How Could You

Every child is brought into this world without a question. Children never ask to be brought into this world. Children are a gift, a blessing, and responsibility all wrapped up into a beautiful tiny bundle that grows forever. What I don't understand is how a mother can give birth to a child and then just disown them.

I have a question for you. How can you give birth to me and then just choose him over me. No matter what I did as I child that doesn't mean I asked to be taken from my childhood like that. I didn't ask him to hurt me the way he did. I didn't asked to be scarred like this for the rest of my life. Even after he tried to kill you, you still took his word over mine. I am supposed to be your flesh and blood, your daughter, the baby, and yet you still took his word over mine. Even after he has been tried and convicted for the same thing since what he did to me, you still chose him over your own child.

I may be grown now, but I still feel the pain from all those years ago. I still find myself looking in a mirror knowing that I can never wash that dirty feeling away no matter how hard I scrub. I could completely scrub the skin from my flesh and that dirty feeling would still remain. I will always feel that disgusting feeling that he put to me, you think I actually asked for that? And you are supposed to be my mother?

Let me answer that for you. You are NOT my mother. You are just another bitch on the streets if you ask me. A mother does not just push her child away when they need her the most the way you did to me. When I needed you the most, you pushed me off on the first fucking person that you could. That is not a mother in any sense. You are not a mother, you are just the bitch that gave me away. That makes three you gave away. One you didn't even give a chance to have a life, you ended their life before they ever saw the sight of a hospital light. Then there is my sister, and you still deny ever giving birth to her, but yet she looks identical to you. Then there is me. I feel sorry for CJ and Mike. Which one will you give a way next? Where do you have any right to give up your responsibilities. Children are the gift that you are not meant to give back. You can't just give them away and forget about them.

I know your pain. I found the closure that I thought I needed. The only problem is that now I have more questions than I had before. I never knew that I needed more than closure from her. I need closure from myself. I need that bastard to tell me why he thought he had any right doing what he did to me. I need closure from my family. I need closure from more than just her. I need a shoulder to cry on. I need someone to tell me everyday that none of this was ever my fault. I need someone to reassure me that they will get what they deserve for everything that they put me through. I need something to release my anger and despair. I need a way to get my revenge and I will stop at nothing to make vengeance mine.....take that how you want, but that's just the way my soul looks at it. When you go through everything I have been through in the last few years, you don't want to forgive them. NO, you want revenge and you will stop at nothing to get it, so don't try to twist my words against me, it is simply my feelings on this issue.

I hope this helps someone, somewhere, and in someway. I really hope that my mother reads this, and I hope you regrets the day she every gave me off to the first person that came close enough in her sights at the one time that I needed her the most! I know that I will always be a better mother to my children than she ever can be to any of hers, because I will never do to any of my children what she did to us. I will never do to any of my children what she did to me.