Have you ever felt so strongly about your own ideas that you would do anything imaginable to defend your point?

I have. Since the day I was born.

I've been called stubborn, I've been called vicious. I've been called strong-minded and strong-willed. What I really am, is a bit unclear to me. All I know is, within relationships, I seek out a fight the way a hunter seeks out a deer. Once I set my sights on it, I'm locked in until that fatal shot is fired.

Sometimes I have a valid point- normally I do. Just not one worth fighting to the death over. But I can't let it go. Maybe it's to test people, maybe I'm just completely out of control. The question I raise to is this: is being in love with conflict just a personality trait, or is it so out of line that it constitutes a character flaw? I know that it's definitely not a popular trait when choosing a partner- there is no one on this planet who wants to go at it with me, and that's for damn certain. How much is too much? How am I supposed to know when to stop? And, most importantly, why is it so hard to make myself give it up when I know I'm wrong?

The problem is, due to my hotheaded and argumentative nature, it feels like a betrayal of self to meekly shrug and let things pass over me without a word. It seems like too much to ask of me. Isn't it better to say what I really believe to be true? If not, how can that be? If someone doesn't love me for being the person that I am, isn't that just as wrong? Do I really have to be someone else to be in love? Is that love?

At the same time, I know exactly why it can go wrong- being so argumentative creates unhappy situations for everyone, including myself. However, I feel a sense of safety in being right that others don't seem to share. It's no different than people who are constant people-pleasers; I feel that same urge, but in reverse. As a matter of fact, sometimes I would rather be right than be liked. And that, my friends, is a slippery slope. What starts out as standing your ground can easily slide down into stomping all over the other person's territory.

I can only conclude that there is a middle ground somewhere- I just haven't found it yet.

Things that came to mind while I wrote this:

Martha Beck, is brilliant. I always read her articles when I'm looking for some insight into my personal life. She writes for O Magazine as well as several books of her own. They're basically self-help, without being cheesy or awkward about it. Check her out, you'll love her, I promise.The Joy Diet: 10 Daily Practices for a Happier Life

Best magazine, ever. Glamour (1-year)