How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back - The Complete Guide
82Author: Esmeralda Redfield
Hey girl, welcome to my page!
You are probably here because you are wondering how to get your ex boyfriend back. I've been there, trust me. I know how miserable you feel, and I am truly sorry for you.
However, there is one person who can't be sorry for you right now.. And that's you!
A breakup is a very emotional and painful thing to go through. Probably all you want to do just now is to curl up on the couch, eat ice cream, and feel sorry for yourself. (And honestly, who wouldn't!)
But if you came here to find out how to get your ex boyfriend back, it is extremely important
that you decide on a solid plan right now. Before you are tempted to
make a bad move by instinct, and blow your chances in the process. (You will be tempted, no doubt about it, and the ice cream will be the least of your problems).
In life, usually it is good to do what your instincts tell you to do. Your "gut feeling" is right most of the time, and if you follow it, you will be allright.
However, this does not apply to breakup situations!
This is the one time where your instincts are totally WRONG. Believe
me, if you want to get your guy back, you will have to act completely
different from what your heart tells you to do.
So stop what you are doing for a moment. Try to control your emotions, and take a few minutes out of your time to read what I have to say.
My article is quite long, because I have a lot of important information to share with you. But if you are willing to invest five minutes to read this, those five minutes will have a huge impact on your chances to get your ex boyfriend back! So bear with me for a bit.
Three Ground Rules For Winning Your Boyfriend Back
I have defined three ground rules that any girl should follow if she wants to get her ex boyfriend back.
Of course every breakup situation is different. You may feel like your situation is so different, that the "common rules" don't apply to you.
However, if you have decided that you want your ex boyfriend back, I strongly advise you to keep these ground rules in mind, no matter what your situation is!
This is what I have learned from talking with hundreds of girls in breakup situations, and I am not exaggerating, feel free to look at the comments below my article.
The first rule is the simplest and the most difficult at the same time:
Ground Rule One: Be strong!
However heartbroken you feel, trust me, your ex boyfriend is not going to want you back if you show him that you are miserable and/or needy.
You probably have the urge to let him know just how terrible you feel, and how much you miss him, so that he will feel.. ehm... Feel what? Pity..?
A guy doesn't fall for a girl out of pity, ever! You'd be amazed though, how many women try to use this "tactic" to get an ex boyfriend back. Please don't be one of them! To get your ex boyfriend back, you will have to be confident and strong! Girls, I can not stress this enough.
A Little Psychology To Help You To Be Strong
By now you may be thinking "OK Essy, easy for you to say, but I just feel terrible! How can I act confident when I feel as rotten as I do?"
Well of course acting confident can be difficult right now, because after a breakup your self esteem may hit a low point.
Try this little psychological exercise for a minute, it's really helpfull:
Imagine how it will be when you are back together with your boyfriend. Not like in a memory, but in the future.That part is very important.
Experience how it feels to be back together after you have been apart all this time.. Really feel his arms around you again..Feel his love in how tightly he holds you.. Hear the sweet things he whispers in your ear... How happy he is that he and you are together again..
Try to make this imagination as "real" as possible.
Now realize yourself (and make a mental note right now) that many couples get together after a breakup, every single day! This is not just a fantasy, you can achieve this goal if you put your mind to it!
People get back together after the most horrible breakups.. Even lots of people that shouldn't be together, still get a second (or third) chance.
Why? Well it's just a matter of biology and psychology.
- Biology: It's the chemistry between the two of you. If it "felt right" it probably was right, as far as mother nature is concerned.The two of you share a strong connection, so it is probable that you can make "good" babies together. And your (and his) body picks up on that.
- Psychology: This one is more complicated, and this is where you can put your magic to work.. Psychology is actually pretty simple if you know what you are doing. The only problem is, people act in the wrong way to get their results, and mess up their chances in the process. However, if you KNOW what you are doing, you can play your ex's feelings like an instrument.
I am convinced that in most cases, if you want it hard enough, you can get your ex boyfriend back! You just have to be strong and smart about it!
OK, I hope that by now you know that you do have a good chance to get your ex boyfriend back. You only need the right information on what you should do and should not do. So let's continue.
Ground Rule Two: Limit Contact
One area where you need to be very strict with yourself, is contact. Whatever you do, don't harass your ex. This will definitely drive him away from you.
Instinctively you want to call him, because you want things to get back to how they were between you two.
And to get back together, you first need to make contact, right? Right..?
Wrong! Please, in your heart you already know this.. Don't call him! After a guy breaks up with you, he will regard your repeated phone calls as "stalking" or "harassing" way sooner than you think!
And even more important: Since you are giving him confirmation that you
still think about him, he will not feel any pain of missing you.
This is definitely not helping to get him back! So whatever you do, don't call him (unless you have your plan to win him back all laid out, more about that later).
If you have difficulty fighting the urge to call him, then try to keep your focus on your goal: Getting your boyfriend back in your arms! Try the psychological exercise that we did before. Like with most things in life, if you keep the end result in mind, it will just be so much easier!
Ground Rule Three: Find Other Things To Focus On
This may not seem like much of a "get my boyfriend back" tactic, but believe me, it is actually a very powerful method! Let me explain:
If you can find a new hobby or activity to dedicate some of your attention to, you will have less time to miss your ex boyfriend.
Apart from that, you will regain the feeling that you are in control of your life, and experiencing new and interesting things.
Those two factors lead to something very valuable to your goal: You will have more self confidence (and that definitely shows) and your ex boyfriend will notice that you have "moved on" with your life, or at least that you are not suffering full time because he is gone.This works like a red rag on a bull for most guys!
Well so far the basics. I hope you have learned that acting on instinct is a very dangerous thing to do when you try to win your boyfriend back.
Now for one of my favorite "real life" examples of how to get your ex boyfriend back!
Of course this method won't be useful to everyone, but if you feel that it might suit your situation, I recommend you give it a try!
Example #1 - Donna & David
Me and my friend Donna came up with this when her boyfriend of three years suddenly broke up with her because he felt that
"He needed his space', and
"He wasn't sure what he was feeling for her anymore".
Donna was devastated, she loved David with all her heart and didn't want to lose him!
Luckily, Donna was a psychology student so she knew a thing or two about male psychology. So instead of following her urges to call him up, she did this:
- Instead of pleading and begging for him, she "just" let him go.(For the moment)
- She tried the best she could, to not let him see how much the break up hurt her.
- And then... She took salsa lessons!
This may seem like a strange strategy, and of course Donna had to push herself to do it. But it worked out brilliant:
- It was a big boost for her self esteem (a lot of guys at the dancing class were giving her attention)
- It gave her something to focus on, apart from David
- It gave her a great sense of "adventure", of doing something new with her life
- And most of all: David heard about the salsa lessons (erm.. yes we made sure he did) ;) and he was extremely jealous about it!
It's important to know that guys are very "visual minded". When David heard about the dancing lessons, he immediately visualized Donna with those other men, dancing close together, and probably starting to feel something for one of them..
Before she knew it, David was leaving messages on her cell, saying he made a mistake and they had to talk! Of course Donna made him work for it a bit, before she took him back.. ;)
This happened over two years ago, and Donna and David are still together this day!
So there you see: If you play your cards right, make a solid plan an follow it through, then you will have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back!
Well these were my ground rules and a real life example that you can use when you try to get your ex boyfriend back.I hope you found this article helpful!
If you are still a little uncertain how to proceed from here, how you can get your ex boyfriend to love you again.. then I would really advise you to get one of the professional "get your ex boyfriend back" systems that are available online.
Think about it.. How would it be if someone told you exactly what to say and what to do, when to say it and how to do it.. Someone who has helped thousands of girls like you to turn their breakup around.. Wouldn't that be exactly what you need right now?
There are a lot of different systems available online, and I have read almost every one of them. Some of them are really brilliant!
I can't give their content away in this article because it's copyrighted material (and I don't own the copyright unfortunately).. But I talk about the best available methods on my site:
Getting an expert on board
- Systems that make it easy to get your ex back
At my website I have a look a the most popular "get your ex back" methods available right now. If you need some more help, you will find it here.
Thank you for reading my (very long) article. Whatever your situation is, and whatever you plan to do, I wish you all the luck in the world getting your ex boyfriend back! And remember, be strong!
Essy
P.S. I used to answer a lot of questions in the comment section below, and even more through email.. But unfortunately I have to stop doing so. I am really sorry, because I love to help all of you to get your ex boyfriend back.. But it was taking me several hours per day and it just got too much, it started to interfere with my personal life.
If you need more help to get your guy back, you should make things easier for yourself and check my website where I show you the best methods I can recommend to you. You can also register to receive a free PDF version of this article by email.
P.P.S. If you liked my article and you want to help me, you can do so by clicking the "thumbs up" button just below here.
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Comments
I will pass this article on to one of my friends. Het boyfriend broke up with her and she lost it completely. She gained a lot of pounds and would not go out. She lost complete confidence in herself. We told her the only chance she could have to get him back was to show him she didn't need him. She didn´t believe us so maybe after reading this it will change her mind.
Coming from a guy, I would like to reiterate the "don't harass him" point. Very true, we hate that !
My BF has just split up with here BF and for whatever reason wants him back so I'll send her this hub url as I think it has some great ideas.
The salsa lessons are spot on - drop dead sexy. Great tactics for getting attention. I know these will work...
Esmeralda some very good advice, the dating game is never easy and your tips and advice are sound in my experience..having a plan is afab idea..
Hey there, i read your article and I'd love some advice.
Does your rules still apply if your BF was never an official one?My guy is super shy and never makes a move, but under that he's got an iron resolve. We started being 'unofficial' fron NYs eve this year and since then have done everything pretty much as if we were going out.Recently, he ditched me cause he's moving 40 minutes away, but i found out from a mutual friend that really he's gone off me like a light switch.
This happened the day after we had a fight over txts where i told him i'd like to know where i stand because he'd tell me he loves me ten/ten then ignore me for weeks! or at least it felt like it. He's probably really annoyed cause i hounded him and I HAVE txted him to often, it's a reaction when i panic that he's slipping away!
Now tommorow him, I and 4 other of our friends are leaving for a holiday for a week and i'll be with him all the time! I'm the only girl going besides a friend of mine who is dating his mate!The mutual friend says I have no hope, but another says i should try.
I can't 'not be in contact' cause he'll be right there! I'd like to start working on winning his interest back, but i need to clear the image he has of me of being a bit needy, when all i wanted was confirmation that he cared in the first place!
I would desperately love some advice on what to do on this beach holiday (hitting the amusement parks) to start to win him back.Or is there no hope at all?
Hi there Rosie,
Well I think this beach holiday could be a good start to get his attention again, or at least repair some of the damage you did with being too clingy..
Don't try to get him back straight away, just focus on damage control for the moment.
My approach would be to project a happy and confident self image. Of course this is difficult, but the better you manage to do this, the better your chances will be to get him back in the (near) future.
Don't talk to him about the problems you had. Just try to have as much fun as you can, with him and the other folks. Don't give him all your attention either - Divide it evenly between him and the other people. Or maybe talk slightly more with the others even. (You said he is shy, so that probably shouldn't be a problem).
If you can show him that you don't focus on getting back with him, and that you are happy with yourself and your life, you will be way more attractive.
If you can manage to do this, he will have a much more positive impression of you after the holiday. And you will have a foundation to start your plan for getting him back.
Best of luck!
Essy
thanks so much. I've already downloaded the book and am reading it now, finger's crossed!
I hope you're on actively, i'd love to ask some more advice if i need it, you are wonderful at this.
Sure, ask away :) And let me know what you think of the ebook!
I am at work right now, but you can email me at:
essy (at) exboyfriendhelp (dot) com
And I will get back to you in a few hours when I am home, ok?
//thaks..for this tips..but it never work for me.. i think the chapter of him in my life is over..
That is so true! But I have to ask ....What If the one you love and want n\back is dating your best friemd???
Hey Bama girl,
Well in that case it's a tough decision.. And only you can make it!
It is very possible to get a guy back who is dating another woman. But in this case you would be risking the friendship..
So it's a matter of priorities. Good luck with it!
Hey Esmerelda,
I just wanted to say thank you so much for this tip!! It's working currently in a matter of a day!! I accepted our break up and moved on. This guy is a very firm head, and he is very stubborn, but I am crazy about him and I want him back. During our relationship, I fought with him over STUPID girl stuff...like "why dont you tell im beautiful" or "where you checking that girl out?" and stuff like that and sometimes telling him he wasn't being passionate or affectionate enough. But the thing is, I couldn't find better words to express my feelings so I said it in a way that I never meant! I never meant to say he was not passionate and affectionate, but what I DID mean to say is that I want to see MORE of his passion and love..you see, I said things the wrong way, and that hurt him, and that's WHY he broke up with me. When I accepted our break up, he said "He is not 100% over me", and I am going out to dinner with a guy friend this saturday and i mentioned it to him very casually...and within 6 hours, he kept on trying to get in contact with me, and very blantantly asking me ,"are you really going out with a guy this saturday?" i said, "yes, it's dinner" and he said, "oh..okay..thats fine, i guess.." and then i cut the conversation short and said, "but hey, i gotta go" and he said, "i will just talk to you later then"..I'm assuming he wanted to talk to me longer, but I cut the conversation short. He is an amazing man and I want him in my life...How am I doing thus far?
