I've lived in Singapore since when i was still a poor student until now, when I already have a full-time job (and yet still kind of poor). Public transport is pretty much my only choice for getting me from home to the office, from office to meet my buddies, and back to my rented place since the price of a private vehicle in here is not that friendly for an ordinary Joe like me.

Ask anyone who ever lived in other countries before they live in Singapore, especially who comes from western side of the world, they would definitely agree with the fact that the commuters here in Singapore are not the most considerate you could find, ever! And since they're "touching" many heart so deeply and have a distinctive style just like movie superstars, let me have the honor to introduce them to you...

Similar to people who suffer from epilepsy but less the shudder (extreme shaking). Mouth is opened at the maximum width. Head is usually tilted to the left or right (in an extreme angle) aggressively tying to land on victim's shoulder. And for the pro..., there will be a river of saliva!

"Why life is so cruel to me...?"
"Why am I here in this world?"
"And why that man looking at me with such a weird look? Is he gay....?"

That is what their face expression says when you spotted this superstar. Some of them are extraordinarily cute that you feel like giving your beary hug to soothe their sorrow. But with that kind of psychological state, unless you holds master degree in psychology, or you are one of them, stay away.

This is how I first get acquainted with this superstar: I looked around, and think to myself "Hmm..., there is no portable hi-fi in sight, nor there is a life band on board". "But where does this loud music sounds comes from...?"

After a few moments of thoughts (and still searching for the sound source) I'm convinced that the sound is actually comes from a guy who pecking his head in harmony with the music beats, two step away from me, loud and clear!

I can't understand what is the purpose of this superstar turning the volume that high. But maybe, just maybe, one of the new year resolution of this superstar is to be deaf.

Can only be spotted when it's crowded. Mostly is male, but these days the other two gender (female and half-male) also starting to join the pact. No, don't expect to spot them with spear and cooper shield. In fact, they can't really be spotted using bare eyes, they've got to be experienced.

Here's the common scenario where you get to experience this superstar: When people are trying to entering or exiting, they will stand right in front of the door (usually with their backpack attached firmly on their back) -- no matter what. They won't move, not even an single millimeter to give people a way as if other passengers are Persians army they fought with 2480 years ago (480 B.C.)¹.

Even as I write sarcastic comment on them here, trust me, they still won't move!

¹ Battle of Thermopylae

William Shakespeare may have already been dead for over a century now. But, his work is still ALIVE. It is so alive that some of its Romeo and Juliet scripts is performed live on public transportation premises here in Singapore.

From gentle touch on the Juliet's hair combined with eagle stare from Romeo's eyes, French kissing (yes you can see the tounge!), to ass grabbing. Singapore public transport has it all.

"The world is my workplace". That's probably the slogan of this superstar.

With his/her laptop and its long life battery, this superstar take working addiction to the next level. They do, however, come on board like a normal person. As soon as they find a seat, you will immediately see Microsoft Windows logo is displayed on their laptop screen complete with its booting progress indicator. And the next thing you would see will be Microsoft Office documents on editing mode.

Sounds stressing? You bet. And Singapore government wondered why the country birth rate is so low? Sir, I suggest you take public transportation sometimes.

Singapore ladies are famous for their exquisite body shape, I can't deny that. A lot of them have slim body build blended with just-nice-size bumps. Because of this, many of locals as well as tourist guys can't help but to take a glance (or stare) on them. But what happened when some of them are really enjoying this kind of "attention", and craving for more?

Well, the answer is they will accessorize themselves with designer hand bags, earth covering make up, ultra low cut dress and not forgetting the two inches high heels. Seriously, there is nothing wrong wearing these fine made stuffs -- in your boyfriend BMW! Not in public transportation.

Darling, isn't funny if you can spent around two thousands dollars for just a hand bag (not counting your hundreds of dollars shoe and lady property exhibiting dress) and you're commuting in an average Jane transportation?? And in an crowded situation you would give your lion roar if somebody accidentally rubbed his/her body against your Louis Vuitton hand bag?

Finally, please don't give that disgusted Hollywood actress expression when we take a glance on you, it's because of your purposely over exposed chest, not because we want your priceless autograph.

This is the most threatening public transport superstar in Singapore of all. Armed with her hand full of market plastic bags (and often has something sharp sticking out e.g. crab leg), or rusty shopping trolley (with sharp edges too). Or both!

Believe me she wouldn't care what are you, human or ghost, prepare to to get some scratches on your skin if you try to block her way.