How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back - The Complete Guide
89"If you are sure you want to get your ex boyfriend back, you must decide on a solid plan immediately, before you make a bad move and blow your chances."
Author: Esmeralda Redfield
Hey girl,
The fact that you are reading this, means you are wondering how to get your ex boyfriend back. I've been there, trust me. I know how miserable you feel, and I am truly sorry for you.
However, there is one person who can't be sorry for you right now.. And that's you!
A breakup is a very emotional and painful thing to go through. Probably all you want to do just now is to curl up on the couch, eat ice cream, and feel sorry for yourself. (And honestly, who wouldn't!)
But if you came here to find out how to get your ex boyfriend back, it is extremely important
that you decide on a solid plan right now. Before you are tempted to
make a bad move by instinct, and blow your chances in the process. (You will be tempted, no doubt about it, and the ice cream will be the least of your problems).
In life, usually it is good to do what your instincts tell you to do. Your "gut feeling" is right most of the time, and if you follow it, you will be allright.
However, this does not apply to breakup situations!
This is the one time where your instincts are totally WRONG. Believe
me, if you want to get your guy back, you will have to act completely
different from what your heart tells you to do.
So stop what you are doing for a moment. Try to control your emotions, and take a few minutes out of your time to read what I have to say.
My article is quite long, because I have a lot of important information to share with you. But if you are willing to invest five minutes to read this, those five minutes will have a huge impact on your chances to get your ex boyfriend back! So bear with me for a bit.
Three Ground Rules For Winning Your Boyfriend Back
I have defined three ground rules that any girl should follow if she wants to get her ex boyfriend back.
Of course every breakup situation is different. You may feel like your situation is so different, that the "common rules" don't apply to you.
However, if you have decided that you want your ex boyfriend back, I strongly advise you to keep these ground rules in mind, no matter what your situation is!
This is what I have learned from talking with hundreds of girls in breakup situations, and I am not exaggerating, feel free to look at the comments below my article.
The first rule is the simplest and the most difficult at the same time:
Ground Rule One: Be strong!
However heartbroken you feel, trust me, your ex boyfriend is not going to want you back if you show him that you are miserable and/or needy.
You probably have the urge to let him know just how terrible you feel, and how much you miss him, so that he will feel.. ehm... Feel what? Pity..?
A guy doesn't fall for a girl out of pity, ever! You'd be amazed though, how many women try to use this "tactic" to get an ex boyfriend back. Please don't be one of them! To get your ex boyfriend back, you will have to be confident and strong! Girls, I can not stress this enough.
A Little Psychology To Help You To Be Strong
By now you may be thinking "OK Essy, easy for you to say, but I just feel terrible! How can I act confident when I feel as rotten as I do?"
Well of course acting confident can be difficult right now, because after a breakup your self esteem may hit a low point.
Try this little psychological exercise for a minute, it's really helpfull:
Imagine how it will be when you are back together with your boyfriend. Not like in a memory, but in the future.That part is very important.
Experience how it feels to be back together after you have been apart all this time.. Really feel his arms around you again..Feel his love in how tightly he holds you.. Hear the sweet things he whispers in your ear... How happy he is that he and you are together again..
Try to make this imagination as "real" as possible.
Now realize yourself (and make a mental note right now) that many couples get together after a breakup, every single day! This is not just a fantasy, you can achieve this goal if you put your mind to it!
People get back together after the most horrible breakups.. Even lots of people that shouldn't be together, still get a second (or third) chance.
Why? Well it's just a matter of biology and psychology.
- Biology: It's the chemistry between the two of you. If it "felt right" it probably was right, as far as mother nature is concerned.The two of you share a strong connection, so it is probable that you can make "good" babies together. And your (and his) body picks up on that.
- Psychology: This one is more complicated, and this is where you can put your magic to work.. Psychology is actually pretty simple if you know what you are doing. The only problem is, people act in the wrong way to get their results, and mess up their chances in the process. However, if you KNOW what you are doing, you can play your ex's feelings like an instrument.
I am convinced that in most cases, if you want it hard enough, you can get your ex boyfriend back! You just have to be strong and smart about it!
OK, I hope that by now you know that you do have a good chance to get your ex boyfriend back. You only need the right information on what you should do and should not do. So let's continue.
Ground Rule Two: Limit Contact
One area where you need to be very strict with yourself, is contact. Whatever you do, don't harass your ex. This will definitely drive him away from you.
Instinctively you want to call him, because you want things to get back to how they were between you two.
And to get back together, you first need to make contact, right? Right..?
Wrong! Please, in your heart you already know this.. Don't call him! After a guy breaks up with you, he will regard your repeated phone calls as "stalking" or "harassing" way sooner than you think!
And even more important: Since you are giving him confirmation that you
still think about him, he will not feel any pain of missing you.
This is definitely not helping to get him back! So whatever you do, don't call him (unless you have your plan to win him back all laid out, more about that later).
If you have difficulty fighting the urge to call him, then try to keep your focus on your goal: Getting your boyfriend back in your arms! Try the psychological exercise that we did before. Like with most things in life, if you keep the end result in mind, it will just be so much easier!
Ground Rule Three: Find Other Things To Focus On
This may not seem like much of a "get my boyfriend back" tactic, but believe me, it is actually a very powerful method! Let me explain:
If you can find a new hobby or activity to dedicate some of your attention to, you will have less time to miss your ex boyfriend.
Apart from that, you will regain the feeling that you are in control of your life, and experiencing new and interesting things.
Those two factors lead to something very valuable to your goal: You will have more self confidence (and that definitely shows) and your ex boyfriend will notice that you have "moved on" with your life, or at least that you are not suffering full time because he is gone.This works like a red rag on a bull for most guys!
Well so far the basics. I hope you have learned that acting on instinct is a very dangerous thing to do when you try to win your boyfriend back.
Now for one of my favorite "real life" examples of how to get your ex boyfriend back!
Of course this method won't be useful to everyone, but if you feel that it might suit your situation, I recommend you give it a try!
Example #1 - Donna & David
Me and my friend Donna came up with this when her boyfriend of three years suddenly broke up with her because he felt that
"He needed his space', and
"He wasn't sure what he was feeling for her anymore".
Donna was devastated, she loved David with all her heart and didn't want to lose him!
Luckily, Donna was a psychology student so she knew a thing or two about male psychology. So instead of following her urges to call him up, she did this:
- Instead of pleading and begging for him, she "just" let him go.(For the moment)
- She tried the best she could, to not let him see how much the break up hurt her.
- And then... She took salsa lessons!
This may seem like a strange strategy, and of course Donna had to push herself to do it. But it worked out brilliant:
- It was a big boost for her self esteem (a lot of guys at the dancing class were giving her attention)
- It gave her something to focus on, apart from David
- It gave her a great sense of "adventure", of doing something new with her life
- And most of all: David heard about the salsa lessons (erm.. yes we made sure he did) ;) and he was extremely jealous about it!
It's important to know that guys are very "visual minded". When David heard about the dancing lessons, he immediately visualized Donna with those other men, dancing close together, and probably starting to feel something for one of them..
Before she knew it, David was leaving messages on her cell, saying he made a mistake and they had to talk! Of course Donna made him work for it a bit, before she took him back.. ;)
This happened over two years ago, and Donna and David are still together this day!
So there you see: If you play your cards right, make a solid plan an follow it through, then you will have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back!
Well these were my ground rules and a real life example that you can use when you try to get your ex boyfriend back.I hope you found this article helpful!
If the example I gave you won't work in your situation, or you just need more detailed help, I would really advise you to buy one of "get your ex boyfriend back" methods that are available online.
They are not very expensive in general.. And if a small investment will give you a way bigger chance to get your ex boyfriend back, wouldn't that be worth so much more?
There are a lot of different methods available online, and I have read almost every one of them. Some are crap to be honest.. But some other ones are really brilliant!
I can't give their content away in this article because it's copyrighted material (and I don't own the copyright unfortunately).. But I can tell you some more about them on my site:
Getting an expert on board
- Stuff that can help you to get him back
At my website I have a look a the most popular "get your ex back" methods available right now. If you need some more help, you will find it here.
Thank you for reading my (very long) article. Whatever your situation is, and whatever you plan to do, I wish you all the luck in the world getting your ex boyfriend back! And remember, be strong!
Essy
P.S. I used to answer a lot of questions in the comment section below, and even more through email.. But unfortunately I have to stop doing so. I am really sorry, because I love to help all of you to get your ex boyfriend back.. But it was taking me several hours per day and it just got too much, it started to interfere with my personal life.
If you need more help to get your guy back, you should make things easier for yourself and check my website where I show you the best methods I can recommend to you. You can also register to receive a free PDF version of this article by email.
P.P.S. If you liked my article and you want to help me, you can do so by clicking the "thumbs up" button just below here.
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Comments
I will pass this article on to one of my friends. Het boyfriend broke up with her and she lost it completely. She gained a lot of pounds and would not go out. She lost complete confidence in herself. We told her the only chance she could have to get him back was to show him she didn't need him. She didn´t believe us so maybe after reading this it will change her mind.
great article, my friends daughter could certainly use this information as she just had a break up with her boyfriend and seems to miss him alot, I'll let her know, keep up the good work!
Good tips. Wish i had read this a couple of years ago!
Coming from a guy, I would like to reiterate the "don't harass him" point. Very true, we hate that !
My BF has just split up with here BF and for whatever reason wants him back so I'll send her this hub url as I think it has some great ideas.
The salsa lessons are spot on - drop dead sexy. Great tactics for getting attention. I know these will work...
Esmeralda some very good advice, the dating game is never easy and your tips and advice are sound in my experience..having a plan is afab idea..
Hey there, i read your article and I'd love some advice.
Does your rules still apply if your BF was never an official one?My guy is super shy and never makes a move, but under that he's got an iron resolve. We started being 'unofficial' fron NYs eve this year and since then have done everything pretty much as if we were going out.Recently, he ditched me cause he's moving 40 minutes away, but i found out from a mutual friend that really he's gone off me like a light switch.
This happened the day after we had a fight over txts where i told him i'd like to know where i stand because he'd tell me he loves me ten/ten then ignore me for weeks! or at least it felt like it. He's probably really annoyed cause i hounded him and I HAVE txted him to often, it's a reaction when i panic that he's slipping away!
Now tommorow him, I and 4 other of our friends are leaving for a holiday for a week and i'll be with him all the time! I'm the only girl going besides a friend of mine who is dating his mate!The mutual friend says I have no hope, but another says i should try.
I can't 'not be in contact' cause he'll be right there! I'd like to start working on winning his interest back, but i need to clear the image he has of me of being a bit needy, when all i wanted was confirmation that he cared in the first place!
I would desperately love some advice on what to do on this beach holiday (hitting the amusement parks) to start to win him back.Or is there no hope at all?
Hi there Rosie,
Well I think this beach holiday could be a good start to get his attention again, or at least repair some of the damage you did with being too clingy..
Don't try to get him back straight away, just focus on damage control for the moment.
My approach would be to project a happy and confident self image. Of course this is difficult, but the better you manage to do this, the better your chances will be to get him back in the (near) future.
Don't talk to him about the problems you had. Just try to have as much fun as you can, with him and the other folks. Don't give him all your attention either - Divide it evenly between him and the other people. Or maybe talk slightly more with the others even. (You said he is shy, so that probably shouldn't be a problem).
If you can show him that you don't focus on getting back with him, and that you are happy with yourself and your life, you will be way more attractive.
If you can manage to do this, he will have a much more positive impression of you after the holiday. And you will have a foundation to start your plan for getting him back.
Best of luck!
Essy
thanks so much. I've already downloaded the book and am reading it now, finger's crossed!
I hope you're on actively, i'd love to ask some more advice if i need it, you are wonderful at this.
Sure, ask away :) And let me know what you think of the ebook!
I am at work right now, but you can email me at:
essy (at) exboyfriendhelp (dot) com
And I will get back to you in a few hours when I am home, ok?
//thaks..for this tips..but it never work for me.. i think the chapter of him in my life is over..
That is so true! But I have to ask ....What If the one you love and want n\back is dating your best friemd???
Hey Bama girl,
Well in that case it's a tough decision.. And only you can make it!
It is very possible to get a guy back who is dating another woman. But in this case you would be risking the friendship..
So it's a matter of priorities. Good luck with it!