Hey Nish! Great stuff, sounds like you are doing excellent! :)
What I would do in the situation you are in now: He will probably call you again very soon to make an appointment. It's usually best to arrange for a meeting in a public place, in the day time, just for a coffee. Also, I'd set the date for not too soon, maybe in a day or 5, so he will sweat it a bit.
Then when you go to meet him, maybe buy a new dress so you look slightly "different". It's optional but it can help. Then just sit down with him, and let him have his say. He will probable have rehearsed something in his head. Just let him speak, and pay good attention. His point of view is important for understanding what went wrong, and to make your relationship stronger in the future.
It's good that you realize what you have done that has (partially) caused the breakup to begin with.. Make sure to remember that when you have him back. It can be easy to fall back into old patterns.
Good luck with it, let me know how it went! :)
Hey Essy,
I got online to facebook today and obviously facebook's pop up chat was on, and he got online on facebook as well, but he only got on for a minute and then signed off and didn't even chat with me...Is that a sign or what?
Hay Nish, I wouldn't think too much of it. Could be a thousand reasons, and there is no way to know what's the case with this little incident right now. Don't break your head over this, keep the big picture..
You have your plan set up right, so as long as you don't lose it and start chasing him, he will contact you at some point to discuss things. Then you can propose a meeting (always better than over the phone) and hear what he has to say.
Keep in mind that he is more worried than you at the moment! If you are anxious, try to meet up with your girl friends for some distraction, go out for cocktails or something.. Have proper fun! Outdoors is better than online :)
Essy,
Well, here is what happened. We talked online and I told him that I was going to Olive Garden this Saturday with that guy I was going on a casual dinner with. He kept on asking me ,"Are you going out to dinner with that guy" and everytime I kept avoiding the question. So he said, "I guess I will take that as a yes since you are directly answering me" and So I said, :Yes, I am going to Olive Garden with that guy." Now...later on in the conversation he asks me ,"Do you really want to go out with guy" and he asks me that twice"and I said, "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say" I also said I didn't want to talk about it. But since it was Mardi Gras yesterday I made it very clear to him that I was hanging out with that guy that will be taking me to dinner and a couple of friends to celebrate Mardi Gras, and I even encouraged him to celebrate too! To make it seem like there wasn't any problem going on. He got weird. I told him that guy was going to pick me up and come to my dorm room" So he sarcastically said, "Of course he'll come to your dorm room". So I said, "Look, this guy is there for me at my worst." and he said, "So was I!" Like he keeps comparing himself to this guy. So I dropped my Mardi Gras plans and went over to his house since its not far from my dorm, and talked to him about his feelings. I explained to him that I was moving on from him, and that this guy that is taking me to dinner is really cool and he makes me laugh and he just makes me happy when I need to be." And he started to cry! He couldn't even face me. He told me he was hurt. I told him that he wanted me to move on when he dumped me, and that I finally was. He just shook his head and said, "You won't understand". I even offered my hand in friendship and he refused to take it. I reminded him that he was the one that dumped me and that he should be okay with me moving on and doing things, but he kept feeling hurt. Basically, I told him that he had no right to feel what he was feeling considering the fact that it was HIM that broke my heart. I also told him that I do think of memories with him (in a complete casual way, yet I probably sounded pretty angry because I was!), but that nothing he did was going to stop me from Olive Garden. He said that he's not feeling angry that I'm going out with a guy to Olive Garden, but he's feeling really hurt. I mean, Im thinking, WHY SHOULD HE? He broke up with Me. But yes, basically I told him that he has no right to feel that way, and the last thing before I stormed out of his house was "Next time, don't dump a girl if you still have feelings for her". STUPID ME....I called him today to make sure he REALLY was okay with me going to Olive Garden Saturday , and he acted kind of mean towards me and I said, "are you okay with me going out this saturday?" and there was a long pause. "it doesn't matter what I think..." and I said, "but you were upset last night." and he said, "im sorry for acting that way" Im thinking to myself that he has got be playing games! so I said, "so you are ok?" and he said, "do what you gotta do...i gotta go" so i said, "alright bye...im glad your okay with it and im glad we're friends" and then we hung up. NOW IM CONFUSED...Should I just give up and message him on facebook and tell that I am not going on a date this Saturday and just cancel it?" or wait until AFTER saturday to see if he asks me how my date went?" I feel helpless...what do I do now? Thank you!
Nish
Hey Nish, just send me an email if you want, otherwise this page will become very long :)
Hello..Thanks for your post and it is really nice. Also good to read comments from others. I am sort of in deep funk after my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me three weeks ago (he lives in another country now, but he moved only 3 months ago, before that we were in the same city) and since then all I have thought about is how to get him back. I have tried to keep my contact minimum, but even in the 5-6 or so phone calls I have made in 3 weeks, he has been very very distant. Only once or twice he was friendly but short. So my question is--what should I do? Would you give me some advise. Also, the reason he broke up is because he doesn't trust me enough, he is a bit of the paranoid kind, although I am the last person on this earth to cheat. Can you help? Thanks a lot.
Hey AB, that's a tough one.. Especially with him living in another country now.
Does he use a messenger like MSN or AOL or something? If so, Matt Huston has a few good tricks in his course that you could try. Don't know if you checked my blog yet:
http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/category/get-your-e
That's the only thing I can think of right now.. Good luck with it though! Let me know how you get on.
Hi Essy,
I sent you an email! Thank you so much for your help!!!
Nish
Hey Nish! I'm so glad for you it all worked out! :D Now that you got him back... Enjoy it, and make sure you keep him eh.. ;)
Great stuff, and a great reminder for all you girls who are still struggling: You can do it! Be strong!
Essy
Hi Essy, Thanks a lot for such a great advise that you have said here :)
I am all shocked and troubled for the past two weeks. My fiance has just ended our 3 years of relationship saying that he do not wish to continue such a relationship that has distances and quarrels. Actually, he is studying and is bit far away from me. We had been together for the past 3 years.. so the distance has left him totally shakened.. especially when he is staying along with his parents and they have not accepted me as yet and his close male friend (who just had a break-up) also saying against me( i.e to leave me).
Before reading your advise.. I have comitted all mistakes of crying, calling him again and again and even begging to not to end our relationship for the past two days. But, now I will will definately do what you say here. i.e. Keep Distance.
I would love to talk to you. I am all broken at heart as I have lost my trust and love. Plz... be my guide. and Thanks for every support. I am gonna read the e-book for sure.
Hi Diana! Thanks for liking my article :)
I am very sorry for your breakup.. It sounds like a tough situation for sure, but far from hopeless!
It's nasty that this "friend" of your ex boyfriend is trying to sabotage things..
I don't know which eBook you got, because I review 3 different ones on my blog. But I think the best thing to do right now, is a bit of "damage control", since you made a few mistakes until now.
Try what T.W. Jackson suggests in the video on his website, here's a link: http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/magicofmakingup.htm
(Video is on one third of the page, if you scroll down)
That should be a good step in the right direction to get your boyfriend back!
Let me know how it works out.. Good luck with it!
Essy
Well I will admit this is good advice that I probably should have read before tonight :) So now...two questions...
1) What if you've already broken the cardinal rules?
2) What if you met him more recently -- had one of the quick whirlwind relationships that there was a ton of chemistry -- but don't have any common friends, jobs, etc...I'm not sure HOW I would run into him again w/o actually picking up the phone and talking.
3) Okay -- I said two but I really meant three -- do these things change if HE was the one interested in a relationship and YOU were the one who blew it by not being ready. We're a little older and looking more towards that "next step" in life.
Thanks for the good advice.
Hey Heather! Well I think most people break the rules first, and THEN when it back fires they start to do some research online.. :) So don't feel too bad about it, it's just human instinct I guess.
A ton of chemistry, AND you were the one who didn't want the relationship.. So it sounds like your chances are very good!
I think I'd go for writing a letter in your case. That way you don't have the risk of getting into an argument, and you are sure that everything you want to say is heard. Or read rather, but you get my drift :)
Don't be lazy now and type a letter on your PC.. It's old-fashioned "writing lines for punishment" for you :P
Did you check T.W.'s video as well? I think you could get some ideas there. I think I will have to ad it to this site.
Anyway, good luck with it, and let me know how you get on!
Hi Essy,
I have sent that letter as suggested in T.W.'s video. Lets hope, our plan begins to work. Though, my ex has not contacted me for the past 3 days and neither have I. But, I believe in 'Hope' and 'Karma'.I have also replied to your mail. Thanks for caring. I am in need of a true friend..Take care-Diana
Essy,
My boyfriend (29) of three years broke up with me (25) almost one month ago. We were extremely happy and in love, but a lot of things changed over the course of the past year (he moved in with a new roommate, I started working on my Masters, etc.) that placed a lot of stress on both of us. During the last year, I lost a lot of my confidence and have kind of become a weak little weenie, which I know contributed to our problems. When he broke up with me, he said that now he isn't sure of anything in his future, and couldn't even tell me if he sees me in it - he couldn't say 'no,' but he couldn't say 'yes' either.
During the course of our entire relationship, he always reinforced the idea that he would never leave me and that I was the love of his life and he wanted to marry me someday. Needless to say, the breakup hit me hard - really hard - and I've already made the cardinal mistakes of text message terrorism, IMing him, leaving him (innocuous) Myspace messages, and even stopping in to see him at work. So would the letter work at this point, or would it be seen as just another attempt to get him back into my life?
I'm at a complete loss. When I have seen him lately, he has admitted to not being over the relationship and has been relatively nice to me, but has expressly stated that he "doesn't want to get back together right now." He'll talk to me on AIM, but never initiates contact. But I don't want to just let go of everything we had, and I definitely don't want HIM to move on. Have I messed things up too much already? Is there any hope of salvaging this relationship?
Hey ego_eris, well I agree that you have pretty much made all the mistakes you could make.. But I would definitely not call the situation hopeless, there are a lot of positive points in your story as well!
The fact that he always said he would never leave you, and that he wanted to marry you, are indications that his feelings for you are very strong.
Also, he has admitted that he's not over the relationship. So things could have been way worse than they are.
You need to stop what you have been doing lately though.. It is clear that it doesn't work. You need to come up with a solid plan, and follow it through. Have you looked at T.W's course? I am pretty sure that you could use his stuff to get your ex back. It has worked in much more difficult situations than yours!
Let me know how it works out, ok?
Best of luck! Try to be strong..
My boyfriend wanted to break up after we had our first fight. We were in a long distance relationship when we had the fight he broke up with me. Everything was really good for 8 months then he says it is for the best. I thought perhaps it was because he had a hard time with the distance. Now I am visiting the same college he is going to again becuase of a job offer. We were talking some but then after he found out I would be going to the same school he stopped anwering my calls. Could he have another girl or is it that he doesn't want anything more to do with me. I am wondering why? Is there a chance I can get him back? Or should I just forget him and mover on? I will be seeing him on campus in 3 weeks, should I just ignore him or talk to him if he wants to talk to me? I need some help.
Hey there merrilysinger..
Well it could be all of those things, it is impossible to know.. Especially for me, because I don't know what the fight was about, what you have said to him that hurt him, how your relationship was before, etc..
If you want to get him back, you should definitely not ignore him when you see him at campus, that will only make you seem childish and silly. Instead, be friendly (but not over-friendly) and try to contain yourself.
Don't have much more advice at the moment, sorry.. You can always email me with more details and maybe I can come up with something. Although no guarantees there :) But I definitely have a helpful brain wave from time to time.
Essy,
I purchased and poured over T.W.'s course and am currently in Day 4 of no contact (better late than never?). Last time my ex and I spoke, he said that I was "an impatient person and just wanted things to immediately go back to how they were." He said that he would talk to me again eventually, but the thought of addressing whether or not he could see me in his future is "really cruel." He also got emotional and angry, and expressed disdain for having to box up "all of the cute little things that I'd made for him" earlier that day. He's obviously upset over the breakup (he apparently drinks almost every night and has given himself an ulcer), but still says that he needs space.
Is it worth even going through the hassle of all of this? I mean, the plan seems simple enough, but I don't want to hold on to some unrealistic glimmer of hope if there simply isn't any, you know? Everyone in my life is telling me to let go of him and to just move on, but I still really, really love him. Is it a lost cause?! Is there any way to tell if he is just upset over breaking my heart (because he does care about me) or does he really miss the relationship? How can I keep myself occupied during no contact other than just by "working on myself?"
Hey Eris,
It's a difficult situation to "read" for sure.. But I would like to help you find out if there is a way to resolve it.
If you scroll to the top of the page you can find a link to email me. just click that and send me a message with as much info as you have, and I will really try to get a "feel" for your situation.
The more info you can provide me with, the better I can answer your question. Anything you email to me will be confidentional by the way, but that goes without saying.
You tend to write/quote a lot of "circumstantial" stuff, but still I don't really get a good grip on how your relationship used to work and what went wrong. So if you can elaborate that should be helpful.
Let me know, take care for now,
Essy
This is definitely great advise!
Just recently, my boyfriend of 8 years broke up with me. He said he needs to figure out things with himself and felt he was growing apart from me. He says, "We only know each other" He admitted that he is scared of the next level. As you can imagine, it has been a difficult 2 weeks. He says he still loves me and that will never change. It gets me confused. I took this extremely hard. I needed to take time for myself. I decided to move to another state for a few months to stop thinking about him and to start thinking about myself. We have many mutual friends and everyone seems to think we will soon get back together. He's just going through something right now. Did I make the right decision? What should I do?
Hi K, and thank you :)
I am sorry to hear about your breakup.. 8 years is a very long time. But I think you have handled things very well!
