How To Be A Complete And Utter B@stard At Work

Getting a reputation for yourself is never easy, it takes hard work, dedication and the desire to be the best in your field, a reputation is earned and when you have achieved that reputation standard you have to keep to the same mindset or risk losing that hard earned title.

A reputation is difficult enough to achieve, keeping that reputation can be just as difficult.

There is no point in becoming the best in your field if you are going to start letting your standards drop as soon as you have achieved your desired reputation.

There are many titles that use the word b@stard but we want to gain the reputation as a complete and utter b@stard.

Titles such as ugly b@stard, dirty b@stard, two faced b@stard and so on are all well and good but the first time someone says the words "That guy is a complete and utter b@stard" is a moment to cherish for the rest of your life.

It is the moment you have worked so hard to achieve and you have a title for being the best all rounder not just for specialising in one particular field.

Becoming a complete and utter b@stard is a lot more difficult that it may sound and for some people it may take years to accomplish your goal, others though, and we all know at least one of them, are complete and utter b@stards from the moment that they are born.

It is an instinct that they are born with and nothing will ever change them, these guys make up the supervisors, team leaders and management team in your work place.

They are the Teachers, the Lawyers, the Politicians and the type of people who would rather umpire in sports than play in them.

You may just lose all of your friends in the process of becoming a complete and utter b@stard, but just as a business man makes a sacrifices on his way to the top so must you and as we are being so brutally honest every successful business man only became that way because there is a bit of a b@stard lurking somewhere within them.

So how do you become a complete and utter b@stard?

The first step

Being a complete and utter b@stard requires you to be selfish, you are the most important person in the world and woe betides anyone who gets in your way the world revolves around you and everyone else is an insignificant pawn.

Your way or no way

If you have to work with another person, or in your new mode of thinking an inferior person, the job that you have to do together has to be done your way,no matter what even if the other person's way is better and more efficient.

You have to be in control and no matter what the insignificant co- worker says or how many times he/she tries to explain their method of working, you must remain oblivious to them and not listen to a word that they say. Of course when everything goes wrong, the insignificant co-worker becomes your pawn when attaching blame.

Double Standards

You can stand around half the day at work doing absolutley nothing, or you could take a day off "sick" without a word being said about it but if one of your colleges stops for even one second or is really ill and does have to take time off work they receive a written warning and get a serious talking too into the bargain.

Birds of a Feather

B@stard's stick together in the workplace, from you on the lowest rung of the ladder to the chairman of the board, a b@stard can spot another b@stard from 100 yards away, there is one rule in the workplace for b@stard's and another for everyone else, if there is to be a promotion in the company the first b@stard in line will be sure to get it.

To prove yourself as a b@stard in the workplace, you have to be the person who starts the unfounded rumours about co-workers or about company policy, you have to cow-tow to your inferior superiors when required whilst bitching to them about your inferior co-workers, you have you do all of that and then be two-faced about it all by denying everything to both and trying to make yourself look squeaky clean in the process.