Hey Esmerelda,
I just wanted to say thank you so much for this tip!! It's working currently in a matter of a day!! I accepted our break up and moved on. This guy is a very firm head, and he is very stubborn, but I am crazy about him and I want him back. During our relationship, I fought with him over STUPID girl stuff...like "why dont you tell im beautiful" or "where you checking that girl out?" and stuff like that and sometimes telling him he wasn't being passionate or affectionate enough. But the thing is, I couldn't find better words to express my feelings so I said it in a way that I never meant! I never meant to say he was not passionate and affectionate, but what I DID mean to say is that I want to see MORE of his passion and love..you see, I said things the wrong way, and that hurt him, and that's WHY he broke up with me. When I accepted our break up, he said "He is not 100% over me", and I am going out to dinner with a guy friend this saturday and i mentioned it to him very casually...and within 6 hours, he kept on trying to get in contact with me, and very blantantly asking me ,"are you really going out with a guy this saturday?" i said, "yes, it's dinner" and he said, "oh..okay..thats fine, i guess.." and then i cut the conversation short and said, "but hey, i gotta go" and he said, "i will just talk to you later then"..I'm assuming he wanted to talk to me longer, but I cut the conversation short. He is an amazing man and I want him in my life...How am I doing thus far?
Hey Nish! Great stuff, sounds like you are doing excellent! :)
What I would do in the situation you are in now: He will probably call you again very soon to make an appointment. It's usually best to arrange for a meeting in a public place, in the day time, just for a coffee. Also, I'd set the date for not too soon, maybe in a day or 5, so he will sweat it a bit.
Then when you go to meet him, maybe buy a new dress so you look slightly "different". It's optional but it can help. Then just sit down with him, and let him have his say. He will probable have rehearsed something in his head. Just let him speak, and pay good attention. His point of view is important for understanding what went wrong, and to make your relationship stronger in the future.
It's good that you realize what you have done that has (partially) caused the breakup to begin with.. Make sure to remember that when you have him back. It can be easy to fall back into old patterns.
Good luck with it, let me know how it went! :)
Hey Essy,
I got online to facebook today and obviously facebook's pop up chat was on, and he got online on facebook as well, but he only got on for a minute and then signed off and didn't even chat with me...Is that a sign or what?
Hay Nish, I wouldn't think too much of it. Could be a thousand reasons, and there is no way to know what's the case with this little incident right now. Don't break your head over this, keep the big picture..
You have your plan set up right, so as long as you don't lose it and start chasing him, he will contact you at some point to discuss things. Then you can propose a meeting (always better than over the phone) and hear what he has to say.
Keep in mind that he is more worried than you at the moment! If you are anxious, try to meet up with your girl friends for some distraction, go out for cocktails or something.. Have proper fun! Outdoors is better than online :)
Essy,
Well, here is what happened. We talked online and I told him that I was going to Olive Garden this Saturday with that guy I was going on a casual dinner with. He kept on asking me ,"Are you going out to dinner with that guy" and everytime I kept avoiding the question. So he said, "I guess I will take that as a yes since you are directly answering me" and So I said, :Yes, I am going to Olive Garden with that guy." Now...later on in the conversation he asks me ,"Do you really want to go out with guy" and he asks me that twice"and I said, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say" I also said I didn't want to talk about it. But since it was Mardi Gras yesterday I made it very clear to him that I was hanging out with that guy that will be taking me to dinner and a couple of friends to celebrate Mardi Gras, and I even encouraged him to celebrate too! To make it seem like there wasn't any problem going on. He got weird. I told him that guy was going to pick me up and come to my dorm room" So he sarcastically said, "Of course he'll come to your dorm room". So I said, "Look, this guy is there for me at my worst." and he said, "So was I!" Like he keeps comparing himself to this guy. So I dropped my Mardi Gras plans and went over to his house since its not far from my dorm, and talked to him about his feelings. I explained to him that I was moving on from him, and that this guy that is taking me to dinner is really cool and he makes me laugh and he just makes me happy when I need to be." And he started to cry! He couldn't even face me. He told me he was hurt. I told him that he wanted me to move on when he dumped me, and that I finally was. He just shook his head and said, "You won't understand". I even offered my hand in friendship and he refused to take it. I reminded him that he was the one that dumped me and that he should be okay with me moving on and doing things, but he kept feeling hurt. Basically, I told him that he had no right to feel what he was feeling considering the fact that it was HIM that broke my heart. I also told him that I do think of memories with him (in a complete casual way, yet I probably sounded pretty angry because I was!), but that nothing he did was going to stop me from Olive Garden. He said that he's not feeling angry that I'm going out with a guy to Olive Garden, but he's feeling really hurt. I mean, Im thinking, WHY SHOULD HE? He broke up with Me. But yes, basically I told him that he has no right to feel that way, and the last thing before I stormed out of his house was "Next time, don't dump a girl if you still have feelings for her". STUPID ME....I called him today to make sure he REALLY was okay with me going to Olive Garden Saturday , and he acted kind of mean towards me and I said, "are you okay with me going out this saturday?" and there was a long pause. "it doesn't matter what I think..." and I said, "but you were upset last night." and he said, "im sorry for acting that way" Im thinking to myself that he has got be playing games! so I said, "so you are ok?" and he said, "do what you gotta do...i gotta go" so i said, "alright bye...im glad your okay with it and im glad we're friends" and then we hung up. NOW IM CONFUSED...Should I just give up and message him on facebook and tell that I am not going on a date this Saturday and just cancel it?" or wait until AFTER saturday to see if he asks me how my date went?" I feel helpless...what do I do now? Thank you!
Nish
Hey Nish, just send me an email if you want, otherwise this page will become very long :)
Hello..Thanks for your post and it is really nice. Also good to read comments from others. I am sort of in deep funk after my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me three weeks ago (he lives in another country now, but he moved only 3 months ago, before that we were in the same city) and since then all I have thought about is how to get him back. I have tried to keep my contact minimum, but even in the 5-6 or so phone calls I have made in 3 weeks, he has been very very distant. Only once or twice he was friendly but short. So my question is--what should I do? Would you give me some advise. Also, the reason he broke up is because he doesn't trust me enough, he is a bit of the paranoid kind, although I am the last person on this earth to cheat. Can you help? Thanks a lot.
Hey AB, that's a tough one.. Especially with him living in another country now.
Does he use a messenger like MSN or AOL or something? If so, Matt Huston has a few good tricks in his course that you could try. Don't know if you checked my blog yet:
http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/category/get-your-e
That's the only thing I can think of right now.. Good luck with it though! Let me know how you get on.
Hi Essy,
I sent you an email! Thank you so much for your help!!!
Nish
Hey Nish! I'm so glad for you it all worked out! :D Now that you got him back... Enjoy it, and make sure you keep him eh.. ;)
Great stuff, and a great reminder for all you girls who are still struggling: You can do it! Be strong!
Essy
Hi Essy, Thanks a lot for such a great advise that you have said here :)
I am all shocked and troubled for the past two weeks. My fiance has just ended our 3 years of relationship saying that he do not wish to continue such a relationship that has distances and quarrels. Actually, he is studying and is bit far away from me. We had been together for the past 3 years.. so the distance has left him totally shakened.. especially when he is staying along with his parents and they have not accepted me as yet and his close male friend (who just had a break-up) also saying against me( i.e to leave me).
Before reading your advise.. I have comitted all mistakes of crying, calling him again and again and even begging to not to end our relationship for the past two days. But, now I will will definately do what you say here. i.e. Keep Distance.
I would love to talk to you. I am all broken at heart as I have lost my trust and love. Plz... be my guide. and Thanks for every support. I am gonna read the e-book for sure.
Hi Diana! Thanks for liking my article :)
I am very sorry for your breakup.. It sounds like a tough situation for sure, but far from hopeless!
It's nasty that this "friend" of your ex boyfriend is trying to sabotage things..
I don't know which eBook you got, because I review 3 different ones on my blog. But I think the best thing to do right now, is a bit of "damage control", since you made a few mistakes until now.
Try what T.W. Jackson suggests in the video on his website, here's a link: http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/magicofmakingup.htm
(Video is on one third of the page, if you scroll down)
That should be a good step in the right direction to get your boyfriend back!
Let me know how it works out.. Good luck with it!
Essy
Well I will admit this is good advice that I probably should have read before tonight :) So now...two questions...
1) What if you've already broken the cardinal rules?
2) What if you met him more recently -- had one of the quick whirlwind relationships that there was a ton of chemistry -- but don't have any common friends, jobs, etc...I'm not sure HOW I would run into him again w/o actually picking up the phone and talking.
3) Okay -- I said two but I really meant three -- do these things change if HE was the one interested in a relationship and YOU were the one who blew it by not being ready. We're a little older and looking more towards that "next step" in life.
Thanks for the good advice.
Hey Heather! Well I think most people break the rules first, and THEN when it back fires they start to do some research online.. :) So don't feel too bad about it, it's just human instinct I guess.
A ton of chemistry, AND you were the one who didn't want the relationship.. So it sounds like your chances are very good!
I think I'd go for writing a letter in your case. That way you don't have the risk of getting into an argument, and you are sure that everything you want to say is heard. Or read rather, but you get my drift :)
Don't be lazy now and type a letter on your PC.. It's old-fashioned "writing lines for punishment" for you :P
Did you check T.W.'s video as well? I think you could get some ideas there. I think I will have to ad it to this site.
Anyway, good luck with it, and let me know how you get on!
Hi Essy,
I have sent that letter as suggested in T.W.'s video. Lets hope, our plan begins to work. Though, my ex has not contacted me for the past 3 days and neither have I. But, I believe in 'Hope' and 'Karma'.I have also replied to your mail. Thanks for caring. I am in need of a true friend..Take care-Diana
Essy,
My boyfriend (29) of three years broke up with me (25) almost one month ago. We were extremely happy and in love, but a lot of things changed over the course of the past year (he moved in with a new roommate, I started working on my Masters, etc.) that placed a lot of stress on both of us. During the last year, I lost a lot of my confidence and have kind of become a weak little weenie, which I know contributed to our problems. When he broke up with me, he said that now he isn't sure of anything in his future, and couldn't even tell me if he sees me in it - he couldn't say 'no,' but he couldn't say 'yes' either.
During the course of our entire relationship, he always reinforced the idea that he would never leave me and that I was the love of his life and he wanted to marry me someday. Needless to say, the breakup hit me hard - really hard - and I've already made the cardinal mistakes of text message terrorism, IMing him, leaving him (innocuous) Myspace messages, and even stopping in to see him at work. So would the letter work at this point, or would it be seen as just another attempt to get him back into my life?
I'm at a complete loss. When I have seen him lately, he has admitted to not being over the relationship and has been relatively nice to me, but has expressly stated that he "doesn't want to get back together right now." He'll talk to me on AIM, but never initiates contact. But I don't want to just let go of everything we had, and I definitely don't want HIM to move on. Have I messed things up too much already? Is there any hope of salvaging this relationship?
Hey ego_eris, well I agree that you have pretty much made all the mistakes you could make.. But I would definitely not call the situation hopeless, there are a lot of positive points in your story as well!
The fact that he always said he would never leave you, and that he wanted to marry you, are indications that his feelings for you are very strong.
Also, he has admitted that he's not over the relationship. So things could have been way worse than they are.
You need to stop what you have been doing lately though.. It is clear that it doesn't work. You need to come up with a solid plan, and follow it through. Have you looked at T.W's course? I am pretty sure that you could use his stuff to get your ex back. It has worked in much more difficult situations than yours!
Let me know how it works out, ok?
Best of luck! Try to be strong..
My boyfriend wanted to break up after we had our first fight. We were in a long distance relationship when we had the fight he broke up with me. Everything was really good for 8 months then he says it is for the best. I thought perhaps it was because he had a hard time with the distance. Now I am visiting the same college he is going to again becuase of a job offer. We were talking some but then after he found out I would be going to the same school he stopped anwering my calls. Could he have another girl or is it that he doesn't want anything more to do with me. I am wondering why? Is there a chance I can get him back? Or should I just forget him and mover on? I will be seeing him on campus in 3 weeks, should I just ignore him or talk to him if he wants to talk to me? I need some help.
Hey there merrilysinger..
Well it could be all of those things, it is impossible to know.. Especially for me, because I don't know what the fight was about, what you have said to him that hurt him, how your relationship was before, etc..
