How Shy Teens Can Still Make Friends

Being shy at any age can be hard, but it is especially difficult as a teenager. It's a time in life when you're trying to establish your identity, and at least a portion of that comes from the feedback you get from other people. I believe the whole root of shyness is when people try to guess how others are going to respond to them without giving others the chance to actually respond.

When you assume that people are going to reject you, you aren't very friendly. People may want to get to know you, but your body language and quietness makes them think you want to be left alone. Other people are a lot like you, and they're not going to risk you rejecting their offer for friendship either. You then look at how other people are leaving you alone, and that just validates your thinking. It's easy to get trapped in a cycle of that.

I was shy until I was around 16 or 17 years old. I got tired of it. It took me a couple of years to really figure out things that helped me, and I want to share them with you:

1) Get your mind off of guessing what other people are thinking.

A majority of the time, they're thinking about their own daily problems and worries. Look at how you think. Are you constantly thinking about who you don't want to be friends with for no reason? Neither are other people.

2) Start small.

I remember my junior year I met a guy who had been home schooled his whole life and wanted to finish his last two years in public school. His mom had taught him well when it came to people. On his first day, he took the time to introduce himself to everyone and ask how we were doing. Everyone was his friend by the end of the week.

Sometimes it's really just as simple as saying, "Hi, I'm -. How are you?" As you get more practice at talking with people, conversations will get easier. It's also all right to be a little nervous at first. That will actually diminish in time.

3) Get around people who share your interests.

This always makes things easier. People like talking about things they enjoy. It's nice to find common ground, and you may find yourself talking more than you usually do.

4) Read a few books about people-skills and personality types.

Ever wonder why some people react to things the way they do? Having a general understanding of personality types and people-skills can help you carry a conversation better and longer.

It did not happen overnight, but the end results of doing all of this is I'm not shy anymore. In fact, I like getting to know people now. From the point that I'm at right now, I can tell you the work is worth it. I have great friendships, and I want that for you as well. I hope you can take this advice and apply it, and I wish you the best in life!