How Do I Get My Lazy Husband to Help With Housework?
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Is your man a good for nothing, lazy, TV watching slob? Okay, that may be harsh, but maybe he's just an ordinary Joe, a card carrying member of the Sofaholic club. While you bust your hump to finish the dishes, laundry and cleaning, your husband channel surfs and falls asleep on the couch. He doesn't even notice that you are one dish towel away from a physical meltdown or that you secretly want to string him up by his big toe. If this describes your predicament, join the club. Women, the nation over, are exhausted, beaten down, and in dire need help. They need their husbands to step up.
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How to Get Your Husband Moving
Here, in no particular order are six thoughts about men and house work. If you want help, study these ideas and make them your own.
1) Don't tell him to do more than one thing at a time. Tell him one thing he can help you with and leave it at that. Don't, under any circumstance give him a list. Men are genetically wired to reject all lists. If you do this you are doomed to fail.
2) Don't nag. It's an issue of stubborn will and you will not break him. The more you nag, the less he will do. Just ask once and leave it that.
3) Let him decide the timeline. This may sound counter intuitive, but it works. Men need to be in control. The minute they feel threatened they flee. If your man runs, then there is no way he will ever complete the job. Besides, when he completes the job, his pride will be surely let you know that he did it before the time elapsed.
4) Notice what he does, not what he doesn't. Let me put it this way. Imagine if your husband pointed out all of the flaws in your appearance and never noticed your good points. You would eventually break down and stop caring about your appearance. It's the same way with men and housework.
5) Don't asses or redo his work. If you want a job done by your husband and his work doesn't meet your expectations, do the job yourself and don't ask him to do it in the first place. The problem may just be your expectations and not your husband.
6) Let your man be the hero. A man loves to do heroic things for his wife. The problem with housework is your man doesn't understand how it important it is to you that he helps. In many cases, especially if you work, day to day house work is incredibly tiring and draining. It's a burden. He doesn't see the slow burn of exhaustion as easily as they see other threats to your well being. For him to truly understand your difficulty, you need to make a point of explaining your predicament, not in a condescending or angry to tone, but in a manner that conveys your predicament and desperation.
In the case that your husband is a total Brick head and doesn't respond to any of the following tips, then it's time to buy a sledge hammer. Don't jump to conclusions; you're not going to use it on him. Buy the sledge hammer, unplug the TV and drag it out to the driveway. When he comes home from work, just as he turns into the driveway, lift up the sledge hammer and smash the crap out of the TV. He may just get the message.
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Comments
mistyhorizon2003,
You are a lucky woman.
Thanks for your comment.
I guess I would have to consider I'm too one of the lucky ones. As long as my husband can move himself beyond his tv addiction he does do a very lot around the house. Very funny hub. BTW, stopping to think, I can use some of these tips on my son, he definately needs some clean up!
Dottie,
I have to say that your husband reminds me of myself. I'm do a decent job helping out.... when I can pull myself away from the tv.
sschilke
I was ready for an insulting rant about men, but this was a very good piece. Really! Excellent and very intelligent suggestions, Sschilke.
I'm a single man so I cook, do laundry and clean, all for myself, and won't tolerate living in a filthy environment. My brother and I were raised by a single mother so we're both like that. I don't know what this says about a two parent household, but it's interesting, eh?
Constant,
I love the "eh" on the end.. brings me back to my Canadian roots. With those (not tolerating a filthy environment) credentials, Constant, I can't see you staying single for long :).
Thanks for the comments
I'm just glad I don't have a sledge hammer...or someone to use it for that matter. lol You never cease to keep the jokes coming though.
The other option is don't do the housework either. When he asks what's up with that just tell him you only have so much energy in a day and you had to make some labor decisions to keep your sanity. You'll either find he becomes motivated to do the stuff that is important to him, or you may discover that you actually don't mind a little dust.
Excellent advice! As busy wives, we forget that men aren't wired the same way as we are and most need gentle handling in order to get them to do chores around the house. The key is to only give them one task at a time and to praise them for doing it. When they feel good about their contribution to the household it makes them willing to do more!
Take your top off...that will get him off the couch.
If it doesn't...kick him to the curb.
Housework is like therapy for my husband - he says dusting helps him relax - which suits me just fine! :P
Sounds so familiar. I found that mine like when I give him just two things to do and then really praise him.