If you want to get him back, you should definitely not ignore him when you see him at campus, that will only make you seem childish and silly. Instead, be friendly (but not over-friendly) and try to contain yourself.
Don't have much more advice at the moment, sorry.. You can always email me with more details and maybe I can come up with something. Although no guarantees there :) But I definitely have a helpful brain wave from time to time.
Essy,
I purchased and poured over T.W.'s course and am currently in Day 4 of no contact (better late than never?). Last time my ex and I spoke, he said that I was "an impatient person and just wanted things to immediately go back to how they were." He said that he would talk to me again eventually, but the thought of addressing whether or not he could see me in his future is "really cruel." He also got emotional and angry, and expressed disdain for having to box up "all of the cute little things that I'd made for him" earlier that day. He's obviously upset over the breakup (he apparently drinks almost every night and has given himself an ulcer), but still says that he needs space.
Is it worth even going through the hassle of all of this? I mean, the plan seems simple enough, but I don't want to hold on to some unrealistic glimmer of hope if there simply isn't any, you know? Everyone in my life is telling me to let go of him and to just move on, but I still really, really love him. Is it a lost cause?! Is there any way to tell if he is just upset over breaking my heart (because he does care about me) or does he really miss the relationship? How can I keep myself occupied during no contact other than just by "working on myself?"
Hey Eris,
It's a difficult situation to "read" for sure.. But I would like to help you find out if there is a way to resolve it.
If you scroll to the top of the page you can find a link to email me. just click that and send me a message with as much info as you have, and I will really try to get a "feel" for your situation.
The more info you can provide me with, the better I can answer your question. Anything you email to me will be confidentional by the way, but that goes without saying.
You tend to write/quote a lot of "circumstantial" stuff, but still I don't really get a good grip on how your relationship used to work and what went wrong. So if you can elaborate that should be helpful.
Let me know, take care for now,
Essy
This is definitely great advise!
Just recently, my boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me. He said he needs to figure out things with himself and felt he was growing apart from me. He says, "We only know each other" He admitted that he is scared of the next level. As you can imagine, it has been a difficult 2 weeks. He says he still loves me and that will never change. It gets me confused. I took this extremely hard. I needed to take time for myself. I decided to move to another state for a few months to stop thinking about him and to start thinking about myself. We have many mutual friends and everyone seems to think we will soon get back together. He's just going through something right now. Did I make the right decision? What should I do?
Hi K, and thank you :)
I am sorry to hear about your breakup.. 8 years is a very long time. But I think you have handled things very well!
For some tips on what to do next, I'd check T.W's video if you haven't already. Also, he has a pretty smart example letter that could be very useful for your situation.
Good luck with it, let me know how you are getting on!
Hey Essy, thank you very much for the interesting page. It really clamed me down and gave me strength.
Me and my bf have been together for 2 years and 4 months, totally in love. Lately he has hanged because my bad mood and stress i was making. (I sent you a detailed email).
The last words he said to me were, we will be just friends, you should be happy for yourself and not for me, you should take care of yourself. But afterwards I have made all the bad things of begging and calling a lot etc...
I believe he will take some time and he will call me, but I wonder if he will be able to forget the bad things I did (I mean the begging).
I'm really looking forward to having him back, and I learned by heart all your words and willing to make them.
Should I send him a letter or something?
Hi Mira,
I didn't get any email from you.. Maybe try to send it again?
If you caused the breakup than writing him a letter is a good idea. Just keep it short, apologize for what you did and take responsibility. Don't start about getting back together in the same letter, otherwise he will think that is the only reason you are admitting your mistakes.
Hi Essy, thank you for your reply. I was in depression, so he decided to leave, it was him who broke up, I begged him and apologized and did eveything but he was insisting. Now I am out of depression and willing to improve my relationship in a positive way, but I don't know how can I convince him to come back.
I sent you the email 2 times on the above link (Contact Essy84) and one time on the exboyfriendhelp. I don't know if you received it.
Thats so strange.. I didn't receive any of them. I do get quite a lot of emails so I don't think there is something wrong with my mail server.. I even got an automatic email notification that you left a new comment on my hub..
Anyway, now that you registered I can send you a mail, (just did) so just reply to it, that should work. Or try esmeraldaredfield(at)live(dot)com
Essy,
My boyfriend (21) and I (20) were together for almost two years. In fact, today (03.22.09) would be our anniversary. He broke up with me last weekend (03.14.09). It was just an out-of-the-blue breakup, and I was completely devastated. I still am.
During the first few days of the breakup, I did ALL of the big "No" mistakes. I called him, texted him, etc. I tried telling him how much I loved him, how wrong I was, etc. Nothing worked though. I still don't have him back.
Initially, he was telling me he just needed "time" and that after he's had some time to sort things out, maybe he and I can reevaluate things. I guess my continuous confessing of love to him pushed him away more, seeing how as of two days ago he told me that I just needed to "move on"...he says he wants a break from relationships for a while, because he wants to be able to do things he didn't get to do much of while being in a relationship (going out with friends, etc).
I know he still has feelings and love for me. But I just don't know if he wants to be with me again. I would love to be with him again...not because I feel rejected, or because I feel I "need" a man in my life. This definitely is not the case: I need no man to be happy. The reason I want him back is...I truly love him. I truly WANT to be with him. I miss HIM, not the relationship. I truly felt/feel that he is "the one" and that this relationship is not over in our hearts!
But will these tactics work in my situation? I mean--I've already pushed him overboard. He's already told me he wants to be "free" for a while. So what do I do?
PS: I have been initiating No Contact for a few days, but I've failed a couple of times. I can go all day without talking to him...but night time comes around, and I just want to call/text him, because that's what we did when we were together. Every single night.
@Ranae: Hey girl, well good news and bad news..
You already know the bad news really: You have made most mistakes that girls make after a breakup.
The good news is how you feel about the relationship: You know he still has feelings and love for you. And the breakup is still fresh, so your chances are quite good I'd say. You have to make the right moves now though..
Have you watched T.W's vid yet?
http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/magicofmakingup.htm
It's halfway down the page, and it basically tells you what to do right now.
It's important to do this as soon as you can. Secondly, you write "I have been initiating No Contact for a few days, but I've failed a couple of times".. Well that is just not good enough, I am sorry, if you keep doing this you WILL push him away further and further.
You would be smart to just get T.W's full course, he also has a lot of great tricks that you can use to keep yourself strong if you are having a tough time trying not to contact him (no it's not the same as I put on my page here, it's pretty advanced stuff)
That's all I can advise you at the moment.. If you want to get him back I think the best way to go is to take the plunge and get a real good manual. You will get much more value from that than reading some forum posts (or even from my article), those guys I recommend really made a study of repairing breakups, and they are excellent at it.
Best of luck, and please post your results here!
Hey girls, I just want to ask a simple question: Shall I go out with friends and have some fun? or he will be jealous and maybe he will go farther away?
I have to mention that before the break, he was terribly jealous without a true reason, so now I am hesitating, I am invited tonight with friends and his brother will be there (Should I go or not?) Please give me your opinion.
Hey Mira,
I think you should definitely go out. It is quite ridiculous how jealous he was during the relationship to be honest.. So now that he broke up with you, you should try to enjoy your freedom as much as you can.
If it has any effect, it will only improve your chances of getting him back.
Really, even if the two of you get back together, he should change this overly jealous behavior..
Thank you essy, you are always helpful.
I went to meet my friends and the first comment was: Wow Mira you are shining, you seem happy. This comment was in front of his brother.
I am very sure that his brother will phone him as soon as possible and tell him that he saw me and maybe he will give him some details. I just wonder now if my bf will react to this.
Our last contact was 12 days ago, to me it seems like eternity, but do you think that it's normal for him not to contact me this long?
I just rememberred that in our last contact he said to me that he will always be by my side. (Now I am starting to remember the positive words he said to me).
I wonder if it really works to get the ex back... Did it work really for some people? Shall I believe that I can really have him back?
Hey Mira! Sounds excellent! :) Good for you girl, going out and being shiny and happy.. Congrats!
Your guy is not so standard (also from what I read in your emails) but he is insanely jealous for sure.. I can not say if it is "normal" that he didn't contact you yet. May be an extreme male ego thing going on there..
But to answer your other question: Does it work? Yes, most definitely.
I know you have bought T.W's course and are applying his stuff (although you ask me for a second opinion sometimes which is fine) but I can tell you that *most* girls who contact me are successful with this program.
Of course there are people and situations (like celbaby who commented on my hub as well) where it will not work, or shouldn't even work as far as I'm concerned..
But in general, if the relationship was long-term and the breakup is pretty fresh, this plan is solid and your chances are excellent to get your ex boyfriend back. This is my opinion, but I think I have a pretty good idea, based on the feedback I get from the girls who post here and who email me.
I think you are doing great and should just keep up the good work.. What you did tonight was again a great improvement. You SHOULD be shiny and happy, it's your life and your freedom after all. His brother informing him about how shiny you were tonight might just be the breaking point of his pride.. Or maybe not, but it will definitely bring him closer.
Well keep me updated, and best of luck with it!
I am so thankful I found this site. Two nights ago my boyfriend, who I have been just crazy about since the begining almost a year ago, just decided that he isn't ready to settle down yet and wants some space. He still wanted to be friends though, but since his first love who he dated for 3 years broke his heart (about a year before we got together) he hasn't really been interested in a "serious" relationship. This of course was pretty devastating to me. The whole time we dated though he always had all the power, which is kinda new to me, but unlike my previous boyfriends, I ended up falling a little too hard for him. I think that may have added to the problem. Anyway I already wrote him a letter today telling him that I still constantly think about him, and reading this I'm afraid I already messed up. Is there even any hope though if he just doesn't want to be tied down?
Hi Jessica,
I won't say your situation is impossible, but it's definitely a tough one. Every system to get an ex boyfriend back, works the best if the relationship has been strong at some point.
And as you probably figured out now, that letter was not a good idea..
But the fact that he wants to stay friends does give you opportunities to correct the mistake, so I wouldn't give up just yet.
hi essy... i sent you an email... i hope you could help me... thanks...
I am devistated but yet so much in love... My boyfriend just broke it off with me after 3 years... I still love him very much and he just wants to be friends. He claims that he doesn't feel like he wants to be commited with just one girl at this time... What books etc... do you recommend so I don't make any mistakes on losing the love of my life...
Hey everyone,
I have thought a lot about this today, and I am sorry to say that I have decided not to answer questions and/or emails about how to get your ex boyfriend back anymore.
The reason is, that although I like to help girls who are facing these problems, it simply takes up too much of my time. (Sometimes several hours per day).
Apart from that, I think I have given my best advice already quite often here on hubpages, and on my blog. There is only so much I can tell you without repeating myself - And like most people, I don't like repetitive tasks much, it almost starts to feel like "work" sometimes.
So, once again sorry for not being able to give you advice that is specific for your situation any more. I am sure though, that you can find a lot of helpful info here, and in the courses I review on my blog.
Best of luck everyone!
P.S. If you just want to say something nice, of course you can always leave a comment :)
This is a fantastic article! My boyfriend finished with me 3 months ago after a 3 year relationship and im still trying to get over him. The thing is i just can't stop contacting him and i just wish i'd read this just after the break up! I have definately pushed him further away by contacting him as he told me that he doesn't love mein THAT way anymore. Is there still any hope for me to turn this round? The other difficult thing is that he only lives around the corner from me so i see him around quite often.
Hey Ria,
Thanks for your nice comment :) I really appreciate it.
As you probably saw, you submitted it just in the same minute when I wrote I will not answer questions anymore.. But OK, just one last time then. ;)
You are right, the fresher the breakup, the better your chances of getting him back. But on the other hand, you still have a good possibility to "run into him" because he lives so close. Of course that is a problem if you try to forget about him, but if you try to get him back it gives you opportunities to change his mind.
If the two of you have mutual friends you can exploit that as well.
For instance, try the "agree with the breakup" method like T.W. shows in his video, and then maybe combine it with my salsa lessons strategy? (Don't talk about it to him, let it reach him through someone else that way it's more powerful)
Important if you are going to do anything like this: You have to be strong and keep your plan in mind at all times. Lots of times I have talked/emailed with girls who were well on their way of getting their guy back, and then they let him slip through their fingers again with one or two wrong choices.
