My son is more of a "one toe at a time" than a "jump right in" kind of kid. I can still remember the first day I tried to drop him off at a preschool class at the YMCA. Knowing that my son was a little more cautious than other kids, I spent a lot of time talking it up ahead of time. I told him how fun it was going to be, and that he was going to get to meet some nice new friends. He was actually acting excited about it! As we drove to there that morning, I entertained visions of myself enjoying the amenities of the YMCA without my son for a whole forty minutes. The freedom! It only took a few moments of waiting for the class to begin for this fantasy to vanish before my eyes. It was replaced by me on my hands and knees, acting like a jungle animal with eight preschoolers, one instructor and my son watching from the corner.

Being someone who was painfully shy as a child, I understood the way my son was feeling. Still, I knew that he would benefit so much from the social interaction. Parenting is challenging no matter what type of child you've been blessed with. But parenting a child who is shy can be especially difficult. Here are some things to keep in mind when dealing with shyness or anxiety in your own child:

• Be sensitive. While your child may very well be "shy," saying it too often will not do much good. Children tend to live up to the labels we place on them. Similarly, be careful not to talk about your child too much in front of him. Show your child the same respect you show other people. Shy children are often more observant and sensitive than other children and could easily have their feelings hurt or become embarrassed if they hear you talking about them too much. The last thing you want is for your child to feel as though there is something wrong with him.
• Focus on your child's good qualities. Her shyness may be frustrating or even embarrassing to you at times and it is easy to put too much emphasis on this one trait. However, your child probably has some amazing qualities, such as sensitivity to other people, a good sense of humor, intelligence and empathy. Focus on these and help her to cultivate a sense of pride and confidence in herself. She is already more self-conscious than other children, so it is important to help her feel good about herself.
• Encourage...gently. When in social situations, try to gently encourage your child rather than pushing or forcing him to participate. While it may seem fun to you, a trip to a busy playground can be very stressful to a child who takes longer to warm up. Keep it light, play yourself, and try lots of different activities. Sooner or later you will find something that he wants to join in on.
• Think small. Many children who are uncomfortable in larger groups (which, for a three year old can be six or seven children) do really well one-on-one and in small group settings. Try organizing small get-togethers with one, two or three children around your child's age in a setting that is familiar and comfortable for your child. If your child is about to start preschool or daycare, see if you can arrange for some playtime with another child before she starts, so there will be some familiarity that first day.
• Be prepared. Anticipate situations that might be stressful for your child and take time to prepare her for them. Arrive early for classes and playgroups so your child can get comfortable and accustomed to new surroundings before everyone is there. Walking into a full room of strangers, even for some adults, can be a little overwhelming!
• Be a good model. Children learn so much from watching the adults in their lives; how they act around other people and how they handle situations. Make sure that when you are out socially you are friendly and engaging to the people that you meet. If you feel nervous about a situation, talk to your child about how you are feeling and how you are going to address it. Let him see how you work through it. Remember to have fun, be honest, keep it light and try new things. Your child is taking notes!
• Trust your instincts. Not everyone is going to understand what it is like to parent a child who is shy or even what it's like to feel shy themselves. This will not stop them from offering advice. It is easy to get overwhelmed by what other people think and forget that you know your child better than anyone. Remember you are your child's advocate and protector. If a situation is overwhelmingly stressful for your child, don't feel bad about taking her out of it. Look for opportunities that will challenge your child's social fears without traumatizing her. While she does need to learn that participating in groups is a part of life, she also needs to trust that you are not going to throw her to the wolves. Find that balance and don't worry about what other people think.
• You are not alone. When my son refused to participate for those first few classes, I felt like I was the only one in the world who had a child like this. I felt like the other parents were watching me and wondering what I had done to make my child so afraid and anxious. It is easy to feel this way. Parenting can feel very isolating at times. And while it may be true that your child is the only one in his class that won't participate, know that there are many children experiencing the same fears, and many parents with the same concerns. Once I started opening up to other parents about my son, I was amazed at how many had gone through the same thing with their own children. Take comfort in knowing that you-and your child-are not alone!

The world needs all kinds of people,especially ones that are a little more sensitive and thoughtful. When raised with love and encouragement, shy children usually grow up to be confident, interesting, and empathetic adults who are often gifted listeners and observers. Rather than feel like you need to change your child, see her as a blessing just the way she is. While it can be painful to watch your child suffer through difficult situations, know that one day, in her own time and with your unconditional love, support and compassion she will grow up to be an amazing adult with great contributions to make to the world.