Very good advice and oh so true!
My fiance does things everyone now and then when HE feels like it. What I don't understand is why when we (women/mothers) spend all day cleaning (and some of us even working outside the house) we don't get thanked. We're just expected to pick up the washing/rubbish etc. we're just expected to make the beds, do the dishes....but when a male does one thing he expects a medal? I know my fiance works full time, but on weekends and after work all he does is sit on his butt and play the playstation. There could be a big pile of dirty laundry right in the middle of the doorway and he'd walk over it, he wouldn't think to put it in the washing machine would he. Every few weeks he might cook (which is great) but then I'm the one left with all the mess afterwards as well as attending to other housework duties and the kids (we have two of them, soon to be three). He mows the lawns about once a month and takes the rubbish out and wants me to help him. When I ask him for help I get "I help you by staying out of the way" I am a stay at home mother right now, anyone who says being a mother is not a job needs a good wake-up call. I plan to go back to work within the next few years. And I tell you what, if he doesn't start helping with the damn housework (I mean everyday and not just once every few weeks/months) and I come home from work and have to do everything, sh!t is gonna hit the fan!
As i sit here taking the odd break 2 try 2 settle my 3 kids, my husband who has been on a drinking bender all weekend is now passed out on the lounge. Great advice but i think forget the first 5 steps and just pull out the damn sledge hammer!!!
Pregnant and Exhausted mum,
I think I should re adjust the last step and advise using the sledge hammer on your husband :)
sschilke
LOL--good article, but you forgot one--tell your husband about "Choreplay"--
"OOOOH baby! Fold those towels! you're turning me on!"
"Wow honey, by you doing all the dishes and vacuuming the stairs, I have an extra 10 minutes for you before we go to bed--You standing by the sink is HOT!*wink...."
Yes, who said it is a woman's job to pick up after the entire family?
I did that for too long. A husband and 3 sons, and a daughter who helped while she was at home. Now I refuse to do it any more.
Mothers/wives need to have a life too, not just watch the rest of the family have a life while she does the sloberly work.
Just remember mother's; bring your boys up with the right understanding about these things and then more husbands will not need 6 ways to be enticed into doing their fair share.
By the way PREGNANT: Don't wait till you "go to work in a few years" as that is insinuating you are not working now. Being pregnant and making another human being is the most sacred work possible and takes a lot of your energy, if you want the baby to be healthy. Also, if you are pregnant while looking after two other siblings that is more work than any man could handle. Never let anyone tell you you are not working. You deserve to have a husband who shares in chores, as do all women.
Where did the attitude come from that being a stay at home is not work and so a mum is responsible for all the shit jobs? Spending time playing with your kids is as much work as going off to a job, you might not be bringing home the bread but you're looking after your shared creations, your children.
"The key is to only give them one task at a time and to praise them for doing it. When they feel good about their contribution to the household it makes them willing to do more!"
Are you joking? This sounds like something I would do with my kindergarter - or a dog. We're talking about grown men here. Get over yourselves. I don't get thanked every time I scrub the toilet, mop the floor or fold laundry. I don't get praised for doing the grocery shopping or paying bills. If something needs to be done, do it and shut the f*** up.
Annoyed,
Sounds like some great advice to me. "Do it and shut the F*** up". That would work wonders in my house. That's exactly the type of thing every person needs to hear... I'm sure it will get great results.
sschilke
Great comments for "stay at home" moms and working dads. My "husband" stopped working and claims he is raising the kids as a "stay at home" dad. He literally accomplishes nothing for 8 hours a day most days but talk on the phone, play outside, and watch tv. I really just have another kid, not a husband. I know that I am supposed to love him, but this continuing lack of effort on his part is causing us problems, not to mention the child support he owes for kids in previous marriage and taxes he didn't pay while "working" for himself when he did make a buck or two, not that i ever say it. Anyway, I am just venting so that I can get it off my chest. I will pray for him, us, and our kids and show him love as hard as it is, his depression is contagious.
what did we women get ourselved into? :((....I feel you pain and I understand your feelings. My boyfriend does it all (he likes to cook) but isn't so big on clearning. However, the biggest problem is he ain't too ambicious. when I ask why can't he make more he says he isn't materialistc. in the mean time he is 60k in student loans. i guess any excuses that would make him look good works.