For some tips on what to do next, I'd check T.W's video if you haven't already. Also, he has a pretty smart example letter that could be very useful for your situation.
Good luck with it, let me know how you are getting on!
Hey Essy, thank you very much for the interesting page. It really clamed me down and gave me strength.
Me and my bf have been together for 2 years and 4 months, totally in love. Lately he has hanged because my bad mood and stress i was making. (I sent you a detailed email).
The last words he said to me were, we will be just friends, you should be happy for yourself and not for me, you should take care of yourself. But afterwards I have made all the bad things of begging and calling a lot etc...
I believe he will take some time and he will call me, but I wonder if he will be able to forget the bad things I did (I mean the begging).
I'm really looking forward to having him back, and I learned by heart all your words and willing to make them.
Should I send him a letter or something?
Hi Mira,
I didn't get any email from you.. Maybe try to send it again?
If you caused the breakup than writing him a letter is a good idea. Just keep it short, apologize for what you did and take responsibility. Don't start about getting back together in the same letter, otherwise he will think that is the only reason you are admitting your mistakes.
Hi Essy, thank you for your reply. I was in depression, so he decided to leave, it was him who broke up, I begged him and apologized and did eveything but he was insisting. Now I am out of depression and willing to improve my relationship in a positive way, but I don't know how can I convince him to come back.
I sent you the email 2 times on the above link (Contact Essy84) and one time on the exboyfriendhelp. I don't know if you received it.
Thats so strange.. I didn't receive any of them. I do get quite a lot of emails so I don't think there is something wrong with my mail server.. I even got an automatic email notification that you left a new comment on my hub..
Anyway, now that you registered I can send you a mail, (just did) so just reply to it, that should work. Or try esmeraldaredfield(at)live(dot)com
Essy,
My boyfriend (21) and I (20) were together for almost two years. In fact, today (03.22.09) would be our anniversary. He broke up with me last weekend (03.14.09). It was just an out-of-the-blue breakup, and I was completely devastated. I still am.
During the first few days of the breakup, I did ALL of the big "No" mistakes. I called him, texted him, etc. I tried telling him how much I loved him, how wrong I was, etc. Nothing worked though. I still don't have him back.
Initially, he was telling me he just needed "time" and that after he's had some time to sort things out, maybe he and I can reevaluate things. I guess my continuous confessing of love to him pushed him away more, seeing how as of two days ago he told me that I just needed to "move on"...he says he wants a break from relationships for a while, because he wants to be able to do things he didn't get to do much of while being in a relationship (going out with friends, etc).
I know he still has feelings and love for me. But I just don't know if he wants to be with me again. I would love to be with him again...not because I feel rejected, or because I feel I "need" a man in my life. This definitely is not the case: I need no man to be happy. The reason I want him back is...I truly love him. I truly WANT to be with him. I miss HIM, not the relationship. I truly felt/feel that he is "the one" and that this relationship is not over in our hearts!
But will these tactics work in my situation? I mean--I've already pushed him overboard. He's already told me he wants to be "free" for a while. So what do I do?
PS: I have been initiating No Contact for a few days, but I've failed a couple of times. I can go all day without talking to him...but night time comes around, and I just want to call/text him, because that's what we did when we were together. Every single night.
@Ranae: Hey girl, well good news and bad news..
You already know the bad news really: You have made most mistakes that girls make after a breakup.
The good news is how you feel about the relationship: You know he still has feelings and love for you. And the breakup is still fresh, so your chances are quite good I'd say. You have to make the right moves now though..
Have you watched T.W's vid yet?
http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/magicofmakingup.htm
It's halfway down the page, and it basically tells you what to do right now.
It's important to do this as soon as you can. Secondly, you write "I have been initiating No Contact for a few days, but I've failed a couple of times".. Well that is just not good enough, I am sorry, if you keep doing this you WILL push him away further and further.
You would be smart to just get T.W's full course, he also has a lot of great tricks that you can use to keep yourself strong if you are having a tough time trying not to contact him (no it's not the same as I put on my page here, it's pretty advanced stuff)
That's all I can advise you at the moment.. If you want to get him back I think the best way to go is to take the plunge and get a real good manual. You will get much more value from that than reading some forum posts (or even from my article), those guys I recommend really made a study of repairing breakups, and they are excellent at it.
Best of luck, and please post your results here!
Hey girls, I just want to ask a simple question: Shall I go out with friends and have some fun? or he will be jealous and maybe he will go farther away?
I have to mention that before the break, he was terribly jealous without a true reason, so now I am hesitating, I am invited tonight with friends and his brother will be there (Should I go or not?) Please give me your opinion.
Hey Mira,
I think you should definitely go out. It is quite ridiculous how jealous he was during the relationship to be honest.. So now that he broke up with you, you should try to enjoy your freedom as much as you can.
If it has any effect, it will only improve your chances of getting him back.
Really, even if the two of you get back together, he should change this overly jealous behavior..
Thank you essy, you are always helpful.
I went to meet my friends and the first comment was: Wow Mira you are shining, you seem happy. This comment was in front of his brother.
I am very sure that his brother will phone him as soon as possible and tell him that he saw me and maybe he will give him some details. I just wonder now if my bf will react to this.
Our last contact was 12 days ago, to me it seems like eternity, but do you think that it's normal for him not to contact me this long?
I just rememberred that in our last contact he said to me that he will always be by my side. (Now I am starting to remember the positive words he said to me).
I wonder if it really works to get the ex back... Did it work really for some people? Shall I believe that I can really have him back?
Hey Mira! Sounds excellent! :) Good for you girl, going out and being shiny and happy.. Congrats!
Your guy is not so standard (also from what I read in your emails) but he is insanely jealous for sure.. I can not say if it is "normal" that he didn't contact you yet. May be an extreme male ego thing going on there..
But to answer your other question: Does it work? Yes, most definitely.
I know you have bought T.W's course and are applying his stuff (although you ask me for a second opinion sometimes which is fine) but I can tell you that *most* girls who contact me are successful with this program.
Of course there are people and situations (like celbaby who commented on my hub as well) where it will not work, or shouldn't even work as far as I'm concerned..
But in general, if the relationship was long-term and the breakup is pretty fresh, this plan is solid and your chances are excellent to get your ex boyfriend back. This is my opinion, but I think I have a pretty good idea, based on the feedback I get from the girls who post here and who email me.
I think you are doing great and should just keep up the good work.. What you did tonight was again a great improvement. You SHOULD be shiny and happy, it's your life and your freedom after all. His brother informing him about how shiny you were tonight might just be the breaking point of his pride.. Or maybe not, but it will definitely bring him closer.
Well keep me updated, and best of luck with it!
I am so thankful I found this site. Two nights ago my boyfriend, who I have been just crazy about since the begining almost a year ago, just decided that he isn't ready to settle down yet and wants some space. He still wanted to be friends though, but since his first love who he dated for 3 years broke his heart (about a year before we got together) he hasn't really been interested in a "serious" relationship. This of course was pretty devastating to me. The whole time we dated though he always had all the power, which is kinda new to me, but unlike my previous boyfriends, I ended up falling a little too hard for him. I think that may have added to the problem. Anyway I already wrote him a letter today telling him that I still constantly think about him, and reading this I'm afraid I already messed up. Is there even any hope though if he just doesn't want to be tied down?
Hi Jessica,
I won't say your situation is impossible, but it's definitely a tough one. Every system to get an ex boyfriend back, works the best if the relationship has been strong at some point.
And as you probably figured out now, that letter was not a good idea..
But the fact that he wants to stay friends does give you opportunities to correct the mistake, so I wouldn't give up just yet.
hi essy... i sent you an email... i hope you could help me... thanks...
I am devistated but yet so much in love... My boyfriend just broke it off with me after 3 years... I still love him very much and he just wants to be friends. He claims that he doesn't feel like he wants to be commited with just one girl at this time... What books etc... do you recommend so I don't make any mistakes on losing the love of my life...
Hey everyone,
I have thought a lot about this today, and I am sorry to say that I have decided not to answer questions and/or emails about how to get your ex boyfriend back anymore.
The reason is, that although I like to help girls who are facing these problems, it simply takes up too much of my time. (Sometimes several hours per day).
Apart from that, I think I have given my best advice already quite often here on hubpages, and on my blog. There is only so much I can tell you without repeating myself - And like most people, I don't like repetitive tasks much, it almost starts to feel like "work" sometimes.
So, once again sorry for not being able to give you advice that is specific for your situation any more. I am sure though, that you can find a lot of helpful info here, and in the courses I review on my blog.
Best of luck everyone!
P.S. If you just want to say something nice, of course you can always leave a comment :)
This is a fantastic article! My boyfriend finished with me 3 months ago after a 3 year relationship and im still trying to get over him. The thing is i just can't stop contacting him and i just wish i'd read this just after the break up! I have definately pushed him further away by contacting him as he told me that he doesn't love mein THAT way anymore. Is there still any hope for me to turn this round? The other difficult thing is that he only lives around the corner from me so i see him around quite often.
Hey Ria,
Thanks for your nice comment :) I really appreciate it.
As you probably saw, you submitted it just in the same minute when I wrote I will not answer questions anymore.. But OK, just one last time then. ;)
You are right, the fresher the breakup, the better your chances of getting him back. But on the other hand, you still have a good possibility to "run into him" because he lives so close. Of course that is a problem if you try to forget about him, but if you try to get him back it gives you opportunities to change his mind.
If the two of you have mutual friends you can exploit that as well.
For instance, try the "agree with the breakup" method like T.W. shows in his video, and then maybe combine it with my salsa lessons strategy? (Don't talk about it to him, let it reach him through someone else that way it's more powerful)
Important if you are going to do anything like this: You have to be strong and keep your plan in mind at all times. Lots of times I have talked/emailed with girls who were well on their way of getting their guy back, and then they let him slip through their fingers again with one or two wrong choices.
I don't want to push anyone, but I think it is way smarter to invest a few bucks in a decent manual how to get a guy back, than just try and do it on "instinct". The main reason is, in a breakup situation your instinct is wrong most of the time. (As you noticed..)
Well that was REALLY my last answer now! :)
Best of luck with it Ria, I'm sorry I can't be of more help right now but like I said, I did this for a few months now and it's gotten to a level where it starts to feel like work, so I have to go do something else now.
Essy
Hey I just wanted to say, that I was so scared that having my wonderful relationship again with my exboyfriend was hopeless. However I did exactly what this site recommended, and yesterday, Jacob (who recently told me he wasn't ready to settle down) showed up at my door distraught that I was moving on with my life, and apologized for everything he had said and done and told me he would do whatever it takes to get our relationship back in track. I seriously could not believe it. I'm still shocked. I told him that it would be okay if we started dating again, but we had to take it slow (to not look too obsessivley excited), and he was so happy it blew me away!! Thank you so much, he is such a rare and awesome guy and if I had reacted the way my emotions told me to I don't think I would have him in my life again. I can't thank you enough!
HI Essy!
I emailed you a few days ago, because my story is very long. I was wondering if you could email me back, because I seriously need your advice. Did I send it to the correct email address? essy@exboyfriendhelp.com? (I had the number 35 in my yahoo email account)
Hey Essy,
Just wanted to say this article was tons of help! Im hoping everything will work out as i'm planning, but these tips were very useful so thanks!
i think ur tips are brilliant only thing i disagree with is the calls i made the mistake on calling my ex and then deleted his number i have sent him emails but no reply but as they say out of sight out of mind and its very true u need to contact them to know ur still in love with them and u want them back cause if u just dnt contact them they think u have given up
i split up with my boyfriend of 5 years a week ago but i have alredy made the mistakes of harassing him and begging him, have i already pushed him away or could i still get him back? please some one help me im so confused!
Hey girls! Thanks for all your nice comments! :)
@Jessica: That's great to hear! Now make sure you keep him.. ;)
@Kitty: Sorry, I can not answer comments/emails in much detail anymore, because it was taking me several hours per day which is just too much..
@Nadia: Thanks hun! I hope it's working out for you..
@Heartbroken gal: Sorry I don't agree AT ALL. As long as you keep contacting him, he will get reassurance that you still think of him. So he knows he can get you back if he wants to.. And therefore he doesn't want to get you back.
"u need to contact them to know ur still in love with them and u want them back cause if u just dnt contact them they think u have given up" That's the worst thing you can do, honestly. I suggest you go watch T.W's video, he explains how and why you should take the opposite approach here.
@Danielle: Chin up girl, most girls make these mistakes initially.. Of course it would have been better if you hadn't, but it is the normal "instinctive" thing to do after a breakup.
Your chances are still good, because 5 years is a long time. His feelings for you won't disappear overnight.. So if you start taking a planned approach from now on, you will have a very good chance to get him back. Also, check T.W's video if you didn't already, he explains some of the first steps you should take. If you are sure about wanting him back I strongly suggest you check out his full course, it's a small price to pay for regaining your happiness. (and comes with a money back guarantee even)
http://exboyfriendhelp.com/magicofmakingup.html (video is halfway down the page)
Good luck with it, and although I can not always reply (quickly) I still love to read comments :)
thankyou essy you have already made me feel better, after reading all these comments your a inspiration to loads of people who need someone to talk to thankyou
what if i really acted needy and desperate for month and half and i really pushed him away from me
he is dating someone else now and i feel he is happy with her and he wanted me to stay away from him ,,but we used to date for 2 and half years full of good memories but he is so angery from me and doesn't appreciate me anymore after breaking up cuz i kept on calling and calling and calling and although he was caring and asked me to remain friends now he just asked me not to call him cuz he really feel he doesn't wanna talk with me anymore ,what can i do ? i know iam stupid but do i still have chance to fix what was destoryed ? he asked me not to call him for at least a month and then he gonna decide if he want us to be friends or no but he doesn't feel he'll
iam dying out of this break up cuz me and him broke up for 2 times and this is the third but this time is differnet and he said he doesn't have feelings for me anymore.he told me not to call him and he kept on calling this new girl for hours daily :S
Hi Essy, I have just read your article and found it very interesting...and confusing I must admit! Here's the deal me and my ex were together nearly 2 and a half years, we were so happy together and in love! We had plans for getting married and having children. About 2 weeks ago however he finnished things claiming we weren't the same anymore. Which i admitted i did feel the same but personally i want to work on things where has he said it wont work!
