Dealing with depression is one of the most difficult things a person can go through--from my experience, it is often more difficult than dealing with a serious illness, because at least with an illness, you can still find hope and love in the world. Depression takes away the hope, makes the love seem impossible to find, and makes merely getting out of bed in the morning a nearly impossible task. Many people become too depressed to go to work or class, buy groceries for the week, or even answer their cell phone. (For those of you who have never been through depression, or those of you who have and want a laugh or something that resonates, I reccomend reading the following comics: http://achewood.com/index.php?date=12052006, http://achewood.com/index.php?date=02022007 and http://achewood.com/index.pho?date=11202006. Though they're satirical comic strips, they provide a fairly realistic window into the depressed state of being.)

Being a friend, partner or family member of a depressed person (who, for the sake of this hub, I will refer to as female--not saying that females are more often depressed, but that they are more often able to acknowledge their state) can be almost as difficult. The person you once knew and loved is completely different and unrecognisable. The girl who used to give everyone hugs and tell them reasons that she loves them suddenly can't see the good in anything. It's a difficult situation with millions of causes and few solutions.

The first thing to do, if it hasn't been done already, is try to get your depressed friend into therapy. This is easier if you yourself or other people you know and love attend therapy sessions and you can either reccomend a good therapist or assure your friend that it does not mean she is crazy. Therapy offers a confidential place to vent or talk to someone who is completely not involved in your situation, and even if it doesn't help cure the depression, it will at least help her see that she is not a freak and there are people who understand her. Going to therapy the first time can be scary, so if you're very close with your friend, offer to drive her and get lunch together afterwards; it will give her something to look forward to if she is dreading her appointment.

The most important thing you can possibly do for your friend is be there for her. I went through my bout of depression in college, where I lived in a single with onlyl one close friend on campus, for all the others had graduated in the previous year. That one close friend was probably tired of me whining and complaining and missing classes constantly, but she remained helpful, supportive and willing to listen from the first symptoms until my decision to leave the college until I felt I could be there safely. My off-campus friends, specifically my boyfriend and my ex-boyfriend with whom I was still very close, offered a similar support. My ex, a very straightforward, blunt person, would tell me, "look, you're being ridiculous. This isn't actually what you want, you just feel like you can't get what you do, so stop and think for a minute." Other times he would tell me, "Well, if that's what you're going to do, then get out of bed and go do it, stop sitting here planning what you want to do and being too depressed to pull through." While these words were often hard to hear, they stopped me from making some huge mistakes and helped me finally do what I needed to do to get better.

This won't be the same for everyone. Some depressed people don't want to hear that they are thinking differently than they normally would, or that they are too 'pathetic' to actually carry through with their plans. It helped me, but before doing this, I reccomend asking your friend if she is comfortable with such things as support, or if they would be detrimental to her healing. Also request that she tells you when she wants you to be completely honest and harsh if necessary and when she wants you to just listen. Like I did, she might have different friends for each purpose, so don't get upset if she wants to talk to you about some things but Mary about others.

Expect your friend to do crazy things. Self-harm is extremely common in depressed people, whether it be physical, such as cutting, burning, or suicide attempts, or emotional, such as trying to cut off ties with the people who matter to her. IF YOUR FRIEND IS IN DANGER, BRING HER TO A HOSPITAL EMERGENCY ROOM IMMEDIATELY. I can't stress this enough. Don't steal a knife from a friend who is cutting, she very well may take it the wrong way. She'll still be upset if you take her to the hospital, but she really can't believe that you're doing this to hurt her.

If you are your friend's outlet for emotional self-abuse, as my boyfriend was for mine, be patient. When I was depressed, I went through what I called 'bad nights,' where I would call him and try to break up with him, try to convince him to break up with me, scream and cry and generally make him feel like a terrible person. I'd beat myself up, saying he deserved better, refuse to answer the phone because hearing that he loved me felt like a lie, doing ANYTHING to try to get him to leave. If you're this person, I admire you if you can make it through, and it's very important, if you really care about your friend, that you do. If you leave, it just shows to her that she was right. I admire anyone who can deal with this type of behaviour, and the fact that my boyfriend is still with me after all that makes me love him all the more. Staying through everything will show her during the good times that you care. Again, if you can do this, I admire you a great deal for I don't think I'd have the strength to not throttle a friend who acted like this to me.

If your friends depression is affecting her ability to do everyday things like get up in the morning, go to work/school, and follow through with her responsibilities, suggest taking a medical leave from work or school. Most workplaces allow them, and all colleges or universities do. It'll take a lot of the pressure off while she works on getting better.

These are a couple of ways to help a friend, and they might work for some people and not for others. Don't expect everyone with depression to behave the same way. Try your best to make your friend get outside help. And above all, remember that if your friend doesn't want to get better, there is nothing you can do to help her but be there for her.

I hope this has been helpful. It pulls through my own experience and what people did for me, and what I've done for my own friends in turn.