Technology is pretty darn awesome these days. Cell phones have revolutionized the way in which we communicate. We can talk or text each other 24 hours a day. Blackberry's and Iphones allow us to grab information at will as well as texting quick questions and comments to each other. Good or bad, our friends and family are always at our fingertips, so to speak.

But there is an evil, dark side to this technology that leads to nothing other than death itself. Today I'd like to talk to all of you about How Texting Will Kill You Dead.

Okay, here is a scenario that you likely have encountered before.  You hop in your vehicle of choice and put your seatbelt on as required by law (and insurance companies :-] )

You place your car in gear and head off on your merry way to your happy destination. Enroute you encounter madness of the fifth order.  Doorknobs, I mean people, in their luxurious SUV's are swerving into your lane, are pulling out directly in front of you, and often times drilling right into the back of the car ahead of them at full speed.

Are they drunk? Nope.  

A few years back you would have assumed they were just talking on their cell phones.  Bad enough that cell phones distracted your attention from the road by taking some mind power away from the task at hand; that being driving your vehicle.

I might add that cell phones were hell on people who like to talk with their hands.  One hand on their cell plastered to their ear while the other hand was pontificating.  Wait, what was working the stearing wheel you might ask?  It was their knee.

Ahh, the good old days of half mentally challenged drivers talking on cells.  Now it's ten times worse.

The jerks who text while driving not only have their mind power diverted from the task of driving a two-ton-moving-pedestrian-death-dealer (translation : vehicle) in traffic, they now need both hands AND their eyeballs to text and drive.

Madness, Chaos, and Death have ensued.

None of us were taught how to conduct this acrobatic texting maneuver in driving school. Those that text and drive are taking our lives into their hands.  

I will put forth that they are criminals who should be immediately locked up in a rusty jail cell immediately.

We all know text while driving is a serious safety issue. Some areas have legislated laws against the practice. In other municipalities, bans on texting and driving is synonymous with bans on using cell phones while driving.

These measure are not enough to stop the scourge of the roads, those darn texters, from causing havoc and death on our roadways. Especially when you see police officers and sheriff's deputies talking and texting away while they drive.

What should we do about the criminal texting element on our highways? The answer is Citizens' Arrest.

I'm serious. The next time you see another felonious texting and driving assault taking place, immediately shout "Citizen's Arrest" out your window and run that texter off of the road. Politely I might add.

Immediately grab the foot long salami you've just purchased from your grocer and subdue the offending driver with a quick salami slap to the ear. Recover the texting device/cellphone/blackberry/iphone from their now dazed and confused paw. You may need it as evidence at their trial.

Quickly place a zip tie around their hands in order to avoid further pontification in regards to their consternation. (Everyone carries zip-ties at all times, right?)

Congratulations. You've now made the road safer for everyone!

Call your local constabulary and let them know of your assistance in the capture of a nefarious texting while driving addict. Your job is now done. Move along to enjoy your salami in the comfort of your own home.

Seriously though, texting isn't just stupid to do while driving, it is a highly dangerous practice that is resulting in traffic fatalities across the country and the world. 

Beware drivers!