This is a very basic guide for those men who still haven’t figured out how to avoid World War III every month. PMS (or PMT, as the Brits call it) is a very real thing, and it can vary from crankiness to flat out wrath. Don’t be an idiot, and don’t be a hero – use these tips and live another month.

Don’t ask her if she’s PMS’ing.

Y’all make this mistake a lot. Just because she’s ticked that you’ve spent the baby’s milk money on a pack of smokes, doesn’t mean she’s PMS’ing. And even if you’re right and she is PMS’ing, you’re not doing yourself any favors by asking. The last thing you want to ask an already-angry woman is whether or not she’s PMS’ing.

Don’t mention the 4 and 5 zits on her face.

Guess what? She knows they’re there, and she’s not digging them any more than you are. In fact, she’s probably quite miserable about them, so leave her alone. Just be thankful she has functioning sebaceous glands – she’ll still look young when she’s 50. In the meantime, worry about your own complexion, buddy.

Don’t suggest she take fewer painkillers.

So what if the bottle says do not exceed 1600 mgs a day – it’s not enough sometimes, ok? Unless you want her writhing in pain on the floor, clutching at her abdomen like an alien lovechild is on the way – step off! If you still expect her to cook, clean and do the dishes tonight (and God knows most of you do), you’d best not come between a woman and her NSAIDs.

Don’t walk away from her while she’s talking.

This is an unwise move regardless.. but try this when a woman is PMS’ing and watch out. If you feel the need to walk away, you better turn it into a run. Or be able to duck, cos a stiletto may be on target for that head of yours.

Don’t you dare ask for nookie.

It’s sad that I need to mention this one, but I know I do. Let’s put this in perspective for those of you without a uterus. Imagine someone riding a bike over your testicles and then parking it there. That would start to annoy you after awhile, eh? Now imagine whether or not you’d want to get down and dirty with Schwinn stamped on your lower anatomy. No? Gosh, what a surprise. Obviously there are other things you shouldn't do - but you can't expect me to tell you all of them. We need something to yell at you for!

xx Isabella