust me!

"If this is the case, he really doesn't like you."

OR he is trying to protect you OR he doesn't want his friends hitting on you OR he has no friends.

"What days he ask you out on aren't

really that important, I must say."

Okay, now you're back to being bright; that's good!

"But the sole logic is, if he really likes you, he will introduce you to his friends."

I just told you he might not have any or he might not think them worthy of you or trust them around you!

"His friends are not the relationship; the relationship is between you and

him so what his friends think is not important."

Okay; you're back on track now. Go on . . .

"But of course, give yourselves some time to get to know each other alone."

Hell, yes, girl. Alone time is MOST important. Very good! Standing ovulation even!

"Anyone who really likes you will want their friends to know you too. After all, if he is planning on keeping you around then obviously you will meet his friends."

Again,I say maybe . . . IF he has friends and IF they are trustworthy and worthy of your acquaintance.

"If not then... he probably doesn't like you as much as you think."

OR he doesn't HAVE friends or like THEM as much as you think. Keep an open mind. Guys like girls with open minds . . . among other parts.

It's getting late, Handy Sandy, how about we get to the closing thoughts? My lady-friend is gettin' cold!

"Don't turn down plans with your friends."

Okay. Good. As long as your friends aren't sluts who are gonna get you to whore it up when I am not around then that's good advice.

"If he didn't call you all week, then what makes you think he is going to call you on Friday night?"

Maybe his week sucks and Friday he can finally pay attention to what he's been thinking about all week long?

"I know of one reason why he might, so unless you just met him on a Thursday, don't hold your breath.

You're either a booty call or a back up plan, one of the two. . .

Again, if a guy can't plan then you sure can't be a backup plan. I won't get into a debate about the phrase "booty call". I'll just let that one slide for now.

"If (that) is the case... oh, he might "like" you but really, if I must... He doesn't like you!"

On the contrandy-Sandy, if you get naked with me on even an occasional basis I guarantee ya I "LIKE"it! I mean, like you!

"So play "He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not" till your heart is content but one thing is certian. If you guys like each

other, there wont be anything standing in the way."

That's a nice thought anyway . . . even if real life doesn't always work that way.

"With that said... Then He probably does like you. :D"

There ya go! Ya want to point'em TOWARDS me and not AWAY from

me, girl! that is unless you don't wanna share me or something. Go on . . .

"So be yourself. Doing what you do naturally is the best way to let him know you, not who you think you should be. There aren't any guarantees that he will like you but you can guarantee yourself that if he really does like you, then he likes you for who you are and that is what matters."

There ya go!

I'd like to thank the lovely Ms. R and all those who came before her for being a good sport!

(Then again, if this hub gets flagged y'all know who to check on first, huh? For those of you who are NEW I had 13 hubs flagged in ONE day AND at least one other hub where I simply placed a comment was also flagged. I guess somebody doesn't want me to run for "Free Speech" poster boy, huh?)

I just love a happy ending . . . even if it

doesn't often work out like that in real life!

My name is Phoenix and . . . that's the bottom line.