My fiance' is so lazy I just cant do anything but cry. I am at work all day and he doesnt have a job. He will have our son all day and not CLEAN anything. I am fed up and I dont know what I should do. HELPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!
amadwomen,
Cut off his money supply.
sschilke
you gotta be kidding! one chore and thats it? praise? topless and wink,wink? like hell! my thumb wabbler husband decided to go out on S.S. after he was laid off in 2006 at the age of 53. because he was afraid to look for a job,afraid of life and responsibility,since then he has been nothing but a pain in my ,ass,legs,back,arms,and bank account! Oh I understand exaustion ,i work alot,I miss alot and sometimes i end up with 2-4hrs of sleep, I am on call 24/7, my hrs are all over the place and when i come home after a 6-14hr shift the last thing i want to see is the house EXACTLY as it was when i was called out if i didnt get anything done except some sleep, if it is clean when i leave i can bet my bottom dollar that it wont be when i get home, and my poor, poor,"wired differently" only give one chore at a time and only ask once and leave it alone ,tired,"oh my back hurts!" husband is lucky i have no desire to see the inside of a cell. This man is an ostriach , if he ignores it, it doesnt exist,he told me 3yrs ago that when he "gets his head out of his ass" I will not have to even think about cleaning,cooking or shopping, well, it will never happen,,and guess what? all he can think of is " you got time honey dont you? (for sex) I can assure you that i dont have time or engery or the desire, just resentment and when a woman spends all that time doing everything else the LAST THING I WANT IS TO COZY UP TO A OVERWEIGHT, COUCH POTATOE! and yes ,I will be filing.I would now rather clean up after one and be happy for once in a long long time than waste more of my life in a fantasy world,and I wont be so darn angry,,, ITs no wonder women look old before thier time and men age and look good in grey.. we do everything and they do nothing..,thanks for the laugh!
The last comment was a month ago. So here goes...
I totally agree with this woman. I have a man who not only won't pick up after himself (which just about is all I ask), but won't fix things I can't. He wonder's why things are broken... that's because he won't get up off his lazy ass and do anything, so I have to. I WILL get done one way or another. I have flare ups of osteo arthritis in my knee from time to time and can't even stand, let alone walk and clean the house. Does he help? NO! He can't be bothered to make anything for me to eat. He can't be bothered, in his words, "to pick up after himself." I am so fed up, I'm this close to filing. I will be hiring a house cleaner. I can't deal with it anymore! Twenty-six years is too much to throw away, but I'm just about there.
Married to a lazy slob. Hope it works because being a single mum was a whole lot better and seriously thinking about divorce. I am constantly exhausted and working for peanuts to build my business. I crumble inside when he comes home and just chucks clothes and foodpackets/anything on the floor and spends the weekend on the sofa in front of the telly. No family meals or activities together either, just the movies. I feel like a thankless maid and
I don't nag since i can't bear having to ask again and again.
Ill have a go. Thanks. Maybe too late though
I agree with longoverdue also. I don't think men should have to be treated like children to get them take care of family responsibilities. If you care about your wife or children, act like it. If you want to live like a bachelor, don't get married or have kids. Women don't get 'thank yous' or 'good job' for everything we do. Why should we have to work a full time job, just like men, and have to take care of the household responsibilities and take care of the children? We should never have to have these 'ideas' for getting men to do what they SHOULD BE DOING ANYWAYS.
I'm sorry, but I found this article to be insulting. The ideas may be good for a new relationship, but I've tried everything suggested and none of it works. The same problems have been THE SAME for 6 years. I'm to the point where I am depressed and exhausted.
My suggestion for men who want to keep a good relationship with their wives is to be a good PARTNER and put forth as much effort as your wife. Are you that lazy at work? Probably not. Give your wife at least as much RESPECT as you do your coworkers.
Larasgirl,
Sorry for your predicament... hope it improves some day.
"Why should we have a full time job, just like men, and have to take care of the household responsibilities and take care of children"
My suggestion... quit your job.
sschilke
mistyhorizon2003 says:
15 months ago
Great advice and very funny hub, well done. I am one of the lucky few, my Husband actually willingly does housework, although if he washes up it is a bit hit and miss. Still, at least he tries!