How To Deal With A Controlling Mother
75All They Want Is The Best For Us
Most good mothers tend to try and control you and your actions. This is not because they are power-hungry, it's because they have been there, done that and don't want you to make the same mistakes as they did.
My mother was exactly the same. When I finished High School she begged that I go to College but I rebelled and left home at the age of 16. I had a lot of things going on in my life at that point and I couldn't take the pressure. I do regret not listening to my mother because I am now years behind and all the friends I grew up with have almost graduated College and I know that if I had listened from the beginning, I would be right there with them. There is always time and room for a second chance and I will be fixing what I have broken. My mother insisted that I go to College because when she was that age, she dropped out after 3 months because the pressure at home was too much (her father died soon after and her mother was extremely abusive and violent). My mother has never been abusive or violent towards me or any of my siblings but it does look as though I have followed in her footsteps, mistake-wise.
I noticed my mother began to become a little more controlling as I neared the end of my compulsory education and as I crept closer and closer to turning the age of 16 (which in Australia is the legal age of consent and the age in which you can be legally independent). I guess this is because she feared what I would use that freedom for and was trying desperately to prevent me from doing so. On a guess, most mothers probably fear that. They most likely also fear their children growing up and moving out, especially with their first born child because it is a new experience and they don't really know what to expect. Fear can trigger frustration and anger.
Mothers (and Fathers for that matter) want what is best for their children and sometimes they have a very weird way of showing it. Once you move out and away you will begin to realise their original intent and start to understand exactly why they did what they did and why they went about it the way that they did. We may not even fully understand until we have kids of our own and live through what they have. But just remember, our parents brought us into the world, kept us safe, helped us grow and learn and after all those years of hard work and love, don't you think it would be at least a little bit hard for them to let go? They do, but I imagine it's not easy. Respect them through the good times and the bad and love them through the happy and the sad. We only have so much time to live and only one life to give all that we wish to give. Use it.
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Comments
Beautiful hub, thanks for sharing :)
Patty
I have some ex boyfriends that are total mamas boys and Ive noticed they have one thing in common besides that; a controlling mother. I feel sorry for boys like that but most of all the mommies need to take a step back and let the kid take over their own life. There is something very wrong when "mommy" comes to visit and cleans his home, does his laundry and rearranges his kitchen cabinets, especially when he's 35! (Probably a major reason they are X's) :)
I'm 25 yrs old and I grew up with a controlling , overprotective mother which whom i still live with. Although, i understand that raising children , especially as a single parent is difficult and alot of these types of mothers do believe they want or know whats best for their children. There are those , like my mother, who are narcissists and can be extremly emotionally abusive. I could remember my mother flying into fits of rages or becoming extremly agitated by things i might not have been aware of doing , like facial expressions , the tone of my voice and the way i walk. She wouldn't just critcize but mock me . I had to rehearse what i would say to her if trying to confront her about them because of the serious negative effect it was having on me and knowing that she'd only use what id say to flip it back around on me to make it seem as though i were attacking her or worse using intimidation to keep me in line.
I love my mother and i recognize how much she's sacraficed and loves me however in my late teens when i began understanding the differences between discipline and cruelty I began examining her state of mind and the damage it did to me.
My point is, it can be extremly difficult for children to know the differance from a caring, concerned, protective parent and one who maybe doing more harm then what's being called to question, and rarely does anyone ever step in and realize whats going on ... Emotional abuse and manipulation leaves internal scarring that's carried well into adulthood by then there's no reversing it..
working
ebookshack says:
6 months ago
You are very right. I have an 18 year old daughter and a 15 year old son. Although I try not to control their lives as my mother tried to control mine, my children always hear my point of view. My dad always used to just say "because I said so" and that was not a good answer for me so I would always rebel.
I tell my kids the pros, cons, possible scenerios and then tell them that I trust them to do what is right and follow their own minds now that they are armed with some facts and possibilities. Most times, my children have chosen the right path. Sometimes they have not. I am always there regardless. They know that.
Some mothers do try to live their lives through their kids if they are unhappy with their own. Others are just controlling for the sake of always being right. But most mothers do want the best for their kids. Some just do not know how to communicate effectively.
Even if you do not get along with your mother now. As I did not from the age of 16-24. You will cherish your mother when you get older. You seem to have turned out alright as well. You have a positive outlook and understanding of how parents can be.
Good post for all of those who may need some encouragement.