self-confidence [self-ˈkän-fə-dən(t)s] confidence in oneself and in one's powers and abilities (according to Merrian-Webster].

I have heard this statement many times. At one point in my life, I was saying this statement many times. Someone (or many people) had constantly said or done something that had a negative impact on my self-confidence. This is why we are always told to say encouraging things to our children. Why? Because children are impressionable. What we say and how we treat them shape who they become as adults. But what about once we reach adulthood? When do we begin to shape ourselves into who we are and what we want to be and stop letting others' views and actions dictate how we feel about ourselves?

I can't tell you a specific age when this should begin. All I can say is that, as adults, we are in charge of our destinies. Because my current writings are geared towards women, I have to emphasize the importance of realizing your personal impact on this world. You see, you are mother first--even if you have no biological children. Something in your life designates you as a mother. If you are caring for your children, your nieces and nephews, a parent, your students, a pet, a plant, a charity, society, employees, or Earth itself--you are Mother.

Mother carries a lot of weight, because we wear so many hats. We are drivers and doctors and guidance counselors and spiritual advisers and friends and sisters and...so many other roles--and many of those before we even leave the house! But then we go out face the big bad world and we still have to fill these roles as well as many others.

Why do I say all this? Because there is no reason for any woman anywhere to have low self-confidence. Self-confidence is what you see in yourself--screw what everybody else thinks. It's well past time for you to validate yourself! Be your own hero! Appreciate your accomplishments--no matter how small they are to other people, they should be HUGE to you!

One of our biggest problems is that we seek validation from outside sources, mainly from our significant others. We all want acceptance, I grant you that. But validation should come from within, and unfortunately we often confuse the two. Acceptance will come after validation, but validation must come from within.

The only way to achieve self-validation (and subsequently, self-confidence) is to work on your self-image. That's a hard task for most, mainly because many of us have a distorted self-image. We are the first to see the worst in ourselves, and that's healthy. It's healthy because it helps you to identify those things about yourself that you want to change. The problem comes when you allow other people to tell you what's wrong with you or you allow the views and opinions of others to blow your imperfections out of proportion. No one can do anything to you that you don't allow them to do. It's time to stop allowing people to make you feel inferior.

You first order of business should be to think about those things that you love about you and begin to appreciate them. Focus on them every day. Those things that you do not like about yourself, go about the business of making changes--but make those changes for YOU, not for someone else. Seek self-validation first. Acceptance will follow in its own time.