For some time I have wanted to connect with old friends I haven't seen in years, on Facebook. Unfortunately most of them have very common names. Have you ever tried to find a "Jane Smith" or a Ted Williams" in a people search on Facebook when you have no idea if they have moved and you don't have a current email address?

Let's say you do look up "Nancy Jones." You will probably get at least 30 of them. At least half of these will have no identifying information such as a city or picture available unless you are already a friend. You don't really want to send messages to 20 people asking if they are the Nancy Jones you went to school with  20 years ago at UCLA. How do you find the right Nancy Jones? I don't promise that you can, but here is what I have tried this week that so far has worked for me.

First, I started thinking in terms of who knows who else that I know. I started with a church directory I saved from 20 years ago. I found  one person I wanted to search for that had both an uncommon (or so I thought) first and last name. I thought that since many of us were mutual friends, I might be able to find the other friends I was seeking though (I'm making this up) Mathitbelle Glockmeyer. So I looked up Mathitbelle Glockmeyer.. Bingo! There she was. So I clicked on her name and really lucked out because not only her picture showed, but also her friend list. Since it's a very big world, I checked the friend list to see if I recognized any names. Bingo again! I found one with the last name of Miller that I never would have found by looking up her name. Now I was sure I had the right Mathitbelle Glockmeyer, so I sent the friend request. Then I started down the friend links. I checked the Miller's list of friends and hit the jackkpot. Her list had the name of the minister's wife of the church many of my friends near my former home had attended. I found everyone else I had been looking for on that list.

I was lucky, since some of my friends let some bit of information show in their profiles that could help old friends find them. Sometimes the person you are looking for has no information except their name showing, along with ten or fifteen others with the same name. When this happens, consider if you have mutual friends you can find who have less common names, and then search their friend list if it's visible. You can usually tell if you have the right friend if you see the names of their family members in their  friend list or the names of mutual friends. Use every clue you can find, since the location  might not be the one you remember. The first friend I looked up and found, had moved clear across the county. But her friend list confirmed I had the right person.

Now I'm working on something harder -- my favorite college roommate. My last letter was not returned about six years ago, and I'm not sure my friend is even still alive. Her name is unsual, and it does not come up on a search. Neither does her husband's name. What to do next? Try the children. I know my friend had two daughters, but I don't know where they live now or if they have changed their names. I looked up the first one and checked her friend list. The second daughter's name appeared on the friend list, so I was pretty sure I had struck gold. Last night I sent a message to the older daughter asking about her mother and giving enough identifying information to confirm that we were indeed friends and that I had even visited them all in Maryland in 1985 with my family. I iahve not heard back yet, but I also know that many people only check their email every few days. I expect to get news soon.

If you are the kind of person who would like to connect with your old friends -- especially those with common names -- make it easy for them to find you. If you are married, be sure to put your maiden name as a middle name. Your old high school friends may not know your married name or recognize you if you send a friend request without it. If you do send a friend request, be sure to include a personal note to remind your old friend how you knew each other. The memory can fade after 25 or 50 years. I know when I get my notices from Classmates.com about who has visited my profile, I recognize some names of people who were acquaintances, but can remember little about them. People you used to know in high school may not remember you very well either. Make is easy for them to remember you. . 

I hope that these hints will make it easier for you to finally connect with some of those old friends you've been looking for. If you  can't find them on Facebook, you might also try Plaxo or My Space, depending upon which venue you think they'd be more likely to use. Now I think I'll go try to find some other people I've been looking for.

Make new friends, but keep the old.
One is silver, the other gold.

It's not always easy to find your old friends again, but but it's well worth the effort. I'm not suggesting you friend every possible person on Facebook or any other networking site, but it's a great place to get back in touch with those lost friends who used to mean a lot to you.