In a way I understand what you are sayin about not contacting them for a while but at the same time i worry that if i don't he may get used to his new single life going out and enjoying things and then i will have lost my chance! Thing is another problem is that he has met these new friends which he claims is another reason we can't be together because all he wants to do is go out with them, he feels we will never see eachother but i have tried to explain to him he can have both but he won't listen!
Since we split he has been going out almost every night having a good time. Its as though this is how he wants things to be...so how can i get him to miss me if he is having a good time without me?! Please help...i am taking your advice for now and lessening the contact i have with him but i just worry that he may just enjoy his new life without me.
Also we have a holiday booked in 2months time so its hard not to keep in touch as we need to sort things out as to what to do. At first i wanted to cancel it but he said he still wanted us to go. Now we've switched places. I really want to go and believe it would do us good to get away alone, he says maybe i should go with a friend but it wouldn't feel right as it was booked for us! What do you think we should do?!
Any help would be very much appreciated and i think you are fantastic giving all this advice! I just hope you are able to help me because i honestly cannot live without this guy!
Many Thanks
Rebecca
So my boyfriend and i dated for 4 years, we have an 18 month old baby boy. I left him a couple of months ago, and now i realize that we both need him in our life. I cant stop thinking of him. I have made the mistake of texting him and telling that i want him back. Do you think i still have a chance? I really hope that i do!
Hey girls,
(@Nymphetamine, Rebecca and mother of 1, and everyone reading this)
I still get loads of comments and emails about how to get your ex boyfriend back.. I don't mind that you comment, but as I wrote before: I can not answer them anymore.
Because as soon as I do, I get 15 more emails/comments with more questions etc. It has been a busy few months for me answering all of them, and I got slightly burned out.
Believe me, I really feel for all of you you and I would like to help you all but it is just too much and I can not handle the sheer volume of emails and comments anymore.
While I worked on this page I have also read and reviewed the top products that are available for girls who want to get their boyfriends back. There are some really excellent courses out there, and I have read them and wrote what I think about them, the good and the bad.
It has become clear lately that a lot of girls don't want to get one of those courses, because they think those will not help them because they think their situation is too "different".
Of course every breakup situation is different, just like every snowflake is unique. There will never be another snowflake exactly like the previous one.
However, in general all patterns in a breakup are similar! Really, I understand why you may feel like your situation would not fit into a "general category".. But if you would give one of these relationship "gurus" a chance, I am sure you will be pleasantly surprised!
If not, they offer you a refund. They are just as sure as I am, that they can help you.
So once again sorry for not being able to give you personal consultations anymore, but at the same time: Please look into the courses I recommend. They are dirt cheap (compared to the result you want to get, right? What is your happiness worth to you? More than the price of a DVD I'd say..)
And yet another factor in this: If I REALLY want to help you the best I can, then I would have to reveal stuff that I can simply not share. It is copyrighted material, and I would face a massive load of legal trouble if I were to hand that information out for free.
So, once again.. I don't want to PUSH anyone. You can use the information I provide for free in my hub, I have done my best to give you tips and tricks that you can use straight away.
I always love to hear comments if my information has helped you to get back the love of your life. That is why I started this hub, and I still get loads of great feedback, thank you for that.
But my info is not THE best thing available in relationship repairs. There are some guys who have made total studies out of this subject, and they can teach you a whole world of tricks that are not available for free anywhere.
Here's the link to my review page for anyone who missed it:
http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/category/get-your-e
As I mention in my reviews as well, because I want to be honest: Those websites have crappy designs. Their products really are top notch though, and that is the only thing I care about!
They all come with a refund policy if you can not get your guy back. So you can try them risk free even if you are still skeptical or if you think your situation is too bad. But let me tell you.. You will be pleasantly surprised. This is rock solid material and these guys have been giving advice for a long time. Getting your ex back nowadays is easy - if you know what to do, and if you FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS. (sorry for screaming there ;) make sure you do not take a course and do HALF of it because you will spoil your results. Just FINISH the plan from beginning to end and you will be 90% sure to get your guy back. Period.
So once more, sorry for not being able to give you one-on-one consultations anymore, but I am confident that you CAN find all the information, tips and tricks you need in these courses.
I especially love the one by T.W, and the feedback I get from girls shows the best results for his course. Matt Huston is great as well, but he is better on the short term. (quick sneaky tricks). If you want to restore long term love go for T.W, plain and simple.
Once more for the link: http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/category/get-your-e
I hope this helps.. It is your best course of action if you want to get your boyfriend back in your arms as soon as possible.
Of course you can choose to spend the money on a DVD to watch on your own. In that case I recommend Music & Lyrics if you haven't seen it already :)http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0758766/
I have bought the ebook and read it through, but I am confused on what to do now, can you offer some advice? My ex left me after 2 year, we where the best of friend 8 years prior to that. He said he wanted time and space and that he felt more peaceful and wanted to be just responsible for himself. But he still wants to be friends and actually means it! I love him so much and want him back. but heres the problem he calls me twice a day, and drops in whenever he feels like it. he is extremely close with my family and he is invited to all holidays, birthdays, cookout...ect. How can I make him miss me? Should I completely ignore his call, hide when he drops in? or would that do more harm? everything I've read assumes that the man wants no contact after the break up, and that simply isn't the case here. I really need some advice!!!! I can't stand just being friends with a man I know I want much more with.
Hey Christa,
Which ebook have you bought? T.W's?
You shouldn't ignore him, but let him know that you agree with the breakup, and that you need your space to work things out for yourself.
Don't be bitter, just stay friendly to him.. But set clear boundaries. He should understand that he can not have his cake and eat it. He has to give you space.
Maybe set a fixed time, like tell him to not contact you for a month?
The whole idea is to reverse the rejection in his mind. T.W does not describe your exact scenario, but he does provide a lot of ways how you can achieve this.
Good luck with it! I am sure your chances are very good, don't panic..
hey essy,
3 weeks ago my bf of 2 years broke up with me. i say it was for no reason but it was bc i was getting lazy.. i was always an independant woman when we met. we met on myspace.. OUCH... but he was in japan for the navy and with in weeks we loved eachother i flew to japan to see him and it was love at first sight... 2 years later and tons of heartache now and a baby he ended it. we lived the whole married life living together and sharing finances, i will admit i have been pethetic and doing the whole crying and pleading noticing it doesnt do anything. we have hung out as friends a few times but then i get emotional lol.. i just cant help it , we share a 9mth old together and he sees her alot bc we actually live in the same appartment complex bc i moved in with my mom. he tells me he just wants to live life.... anyways even today he wants me to go to the dentist with him... how can i get him back and can he still have feelings for me??? he always wants to hug me and he says he loves me and he is not moving on but he talks to girls.... please help
hi i know essy can no longer give personal advice and i do believe that the advice she has given other girls through this page has been very useful! it has even helped me! but can anyone give me any tips on this situation i'm in?
well after 2 months of being broken up he accepted to go with me to a white sox game, and I know i wasn't supposed to call him or anything or seem interested...but he called me and I made it seem like he was my last option and that everyone else I had invited cancelled on me...(which was kind of the truth) and so we went and i underwent a mini makeover and when he saw me he noticed and he said "oh wow your hair looks really nice" and once we were at the park he said "well you look really really pretty today" and I said "oh no I don't" and he kept on insisting until I finally said "well thank you very much" and I followed essy's advice I didn't mention anything about our relationship and I smiled and I was very confident and I didn't try to hug him or kiss him or anything...Also afterwards we went out to eat and he told me to try what he had ordered and I said I didn't really like spicy food but then he cut it and tried to give me a piece of the food in my mouth with his fork, but I kind of pushed it away and took it from the fork with my hand and ate...and also afterwards he asked me if i wanted to go to his house because his favorite soccer team was playing on tv and he wanted to know if i wanted to watch it with him....so I said yes (well he was not alone or anything his family was home) and so when I was about to leave I said "well I had a good time today" and he said "me too etc." and then I put out my hands to give him a hug( but like a I was kind of just far away..not a close close hug) and he pulled me in and he gave me a
(story continued)
a long kiss on the cheek and he put his cheek for me to give him one...but I just said " oh well I have to really get going" and he seemed surprised...
well my goal was to try to get him to desire me and did i do the right thing?
also throughout the day he kept saying we should definitely do this again and that he really wanted to see me...and he kept talking about some of the really fun times we experienced together in the past...
but I don't know...I feel like what should I do now? he hasn't called me since then..which has been 3 days already...and he mentioned that his championship soccer game was the next day and he didn't even invite me to that! Oh I'm so confused....
can anyone give me advice? should I call him? what if he doesn't answer? is it too soon to call?
hello,My boyfriend broke op with me 3 weeks ago. he said his feelings were not that strong and that he loves me more like a friend than a girlfriend, he wanted to be friends and did not want to lose me, he was still very friendly but he just don't want to be in a relationship...He never told me about it, we had or discussions but i had never seen it coming. the first week I just wantet to talk about it and he was kind enough to anser my calls and said that i'm always welcome. after 2 weeks we meet again. sudenly he was so sweet but he's a man and he was still attactid to me so that day we did not only talk there was more... I thought he had his feelings back so I asked him. sinds then he only says that he don't want to get toghetter with me or anybody else and he just wants to be friends. So after that day I did not call or text him anymore, but on a day he came to tell me some good news on the chat for his musicband, so i just wished hime good luck. but after a copple of days i called him again and again. I read on the internet all the tips to ignore him en go on with your life and than you can wine him back. I just was so focust on the friendship because i don't want to lose him that i just break and went crazy and startet to call him again and again. so I puched him away.after that i said i wanted to talk, so i see him this friday.He was so nice but now he does not speak anymore, only when i ask him something. I'm just so scared that it is to late!I want to go to him to show him that i move on but that i can be fun and pretty so he sees what he's missing.I am almost shure that there is no other girl in his life, he just wants to have the time for himself. Is there still hope? can have some tips for friday?maybe it's my last chance to change he's mind so in the future he might miss me and wanting me back.Sorry for the tipefaults. I'm dutch so...
Hey girls! Sorry again for not being really available for one-on-one "sessions" anymore.. But I am sure you understand :)
@Kitty: I think you are doing pretty well, this one is brilliant: "a long kiss on the cheek and he put his cheek for me to give him one...but I just said " oh well I have to really get going" and he seemed surprised..." that was a very smart move. :)
Best thing for you would be to just stick with it for the moment and NOT call him.
Also, the way he was acting you may want to watch out with giving him any sex too early.. The way he was giving compliments he might be after that initially (but you have turned it around pretty smart and he will definitely be thinking about you now!)
I know I have been mentioning T.W pretty often in the comment area, but I don't know if everybody reads all the comments and answers.. So if you didn't get his course I strongly advise you to, it will help you with extra tricks to get things going again, AND it will provide you with methods to get through the time (and to keep your sanity) in a period like this, when you simply have to wait.
Good luck, you are on the right track for sure!
@Lore: Yes you messed up a bit by sleeping with him too early.. That was definitely a moment where you could have turned things in your favor. Maybe you can create a situation like that again, but then act different?
Hi, I love your article. Just wondering if the same applies if your man needs space? My ex is depressed due to being laid off and a sports injury, so he had nothing going for him. He was very stressed and frustrated and got to the stage where he didnt care about life, he didnt want to see anyone/do anything, including spend time with me. He was snappy and moody all the time. He broke up with me saying he cant hurt me anymore, but he needs to sort his own life out and make himself happy before he can make me happy. I tried to tell him I wanted to support him and give him his space, but he said he just wanted to break up. He also said he really hopes we can get back together, he just cant promise how long it will be, and he likes to think if he would ever settle down with anyone, it would be me.
Any Advice?
Hey Ok1509,
Normally these methods work very well on men who say they need more space, but this does not sound like a typical case to me..
To be honest I think your ex may be clinically depressed, and would benefit from professional help.
Of course there are some events that "triggered" his current state (job loss, sports injury) but normally people wouldn't react this strong to those events.
The symptoms you describe fit a serious depression, which should be treated.
Since he hopes the two of you will get back together, that will probably happen once he gets treatment and starts to feel better.
I don't advise you to play any "mind games" with him right now. The best thing you can do is to try and support him, and persuade him to get help.
Best of luck with all this.. It must be hard for you.
