Not only do you need the balls the size of hypergiant twin binary-stars. You will need a baggage of academic and practical excellence.

Your first step on the way to space is to consider what kind of astronaut you're going to be. And no, you will not eligible for inclusion as a mascot. Still want to go?

Becoming an astronaut involves some thought. Each member of a flight crew is highly specialized.

• The Pilot

The pilot is the oft romanticized astronaut role. The Pilot serves both as a pilot and "ship's commander". He/She is responsible for the crew, the integrity of the ship and the mission.

Do you feel you have what it takes? Well, that's the easy part. Let's get a feel for the prerequisites.

• One of the following.

1. Bachelor's Degree in Engineering (minimum)
2. Bachelor's Degree in Biological Science
3. Bachelor's Degree in Mathematics
4. Bachelor's Degree in Physical Science

• The applicant must have had at least l,000 hours flying time in jet aircraft
• Experience as a test pilot is desirable
• Must be citizens of the United States

If you didn't make it. I wouldn't worry, there are far more positions to choose from. Hang in there.

• Mission Specialist

Mission specialists are responsible for monitoring and updating the crew on the Ship's "vitals". Food, water, fuel. They also execute experiments with payload activities. They require detailed knowledge of the space-shuttle's:

"operational characteristics, mission requirements and objectives and supporting systems for each of the experiments to be conducted on the assigned missions."

There is an upside to all this mumbo-jumbo however. You'd get to perform EVAs or Extra-Vehicular-Activities, or simple, space-walks! You also get to fidget with the shuttle's RMS of arm.

The requirements are:

• One of the following.

1. Bachelor's Degree in Engineering
2. Bachelor's Degree in Biological Science
3. Bachelor's Degree in Physical Science
4. Bachelor's Degree in Maths

• 3 years of related and progressively responsible professional experience (I'm sure you could squirm through that one!)

• Payload Specialists

The payload specialist is responsible for the equipment on the Space-shuttle. This is the newest addition to the crew. These crew-members are picked by an "investigator" from a sponsoring organization and subsequently approved by NASA.

Due to the fact that despite his status as a non-pilot, the payload specialist must take an intensive training course that prepares him for any eventuality (at least the basics...)This training is conducted at JSC and other locations, as required. Payload specialist training may begin as much as 2 years before a flight.

Requirements:

• Suck up to your host organization and hope for the best (easy)

Basic Training

The training of Astronauts is quite a momentous team effort. It requires that collaboration of thousands of people and a plethora of expensive looking equipment.

The downside is that despite being an astronaut, you might feel like you're back in school. You will understake lessons in Biology, flight-school, Phsyics, Maths and a wide-range of technical courses.

The upside is that your new Physical Education classes blow running in cicles through the mud away completely. Furthermore not all your subjects are face-palm worthy.

Earth resources, meteorology, guidance and navigation, astronomy, physics and computer sciences don't sound half bad do they?

Now, after you've made a show at doing your homework. You can begin by relaxing in your Aircraft weightless training lessons. Nasa explains the experience as

"Flying a parabolic course, the aircraft is able to create up to 30 seconds of weightlessness when flying a parabolic maneuver. During this rather brief period of time, astronauts can practice eating and drinking as well as use various kinds of Shuttle-type equipment. Training sessions in the KC-135 normally last from 1 to 2 hours, providing an exciting prelude to the sustained weightless experience of space flight."

You can read the "weeeeeee" philosophy through the lines on that.

You're going to be on NASA's very own Shuttle Training Aircraft (STA) (which have come a long way since the film Apollo 13).

You'll also be using the aforementioned K-135 planes to test landing a heavy plane. Yes, in real life!

If you didn't make the qualifiers, you can always drive out to the Ames-Dryden Flight Research Facility and beg.

Yes, that was all basic apparently. The advanced training focuses on becoming a team. You will learn to deal with malfunctions in simulated flights, or flight-specific integrated simulations. You will be given trouble-shooting scenario's both planned and unknown.

In short you will become less of a pool of talented individuals, and more of a single, functioning arm of the space-agency.

You will be using the The Shuttle Mission Simulator (SMS) extensively to this aim (which sounds like a blast, its simply a $100 million dollar Miscrosoft Flight sim).

You did better than I. I think I failed to meet the requirements, oh, somewhere before even starting. If you go to the moon, remember to drop a referral up there somewhere, if not, feel free to indulge in a melancholic trek through space in your mind.

Hope you enjoyed the Hub.

Thoog.