I don't want to push anyone, but I think it is way smarter to invest a few bucks in a decent manual how to get a guy back, than just try and do it on "instinct". The main reason is, in a breakup situation your instinct is wrong most of the time. (As you noticed..)
Well that was REALLY my last answer now! :)
Best of luck with it Ria, I'm sorry I can't be of more help right now but like I said, I did this for a few months now and it's gotten to a level where it starts to feel like work, so I have to go do something else now.
Essy
Hey I just wanted to say, that I was so scared that having my wonderful relationship again with my exboyfriend was hopeless. However I did exactly what this site recommended, and yesterday, Jacob (who recently told me he wasn't ready to settle down) showed up at my door distraught that I was moving on with my life, and apologized for everything he had said and done and told me he would do whatever it takes to get our relationship back in track. I seriously could not believe it. I'm still shocked. I told him that it would be okay if we started dating again, but we had to take it slow (to not look too obsessivley excited), and he was so happy it blew me away!! Thank you so much, he is such a rare and awesome guy and if I had reacted the way my emotions told me to I don't think I would have him in my life again. I can't thank you enough!
HI Essy!
I emailed you a few days ago, because my story is very long. I was wondering if you could email me back, because I seriously need your advice. Did I send it to the correct email address? essy@exboyfriendhelp.com? (I had the number 35 in my yahoo email account)
Hey Essy,
Just wanted to say this article was tons of help! Im hoping everything will work out as i'm planning, but these tips were very useful so thanks!
i think ur tips are brilliant only thing i disagree with is the calls i made the mistake on calling my ex and then deleted his number i have sent him emails but no reply but as they say out of sight out of mind and its very true u need to contact them to know ur still in love with them and u want them back cause if u just dnt contact them they think u have given up
i split up with my boyfriend of 5 years a week ago but i have alredy made the mistakes of harassing him and begging him, have i already pushed him away or could i still get him back? please some one help me im so confused!
Hey girls! Thanks for all your nice comments! :)
@Jessica: That's great to hear! Now make sure you keep him.. ;)
@Kitty: Sorry, I can not answer comments/emails in much detail anymore, because it was taking me several hours per day which is just too much..
@Nadia: Thanks hun! I hope it's working out for you..
@Heartbroken gal: Sorry I don't agree AT ALL. As long as you keep contacting him, he will get reassurance that you still think of him. So he knows he can get you back if he wants to.. And therefore he doesn't want to get you back.
"u need to contact them to know ur still in love with them and u want them back cause if u just dnt contact them they think u have given up" That's the worst thing you can do, honestly. I suggest you go watch T.W's video, he explains how and why you should take the opposite approach here.
@Danielle: Chin up girl, most girls make these mistakes initially.. Of course it would have been better if you hadn't, but it is the normal "instinctive" thing to do after a breakup.
Your chances are still good, because 5 years is a long time. His feelings for you won't disappear overnight.. So if you start taking a planned approach from now on, you will have a very good chance to get him back. Also, check T.W's video if you didn't already, he explains some of the first steps you should take. If you are sure about wanting him back I strongly suggest you check out his full course, it's a small price to pay for regaining your happiness. (and comes with a money back guarantee even)
http://exboyfriendhelp.com/magicofmakingup.html (video is halfway down the page)
Good luck with it, and although I can not always reply (quickly) I still love to read comments :)
thankyou essy you have already made me feel better, after reading all these comments your a inspiration to loads of people who need someone to talk to thankyou
what if i really acted needy and desperate for month and half and i really pushed him away from me
he is dating someone else now and i feel he is happy with her and he wanted me to stay away from him ,,but we used to date for 2 and half years full of good memories but he is so angery from me and doesn't appreciate me anymore after breaking up cuz i kept on calling and calling and calling and although he was caring and asked me to remain friends now he just asked me not to call him cuz he really feel he doesn't wanna talk with me anymore ,what can i do ? i know iam stupid but do i still have chance to fix what was destoryed ? he asked me not to call him for at least a month and then he gonna decide if he want us to be friends or no but he doesn't feel he'll
iam dying out of this break up cuz me and him broke up for 2 times and this is the third but this time is differnet and he said he doesn't have feelings for me anymore.he told me not to call him and he kept on calling this new girl for hours daily :S
Hi Essy, I have just read your article and found it very interesting...and confusing I must admit! Here's the deal me and my ex were together nearly 2 and a half years, we were so happy together and in love! We had plans for getting married and having children. About 2 weeks ago however he finnished things claiming we weren't the same anymore. Which i admitted i did feel the same but personally i want to work on things where has he said it wont work!
In a way I understand what you are sayin about not contacting them for a while but at the same time i worry that if i don't he may get used to his new single life going out and enjoying things and then i will have lost my chance! Thing is another problem is that he has met these new friends which he claims is another reason we can't be together because all he wants to do is go out with them, he feels we will never see eachother but i have tried to explain to him he can have both but he won't listen!
Since we split he has been going out almost every night having a good time. Its as though this is how he wants things to be...so how can i get him to miss me if he is having a good time without me?! Please help...i am taking your advice for now and lessening the contact i have with him but i just worry that he may just enjoy his new life without me.
Also we have a holiday booked in 2months time so its hard not to keep in touch as we need to sort things out as to what to do. At first i wanted to cancel it but he said he still wanted us to go. Now we've switched places. I really want to go and believe it would do us good to get away alone, he says maybe i should go with a friend but it wouldn't feel right as it was booked for us! What do you think we should do?!
Any help would be very much appreciated and i think you are fantastic giving all this advice! I just hope you are able to help me because i honestly cannot live without this guy!
Many Thanks
Rebecca
So my boyfriend and i dated for 4 years, we have an 18 month old baby boy. I left him a couple of months ago, and now i realize that we both need him in our life. I cant stop thinking of him. I have made the mistake of texting him and telling that i want him back. Do you think i still have a chance? I really hope that i do!
Hey girls,
(@Nymphetamine, Rebecca and mother of 1, and everyone reading this)
I still get loads of comments and emails about how to get your ex boyfriend back.. I don't mind that you comment, but as I wrote before: I can not answer them anymore.
Because as soon as I do, I get 15 more emails/comments with more questions etc. It has been a busy few months for me answering all of them, and I got slightly burned out.
Believe me, I really feel for all of you you and I would like to help you all but it is just too much and I can not handle the sheer volume of emails and comments anymore.
While I worked on this page I have also read and reviewed the top products that are available for girls who want to get their boyfriends back. There are some really excellent courses out there, and I have read them and wrote what I think about them, the good and the bad.
It has become clear lately that a lot of girls don't want to get one of those courses, because they think those will not help them because they think their situation is too "different".
Of course every breakup situation is different, just like every snowflake is unique. There will never be another snowflake exactly like the previous one.
However, in general all patterns in a breakup are similar! Really, I understand why you may feel like your situation would not fit into a "general category".. But if you would give one of these relationship "gurus" a chance, I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised!
If not, they offer you a refund. They are just as sure as I am, that they can help you.
So once again sorry for not being able to give you personal consultations anymore, but at the same time: Please look into the courses I recommend. They are dirt cheap (compared to the result you want to get, right? What is your happiness worth to you? More than the price of a DVD I'd say..)
And yet another factor in this: If I REALLY want to help you the best I can, then I would have to reveal stuff that I can simply not share. It is copyrighted material, and I would face a massive load of legal trouble if I were to hand that information out for free.
So, once again.. I don't want to PUSH anyone. You can use the information I provide for free in my hub, I have done my best to give you tips and tricks that you can use straight away.
I always love to hear comments if my information has helped you to get back the love of your life. That is why I started this hub, and I still get loads of great feedback, thank you for that.
But my info is not THE best thing available in relationship repairs. There are some guys who have made total studies out of this subject, and they can teach you a whole world of tricks that are not available for free anywhere.
Here's the link to my review page for anyone who missed it:
http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/category/get-your-e
As I mention in my reviews as well, because I want to be honest: Those websites have crappy designs. Their products really are top notch though, and that is the only thing I care about!
They all come with a refund policy if you can not get your guy back. So you can try them risk free even if you are still skeptical or if you think your situation is too bad. But let me tell you.. You will be pleasantly surprised. This is rock solid material and these guys have been giving advice for a long time. Getting your ex back nowadays is easy - if you know what to do, and if you FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS. (sorry for screaming there ;) make sure you do not take a course and do HALF of it because you will spoil your results. Just FINISH the plan from beginning to end and you will be 90% sure to get your guy back. Period.
So once more, sorry for not being able to give you one-on-one consultations anymore, but I am confident that you CAN find all the information, tips and tricks you need in these courses.
I especially love the one by T.W, and the feedback I get from girls shows the best results for his course. Matt Huston is great as well, but he is better on the short term. (quick sneaky tricks). If you want to restore long term love go for T.W, plain and simple.
Once more for the link: http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/category/get-your-e
I hope this helps.. It is your best course of action if you want to get your boyfriend back in your arms as soon as possible.
Of course you can choose to spend the money on a DVD to watch on your own. In that case I recommend Music & Lyrics if you haven't seen it already :)http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0758766/
I have bought the ebook and read it through, but I am confused on what to do now, can you offer some advice? My ex left me after 2 year, we where the best of friend 8 years prior to that. He said he wanted time and space and that he felt more peaceful and wanted to be just responsible for himself. But he still wants to be friends and actually means it! I love him so much and want him back. but heres the problem he calls me twice a day, and drops in whenever he feels like it. he is extremely close with my family and he is invited to all holidays, birthdays, cookout...ect. How can I make him miss me? Should I completely ignore his call, hide when he drops in? or would that do more harm? everything I've read assumes that the man wants no contact after the break up, and that simply isn't the case here. I really need some advice!!!! I can't stand just being friends with a man I know I want much more with.
Hey Christa,
Which ebook have you bought? T.W's?
You shouldn't ignore him, but let him know that you agree with the breakup, and that you need your space to work things out for yourself.
Don't be bitter, just stay friendly to him.. But set clear boundaries. He should understand that he can not have his cake and eat it. He has to give you space.
Maybe set a fixed time, like tell him to not contact you for a month?
The whole idea is to reverse the rejection in his mind. T.W does not describe your exact scenario, but he does provide a lot of ways how you can achieve this.
Good luck with it! I am sure your chances are very good, don't panic..
hey essy,
3 weeks ago my bf of 2 years broke up with me. i say it was for no reason but it was bc i was getting lazy.. i was always an independant woman when we met. we met on myspace.. OUCH... but he was in japan for the navy and with in weeks we loved eachother i flew to japan to see him and it was love at first sight... 2 years later and tons of heartache now and a baby he ended it. we lived the whole married life living together and sharing finances, i will admit i have been pethetic and doing the whole crying and pleading noticing it doesnt do anything. we have hung out as friends a few times but then i get emotional lol.. i just cant help it , we share a 9mth old together and he sees her alot bc we actually live in the same appartment complex bc i moved in with my mom. he tells me he just wants to live life.... anyways even today he wants me to go to the dentist with him... how can i get him back and can he still have feelings for me??? he always wants to hug me and he says he loves me and he is not moving on but he talks to girls.... please help
hi i know essy can no longer give personal advice and i do believe that the advice she has given other girls through this page has been very useful! it has even helped me! but can anyone give me any tips on this situation i'm in?
well after 2 months of being broken up he accepted to go with me to a white sox game, and I know i wasn't supposed to call him or anything or seem interested...but he called me and I made it seem like he was my last option and that everyone else I had invited cancelled on me...(which was kind of the truth) and so we went and i underwent a mini makeover and when he saw me he noticed and he said "oh wow your hair looks really nice" and once we were at the park he said "well you look really really pretty today" and I said "oh no I don't" and he kept on insisting until I finally said "well thank you very much" and I followed essy's advice I didn't mention anything about our relationship and I smiled and I was very confident and I didn't try to hug him or kiss him or anything...Also afterwards we went out to eat and he told me to try what he had ordered and I said I didn't really like spicy food but then he cut it and tried to give me a piece of the food in my mouth with his fork, but I kind of pushed it away and took it from the fork with my hand and ate...and also afterwards he asked me if i wanted to go to his house because his favorite soccer team was playing on tv and he wanted to know if i wanted to watch it with him....so I said yes (well he was not alone or anything his family was home) and so when I was about to leave I said "well I had a good time today" and he said "me too etc." and then I put out my hands to give him a hug( but like a I was kind of just far away..not a close close hug) and he pulled me in and he gave me a
(story continued)
a long kiss on the cheek and he put his cheek for me to give him one...but I just said " oh well I have to really get going" and he seemed surprised...