Hi Essy... i met my boyfriend at college and we dated for some 3 or 4 months (not a long time I know but we both really hit it off right away and he is the first guy I have ever met that I felt is truely the right guy for me) ...he broke up with me after we had a big arguement, he had some trust issues with me after a friend of his for some reason told him I had cheated on him. I did not cheat, i would never do that to him, I have eyes for nobody else except him and I have no idea why his friend said this. I told him this. In the end he didnt know who to believe and he said he didnt know if he could trust me or not so broke it off. This broke my heart!! He also said that a part of what had swayed his decision to break up with me was the fact that he has decided he is heading home for 4-5months over summer anyway (home for him is a 2hour flight from me) and would not be back until next college semester (September) ... Of course I made the stupid mistakes of texting him, phoning him and emailing him to tell him how much I missed him and didnt want to be without him. I actually cringed after I read over what I had sent him so I decided to stop and have not made any contact with him for 2-3weeks now. Now I know the break-up has been really hard for him also and seeing as I wont be seeing him around again for another 4-5months I would rather give him some more space and time to recover before I contact him - as in a few months... do you think this is too long to wait?? Will he have forgotten about me by then?? I just dont want to be pushy! Do you think there is still a chance he will still want me back after 4 or 5 months apart and after he was so hurt by the break-up and has trust issues with me?
I know ur busy so I would be extremely greatful for any small amount of advice on the matter! Ive seen the advice you have given to the other girls on this site and its really great! Thankyou!!!!
One last thing to add sorry! I watched T.Ws break-up vid and he said after you have made the mistake of text terrorism you should tell your ex you totally agree with the break-up. I never said this to him, I said 'sure, well have a nice summer and I'll chat to ya sometime soon I guess' - have I ruined my chances now as it sounds like I am reluctantly agreeing with him and by saying 'I'll speak to you sometime soon I guess' it sounds a bit needy?? What do you think? Bearing in mind I've not contacted him for 3weeks since? Or vice versa
Hey! just 2 days ago, this guy told me he was done with me. he always used to say he misses me, & one day we haven't talked for the whole day and he said "i missed talking to you all day babe". we did kiss everyday in school a couple times a day. i told him i was falling for him and said me too. and he said he liked me too. he acted like he liked me, he was so nice to me and i was always happy. then he said that iwas being immature because i said something to this other girl he talked to. i told her i was sorry and we talked on the phone for 2 hours. he has been saying the same things to her. but he always said he cared about me. i don't know if he was lying to me or what. i liked him so much and i still do. i don't know if i should just give him time or what. i was always happy because of him. now when i pass him in the halls i have to hold myself back from crying. i've cried the night he told me and the past 2 nights. we've been talking for about 2 months, and i know thats not too long, but i never thought he would hurt me. do you think within a few weeks he'll realize he made a mistake? i at least wanna be friends for now and see where that goes. he just said the right things and i miss that. i miss everything. i really wanna tell him how i feel but i don't even know if he cares. my friends told me we will get through it together and i should move on. but honestly, i can't. please help!
Hi, I don't know if you are still on but i am going through something that ive honestly never experienced and its blowing my mind. I have this friend that I have known for a good while. We have a lot of friends in common but i used to live two hours away so i didn't get to see him unless i came to see everyone else. Recently back in Aug i moved to where he lives with a friend because we both changed colleges. So since august we have been hanging out alot because we have similar friends and we get long very well and he is one of my good friends.
However, we have always been flirty friends and joked but ive kinda always known that he has liked me in that way. Well ever since new years ive kinda gotten over the whole single ideal and i wanted to find just a great guy to be with. And after talking to all my friends, they repeatedly kept saying your describing him you are wanting to be with him. So for the past three months we have been taking it really slow and now the past three weeks we have been seeing each other everyday maybe for 3 hours, just enough to see each other. And for the past three weeks it has gotten alot more serious. Well we went to this banquet last friday with all of our friends and neither of us knew how to act around each other because we were in that akward stage and so with alcohol involved he got very mad but i knew it was really just because he was upset.
Now he's saying he just wants to go back to being friends and i don't know what to do...I really want him back because i know for the past two weeks i wasn't myself because i wanted to be with him and i wanted it to work so bad.
what do i do?
hi essy, im in a sitatation as well and its very hard
ok, so in i got serious with someone and we was like brothers and sisters at first, all though he broke up with his girlfriend cause she went to college.... she did him wrong but they didnt breakup on bad terms. so when she left our feelings has grown for each other and we started to get serious but not official. so we been talking for a year now, but somehow his ex found her way bac in his life and he was in love with two people. it was either me or her. he spent about 7 months to figure out who he wanted to be with because he didnt want to make the wrong decision and telling me if it is ment to be that he will come back, but i really think that is a bunch of bull. overall he chosed her but i want him to realize that im the one for him. i didnt do anything to hurt him but she cheated on him before, y go back to someone that hurt you when you have someone who loves you so much that will never hurt you (me), but he still text me til this day saying he miss me and asking me am i still willing to be with him, he cut me off like 3 weeks ago and he wrote me the other day sayin that he miss me and stuff like that. what does this mean, i want him back and i dont know what to do at this point, it seems like he want to keep me around til she messes up but thats just my opinion, but i dont get it, advice please/?
Hey Essy.
My boyfriend just broke up with me about a week ago. We turned long distance about a year ago and it's hard for us to handle. I've been super moody, he decided he can't take it anymore, so he broke it off. I was going to be moving there in June, not too far off.
I know i've been doing the wrong things to try and get him back. The texting, the emailing, etc.. He said I was pushing him more and more away and that he just needed time to think. He still loves me but he is just unsure at this point.
So my question is do you think the whole no contact thing will work in my case? I keep caving after Day 1 of no contact. I know when before when I did the no contact thing.. he came crawling back 2 weeks later, saying he missed me.. Do you think it's possible for this to happen again, if I leave him alone?
Ps..sorry forgot to add...
He blocked and deleted me from msn.. cause the last time we talked was arguing about us. I can't seem to stop talking about it. I really hope that didn't ruin my chance.. i'm thinking he just needs time to cool off.
Sorry Essy. I didn't see your comment about not responding anymore. Disregard my question.
Thanks this article though!
Hey girls.. Once again sorry for not having the time to answer all your comments and emails anymore..
You can check my blog for more helpful advice if you want:
Ahhh good news, he finally text me and we are meeting up next week to discuss getting back together!!! Im soooo happy!!!
Fingers crossed and wish me luck!!!
HI Essy, here's my story!!
okay here we go will keep this brief! my partner of 14 years broke up with me at the end of jan, he then proceeded to move onto a new girly straight away..he has recently said to a close friend he regrets moving on so quickly, i was out of touch with him for 2 months, and then he started to contact me with some very relaxed and friendly emails.. dont get me wrong he is still with this other girly, he came to collect some of his stuff twice over the last 2 months and on both occasions.. has said he loves me, misses me, worries about me, thinks about me every day.. we openly hug and peck each other and hold each others hands when he is here, we touch each others skin and there is no repulsion, we have not slept together.. he writes down emotions that he cannot tell his new girly on a computer and passwords them, he loves hearing from me... he recently left for a head space trip to india for 4 months with new girly... and he called the day before he went telling me the same stuff and that he looks forward to watching a film together when he gets back, he cannot stand and does not want to handle me being with anyone else ( i am not), he breaks down and crys when we do meet up, he openly states on a bad days he thinks what the F*** have i done, but on a good day can see a future with new girly.. i am moving to a new place, his face lit up so big when i told him where... he says to a mutual girlfriend, that he really likes seeing me, as we are so comfortable together and get on so well, and that is plenty of raw emotion there still, he wants to be in touch whilst in india and says he will be thinking about me.. the new girly he is with, is a college student and they have known each other for a while, they got close when her father died... and he has been a rock for her ever since.. really... his last text to me before he flew to india with her: blah blah and being you, live life authentically,beautifully,amazingly, fully. love, care and compassion always!
NOW YOU TELL ME!!!
Wishes
Paula xx
i'm 25, my ex fiancé is 27. we were together for 5 years, when he broke up with me. the cause is a result of a number of reasons. it has been 6 months since the break up. The first 3 months, i was in denial that it had happen and we maintain contact (verbal). i did beg and plead for another chance. i was an emotional mess and made sure he knew it. i contacted his family and friends...
as four months went by, i visited him. we hung out for 3 hrs. during that time we did not address the break up or me wanting to get back together. after that we didn't speak for 6 weeks.
3 wks ago i called him, the conversation casual. i want him back and now that we are on speaking terms, i don't know what to do next. he doesn't call, but answers my calls and engages in the conv... my plan is not to contact him for the next three weeks, as he has finals (med school) but to plan to see him after the exams.
any suggestions on how to proceed....
thanks,
Sgirlie
Well my bf of 3 years couple months broke up because of long distance. I just recently moved states. For 3 years we were together and inseperable. Very happy. But he said he couldn't do the long distance. I know because he's already used to being physically apart from me because of the months apart so the 'making him miss me' part is a lot harder. I don't know if I should even try to get him back. I just love him so much and I don't know what to do.
He still wants to remain friends but I don't know how to. Where do I go from here. He also is coming up to visit me as a friend and i don't know how to act.
Hi,
WEll essy my ex boyfriend and I hung out again!!!! And he told me he had such a good time and all, and we even kissed just a little (but once again I pulled back and said I had to go... hehehehe and I could tell he still wanted to kiss) and once again he complemented me and what not, but he hasn't mentioned anything about getting back together :( he has mentioned that he wants to hang out again. I will wait until he calls me, and when we do hang out, should I mention anything about that kiss? and if it even meant anything to him? should i hint that it meant a lot to me? Well Essy I just want to say thank you soo much for your advice!! So far I feel like with your advice I am slowly winning him back!! :) and I know he still has feelings for me, I just need to seal the deal and win him over once and for all! Any other tips to just seal the deal? (OH and by the way, when we went out on Saturday he noticed that other guys were looking at me and he didn't even want to let me go to the washroom by myself- he stood outside the washroom and waited for me!!!)
well essy thanks a lot~!!!
hi Assy
thanks for the great job you are doing.as everyone here me too i really want to get back with my ex boyfriend again. my boyfriend and i were together for almost 5 years. we were both happy.most of the time he was busy in his work but i never mind cause i knew he was working very hard and that he was sincere to me. he is the kind of serious guy and i know he would never do anything wrong.even when were together he would go to business trip several time and return, everything was just normal. then he decided to go abroad and work over there. he lives with a friend, his uni friend.now this friend of his is married but still go out with others girls also . i know him very well and i know he would not do anything such. but this friend of his present him girl and after a few months i started noticing that he has changed.when he came back he then told me everything and he know he was at fault. i was there sitting and crying. he hugged me tight and wipe my tears.i gifted him a golden chain that day had make it for . i really love him. i really didnt know wat to do till i came across this site.
it would really be nice of u if you could help cause he is all i have. thank u dr. i feel alone and desperate at times
Hi all! :) Well I have got time for a few short reactions..
@Valentina: That's really great news girl! :) Congrats, and good luck of course! Let me know how it went..
@Paula: It sounds like he still has strong feelings for you.. Have you tried to persuade him to come back? Or have you agreed with the breakup? Since he is already in doubt, you may want to try and take away his sense of security that he can "always have you back". That way, he will feel he may loose you forever..
It is clear that the new (rebound?) "girly" can not give him what you can, and that he is comparing the both of you. So what I would do is take away his option of getting you back, to make him feel that he is losing you.
@sgirly: I would like to recommend a strategy by Matt Huston but I can not copy it here.. Since you are in the (fortunate) position to meet up and hang out together, you can quite easily create the kind of experience that causes people to bond again. You may want to look into Matt's course for more info.
@Jamie: Your situation is a bit more difficult than some of the other girls who have commented because of the distance, but it is not impossible to get him back. However, since you write "I don't know if I should even try to get him back", maybe you should just try to let him go? If you are not sure if you should get him back, then it might not be worth all the effort..
Maybe the best thing to do is to act slightly distant when he comes to visit. (Make sure to be friendly though! You don't want to come across as "cold", just set your boundaries very clearly). Talk about new things you have done, new people you've met, any positive change you made since he left. Watch out, don't ask him if he met anyone new.
That way you can find out if he starts to talk about your relationship etc, and if he is missing you. If he doesn't make an effort at all, it could be best to just let him go in this case.
@kitty: Well done! :) It's looking good so far.. I think you need to watch out with your urgency to let him know what the kiss meant to you though.. If you want to seal the deal, its by far the best to let HIM seal it. That way, you won't have him backing out at the last moment.
Also, it will help to make the relationship better and stronger after you get back together. (If he "gives in" to you then he may have doubts in a month again, where as if he manages to win you back with some effort, he will not doubt his choice).
So, some sealing the deal tips.. He sounds kind of jealous, right? ;) That may be the easiest shortcut to play him. When the two of you meet, you could casually mention some other guy's name in a story. Like: "and then Frank said, blah blah". He will definitely ask who Frank is (and probably if you like Frank, how he looks, etc etc :P)
Then make sure NOT to push it, just tell him Frank is a new guy you met at work or school, and he's a good friend, but definitely NOT boyfriend material. The two of you just get along great.
That way he won't get the idea you are playing him, and you aren't really.. But he will still feel a sting, believe me. He can't blame you for anything because you tell him up front you are not interested in this other guy.. But he will be afraid the other guy is interested in YOU, and will win you over if he doesn't do anything about it.
(It's best to replace "Frank" with a real person you've met, even if he is not THAT interesting. Just so you won't have to lie and make stuff up, and you will sound more natural)
Hope that helps.. Make sure to let me know how things work out!
@Asha: My name is not Assy, lol! :D But that's OK. :)
I am not sure what you want me to tell you.. Your boyfriend wants you back, right? Only you can make the decision if you can forgive him..
