When you are old, please do not try to get a ’real’ job. There's nothing out there for you except embarrassment and maybe pity. American companies don’t want you working for them. They won’t come right out and say it…but you will get the idea when the application says

What year did you graduate from high school?:

then there is a list and you are supposed to check off your year of graduation…You look down the list….

2005

2004

2003

2002

---nope go back a little more----

1995

1994

1993

------nope, go further

1983

1982

------nope…go further down

1979

1978

…so you keep laddering the list until finally it terminates at 1975.

I guess that’s a pretty good clue they don’t want anybody who graduated before 1975.

Well, I’m not going to sit around and gripe about this discrimination against my fellow senior citizens!

I’ve decided I’m going to buy a huge company and I’m only going to hire old people. You’ll have to be at least 60 to come work for me. If you're over 80..there will be an immediate vice presidency for you!!!!!

Now when I buy this company there probably will be some young people working there so I’ll have to get rid of them. I can’t just fire them - that would be age discrimination.

I’m going to make them feel so unwelcome that they will quit.

The first thing I’m going to do is eliminate all coffee breaks….no more coffee breaks. Instead, we’ll take Naps!

At 10 o’clock every morning and again at 3:00 in the afternoon, I’ll announce over the P.A. system..............................

“Okay everybody…it’s nap time. Time to lay down and relax and catch a few winks. I’ll call you in 30 minutes..”

It will be a company rule that anybody caught drinking coffee during nap time, will be fired.

That should get rid of a lot of the whippersnappers…probably fifty per cent. .But for the stubborn ones who survive the nap rule, I’ll swing into Plan B.

Under plan B, I’ll modify all the bathrooms by removing any items like Sanitary napkin or condom dispensers……and I will replace them with special dispensers of “Depends”. …………….and I think I can depend on “Depends” to get rid of another forty percent of the Young people.

As you math majors have probably already figured out…that still leaves me with a tough ten per cent of young fogies that I will have to get rid of.

I HAVE A PLAN C.

This is the Mother of all plans. It’s the nuclear bomb of cunning schemes.

Here’s what I’m going to do.

I’m going to go to the pharmacy and buy 350 tubes of Ben Gay. And then

I am going to smear Ben Gay over all the desks, slap it on the walls and even the floors. I will smudge it on the telephones and even slather it all over the toilets.

There will be BEN GAY everywhere! Those youngsters will walk in and turn up their noses in horror!

“I’m getting out of here."

"I Quit,” they’ll say..............

“I can’t work here, it smells just like grandma’s house!.”

                                          -0-