well my goal was to try to get him to desire me and did i do the right thing?
also throughout the day he kept saying we should definitely do this again and that he really wanted to see me...and he kept talking about some of the really fun times we experienced together in the past...
but I don't know...I feel like what should I do now? he hasn't called me since then..which has been 3 days already...and he mentioned that his championship soccer game was the next day and he didn't even invite me to that! Oh I'm so confused....
can anyone give me advice? should I call him? what if he doesn't answer? is it too soon to call?
hello,My boyfriend broke op with me 3 weeks ago. he said his feelings were not that strong and that he loves me more like a friend than a girlfriend, he wanted to be friends and did not want to lose me, he was still very friendly but he just don't want to be in a relationship...He never told me about it, we had or discussions but i had never seen it coming. the first week I just wantet to talk about it and he was kind enough to anser my calls and said that i'm always welcome. after 2 weeks we meet again. sudenly he was so sweet but he's a man and he was still attactid to me so that day we did not only talk there was more... I thought he had his feelings back so I asked him. sinds then he only says that he don't want to get toghetter with me or anybody else and he just wants to be friends. So after that day I did not call or text him anymore, but on a day he came to tell me some good news on the chat for his musicband, so i just wished hime good luck. but after a copple of days i called him again and again. I read on the internet all the tips to ignore him en go on with your life and than you can wine him back. I just was so focust on the friendship because i don't want to lose him that i just break and went crazy and startet to call him again and again. so I puched him away.after that i said i wanted to talk, so i see him this friday.He was so nice but now he does not speak anymore, only when i ask him something. I'm just so scared that it is to late!I want to go to him to show him that i move on but that i can be fun and pretty so he sees what he's missing.I am almost shure that there is no other girl in his life, he just wants to have the time for himself. Is there still hope? can have some tips for friday?maybe it's my last chance to change he's mind so in the future he might miss me and wanting me back.Sorry for the tipefaults. I'm dutch so...
Hey girls! Sorry again for not being really available for one-on-one "sessions" anymore.. But I am sure you understand :)
@Kitty: I think you are doing pretty well, this one is brilliant: "a long kiss on the cheek and he put his cheek for me to give him one...but I just said " oh well I have to really get going" and he seemed surprised..." that was a very smart move. :)
Best thing for you would be to just stick with it for the moment and NOT call him.
Also, the way he was acting you may want to watch out with giving him any sex too early.. The way he was giving compliments he might be after that initially (but you have turned it around pretty smart and he will definitely be thinking about you now!)
I know I have been mentioning T.W pretty often in the comment area, but I don't know if everybody reads all the comments and answers.. So if you didn't get his course I strongly advise you to, it will help you with extra tricks to get things going again, AND it will provide you with methods to get through the time (and to keep your sanity) in a period like this, when you simply have to wait.
Good luck, you are on the right track for sure!
@Lore: Yes you messed up a bit by sleeping with him too early.. That was definitely a moment where you could have turned things in your favor. Maybe you can create a situation like that again, but then act different?
Hi, I love your article. Just wondering if the same applies if your man needs space? My ex is depressed due to being laid off and a sports injury, so he had nothing going for him. He was very stressed and frustrated and got to the stage where he didnt care about life, he didnt want to see anyone/do anything, including spend time with me. He was snappy and moody all the time. He broke up with me saying he cant hurt me anymore, but he needs to sort his own life out and make himself happy before he can make me happy. I tried to tell him I wanted to support him and give him his space, but he said he just wanted to break up. He also said he really hopes we can get back together, he just cant promise how long it will be, and he likes to think if he would ever settle down with anyone, it would be me.
Any Advice?
Hey Ok1509,
Normally these methods work very well on men who say they need more space, but this does not sound like a typical case to me..
To be honest I think your ex may be clinically depressed, and would benefit from professional help.
Of course there are some events that "triggered" his current state (job loss, sports injury) but normally people wouldn't react this strong to those events.
The symptoms you describe fit a serious depression, which should be treated.
Since he hopes the two of you will get back together, that will probably happen once he gets treatment and starts to feel better.
I don't advise you to play any "mind games" with him right now. The best thing you can do is to try and support him, and persuade him to get help.
Best of luck with all this.. It must be hard for you.
Hi Essy... i met my boyfriend at college and we dated for some 3 or 4 months (not a long time I know but we both really hit it off right away and he is the first guy I have ever met that I felt is truely the right guy for me) ...he broke up with me after we had a big arguement, he had some trust issues with me after a friend of his for some reason told him I had cheated on him. I did not cheat, i would never do that to him, I have eyes for nobody else except him and I have no idea why his friend said this. I told him this. In the end he didnt know who to believe and he said he didnt know if he could trust me or not so broke it off. This broke my heart!! He also said that a part of what had swayed his decision to break up with me was the fact that he has decided he is heading home for 4-5months over summer anyway (home for him is a 2hour flight from me) and would not be back until next college semester (September) ... Of course I made the stupid mistakes of texting him, phoning him and emailing him to tell him how much I missed him and didnt want to be without him. I actually cringed after I read over what I had sent him so I decided to stop and have not made any contact with him for 2-3weeks now. Now I know the break-up has been really hard for him also and seeing as I wont be seeing him around again for another 4-5months I would rather give him some more space and time to recover before I contact him - as in a few months... do you think this is too long to wait?? Will he have forgotten about me by then?? I just dont want to be pushy! Do you think there is still a chance he will still want me back after 4 or 5 months apart and after he was so hurt by the break-up and has trust issues with me?
I know ur busy so I would be extremely greatful for any small amount of advice on the matter! Ive seen the advice you have given to the other girls on this site and its really great! Thankyou!!!!
One last thing to add sorry! I watched T.Ws break-up vid and he said after you have made the mistake of text terrorism you should tell your ex you totally agree with the break-up. I never said this to him, I said 'sure, well have a nice summer and I'll chat to ya sometime soon I guess' - have I ruined my chances now as it sounds like I am reluctantly agreeing with him and by saying 'I'll speak to you sometime soon I guess' it sounds a bit needy?? What do you think? Bearing in mind I've not contacted him for 3weeks since? Or vice versa
Hey! just 2 days ago, this guy told me he was done with me. he always used to say he misses me, & one day we haven't talked for the whole day and he said "i missed talking to you all day babe". we did kiss everyday in school a couple times a day. i told him i was falling for him and said me too. and he said he liked me too. he acted like he liked me, he was so nice to me and i was always happy. then he said that iwas being immature because i said something to this other girl he talked to. i told her i was sorry and we talked on the phone for 2 hours. he has been saying the same things to her. but he always said he cared about me. i don't know if he was lying to me or what. i liked him so much and i still do. i don't know if i should just give him time or what. i was always happy because of him. now when i pass him in the halls i have to hold myself back from crying. i've cried the night he told me and the past 2 nights. we've been talking for about 2 months, and i know thats not too long, but i never thought he would hurt me. do you think within a few weeks he'll realize he made a mistake? i at least wanna be friends for now and see where that goes. he just said the right things and i miss that. i miss everything. i really wanna tell him how i feel but i don't even know if he cares. my friends told me we will get through it together and i should move on. but honestly, i can't. please help!
Hi, I don't know if you are still on but i am going through something that ive honestly never experienced and its blowing my mind. I have this friend that I have known for a good while. We have a lot of friends in common but i used to live two hours away so i didn't get to see him unless i came to see everyone else. Recently back in Aug i moved to where he lives with a friend because we both changed colleges. So since august we have been hanging out alot because we have similar friends and we get long very well and he is one of my good friends.
However, we have always been flirty friends and joked but ive kinda always known that he has liked me in that way. Well ever since new years ive kinda gotten over the whole single ideal and i wanted to find just a great guy to be with. And after talking to all my friends, they repeatedly kept saying your describing him you are wanting to be with him. So for the past three months we have been taking it really slow and now the past three weeks we have been seeing each other everyday maybe for 3 hours, just enough to see each other. And for the past three weeks it has gotten alot more serious. Well we went to this banquet last friday with all of our friends and neither of us knew how to act around each other because we were in that akward stage and so with alcohol involved he got very mad but i knew it was really just because he was upset.
Now he's saying he just wants to go back to being friends and i don't know what to do...I really want him back because i know for the past two weeks i wasn't myself because i wanted to be with him and i wanted it to work so bad.
what do i do?
hi essy, im in a sitatation as well and its very hard
ok, so in i got serious with someone and we was like brothers and sisters at first, all though he broke up with his girlfriend cause she went to college.... she did him wrong but they didnt breakup on bad terms. so when she left our feelings has grown for each other and we started to get serious but not official. so we been talking for a year now, but somehow his ex found her way bac in his life and he was in love with two people. it was either me or her. he spent about 7 months to figure out who he wanted to be with because he didnt want to make the wrong decision and telling me if it is ment to be that he will come back, but i really think that is a bunch of bull. overall he chosed her but i want him to realize that im the one for him. i didnt do anything to hurt him but she cheated on him before, y go back to someone that hurt you when you have someone who loves you so much that will never hurt you (me), but he still text me til this day saying he miss me and asking me am i still willing to be with him, he cut me off like 3 weeks ago and he wrote me the other day sayin that he miss me and stuff like that. what does this mean, i want him back and i dont know what to do at this point, it seems like he want to keep me around til she messes up but thats just my opinion, but i dont get it, advice please/?
Hey Essy.
My boyfriend just broke up with me about a week ago. We turned long distance about a year ago and it's hard for us to handle. I've been super moody, he decided he can't take it anymore, so he broke it off. I was going to be moving there in June, not too far off.
I know i've been doing the wrong things to try and get him back. The texting, the emailing, etc.. He said I was pushing him more and more away and that he just needed time to think. He still loves me but he is just unsure at this point.
So my question is do you think the whole no contact thing will work in my case? I keep caving after Day 1 of no contact. I know when before when I did the no contact thing.. he came crawling back 2 weeks later, saying he missed me.. Do you think it's possible for this to happen again, if I leave him alone?
Ps..sorry forgot to add...
He blocked and deleted me from msn.. cause the last time we talked was arguing about us. I can't seem to stop talking about it. I really hope that didn't ruin my chance.. i'm thinking he just needs time to cool off.
Sorry Essy. I didn't see your comment about not responding anymore. Disregard my question.
Thanks this article though!
Hey girls.. Once again sorry for not having the time to answer all your comments and emails anymore..
You can check my blog for more helpful advice if you want:
http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/category/get-your-e
Ahhh good news, he finally text me and we are meeting up next week to discuss getting back together!!! Im soooo happy!!!
Fingers crossed and wish me luck!!!
HI Essy, here's my story!!
okay here we go will keep this brief! my partner of 14 years broke up with me at the end of jan, he then proceeded to move onto a new girly straight away..he has recently said to a close friend he regrets moving on so quickly, i was out of touch with him for 2 months, and then he started to contact me with some very relaxed and friendly emails.. dont get me wrong he is still with this other girly, he came to collect some of his stuff twice over the last 2 months and on both occasions.. has said he loves me, misses me, worries about me, thinks about me every day.. we openly hug and peck each other and hold each others hands when he is here, we touch each others skin and there is no repulsion, we have not slept together.. he writes down emotions that he cannot tell his new girly on a computer and passwords them, he loves hearing from me... he recently left for a head space trip to india for 4 months with new girly... and he called the day before he went telling me the same stuff and that he looks forward to watching a film together when he gets back, he cannot stand and does not want to handle me being with anyone else ( i am not), he breaks down and crys when we do meet up, he openly states on a bad days he thinks what the F*** have i done, but on a good day can see a future with new girly.. i am moving to a new place, his face lit up so big when i told him where... he says to a mutual girlfriend, that he really likes seeing me, as we are so comfortable together and get on so well, and that is plenty of raw emotion there still, he wants to be in touch whilst in india and says he will be thinking about me.. the new girly he is with, is a college student and they have known each other for a while, they got close when her father died... and he has been a rock for her ever since.. really... his last text to me before he flew to india with her: blah blah and being you, live life authentically,beautifully,amazingly, fully. love, care and compassion always!
