Love is not the magical coming together of two wandering souls that movie portray it to be. In fact when it comes to how to find a woman, I am starting to rely on numbers to guide me on my quest to find the perfect lover. Being no student of numerology I am creating my system based on history and on my own abominable dating record.

There are times in a persons life when things become clear. A point in which questions are answered and the loose ends start to weave together forming the fabric of their existence. I have never experienced this phenomenon. Tonight while sitting in my underwear three inches from the window airconditioner I realized that I have girlie nipples when I am cold and that by recognizing pattern of numbers, I could improve by deduction. No more would I waste time, money and semi clean under wear chasing women that apart from providing cheap thrills, would never be right for me.

609 This is the area code for New Jersey. The toll to get into NJ is free, to get cack out costs $3. This is an indication of the population at large. Nj is only 5 miles away but in order to get past the high hair, the gum chewing while smoking while nursing the kid girls, you have to travel deep into mid state, If a girl has a 609 area code she is either too far away or she lives along the river and has a tainted uterus from the Delaware River pollution and her own local water supply

19061 This is my zip code. Taking into account that gas is expensive and that the zip code is made up of 5 boroughs , I need my space. If a girl is close enought to hand deliver a letter, she is close enough to do a drive by. When they live that close they want to stay over because it is the same distance to work. This forces me to not sleep pee and to have to snuggle with her , neglecting the dog.

34 -c This is the largest fake breast size allowed. The is a strong connection between fake breasts and mental illness. While a little crazy is fun, too much crazy causes hostility, resentment and violent caricatures to be drawn on restaraunt placemats. Fake breasts are like Chinese tourists: fun to look at but you don't want to have to talk to them.

24 This is the amount in dollars she should not exceed when ordering on the first date. This may be a combination of drinks and food or trying to win a harmonica on the crane machine. Add in gas money, car wash money, and mangnum condoms and I've already spent $56 before I even eat a piece of bread. For the $80 I already dropped I could have stayed home and downloaded Debbie Does Dallas in 5 languages and played onloine scrabble for money.

6 This is how old her oldest child can be. This gives me 4 years to train it to obey me and learn how to clean the gutters.

2 This is the minimal age for her youngest child. Any younger than 2 is too close to inception, I may as well be holding her ex's sperm in my lap.

1 This is how many kids she can have. Any more than 1 and I don't know for certain who's finges to put in the mousetrap when I find gum in the back seat.

A - A +4 This is the number of people she has slept with when A is the number of women I have been with. THis number becomes void if any of her past lovers have been friends, relatives, drug users, in a band or watch the TV show Flippin Out.

1 Number of ex husbands allowed

0 how many venereal diseases in remission

2 number of cats

2 number of dogs

2 number of pets combined excluding fish

1 roomate if female

0 roomate if male even if gay

12 years of highschool, 14 if she is hot

1 number of times she can ask me why I never got married

8 maximum number of years she can be younger than me

2 maximum years she can be older than me

2 how many free pases she gets when objecting to my sexual fantasies