A lot of girls will tell you to never trust a guy who has cheated, but I can not see it black-or-white like that. There are times when people make terrible mistakes, and still get back together and their relationship can even be stronger than before.
It sounds like you have it in you to forgive him (because you even make an excuse for him, the "friend" who "made him do it".) Be careful with that - he is responsible for his own actions of course.
On the other hand, he did come clean with you, and he knows he made a big mistake.
So, it's up to you. I won't call you crazy for dumping him.. But I won't call you crazy for taking him back either. If you truly love him, AND are truly convinced it was a one-time slip-up.. You could try to rebuild your trust in him. Take it slow though, don't rush things, and definitely don't sleep with him too soon.
OK that's it for the moment :) When I have the time I will respond to comments now and again, but I am sorry I can not be online every day, and can not answer everything, it is just too much. (I get loads of emails from girls as well, apart from the comment area here)
Best of luck to all of you, thanks for commenting, and I am rooting for you!
Essy
Hey girl. Thanks for giving some hope to an old romantic where everyone shuts us down.
My ex broke up with me two weeks ago. Everything was fine, he was very attentive, intro'd me to his family and friends, took me to eat, even plowed my driveway when it snowed! Cooked for me and so on. He began to withdraw suddenly and then became scarce, not answering txt. I did the worst thing possible and began to write cards and notes, burned him cds and gifts. It worked for a little while, we went out to dinner a couple times and were intimate and had a great time. He even wanted to take me by his friends. Then, it was over. In the end he was cold and said it wasnt me, it was how he is. I feel he is a committment phobic and has been in many short term relationships. He is older and divorced and I worry if he is still not over the pain of it. He is also dating another woman. As bad as it hurts, I dont think it will be serious.
The question is: did I drive him away for good by texting and begging? I truly believe in my heart he was very smitten with me and got scared it was getting too serious and broke it off. I love him very much and mad the mistake of telling him, my last words to him (we were intimate before I left and I ended up crying which frustrated him and he asked me to leave...but he also tried to give me a necklace of his and asked me not to hate.) 3 days later he was out with someone else.
As much as he has hurt me in the end, the good far outweighs the bad. I want him back desperatly and have decided to leave him alone. In the meantime, I have lost weight and am in the gym doing a transformation. I want distance between the old crying pathetic me into a new confident super buff person. Im not doing this all for him; it is my only thing I have to focus on now.
This summer in 2-3 months will be some big parties I know he will end up at. Is is sick to want to show up and look like the bomb? If so, how can it work? What if he thinks I am psycho. I promise I have ceased all calls and txts, but did I do damage? I love him so and I know he cared and shut off. What do I do?
Hi Essy,
Here are my news; After a long time with no contact, he called to meet me and to have a walk. I accepted in a decent way, and I recognized that he was putting on his elegant clothes, his car was exceptionaly clean, like if he was preparing for this meeting carefully. He was very happy to see me, I saw it in his behaviour and in his eyes. After just half an hour I said that I have to go because I have things to do, he was surprised or maybe shocked. I was brave. hehehe
But later I think I made the mistake again by rushing. In the second date which was after a week from the first, I talked to him about the topic of our relationship. The first time we were laughing about the past and talking about it smoothly, but with no intentions.
The second time I offered him a present, restarted the topic again and explained to him how much I love him and that I will always love him even if we were apart... (I admit that it was a BIG mistake). First he said: I am not ready to talk about that... (I should have stopped, but I didn't).
Today, he called and I asked him if I can travel with him in his next exhibition trip, and he said that he will be busy + why do I want so?I said because it's normal, but he wasn't convinced. I recognized that he is still phobic, and he still didn't forget the bad time.
After this call, I had to send him an sms excusing myself that I openned the topic, said that i shouldn't and I mentioned something related to work (just to change the topic and to be neutral).
Now I am feeling very sad, because I was expecting that he will come back to me quickly.
I am so believing in my love to him, I need him back and ready to wait and do whatever it takes to win his love back.
Any further advices will help me very much. Thanks
hey there need some help , well my bf and i only went out for a montth or a lil more, but in that month he was amazing to mee , like t he best i ever had , we spent every day together but because of my past i was still scared and un trustworthy but he put up with mee questionning then we began to fight cuz i wud jus want alot of attention on mee all the time and well he cudnt give me 24 7 obv .
we went to guyana for easter vaca and he was soo excited for me to meet his family , how he never took nay other girl there is meant alot to him and i jus felt soo nervous and wll i picked a fight everyy dayy ! dont kno why i jus did and slowly i pushed him away more and more then he finally broke up with mee while he was still in guyana and came back home , he sed he was frustrated etc but then he changed his mind to we were not broken up he jus needed 3 days and then when he got back we wud work it out but iwent crazy with out him so i called everyday , questioning still and his thing is he jus cant be with me anymore cuz he is vex , he took me to guyana and triedd soo hard and i never appreciated him i did i was jus too scared to say it i dunno why..... so he came home came to see me and broke it off , i ddi wat i should not have done i begged and cried ! he took me V ! soo it was hard he jus sed he wasnt sure still he needed time then i went and did some more shit and gor drunk and kissed another boy infront of all his frens then did the drunk dialing .... but for some reaosn i stil think he wants mee , he sed he thinks about me everyday but he jus cant , well he told someon else that cuz he does not talk to mee , he is soo mean when i call like at time he seems finee , like he doesnt care soo that hurts but he puts up such a front , u kno boys .... " i am a robot i dont care , i jus dnt , do whatever u want " soo it really hurts , we r not really talkin . i have not called him in 2 days but i jus wana kno i can get him back , i am tryin this method but i am jus cared he wont want me still and if he kissed another girl i wud die , i cry everyday :( i misss himm he was so sweet now he is soo mean to mee :(
HELP!
ok i love my ex so much and i know he still has feelings for me..we have been through so much together...personal things.
so he wanted a break cuz what i had done truly hurt him..and NO i didnt cheat on him becuase i know most people reading this would think that.
We didnt really talk for a month. Then we started talking and hanging out again. We had plans on getting back together after he graduates this year.
Well then we got into a stupid little fight and he started ignoring me. so i kind of freaked out on him. That apparentely he said really hurt him...again. After that we didnt talk for a couple weeks but then he called me and we started talking again. Then more drama happened and i got mad at him becuase he was accuseing me of saying stuff when i did not. I told him that i didnt want to talk to him right now so he hung up on me. I tried calling him back but he didnt asnwer.
I want to call back but im afraid that he wont answer and i will look like a stalker so i just havent called him. Hopeing that he will call me.
He has told people that he still likes me, he said that he is just confused and dont know what he wants right now, becuase hes going through a hard time right now at home and some other things.
I dont know what to do i just want to be with him again.
Any advice for me??
Hey girls, sorry I am too busy at the moment to respond to all the comments.. I also did a lot of email replying again in the past few days and I don't want to get overwhelmed again like I was a month ago..
@Mira we go back some time.. Sorry to hear it didn't work out but as you write, you didn't stick to the plan.. You were doing great but really, you spoiled your chances and it will become very difficult for you to win him back now.. I can not fix this for you, you will have to take your life into your own hands.
I really hope that all of you really think about getting a good plan, and not act on impulse or instinct.. Usually, in life it is good to act on instinct. In a breakup situation it is NOT.
You really have to get a good method (I recommend a few on my blog) and FOLLOW IT THROUGH. (sorry for screaming ;) Go through every step, don't try to take a "shortcut" when your ex is responsive in the beginning.. Because he will pull away again.
Take the whole course and just go from point 1 to 2 to 3 and all to the end, and you will be OK.
If you just go in and do whatever comes to mind, your chances of getting your ex back are slim to none. That's the honest truth, I have seen it time and again, both ways.
Best of luck all.. If you got any of the courses I recommended and you still have a problem to get your guy back (or knowing what to do) feel free to send me an email and I will try to help you. Sometimes it's very busy but I will usually manage to get back to you within a day or so.
hi Essy..i m Bristi from India. hav u heard of India? its in Asia.i liked ur article very much..bt i did the mistakes...like cryin for him,calling him or mailing him,trying to be in contact with him. but now after reading ur article i m determined to be strong...and to maintain a distance from him. but my problem is a bit different. my exboyfriend is now dating another girl. is there any chance to get him back in this situation??? if yes , then how??? i mean is there any rules or steps to follow. please let me know. my e-mail id is bristi.s1@gmail.com
Hey Bristi, yes I have heard of India :)
I replied to your email, hope it's helpful.
Hi i previously wrote, but haven't gotten any respond...
should you have the time please take a look at my post and tell me what you think, i would greatly apreciate it...email me at saddgirlie@yahoo.com
thank you again
Essy,
I took your advice and bought a course on how to get my ex back. It is by Bob Grant. It did pep me up a bit, but I still worry that I did damage in the last few days (texting, calling, dropping by, begging). He was pretty dead set on the break up. Im trying to stay proactive, in the gym daily, tanning, working on my own confidence and working hard not to talk about him publicly (the biggest obtacle, even though I have never trashed him).
It will be three weeks on Tuesday and it seems like an eternity. My emotions are all over the place! It seems I cant get a mental break from "him". I have won some battles though...I even had a message typed to go to him, via text over the weekend, and thought about what you said and canceled it! But, I have a serious uphill battle. Can I send you an email?
To everyone else, stay strong. In this difficult period try to focus on you...be proactive daily. And remember nothing worth having is easy.
I dont know if this will help me but it might. I was wondering do you think it will if my x-boyfriend broke up with me cause i was busy and couldnt call him back or answer my ph. and cause i didnt know he was calling me?
Ok, My boyfriend broke up with me last Wednesday because I was always starting the fights with him. When he broke up with me he said he was done. I tried to talk to people about it...they just made me feel worse because all of them were saying that I can find someone else. But I love him and he is like the type of person that everyone needs. I think he really is the one for me. I tried to keep busy this weekend and it was so hard. I would get through the day fine and I would see he was AIM and I had to talk to him. We talked 2 nights on there but he felt really distant. I came into school today and he completely ignored me. He wouldn't talk to me at all. I left school and he called and asked why and I told him why and then we hung up. He said he needed time and that we both need time and I should get out of the house more because when I am at home...I tend to pick the little things bad about our relationship then look at the good things that happen. I can't really do much do to I have other people to think about like my family and my family has commitments too. And this Wednesday is like his birthday and I don't know if I should get him something or not. He told me to not worry about it but I don't wanna be a bitch and not get him anything
Essy,
Hey I read your article and it seems to be bullet proof so to say. Meaning anyone can do it.
However call me crazy, but the guy I want back I have talk to maybe 3 or 4 times since 2006. I tried moving on and that ended up in me getting pregnant. However I didn't get pregnant until 2008.
But that is not the point. My point is he threw me up against a brick building 2 days after I left him. He showed up to my school and without realizing what happened that day got mad cause he saw me walking with a male friend and threw me up against the building.
But deep down I know that he isn't the abusive kind. I have known him since I was 9 and he was 16. We started dating when I was 18. I am now 22. I met him through my brother. I want him back but he hates me. And the reason for that is because he was given a year restraining order anda year probation for doing that.
But another thing is if I were to get him back he wouldn't just have me. He would also have my daughter. Please help!!
Southernbelle
hi thanks 4 the tips but my problem that my ex bf sent me msg asking about my news...i dont know if he want me back or what??? how can i know???
hey essy so my exbf and i are going to hang out this saturday..bc we are going to celebrate my sister's graduation..so it's going to be a group of friends ..we are going to a club...so my question is..should i dance with other guys? but what i'm worried about is that i know he will get mad and he will go and ask other girls to dance..and that would tear me to pieces!! but i want to make him jealous!! but i know he would dance with others if i did! i mean i'm going to do what you told me ..about telling him i have a friend who is very awesome and interested in me and what not..but i just need advice on wat to do for this saturday!! should i dance with him how we used to (like all close and what not) or just as friends..and be distant ?(and by now it's been a little over two months since he broke up with me...do i still have hope?)..and after that kiss the other day..i was a little scared that he would never want to talk to me again..but no..we talked a week after that and he agreed to go out this saturday..but i don't know..is it okay that i'm the one who is always asking him to go out? is it okay that we only talk like once a week?
-thanks for all your help essy!
Hey girls.. Sorry but my "helpdesk" is closed again for the moment.. It's been really hectic again the past week, loads and loads of emails (and I didn't even respond to comments here..)
I may get back to the girls who commented over the past few days, but probably not within a week orso. Once again sorry, but I really have to watch out for myself, sometimes I get sucked in and it takes up all my time and interferes with my personal life.
Anyone struggling to get their ex boyfriend back, I still have my blog where I recommend some of the most "fail safe" methods to win an ex back. They are not free, but I have read them and I can vouch they are worth the small price. They CAN get your guy back, especially the T.W. Jackson one is brilliant.
His method is explained in great detail, in 3 pdf files that consist of 92 pages of solid advice that you can apply to any possible breakup situation. It has literary helped thousands of girls to get their ex back. You can even try it risk free, and get a refund if you don't succeed to get him back.
http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/category/get-your-e
@kitty, please send me an email and I will try to figure this one out with you. I already know your situation pretty well and I put quite some time in answering your questions already.. So it would be a shame if it would go wrong on Saturday :)
BTW the advice I gave you before is NOT good for this situation.. You need to be in a place where you can have a calm conversation. In a club it won't work properly. So change of plans.. Back to the drawing board. But don't worry we'll come up with something. :)
hi essy i emailed you how it went...you'll be very surprised! please help!