NOW YOU TELL ME!!!
Wishes
Paula xx
i'm 25, my ex fiancé is 27. we were together for 5 years, when he broke up with me. the cause is a result of a number of reasons. it has been 6 months since the break up. The first 3 months, i was in denial that it had happen and we maintain contact (verbal). i did beg and plead for another chance. i was an emotional mess and made sure he knew it. i contacted his family and friends...
as four months went by, i visited him. we hung out for 3 hrs. during that time we did not address the break up or me wanting to get back together. after that we didn't speak for 6 weeks.
3 wks ago i called him, the conversation casual. i want him back and now that we are on speaking terms, i don't know what to do next. he doesn't call, but answers my calls and engages in the conv... my plan is not to contact him for the next three weeks, as he has finals (med school) but to plan to see him after the exams.
any suggestions on how to proceed....
thanks,
Sgirlie
Well my bf of 3 years couple months broke up because of long distance. I just recently moved states. For 3 years we were together and inseperable. Very happy. But he said he couldn't do the long distance. I know because he's already used to being physically apart from me because of the months apart so the 'making him miss me' part is a lot harder. I don't know if I should even try to get him back. I just love him so much and I don't know what to do.
He still wants to remain friends but I don't know how to. Where do I go from here. He also is coming up to visit me as a friend and i don't know how to act.
Hi,
WEll essy my ex boyfriend and I hung out again!!!! And he told me he had such a good time and all, and we even kissed just a little (but once again I pulled back and said I had to go... hehehehe and I could tell he still wanted to kiss) and once again he complemented me and what not, but he hasn't mentioned anything about getting back together :( he has mentioned that he wants to hang out again. I will wait until he calls me, and when we do hang out, should I mention anything about that kiss? and if it even meant anything to him? should i hint that it meant a lot to me? Well Essy I just want to say thank you soo much for your advice!! So far I feel like with your advice I am slowly winning him back!! :) and I know he still has feelings for me, I just need to seal the deal and win him over once and for all! Any other tips to just seal the deal? (OH and by the way, when we went out on Saturday he noticed that other guys were looking at me and he didn't even want to let me go to the washroom by myself- he stood outside the washroom and waited for me!!!)
well essy thanks a lot~!!!
hi Assy
thanks for the great job you are doing.as everyone here me too i really want to get back with my ex boyfriend again. my boyfriend and i were together for almost 5 years. we were both happy.most of the time he was busy in his work but i never mind cause i knew he was working very hard and that he was sincere to me. he is the kind of serious guy and i know he would never do anything wrong.even when were together he would go to business trip several time and return, everything was just normal. then he decided to go abroad and work over there. he lives with a friend, his uni friend.now this friend of his is married but still go out with others girls also . i know him very well and i know he would not do anything such. but this friend of his present him girl and after a few months i started noticing that he has changed.when he came back he then told me everything and he know he was at fault. i was there sitting and crying. he hugged me tight and wipe my tears.i gifted him a golden chain that day had make it for . i really love him. i really didnt know wat to do till i came across this site.
it would really be nice of u if you could help cause he is all i have. thank u dr. i feel alone and desperate at times
Hi all! :) Well I have got time for a few short reactions..
@Valentina: That's really great news girl! :) Congrats, and good luck of course! Let me know how it went..
@Paula: It sounds like he still has strong feelings for you.. Have you tried to persuade him to come back? Or have you agreed with the breakup? Since he is already in doubt, you may want to try and take away his sense of security that he can "always have you back". That way, he will feel he may loose you forever..
It is clear that the new (rebound?) "girly" can not give him what you can, and that he is comparing the both of you. So what I would do is take away his option of getting you back, to make him feel that he is losing you.
@sgirly: I would like to recommend a strategy by Matt Huston but I can not copy it here.. Since you are in the (fortunate) position to meet up and hang out together, you can quite easily create the kind of experience that causes people to bond again. You may want to look into Matt's course for more info.
@Jamie: Your situation is a bit more difficult than some of the other girls who have commented because of the distance, but it is not impossible to get him back. However, since you write "I don't know if I should even try to get him back", maybe you should just try to let him go? If you are not sure if you should get him back, then it might not be worth all the effort..
Maybe the best thing to do is to act slightly distant when he comes to visit. (Make sure to be friendly though! You don't want to come across as "cold", just set your boundaries very clearly). Talk about new things you have done, new people you've met, any positive change you made since he left. Watch out, don't ask him if he met anyone new.
That way you can find out if he starts to talk about your relationship etc, and if he is missing you. If he doesn't make an effort at all, it could be best to just let him go in this case.
@kitty: Well done! :) It's looking good so far.. I think you need to watch out with your urgency to let him know what the kiss meant to you though.. If you want to seal the deal, its by far the best to let HIM seal it. That way, you won't have him backing out at the last moment.
Also, it will help to make the relationship better and stronger after you get back together. (If he "gives in" to you then he may have doubts in a month again, where as if he manages to win you back with some effort, he will not doubt his choice).
So, some sealing the deal tips.. He sounds kind of jealous, right? ;) That may be the easiest shortcut to play him. When the two of you meet, you could casually mention some other guy's name in a story. Like: "and then Frank said, blah blah". He will definitely ask who Frank is (and probably if you like Frank, how he looks, etc etc :P)
Then make sure NOT to push it, just tell him Frank is a new guy you met at work or school, and he's a good friend, but definitely NOT boyfriend material. The two of you just get along great.
That way he won't get the idea you are playing him, and you aren't really.. But he will still feel a sting, believe me. He can't blame you for anything because you tell him up front you are not interested in this other guy.. But he will be afraid the other guy is interested in YOU, and will win you over if he doesn't do anything about it.
(It's best to replace "Frank" with a real person you've met, even if he is not THAT interesting. Just so you won't have to lie and make stuff up, and you will sound more natural)
Hope that helps.. Make sure to let me know how things work out!
@Asha: My name is not Assy, lol! :D But that's OK. :)
I am not sure what you want me to tell you.. Your boyfriend wants you back, right? Only you can make the decision if you can forgive him..
A lot of girls will tell you to never trust a guy who has cheated, but I can not see it black-or-white like that. There are times when people make terrible mistakes, and still get back together and their relationship can even be stronger than before.
It sounds like you have it in you to forgive him (because you even make an excuse for him, the "friend" who "made him do it".) Be careful with that - he is responsible for his own actions of course.
On the other hand, he did come clean with you, and he knows he made a big mistake.
So, it's up to you. I won't call you crazy for dumping him.. But I won't call you crazy for taking him back either. If you truly love him, AND are truly convinced it was a one-time slip-up.. You could try to rebuild your trust in him. Take it slow though, don't rush things, and definitely don't sleep with him too soon.
OK that's it for the moment :) When I have the time I will respond to comments now and again, but I am sorry I can not be online every day, and can not answer everything, it is just too much. (I get loads of emails from girls as well, apart from the comment area here)
Best of luck to all of you, thanks for commenting, and I am rooting for you!
Essy
Hey girl. Thanks for giving some hope to an old romantic where everyone shuts us down.
My ex broke up with me two weeks ago. Everything was fine, he was very attentive, intro'd me to his family and friends, took me to eat, even plowed my driveway when it snowed! Cooked for me and so on. He began to withdraw suddenly and then became scarce, not answering txt. I did the worst thing possible and began to write cards and notes, burned him cds and gifts. It worked for a little while, we went out to dinner a couple times and were intimate and had a great time. He even wanted to take me by his friends. Then, it was over. In the end he was cold and said it wasnt me, it was how he is. I feel he is a committment phobic and has been in many short term relationships. He is older and divorced and I worry if he is still not over the pain of it. He is also dating another woman. As bad as it hurts, I dont think it will be serious.
The question is: did I drive him away for good by texting and begging? I truly believe in my heart he was very smitten with me and got scared it was getting too serious and broke it off. I love him very much and mad the mistake of telling him, my last words to him (we were intimate before I left and I ended up crying which frustrated him and he asked me to leave...but he also tried to give me a necklace of his and asked me not to hate.) 3 days later he was out with someone else.
As much as he has hurt me in the end, the good far outweighs the bad. I want him back desperatly and have decided to leave him alone. In the meantime, I have lost weight and am in the gym doing a transformation. I want distance between the old crying pathetic me into a new confident super buff person. Im not doing this all for him; it is my only thing I have to focus on now.
This summer in 2-3 months will be some big parties I know he will end up at. Is is sick to want to show up and look like the bomb? If so, how can it work? What if he thinks I am psycho. I promise I have ceased all calls and txts, but did I do damage? I love him so and I know he cared and shut off. What do I do?
Hi Essy,
Here are my news; After a long time with no contact, he called to meet me and to have a walk. I accepted in a decent way, and I recognized that he was putting on his elegant clothes, his car was exceptionaly clean, like if he was preparing for this meeting carefully. He was very happy to see me, I saw it in his behaviour and in his eyes. After just half an hour I said that I have to go because I have things to do, he was surprised or maybe shocked. I was brave. hehehe
But later I think I made the mistake again by rushing. In the second date which was after a week from the first, I talked to him about the topic of our relationship. The first time we were laughing about the past and talking about it smoothly, but with no intentions.
The second time I offered him a present, restarted the topic again and explained to him how much I love him and that I will always love him even if we were apart... (I admit that it was a BIG mistake). First he said: I am not ready to talk about that... (I should have stopped, but I didn't).
Today, he called and I asked him if I can travel with him in his next exhibition trip, and he said that he will be busy + why do I want so?I said because it's normal, but he wasn't convinced. I recognized that he is still phobic, and he still didn't forget the bad time.
After this call, I had to send him an sms excusing myself that I openned the topic, said that i shouldn't and I mentioned something related to work (just to change the topic and to be neutral).
Now I am feeling very sad, because I was expecting that he will come back to me quickly.
I am so believing in my love to him, I need him back and ready to wait and do whatever it takes to win his love back.
Any further advices will help me very much. Thanks
hey there need some help , well my bf and i only went out for a montth or a lil more, but in that month he was amazing to mee , like t he best i ever had , we spent every day together but because of my past i was still scared and un trustworthy but he put up with mee questionning then we began to fight cuz i wud jus want alot of attention on mee all the time and well he cudnt give me 24 7 obv .
we went to guyana for easter vaca and he was soo excited for me to meet his family , how he never took nay other girl there is meant alot to him and i jus felt soo nervous and wll i picked a fight everyy dayy ! dont kno why i jus did and slowly i pushed him away more and more then he finally broke up with mee while he was still in guyana and came back home , he sed he was frustrated etc but then he changed his mind to we were not broken up he jus needed 3 days and then when he got back we wud work it out but iwent crazy with out him so i called everyday , questioning still and his thing is he jus cant be with me anymore cuz he is vex , he took me to guyana and triedd soo hard and i never appreciated him i did i was jus too scared to say it i dunno why..... so he came home came to see me and broke it off , i ddi wat i should not have done i begged and cried ! he took me V ! soo it was hard he jus sed he wasnt sure still he needed time then i went and did some more shit and gor drunk and kissed another boy infront of all his frens then did the drunk dialing .... but for some reaosn i stil think he wants mee , he sed he thinks about me everyday but he jus cant , well he told someon else that cuz he does not talk to mee , he is soo mean when i call like at time he seems finee , like he doesnt care soo that hurts but he puts up such a front , u kno boys .... " i am a robot i dont care , i jus dnt , do whatever u want " soo it really hurts , we r not really talkin . i have not called him in 2 days but i jus wana kno i can get him back , i am tryin this method but i am jus cared he wont want me still and if he kissed another girl i wud die , i cry everyday :( i misss himm he was so sweet now he is soo mean to mee :(
HELP!
ok i love my ex so much and i know he still has feelings for me..we have been through so much together...personal things.
so he wanted a break cuz what i had done truly hurt him..and NO i didnt cheat on him becuase i know most people reading this would think that.
We didnt really talk for a month. Then we started talking and hanging out again. We had plans on getting back together after he graduates this year.
Well then we got into a stupid little fight and he started ignoring me. so i kind of freaked out on him. That apparentely he said really hurt him...again. After that we didnt talk for a couple weeks but then he called me and we started talking again. Then more drama happened and i got mad at him becuase he was accuseing me of saying stuff when i did not. I told him that i didnt want to talk to him right now so he hung up on me. I tried calling him back but he didnt asnwer.
