My husband and I used to fight over money. In marriage, you might think, it is nearly unavoidable. Two different people coming from different societies trying to blend morals, needs, emotions and finances, it is seldom an easy thing.

In the old days, we would begin to get tense the week before the bank statement arrived. It was then that I knew I had to pull all of my receipts together and prepare to justify each and every expense to my husband. He would sit at the table fiercely comparing our bank statement to our checkbook register.

Sometimes it ended well and the accounts would balance, other times it would end badly and we would discover that we actually had hundreds of dollars less than what was originally thought. A normally pleasant day would be shattered, for several reasons, not the least of which was poor record keeping and a lack of communication.

Never again! It is well known that the three biggest sources of contention in marriage center on money, kids, and sex. Let me just clarify now that Todd and I no longer fight about money. So what have we done to limit this stressor and the power it previously had over our marriage?

Online banking has limited the monthly unknowns from our financial situation. All deposits, debits and credits are shown online within hours of being made. Pending transactions are accounted for before becoming an issue. We can even transfer funds from our savings account to our checking account from any computer with access to the Internet, and have the transferred funds immediately available.

Online banking can be thought of as more safe than traditional brick and mortar accounts for several reasons.

1. Statements are not available in the mailbox.
2. Accounts can be accessed and checked daily.
3. Email alerts can warn of unusual activity.

In addition to online banking, my husband and I decided to “come clean” about our monthly expenses. There was to be no more hiding the clothes I bought for the kids or myself and he was to stop hiding fast food bags in the backseat of his car. We decided to sit down and come up with a budget that we both could live with, and no more hiding!

We did this first off by adding our incomes and subtracting our spending obligations. What was left was our discretionary spending. This money would go for things such as clothes, entertainment, lunches out, hair care, pet care, home improvement and the like.

At this point, Todd and I actually debated and eventually agreed how much money should go to each category each month. This agreement is very important, so that it does not create arguments at a later date. Once the categories were established and the amounts agreed upon, we actually took the cash out of the bank for each area and put the money in envelopes labeled with the appropriate names. This worked so well for us when we were saving money to buy our first house that we have stayed with it and we do not argue. It works because there is honesty, with each other and ourselves. As long as the money is coming from the appropriate envelope, then neither person has anything to say. If I want to buy myself a little black dress one month and my son a pair of basketball shoes the next, I do not have to account for those choices and the same goes for Todd. He can take money out of the entertainment fund to go to the movies with our daughter, but when that envelope is empty, that is it for the month.