What is your ideal "type" of man? Tall, dark and handsome? Strong silent? Bad boys? Surfers? Body builders? Girls, be honest!! Finding "Mr. Right" is downright tough. Finding "Mr. Wrong" is ooooh sooo easy.  There are all kinds of dating services out there.  All kinds of men on those sites.  The service says "you match!" but do you?  You see the match percentage at 82%, but he's listed "any" in 75% of the spaces.  You're not an "any."  So let's find out what kind of a man you need to find!

You need to figure out what characteristics in a man actually inspire you. Not just what you think will look good decorating your future Christmas cards.

Have you ever been told that you always pick the wrong men? Ok, so I've always been told this.

Whether you've heard that tune from well meaning friends, family members (especially your mother), it's time to get serious and determine if they might be right. But don't tell your mom she might be right. This sets a pattern for many "I told you so's!" and we need to nip this in the bud!

And I don't mean inventory the men you have buried under your house already...

Begin by writing down a list of your relationships. Start out your greatest love affairs - the ones that kept you flying high, swept you off your feet, as well as the ones that brought you your lowest lows. Most relationships carry a little bit of both.

Once you have that completed (it doesn't need to be incredibly detailed) go over it, person by person. For some of you this is going to be a very, very, very long list. Mine, not so long. Better to use fake names in case your mother finds the list before you can burn it. Note the characteristics that initially attracted you to them. It should encompass basic physical attributes such as great teeth (in my opinion a personal 'should have') or steely blue eyes (I prefer they have no more than two eyes) - and it should also include personality traits such as a tendency to be the life of the party, moody, addict, sense humor (or lack thereof), buys me diamonds, and so forth.

Next, write reasons as to why each relationship ended. Perhaps their "life of the party" personality was what drew you to them, but ultimately became the reason you went your separate ways. 

They say to be cautious, and not to drive too far down memory lane. This process is meant to help you to 'move forward', instead of beating yourself up over the past. But how much of this was because you weren't looking at them with your 'reality glasses' on? Be honest here. You can move forward better if you are.

Patterns? Oh, man, do I have 'patterns'!! But this isn't about MY patterns.

Take a look at your list, and pay attention to trends and repetition around the types you've been attracted to. It will clarify what types you've focused on (maybe you know, but have been afraid to admit it). More importantly, you will have insight as to whether those characteristics have served you well in the past. Now I don't mean 'served you' like that. Ok, Maybe yes, maybe no. Perhaps you simply feel like you need to shake things up.

It may be time to shift your focus, and maybe attract someone who's not your usual type. Maybe your mother has a friend, with a son, who's a nice guy but currently (and frequently) unattached. Come on.. don't get all... attitudey over it. You never know!

A key step in beginning any journey is to admit that you're ready to start fresh. Your first step down that road is to set a shift in motion by creating a new intention. Let's say that after years of financial woe you decide you want a partner who is as financially aware as you are. You need to affirm that this is what you seek - and then you will communicate your intention to others.

I don't mean walking down the street with a sign on your chest "Looking for Mr. Next!"  You know the questions you need to be asking any potential partner.  Your ever-trusty inner voice will scream at you should you decide to overlook the shortcomings you've decided are not the personality traits of the men going in the direction you need to take. 

Since you're charting new territory, you will want to explore new venues. Time to get in your car and scope out your new hunting grounds.  

Let's say you are interested in meeting an intellectual equal, rather than the party-hounds of your past. While bar- and club-hopping might have served you back in the day, it may not keep you on your new path. Do a little digging to locate some outlets where you are more likely to meet brainiacs (at the library, during a lecture series, at an adult education class, etc.). 

I like the coffee aisle at the supermarket. This has been a good one for me. Sidle up to a fellow looking at the different coffee beans and say "What's enticing you today?" (Don't forget to look for the wedding ring first) and say a few "OOHs" and "AAHs" while you take a sniff of the ones they are focusing on.  Go to high-end car shows, find a chap looking at the cars.  Admit you know nothing about cars.  Ask them if this would be a car they would buy for you if you were their wife.  If they say "yes, I would!"  Ask if they'd like to go out for coffee and maybe elope!  Just a thought!

So step forward and open up your mind and heart - to all your new possibilities and directions. I met a guy shopping for TVs once.. ok.. again, not about me!  

Get that list of "really really must have's" and find yourself a new man!

And, find one for me, too!!