I want to call back but im afraid that he wont answer and i will look like a stalker so i just havent called him. Hopeing that he will call me.
He has told people that he still likes me, he said that he is just confused and dont know what he wants right now, becuase hes going through a hard time right now at home and some other things.
I dont know what to do i just want to be with him again.
Any advice for me??
Hey girls, sorry I am too busy at the moment to respond to all the comments.. I also did a lot of email replying again in the past few days and I don't want to get overwhelmed again like I was a month ago..
@Mira we go back some time.. Sorry to hear it didn't work out but as you write, you didn't stick to the plan.. You were doing great but really, you spoiled your chances and it will become very difficult for you to win him back now.. I can not fix this for you, you will have to take your life into your own hands.
I really hope that all of you really think about getting a good plan, and not act on impulse or instinct.. Usually, in life it is good to act on instinct. In a breakup situation it is NOT.
You really have to get a good method (I recommend a few on my blog) and FOLLOW IT THROUGH. (sorry for screaming ;) Go through every step, don't try to take a "shortcut" when your ex is responsive in the beginning.. Because he will pull away again.
Take the whole course and just go from point 1 to 2 to 3 and all to the end, and you will be OK.
If you just go in and do whatever comes to mind, your chances of getting your ex back are slim to none. That's the honest truth, I have seen it time and again, both ways.
Best of luck all.. If you got any of the courses I recommended and you still have a problem to get your guy back (or knowing what to do) feel free to send me an email and I will try to help you. Sometimes it's very busy but I will usually manage to get back to you within a day or so.
hi Essy..i m Bristi from India. hav u heard of India? its in Asia.i liked ur article very much..bt i did the mistakes...like cryin for him,calling him or mailing him,trying to be in contact with him. but now after reading ur article i m determined to be strong...and to maintain a distance from him. but my problem is a bit different. my exboyfriend is now dating another girl. is there any chance to get him back in this situation??? if yes , then how??? i mean is there any rules or steps to follow. please let me know. my e-mail id is bristi.s1@gmail.com
Hey Bristi, yes I have heard of India :)
I replied to your email, hope it's helpful.
Hi i previously wrote, but haven't gotten any respond...
should you have the time please take a look at my post and tell me what you think, i would greatly apreciate it...email me at saddgirlie@yahoo.com
thank you again
Essy,
I took your advice and bought a course on how to get my ex back. It is by Bob Grant. It did pep me up a bit, but I still worry that I did damage in the last few days (texting, calling, dropping by, begging). He was pretty dead set on the break up. Im trying to stay proactive, in the gym daily, tanning, working on my own confidence and working hard not to talk about him publicly (the biggest obtacle, even though I have never trashed him).
It will be three weeks on Tuesday and it seems like an eternity. My emotions are all over the place! It seems I cant get a mental break from "him". I have won some battles though...I even had a message typed to go to him, via text over the weekend, and thought about what you said and canceled it! But, I have a serious uphill battle. Can I send you an email?
To everyone else, stay strong. In this difficult period try to focus on you...be proactive daily. And remember nothing worth having is easy.
I dont know if this will help me but it might. I was wondering do you think it will if my x-boyfriend broke up with me cause i was busy and couldnt call him back or answer my ph. and cause i didnt know he was calling me?
Ok, My boyfriend broke up with me last Wednesday because I was always starting the fights with him. When he broke up with me he said he was done. I tried to talk to people about it...they just made me feel worse because all of them were saying that I can find someone else. But I love him and he is like the type of person that everyone needs. I think he really is the one for me. I tried to keep busy this weekend and it was so hard. I would get through the day fine and I would see he was AIM and I had to talk to him. We talked 2 nights on there but he felt really distant. I came into school today and he completely ignored me. He wouldn't talk to me at all. I left school and he called and asked why and I told him why and then we hung up. He said he needed time and that we both need time and I should get out of the house more because when I am at home...I tend to pick the little things bad about our relationship then look at the good things that happen. I can't really do much do to I have other people to think about like my family and my family has commitments too. And this Wednesday is like his birthday and I don't know if I should get him something or not. He told me to not worry about it but I don't wanna be a bitch and not get him anything
Essy,
Hey I read your article and it seems to be bullet proof so to say. Meaning anyone can do it.
However call me crazy, but the guy I want back I have talk to maybe 3 or 4 times since 2006. I tried moving on and that ended up in me getting pregnant. However I didn't get pregnant until 2008.
But that is not the point. My point is he threw me up against a brick building 2 days after I left him. He showed up to my school and without realizing what happened that day got mad cause he saw me walking with a male friend and threw me up against the building.
But deep down I know that he isn't the abusive kind. I have known him since I was 9 and he was 16. We started dating when I was 18. I am now 22. I met him through my brother. I want him back but he hates me. And the reason for that is because he was given a year restraining order anda year probation for doing that.
But another thing is if I were to get him back he wouldn't just have me. He would also have my daughter. Please help!!
Southernbelle
hi thanks 4 the tips but my problem that my ex bf sent me msg asking about my news...i dont know if he want me back or what??? how can i know???
hey essy so my exbf and i are going to hang out this saturday..bc we are going to celebrate my sister's graduation..so it's going to be a group of friends ..we are going to a club...so my question is..should i dance with other guys? but what i'm worried about is that i know he will get mad and he will go and ask other girls to dance..and that would tear me to pieces!! but i want to make him jealous!! but i know he would dance with others if i did! i mean i'm going to do what you told me ..about telling him i have a friend who is very awesome and interested in me and what not..but i just need advice on wat to do for this saturday!! should i dance with him how we used to (like all close and what not) or just as friends..and be distant ?(and by now it's been a little over two months since he broke up with me...do i still have hope?)..and after that kiss the other day..i was a little scared that he would never want to talk to me again..but no..we talked a week after that and he agreed to go out this saturday..but i don't know..is it okay that i'm the one who is always asking him to go out? is it okay that we only talk like once a week?
-thanks for all your help essy!
Hey girls.. Sorry but my "helpdesk" is closed again for the moment.. It's been really hectic again the past week, loads and loads of emails (and I didn't even respond to comments here..)
I may get back to the girls who commented over the past few days, but probably not within a week orso. Once again sorry, but I really have to watch out for myself, sometimes I get sucked in and it takes up all my time and interferes with my personal life.
Anyone struggling to get their ex boyfriend back, I still have my blog where I recommend some of the most "fail safe" methods to win an ex back. They are not free, but I have read them and I can vouch they are worth the small price. They CAN get your guy back, especially the T.W. Jackson one is brilliant.
His method is explained in great detail, in 3 pdf files that consist of 92 pages of solid advice that you can apply to any possible breakup situation. It has literary helped thousands of girls to get their ex back. You can even try it risk free, and get a refund if you don't succeed to get him back.
http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/category/get-your-e
@kitty, please send me an email and I will try to figure this one out with you. I already know your situation pretty well and I put quite some time in answering your questions already.. So it would be a shame if it would go wrong on Saturday :)
BTW the advice I gave you before is NOT good for this situation.. You need to be in a place where you can have a calm conversation. In a club it won't work properly. So change of plans.. Back to the drawing board. But don't worry we'll come up with something. :)
hi essy i emailed you how it went...you'll be very surprised! please help!
I wish I would of read this before I messed everything up. I didn't take the pity tactic but I took the not caring ex-girlfriend (stilling sleeping with him). Till I walked in on him one night while I was drinking. I was devistated. I blew up. I couldn't believe that after he broke up he proceed to do that to me. I asked him repeatedly if i was his only sex partner because I don't believe in multiples and he swore i was the only one. Then after that I haven't spoke to him. I still want him back but I don't know if it's a smart decision it's only been 2 wks since i caught him and a month since we broke up. But anyways, great article. But i don't think there's any advice you could give me to get him back.
hello. my guy likes me and a few days ago he even said he loves me but then he said he feels very commited and so i suggested a short break. now i want him back. he is a pretty good looking guy and there are girls whom like him. he also goes clubbing and there he dances with other girls. he doesnt have any feelings for them apart from the fact that when the beat is there, he just likes to dance.im not a controlling person and i encourage him to dance as i understand that guys need some fun. but he feels guilty after doing all this and thats why he thinks he's not ready for a relationship. another factor is also because since we're unofficially together, like, really low profile, we don't publicise our relationship. so when other girls ask him is he attached, he would answer no (thats what we agreed on) and then the girls will start flirting with him because he's good looking but he can't flirt back so he always leave early and sometimes he feels guilty to me about it. so it seems like, he doesn't have much time with his friends (whom are mostly girls). he is also receiving pressure from his clubber friends whom asks him what the hell is he doing clubbing when he has someone already. i dont want him to be sad and stuff so i told him lets take a break. and then he just told me that he doesnt feel that he is ready for a relationship.
however, he still misses me and likes me. he doesnt say it out unless i ask him. but the way he treats me is very nice. although he try to keep his distance as in no touching and no keep hanging out with me and stuff like that. but he still treats me better then the other girls. and he knows i like him and still think about him. i guess the only thing stopping him is he is afraid of commitment. what should i do? i want him back. i'm willing to fight for us. i know he likes me but i dont know how to get him back! help!
kate.ares@hotmail.com
hey essy. i just send u my problems to ur email..please help me..thanks a lot.. (my email is clarinlicious@hotmail.com).
ok so....my boyfiend Alex and I had been dating about a year and 2 months. My longest relationship ever. I'm going to be honest I took advantage of him and didn't appreciate our realtionship and how good he was to me, I fought with him too many times to count and I regret it more than anything I've ever regretted in my life. He recently went on a trip to Vegas to visit his cousins and he hasn't been back in almost a week, he's barely talked to me while he has been up there and is telling me that he's contimplating moving over there because there is too much drama with his family down here in California. he told me he still wants to be with me, then he tells me he's confused, then he says he loves me, then he said he just wants to be friends and that he needs time to himself. I don't know what to do??? I'm trying REALLY hard to stop my evil ways and really appreciate everything he had to offer. What should I do??? This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I love him and I want him back. Any advice???
Hey all,
I still get loads of emails, and a few comments here on my hub as well.. Sorry but for the moment I can not give any detailed help to "new" girls.. It's just too busy.
You can check my blog where I review some excellent methods to get your ex back:
http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/category/get-your-e
So the best advice I can give you at the moment, is to just try one of those. I have read them and they are excellent, lots of other girls have used them with great success.
So I came along your page and saw all of the questions people had for you and you actually responded so i'm going to give this a try. I dated this guy we will call him Michael for 2months (not long at all) We had a ton of chemistry and so much fun together, during the last couple weeks of our relationship i was kinda moody and couldn't figure out why. Well I figured out why I'M PREGNANT...the day after i told "Michael" I'm pregnant he breaks up with me stating that he hasn't felt the same about me for a while and that he lost feelings for me and he is interested in someone else. Of course I'm not only devastated because of the unplanned pregnancy but he is also leaving me for someone else so I cry and beg and plead non of which help of course. I am keeping our baby because I'm financially and emotionally capable of raising a child so abortion isn't an option. I really want him back in my life more then a father of his child but also as my partner. Do you have any advice for me to get my ex boyfriend back especially with me being pregnant and everything? I have backed off ALOT over the past couple weeks I went on a week long beach vacation and have been spending alot of time with my family...am i on the right track?
Hi there, My boyfriend just broke up with me a week ago and I might be pregnant with his child (this he knows) He still talks to me, he told me it wasn't my fault the relationship ended and that I was great. He's just going through a hard time not knowing is he is going to jail or not on june 2nd. When we first started dating he told me all about this and I told him I would stick by his side, so why did he break up with me knowing that I wanted to be there for him? He broke up with me about 2 days before my grandmothers funeral, and my best friend left and might not want anything to do with me. My boyfriend and I only had a short relationship but it was amazing, I could talk to him about anything and I believe he felt the same way. How do I get him back with my situation? please feel free to email me at somodi_12 @ hotmail . com (without the spaces) with a response.....thank you.
Sorry girls, please check my last comment.. I really hope you can get your ex boyfriend back, but for the moment I can not give any specific advice anymore..