I wish I would of read this before I messed everything up. I didn't take the pity tactic but I took the not caring ex-girlfriend (stilling sleeping with him). Till I walked in on him one night while I was drinking. I was devistated. I blew up. I couldn't believe that after he broke up he proceed to do that to me. I asked him repeatedly if i was his only sex partner because I don't believe in multiples and he swore i was the only one. Then after that I haven't spoke to him. I still want him back but I don't know if it's a smart decision it's only been 2 wks since i caught him and a month since we broke up. But anyways, great article. But i don't think there's any advice you could give me to get him back.
hello. my guy likes me and a few days ago he even said he loves me but then he said he feels very commited and so i suggested a short break. now i want him back. he is a pretty good looking guy and there are girls whom like him. he also goes clubbing and there he dances with other girls. he doesnt have any feelings for them apart from the fact that when the beat is there, he just likes to dance.im not a controlling person and i encourage him to dance as i understand that guys need some fun. but he feels guilty after doing all this and thats why he thinks he's not ready for a relationship. another factor is also because since we're unofficially together, like, really low profile, we don't publicise our relationship. so when other girls ask him is he attached, he would answer no (thats what we agreed on) and then the girls will start flirting with him because he's good looking but he can't flirt back so he always leave early and sometimes he feels guilty to me about it. so it seems like, he doesn't have much time with his friends (whom are mostly girls). he is also receiving pressure from his clubber friends whom asks him what the hell is he doing clubbing when he has someone already. i dont want him to be sad and stuff so i told him lets take a break. and then he just told me that he doesnt feel that he is ready for a relationship.
however, he still misses me and likes me. he doesnt say it out unless i ask him. but the way he treats me is very nice. although he try to keep his distance as in no touching and no keep hanging out with me and stuff like that. but he still treats me better then the other girls. and he knows i like him and still think about him. i guess the only thing stopping him is he is afraid of commitment. what should i do? i want him back. i'm willing to fight for us. i know he likes me but i dont know how to get him back! help!
kate.ares@hotmail.com
hey essy. i just send u my problems to ur email..please help me..thanks a lot.. (my email is clarinlicious@hotmail.com).
ok so....my boyfiend Alex and I had been dating about a year and 2 months. My longest relationship ever. I'm going to be honest I took advantage of him and didn't appreciate our realtionship and how good he was to me, I fought with him too many times to count and I regret it more than anything I've ever regretted in my life. He recently went on a trip to Vegas to visit his cousins and he hasn't been back in almost a week, he's barely talked to me while he has been up there and is telling me that he's contimplating moving over there because there is too much drama with his family down here in California. he told me he still wants to be with me, then he tells me he's confused, then he says he loves me, then he said he just wants to be friends and that he needs time to himself. I don't know what to do??? I'm trying REALLY hard to stop my evil ways and really appreciate everything he had to offer. What should I do??? This is the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I love him and I want him back. Any advice???
Hey all,
I still get loads of emails, and a few comments here on my hub as well.. Sorry but for the moment I can not give any detailed help to "new" girls.. It's just too busy.
You can check my blog where I review some excellent methods to get your ex back:
http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/category/get-your-e
So the best advice I can give you at the moment, is to just try one of those. I have read them and they are excellent, lots of other girls have used them with great success.
So I came along your page and saw all of the questions people had for you and you actually responded so i'm going to give this a try. I dated this guy we will call him Michael for 2months (not long at all) We had a ton of chemistry and so much fun together, during the last couple weeks of our relationship i was kinda moody and couldn't figure out why. Well I figured out why I'M PREGNANT...the day after i told "Michael" I'm pregnant he breaks up with me stating that he hasn't felt the same about me for a while and that he lost feelings for me and he is interested in someone else. Of course I'm not only devastated because of the unplanned pregnancy but he is also leaving me for someone else so I cry and beg and plead non of which help of course. I am keeping our baby because I'm financially and emotionally capable of raising a child so abortion isn't an option. I really want him back in my life more then a father of his child but also as my partner. Do you have any advice for me to get my ex boyfriend back especially with me being pregnant and everything? I have backed off ALOT over the past couple weeks I went on a week long beach vacation and have been spending alot of time with my family...am i on the right track?
Hi there, My boyfriend just broke up with me a week ago and I might be pregnant with his child (this he knows) He still talks to me, he told me it wasn't my fault the relationship ended and that I was great. He's just going through a hard time not knowing is he is going to jail or not on june 2nd. When we first started dating he told me all about this and I told him I would stick by his side, so why did he break up with me knowing that I wanted to be there for him? He broke up with me about 2 days before my grandmothers funeral, and my best friend left and might not want anything to do with me. My boyfriend and I only had a short relationship but it was amazing, I could talk to him about anything and I believe he felt the same way. How do I get him back with my situation? please feel free to email me at somodi_12 @ hotmail . com (without the spaces) with a response.....thank you.
Sorry girls, please check my last comment.. I really hope you can get your ex boyfriend back, but for the moment I can not give any specific advice anymore..
I just get sucked in too much and I don't have enough time left for my family and my own boyfriend, so I have to be strict with myself for the moment.
hello essy! I understand it's hard to keep this up! 2 months ago I told you that my boyfriend broke up with me and after 2 weeks we slept togheter. After a month I seem to get my life back on track and I was doing fine! I met a great boy who is a really good friend. My ex was beginning to ask me about it and said that he met a woman who is 6 years older and that he's in love with here and kissed. I said that i was happy for him and that i hope that it is gonne work out and stuff! a week later I had a message from him, he was very angry! because he said that he broke up with me but that he still truely loved me and he still cares. but that we had the same discusstions over and over en that he was just to much for him. That he never thought that it hurts this much and that he was being an ass because he did not wanted me to still try to get him back and he wanted that i moved on with my life without him and that he will get true the pain. after a while we began to talk on the phone and I met him on a night with friends, he was the one who made contact with me that night over and over again. I was to happy and talkt about this, I think it scared him so we talk less. after that i met him on a night out and he asked me if i wanted to drink something with him later that evening. he had a very good time and wants to do this more ! I asked him if i can see him before he got to learn for school and he said that if i want i can go to meet him at his place. but he has a fight with his prarents ad home and it does not go well for e few weeks now. He's very unhappy and don't want's to talk about it and so we have not that much contact now. He said to me that he does not want other girl that he want's to be alone, but that he still maybe like's me and stuff. he said to a friend that he still loves me very much and to a girl that i know that he still has srong feelings for me. again I talk to him about it he did not say that it wansn't true but he just can't say those words to me i think. It scares him. Now we came so far... I try to make no contact for a while and hope he's doing better at home and school because it's gowing very bad! but...If he still says to people he loves me after he broke up with me and after to weeks. how can i prove him that we can try again? If maybe other people have aan anwser please tell me!! it was going better and better, now it's just time i think. after this schoolyear we made a deal to meet again. but I don't know if he would still feel the same way than. thx for all the advice
i want my ex-bf back. he tells ppl that he dsnt want to get back together or be friends. i say "oh ok" when they tell me this, but whenever i see him, he always looks at me. we do track together so i am always cheering him on, but i cheer everyone on not just him. i dont kno wut to do right now. i need ur advise, so, wut do i do about my ex-bf???
My boyfriend just wants space... how do I show him what he's missing if he doesn't want to be around me? We were so in love and had a great relationship. I know we had problems communicating and that i changed into someone I hated. NOw I realize all I did and I've changed, but he just says he wnts to be friends. The problem is he doesn't treat me like a friend. He says he's still attracted to me and that he wants me that way, but whenever i try and hookup with him he says it's a bad idea. I don't know what to do anymore.
Hi Essy,
I've just split up with my boyf. We were together for a very short space of time, however it became very intense very quickly. I miss him desperately, which is why I have been trawling the internet for advice and I am grateful that I cam across your site.
I hope that with these steps as noted in your advice to other ladies, that we might be able to make another go of things.
Anyway, I completed understand that you are not in a position to respond to individual concerns, however I still want to thank you for providing such an informative and hopeful site.
All the best
hey there,
just a week ago, i had to break up with my bf... there was a girl who told me false info bout him cheating on me... now i feel like i killed him! he wont talk to anyone, he is depressed, and crys! i really like him but all my guy friends cussed at him and told him not to talk to me again!! we were at the dance, and this girl likes him... she told me he said "Anna was the hottest girl there". turns out he didnt say that! i broke up with him and know now it was wrong. how do you get him back, it you broke up with him??? i mean he lives right next door and our parents are friends... but, will it be awkward??? help!!
I know you probably can't help me because you are so busy, and I understand this. but I just have a question about your method. Two years ago I had to ask him about, it was never the other way around because hes such a shy person, and he said that all he wants is for me to be happy. Well if i act happy and strong about the break up, isn't he just going to want me to keep being away from me because he thinks it makes me happy? and also if he was too shy to ask me out in the first place, how is he really going to make the first move this time! don't i NEED to show him i love him and be clingy?? i mean seriously, what am I supposed to do?? do i still do your advice? is there still hope????
My boyfriend does not respond to my calls, messages or e-mails what does this mean?we have been together for 6 years, and now we had an argument/he was out with his pals on a party last Saturday,i was concerened that he would drink and tried calling him,but he did not respond.Kept calling him till monday evening without any response.He called me two days later and told me that he was meeting his sister the previous day and so could not pick my call.Asked him if he dint have two min of the three days where he could just pick my call and let me know how he was.He got angry and so he has not been calling me.I was also very angry and told him that I did not trust what he was saying. I love him a lot, ive been trying to call , text ,e-mail and he does not respond. we just barley got into a long distance relationship about a half a year ago and it has been difficult. its not like him to not call me or ignore me for a week. im so lost. someone please help me.........
My ex- boyfriend and I met through mutual friends and within a week of getting to know each other, we hit it off and he asked me to be his girlfriend. In about a month into our relationship, I started to get pissed off and even a bit psycho when it came to texts because he would take a long time to reply and I felt justified because most of my friends boyfriends or guys they dated would text practically constantly. It was because he had a job, but I felt he could reply at lunch break or at least be semi- extremely sorry it took so long to reply. I really liked my boyfriend, so I would feel very sorry for texting several times. He started to improve when I almost broke up with him over it. Then about two weeks before our 2 months, his brother who has cancer was told he only had a few months to live. In the past year, he's had 2 friends and 1 family member who died, so I knew it'd be extremely hard for him. I was ready to never complain about texts and be his number 1 support in his rough times. But he broke up with me. He said it would be very tough to have a girlfriend and go through this. He said he didn't want me out of his life, and if it were a better time in his life, he would want me. I became very good with contact and only texted once or twice a week how are you doing? Then we hung out because we have mutual friends. He texted me that night saying I was the best part of his night. Then the next week we ended up hanging out again. We have great chemistry and always end up flirting, so it was no different that night. We finished a few of each others sentences as corny as that sounds. My friends even told him behind my back that we were cute together. The next day he asked me to hang out and I said yes. And the night before he had texted me that I looked really good and he wanted to kiss me. So we hung out just the two of us and it was nice and I feel like how I liked him before, it has just grown about ten times. And this night he kept saying things like we should do this, we gotta do that. However, he never tried to kiss me. He's always been shy, but I thought if he really wanted to, he could have. Because of his brother and because I'm enjoying the connection that we are having presently, I don't want to say anything I shouldn't or pressure him in any way, but I want him to kiss me and I want him to be mine. What do I do?
I know you've been really busy and all so if you don't have time to respond I understand. My ex and I were together for the first year of college. I went to see him over summer and everything was wonderful and we were talking a lot on aim basically everyday. The next day we talked on aim and things were still great I had thanked him for buying me lunch and he said " I do it cause I love you" and then the next morning he broke up with me claiming it's really hard to have a girlfriend over summer and I just am not sure what to do about it because it was so random. I haven't talked to him since and it's been about a week and a half. I think he did it because he is working at an all boys camp and was leaving the weekend after we broke up and I think he thought he wouldn't have time or something. So at first I deleted him from my facebook and myspace but recently added him back on facebook saying " I hope we can remain friends especially since we have a lot of friends in common" and he added me back. Is there anything else I should do? I really want him back and you know I want him back soon and I'm not sure if I aim with him or anything?
i have a kind of weird situation. i want my ex back like you wouldnt believe,BUT we live together because we are raising our 3 month old. its kind of hard to be distant from him when we sleep in the same bed. i know...but i warned you it is a weird situation.
we arent together because he found out about 4 months ago that in the first month we were dating, i cheated. something i really regret and wish i never had done.
i feel like if i go out and have fun etc, he might think i am going out with other guys..which might work in one sense bc he'd be jealous or somehting and want me to be all his, but it could backfire because he could think that this is just what i wanted...to be able to go out with other guys and it was only a matter of time before i did this to him while we were together.
we were best friends and i would say we still are, but things are strained a bit lately. i felt like we were getting back on track...and im realizing that i think it had to do with me beginning to act more confident and not clingy. he even told me that he thinks well be back together someday and that he is in love with me but he just isnt sure how to be with me right now.
in the past couple of weeks he started acting different...less interested in us working out or something. he was more abrasive in how he spoke to me and said things that were kind of hurtful which has brought my confidence in us down a bit....i think this has snowballed and become worse because my confidence is low i am not as appealing and we are back at square one.
please tell me how to win him back in this situation.
i know i could move out but i dont think thatll be happening.
oh and its hard to have time away from him because he always wants to spend his free time with me, although i do manage to get free time to myself
Hey, i was wondering if you could give me some advice please. I have recently split up with my boyfreind well 6 weeks ago. when we split up he rang me and said we had been arguing alot latly and he wanted some time alone and wants to be single (at this time his grandmother had died aswell). Well i completly broke down in tears asking him if he still loved me and would we ever get back together; he said he loved me still and always would n thought i was amazing. And said if i give him a couple of months 2-3 that we might get back together. And he told his sisters the same.