I just get sucked in too much and I don't have enough time left for my family and my own boyfriend, so I have to be strict with myself for the moment.
hello essy! I understand it's hard to keep this up! 2 months ago I told you that my boyfriend broke up with me and after 2 weeks we slept togheter. After a month I seem to get my life back on track and I was doing fine! I met a great boy who is a really good friend. My ex was beginning to ask me about it and said that he met a woman who is 6 years older and that he's in love with here and kissed. I said that i was happy for him and that i hope that it is gonne work out and stuff! a week later I had a message from him, he was very angry! because he said that he broke up with me but that he still truely loved me and he still cares. but that we had the same discusstions over and over en that he was just to much for him. That he never thought that it hurts this much and that he was being an ass because he did not wanted me to still try to get him back and he wanted that i moved on with my life without him and that he will get true the pain. after a while we began to talk on the phone and I met him on a night with friends, he was the one who made contact with me that night over and over again. I was to happy and talkt about this, I think it scared him so we talk less. after that i met him on a night out and he asked me if i wanted to drink something with him later that evening. he had a very good time and wants to do this more ! I asked him if i can see him before he got to learn for school and he said that if i want i can go to meet him at his place. but he has a fight with his prarents ad home and it does not go well for e few weeks now. He's very unhappy and don't want's to talk about it and so we have not that much contact now. He said to me that he does not want other girl that he want's to be alone, but that he still maybe like's me and stuff. he said to a friend that he still loves me very much and to a girl that i know that he still has srong feelings for me. again I talk to him about it he did not say that it wansn't true but he just can't say those words to me i think. It scares him. Now we came so far... I try to make no contact for a while and hope he's doing better at home and school because it's gowing very bad! but...If he still says to people he loves me after he broke up with me and after to weeks. how can i prove him that we can try again? If maybe other people have aan anwser please tell me!! it was going better and better, now it's just time i think. after this schoolyear we made a deal to meet again. but I don't know if he would still feel the same way than. thx for all the advice
i want my ex-bf back. he tells ppl that he dsnt want to get back together or be friends. i say "oh ok" when they tell me this, but whenever i see him, he always looks at me. we do track together so i am always cheering him on, but i cheer everyone on not just him. i dont kno wut to do right now. i need ur advise, so, wut do i do about my ex-bf???
My boyfriend just wants space... how do I show him what he's missing if he doesn't want to be around me? We were so in love and had a great relationship. I know we had problems communicating and that i changed into someone I hated. NOw I realize all I did and I've changed, but he just says he wnts to be friends. The problem is he doesn't treat me like a friend. He says he's still attracted to me and that he wants me that way, but whenever i try and hookup with him he says it's a bad idea. I don't know what to do anymore.
Hi Essy,
I've just split up with my boyf. We were together for a very short space of time, however it became very intense very quickly. I miss him desperately, which is why I have been trawling the internet for advice and I am grateful that I cam across your site.
I hope that with these steps as noted in your advice to other ladies, that we might be able to make another go of things.
Anyway, I completed understand that you are not in a position to respond to individual concerns, however I still want to thank you for providing such an informative and hopeful site.
All the best
hey there,
just a week ago, i had to break up with my bf... there was a girl who told me false info bout him cheating on me... now i feel like i killed him! he wont talk to anyone, he is depressed, and crys! i really like him but all my guy friends cussed at him and told him not to talk to me again!! we were at the dance, and this girl likes him... she told me he said "Anna was the hottest girl there". turns out he didnt say that! i broke up with him and know now it was wrong. how do you get him back, it you broke up with him??? i mean he lives right next door and our parents are friends... but, will it be awkward??? help!!
I know you probably can't help me because you are so busy, and I understand this. but I just have a question about your method. Two years ago I had to ask him about, it was never the other way around because hes such a shy person, and he said that all he wants is for me to be happy. Well if i act happy and strong about the break up, isn't he just going to want me to keep being away from me because he thinks it makes me happy? and also if he was too shy to ask me out in the first place, how is he really going to make the first move this time! don't i NEED to show him i love him and be clingy?? i mean seriously, what am I supposed to do?? do i still do your advice? is there still hope????
My boyfriend does not respond to my calls, messages or e-mails what does this mean?we have been together for 6 years, and now we had an argument/he was out with his pals on a party last Saturday,i was concerened that he would drink and tried calling him,but he did not respond.Kept calling him till monday evening without any response.He called me two days later and told me that he was meeting his sister the previous day and so could not pick my call.Asked him if he dint have two min of the three days where he could just pick my call and let me know how he was.He got angry and so he has not been calling me.I was also very angry and told him that I did not trust what he was saying. I love him a lot, ive been trying to call , text ,e-mail and he does not respond. we just barley got into a long distance relationship about a half a year ago and it has been difficult. its not like him to not call me or ignore me for a week. im so lost. someone please help me.........
My ex- boyfriend and I met through mutual friends and within a week of getting to know each other, we hit it off and he asked me to be his girlfriend. In about a month into our relationship, I started to get pissed off and even a bit psycho when it came to texts because he would take a long time to reply and I felt justified because most of my friends boyfriends or guys they dated would text practically constantly. It was because he had a job, but I felt he could reply at lunch break or at least be semi- extremely sorry it took so long to reply. I really liked my boyfriend, so I would feel very sorry for texting several times. He started to improve when I almost broke up with him over it. Then about two weeks before our 2 months, his brother who has cancer was told he only had a few months to live. In the past year, he's had 2 friends and 1 family member who died, so I knew it'd be extremely hard for him. I was ready to never complain about texts and be his number 1 support in his rough times. But he broke up with me. He said it would be very tough to have a girlfriend and go through this. He said he didn't want me out of his life, and if it were a better time in his life, he would want me. I became very good with contact and only texted once or twice a week how are you doing? Then we hung out because we have mutual friends. He texted me that night saying I was the best part of his night. Then the next week we ended up hanging out again. We have great chemistry and always end up flirting, so it was no different that night. We finished a few of each others sentences as corny as that sounds. My friends even told him behind my back that we were cute together. The next day he asked me to hang out and I said yes. And the night before he had texted me that I looked really good and he wanted to kiss me. So we hung out just the two of us and it was nice and I feel like how I liked him before, it has just grown about ten times. And this night he kept saying things like we should do this, we gotta do that. However, he never tried to kiss me. He's always been shy, but I thought if he really wanted to, he could have. Because of his brother and because I'm enjoying the connection that we are having presently, I don't want to say anything I shouldn't or pressure him in any way, but I want him to kiss me and I want him to be mine. What do I do?
I know you've been really busy and all so if you don't have time to respond I understand. My ex and I were together for the first year of college. I went to see him over summer and everything was wonderful and we were talking a lot on aim basically everyday. The next day we talked on aim and things were still great I had thanked him for buying me lunch and he said " I do it cause I love you" and then the next morning he broke up with me claiming it's really hard to have a girlfriend over summer and I just am not sure what to do about it because it was so random. I haven't talked to him since and it's been about a week and a half. I think he did it because he is working at an all boys camp and was leaving the weekend after we broke up and I think he thought he wouldn't have time or something. So at first I deleted him from my facebook and myspace but recently added him back on facebook saying " I hope we can remain friends especially since we have a lot of friends in common" and he added me back. Is there anything else I should do? I really want him back and you know I want him back soon and I'm not sure if I aim with him or anything?
i have a kind of weird situation. i want my ex back like you wouldnt believe,BUT we live together because we are raising our 3 month old. its kind of hard to be distant from him when we sleep in the same bed. i know...but i warned you it is a weird situation.
we arent together because he found out about 4 months ago that in the first month we were dating, i cheated. something i really regret and wish i never had done.
i feel like if i go out and have fun etc, he might think i am going out with other guys..which might work in one sense bc he'd be jealous or somehting and want me to be all his, but it could backfire because he could think that this is just what i wanted...to be able to go out with other guys and it was only a matter of time before i did this to him while we were together.
we were best friends and i would say we still are, but things are strained a bit lately. i felt like we were getting back on track...and im realizing that i think it had to do with me beginning to act more confident and not clingy. he even told me that he thinks well be back together someday and that he is in love with me but he just isnt sure how to be with me right now.
in the past couple of weeks he started acting different...less interested in us working out or something. he was more abrasive in how he spoke to me and said things that were kind of hurtful which has brought my confidence in us down a bit....i think this has snowballed and become worse because my confidence is low i am not as appealing and we are back at square one.
please tell me how to win him back in this situation.
i know i could move out but i dont think thatll be happening.
oh and its hard to have time away from him because he always wants to spend his free time with me, although i do manage to get free time to myself
Hey, i was wondering if you could give me some advice please. I have recently split up with my boyfreind well 6 weeks ago. when we split up he rang me and said we had been arguing alot latly and he wanted some time alone and wants to be single (at this time his grandmother had died aswell). Well i completly broke down in tears asking him if he still loved me and would we ever get back together; he said he loved me still and always would n thought i was amazing. And said if i give him a couple of months 2-3 that we might get back together. And he told his sisters the same.
Its been 6 weeks already, he text me about 2 weeks ago and said sorry for not contacting me and he was getting a new number and would give it me and hoped i was ok and things. He hasnt passed me his new number and im having serious doubts whether we will get back together.
I love him so much i dont want to let go, i havent contacted him as he told me he needed space and time to think cos his head was "messed up" what he said to his sisters as well. He is still single and hasnt met anybody, and hasnt got many friends and doesnt get out alot.
Can you give me your opinion on whether or not you think we will get back together, i dont want to lose him.
Btw i also saw his sisters the other week at shopping and they said i looked amazing, lost weight n genuanly looked nice; i hope they told him that!
please comment back as i need some reliable help x
Weve had a long distance relationship about four years. when we moved to the same place he dumped me since he got a new girl there. I still cannot accept the reality. I still miss my ex. When he told me that he was done with me, I pretended like i was fine stopped writing and calling him. It kills me to be away from him completely but i stopped to communicate. Its been a year I am still waiting his call or message but i havent got it. Seems he forgot about me moved on. I still dont know how to heal my broken heart. I was kinda needy and insecure I think i have few chances to get back with him but I am waiting miracle.
I have read all the comments and responses here. I was wondering if these tactics work for a dating relationship? Meaning that we were dating and not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. My guy decided to end things this Monday night and I am devastated. We were only together for 4 months but have known each other longer. I know, not that long. He didn't really have a strong foundation relationship wise in his past. He is confused and going through lots in his life now. School, family, work and etc. Since we were not committed yet and we were trying to see where this would lead, he went on dates with two girls. He is now going out with a girl he met couple of weeks ago. He has strong feelings for me but thought that in the four months, he was feeling the same as he did when we first got togther which is not actually a bad thing because if he lost interest, then that would be bad. I am confused. He thinks because of that, we have no future. I know Essy, you are busy and cannot answer everyone's detailed question but I wanted to know if the steps here will work for a dating relationship and if I have a chance of getting him back. I want him back and can't stop crying. I think he is the one. He is not ready to settle down and get married at the moment but eventually he will. He cares for me deeply and my feelings were always important to him from the beginning. Unfortunately we are students in the same class so it will hurt to see him. We were inseperable and were very happy together. Please advise if these steps will work and if there is a chance that I can get him back. I would like to send you an email but I am not sure if you will have time to answer it. I will but I will make it short and not bother you will the nitty gritty details. Thank you essy. I hope to hear from you. I need all the advice I can get. I will follow the tips you outlined here and hope for the best. It's been four days since we brokeup and I feel like I cannot move on. The tears will not end.....Much thanks Essy and hope to see a response if you are able to provide.
Essy,
I just emailed you and tried to ask my questions without bogging down with too much details. I hope to hear from you.
Forgot to say that I've used these tips in the past and on someone before my current guy that just broke up with me and they work. The other guy I only dated for two months and I used the above tips (as my way to move on) and this guy has came running back to me but I had moved on and had fell in love with the one that just broke my heart. This one that broke my heart, we've been together longer and I've known him for awhile, does that increase my chances of us getting back together? My guy that just broke my heart, hasn't been in a serious relationship for five years and told me that he is sometimes not sure how to act in relationships. I need advice. thank you or for those that are members here and want to comment on my situation.
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JaneL says:
8 months ago
Yes it's unfortunate that many girls try and use the pity tactic in an effort to get attention from an ex. I have to agree with you Essay when you state that looking for pity is the worst thing you can do.
Show your ex that you can live without him and chances are much greater that he may decide that he can't live without you.
Interesting topic and well written I might add.
All the best
~Jane