Its been 6 weeks already, he text me about 2 weeks ago and said sorry for not contacting me and he was getting a new number and would give it me and hoped i was ok and things. He hasnt passed me his new number and im having serious doubts whether we will get back together.
I love him so much i dont want to let go, i havent contacted him as he told me he needed space and time to think cos his head was "messed up" what he said to his sisters as well. He is still single and hasnt met anybody, and hasnt got many friends and doesnt get out alot.
Can you give me your opinion on whether or not you think we will get back together, i dont want to lose him.
Btw i also saw his sisters the other week at shopping and they said i looked amazing, lost weight n genuanly looked nice; i hope they told him that!
please comment back as i need some reliable help x
Weve had a long distance relationship about four years. when we moved to the same place he dumped me since he got a new girl there. I still cannot accept the reality. I still miss my ex. When he told me that he was done with me, I pretended like i was fine stopped writing and calling him. It kills me to be away from him completely but i stopped to communicate. Its been a year I am still waiting his call or message but i havent got it. Seems he forgot about me moved on. I still dont know how to heal my broken heart. I was kinda needy and insecure I think i have few chances to get back with him but I am waiting miracle.
I have read all the comments and responses here. I was wondering if these tactics work for a dating relationship? Meaning that we were dating and not in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. My guy decided to end things this Monday night and I am devastated. We were only together for 4 months but have known each other longer. I know, not that long. He didn't really have a strong foundation relationship wise in his past. He is confused and going through lots in his life now. School, family, work and etc. Since we were not committed yet and we were trying to see where this would lead, he went on dates with two girls. He is now going out with a girl he met couple of weeks ago. He has strong feelings for me but thought that in the four months, he was feeling the same as he did when we first got togther which is not actually a bad thing because if he lost interest, then that would be bad. I am confused. He thinks because of that, we have no future. I know Essy, you are busy and cannot answer everyone's detailed question but I wanted to know if the steps here will work for a dating relationship and if I have a chance of getting him back. I want him back and can't stop crying. I think he is the one. He is not ready to settle down and get married at the moment but eventually he will. He cares for me deeply and my feelings were always important to him from the beginning. Unfortunately we are students in the same class so it will hurt to see him. We were inseperable and were very happy together. Please advise if these steps will work and if there is a chance that I can get him back. I would like to send you an email but I am not sure if you will have time to answer it. I will but I will make it short and not bother you will the nitty gritty details. Thank you essy. I hope to hear from you. I need all the advice I can get. I will follow the tips you outlined here and hope for the best. It's been four days since we brokeup and I feel like I cannot move on. The tears will not end.....Much thanks Essy and hope to see a response if you are able to provide.
Essy,
I just emailed you and tried to ask my questions without bogging down with too much details. I hope to hear from you.
Forgot to say that I've used these tips in the past and on someone before my current guy that just broke up with me and they work. The other guy I only dated for two months and I used the above tips (as my way to move on) and this guy has came running back to me but I had moved on and had fell in love with the one that just broke my heart. This one that broke my heart, we've been together longer and I've known him for awhile, does that increase my chances of us getting back together? My guy that just broke my heart, hasn't been in a serious relationship for five years and told me that he is sometimes not sure how to act in relationships. I need advice. thank you or for those that are members here and want to comment on my situation.
Ok, so my ex broke up with me on June 26th. I def. did the whole calling him repeatedly and texting him thing. Our big issue was my "out of control" drinking. So, I have stopped drinking and going out, but he says that isn't enough, and that only time will tell. And so he wants to be friends. After a huge blow up where he turned his phone off and blocked me on facebook, I have agreed to be friends. But I still miss him. Oh, and he lives in Greece. He moved back at the beginning of June.
Is there any possible way I can make this work? I really want to get back together with him. I am going to law school in the fall, and the whole plan was that I could visit him over xmas break, and he could come here a few times a year.
We talked yesterday and he said he misses me and he still loves me. So should I just limit my contact for the next couple of months or what? I mean at one point he dangled in front of me that if I was a "good girl" for the next few months then he didn't see why we couldn't get back together... So what should I do?
My boyfriend of 3 years (been off and on for 8 years) broke up with me june 22nd while i was on vacation. After we broke up i didnt talk to him the whole week and then the day i came back we hung out and everything was fine...well we have hung out everyday since then and up until yesterday i had a feeling things might change. We went to a concert together on the 4th of July and acted like we were together. Everything (and i mean everything if you get me) is still the same. we are basically together without the title. Well yesterday he had the day off and i had to work. He ended up going over this girls house that he swears is "just a friend" but the thing is he met this girl right after we broke up and he met her because she came to his work to get her oil changed. I have a feeling he is lying to me and its more than just friends, but he swears it is. he said if it turns into more than yeah but he doesnt think it will. shes older than him and i just feel like i have no chance. he wants to hang out tonight but i feel like its just because she has to work. what should i do to get my man back? i feel like it might be too late already because i blew his phone up yesterday with all these questions about where he was who he was with and yelling at him for being with her. is there anything i can do to solve this or atleast try to? thanks!!!
hi essy! wow i'm so guilty of those harassing sms and phone calls.. lol
btw, my ex broke up with me because i lied to him so many times.. well it was all petty.. on our first month, he asked me if i had a facebook account, i told him no i dont have but he found out that i had a one-year account in fb.. so i apologized and he forgave me..
the latest fight we had that led to a horrible break up was when i lied about accessing his email.. i tried accessing his email before but i told him about it.. he got upset but he said he loved me more than his email lol..
but this time, i lied and lied some more to cover up the lie i made..
he said his sister was getting him stuff online for his bday.. so i was cool with it and i was happy for him.. then one day i was curious.. i'm working as a tech support in one of the biggest ISPs in america, and my ex happens to be one of our customers.. so as a tech support, i have an access to his homepage (yahoo homepage) although i couldn't get in to his email.. in the homepage, there was a yahoo mail preview and i found out that he was the one who ordered all of those things..i know it was none of my business but i was a lil upset about not telling me the truth.. instead of asking him if he was the one who ordered those stuff online, i accused him of forwarding me the confirmation message of his orders he made online.. i told him that he sent it through his rocketmail account.. he knew i was lying.. he doesn't have a rocketmail account.. i just made it up:( he said all he wanted me to do was to tell him the truth and he would forgive me.. but i did not.. i made up a rocketmail account under his name!(horrible i know) and took a screenshot and sent it to him.. he found out that it was fake..i admitted my mistake but that was too late.. he told me to just leave him alone...
i was so guilty.. i didn't know why i did that.. that was just so pathetic..
after the break up, i posted a blog entry to my personal blog.. sent him letters and cards through mail (express mail), sent him emails...
i never got any reply from him.. i found out that he received my letters but he never contacted me..
three days after, he sent me offline messages telling me that he wasn't angry at me anymore but he didnt know if he would be able to go out with me again.. he told me that he will be online in a day or two to see me..
after a day or two, i waited.. but he never came online.. i called his sister (because he wasn't picking up my calls since we broke up) only to find out that he was sleeping..
two days after, he went online and we talked.. we both missed each other a lot.. i found out that he was avoiding me because he knew that he would go back out to me if he hears my voice or sees me online that soon..
he said he still loves me so much but he can't take me back anymore..
he doesn't have another girl.. he said he'll be around until i find another guy..
he wants me to find another guy and move on with my life
we used to talk everyday but now he only wants to meet me online on my days off..
he wants to find another guy but i know he still gets jealous and i can tell that he still loves me a lot..
do you think it's still possible to take him back?can you tell me what to do?:)
Essy I really need your help. Unfortunately I agree 100% with what you said about giving him distance and not calling and acting confident and making him work for it when he does decide he wants me back BUT even though I knew all of this very well before I let my emotions get the best of me and I threw it all out on the line when we broke up. I texted him like crazy and told him how much I missed him and how I haven't felt like this about anybody in a long time etc etc. I harassed him so much for a day or 2 he actually called me nuts. Before we broke up he was SO into me in every way possible and treated me like gold. I know for sure that he did have strong feelings for me in the past.
He works out of town and comes home every 2 weeks. After we broke up he did try to text message me and phone me 1 time each when he got back to town for his week off but I didn't answer his call and I only said "good you?" when he asked how I was doing in the text message. Some more time has passed and he is still away in town. I read an article similiar to yours that also says to give space but that says I should act like I want to be friends and ask him to do something laid back like golfing etc. Well 2 days ago he was online so I struck up a convo and he was asking me lots of things about how I was doing. I ended up casually saying that we should go "tubing down the river" when he gets home and he was all for it. He also told him that I should save him some of the chili I was making that night for him next time I make it. When I ended the converstation (yes I made sure I ended it first) he told me to have sweet dreams and then he also said goodbye again later when my status was on "away" after he logged off. I didn't go online yesterday because I didn't want him to think I was waiting around. My questions for you are:
1) Do you think I still have a chance with him even though I played the desperate card I know I shouldn't have in the beginning as long as I stick to the rules now
2) What do I do now? When should I go online next? What should I say?
Loved your article
Thank-you so much!!
Hey girls - Once again sorry sorry sorry!
I just came back from a 2 week vacation and read all the comments and all the emails and to be honest I feel swamped already..
Really I am reading everything you write and I am already thinking about strategies that you could use.. but there is NO WAY that I can answer all of you and keep my sanity at the same time.
So really, if you want to do yourself a favour and make stuff easier, check out one of the methods I have reviewed on my blog. I am sure it will make stuff easier on you - big time.
Just have a go at it, every method comes with a no-questions-asked money back guarantee so they are basically promising your guy back or your money back. And I have read their courses - this is brilliant stuff that WILL help you get through this.
Once again sorry for not being able to give one-on-one advice anymore but really it is just getting too much and I have to think about myself as well, you know?
Hey!
I read your article and immidiatly related to the advice! It's ncie to have a some input from someone whoa ctually knows what they are talking about :)
So now for my dilema, (haha)
Four years ago I became bestfriends with Cameron. A few months into our friendship we decided to date and it went really well for a while. For the next three years, we dated off and on and remained bestfriend in between our dating. At one point we stopped being friends because we were both jelous of eachother dating, but he wouldn't commit specifically to me. Now, we have mended our friendship adn are hanging out very frequently again. It's ncie to have my bestfriend abck and of coarse we still have the chemistry for dating. He drops VERY obvious hints to me about getting back together but I am terrified. We have better chemistry than most people these days and I am still head over heels in love with him. In the past he ahs taken me for granted, and I have done the same to him. We are older now and i'm at the point in my lfie were i want something more permanant. The last time i spent time with him he called afterward and said he wanted to "talk about us. NOT IN A BAD WAY :)" If he does approach the dating situation how can I respond to amke him know i'm serious this time, with our him running away?
So the REAL question is, what can i do, if anything, to get him to take me seriosuly and want to date seriously instead of ending up like every other time? Is there any suggestions you have?
Thank you so much for taking time to read this :)
-Abby
Hey essy, I know you are busy and hectic. Me and my boyfriend broke up a week ago, but he s wanted to break up with me because he felt nothing common between us and he felt I couldn't un derstand him. On that night I kept begging him but he insisted but surprisingly enough he walked to rest room and cried a lil bit. As he saw I was too sad he stayed over. I kept crying for few more hours and he hug me and jus said sorry to me and said wouldn't work out. We only dated for few months but I really love him. Before he left he gave me a hug and kiss me on my cheek.Since I work for his mum I see him almost few times a week. Few days after broke up he saw me and look so weird. I proposed to him to act nothing ever happen between us and he ddin't look to happy but yet he agreed with me. He looked very nervous but tried to act normal. I try to act not sad although deep inside I'm so hurt.
Is there any possibility fr us to be together?? Does he not like me anymore?? He admitted he still like me the day we broke up but he said we just not suitable to be with each toher. Also as i forgot he was very mad as I'm a waitress there r many guys try to take touchme, hug me and kiss me. He wa smad as I ddin't dare to do anything.
I really love him.
Thanks for your attention.
Hey Essy,
My boyfriend and I just broke up about 2 and a half weeks ago. It was a pretty serious relationship, he was living with me and when we got into a fight he moved back in with his parents. We didn't talk for a few days. One day I went to take a shower and my mom went onto my facebook and sent a message saying that she could ruin his life and stuff like that that triggered him to break up with me. We were together for nine months and he said that was the reason he broke up with me. And I have been in contact with him since, and I asked if there's ever a chance for us to get back together and he said he needs time to think. I'm not sure what to do. I'm really worried that he'll chose someone else. While we were in a relationship he was very flirtatious with other girls, and he knew it too. I'm just worried he won't take me back, and I'd like to start from scratch. Whenever i bring anything close to a relationship up, he says he doesn't want to talk about it.
me and my boyfriend had gone out for 2 years and were bestfriends before that. During our 11 months my dad passed away and everything began going down hill. i changed as a person and he did to. afterall we are still young 17 and 18 year olds. He broke up with me a week ago. i've been crying since. the worst part my dad's aniversery for his one year of passing away is in 6 days. i thought he would be there to support me. my boyfriend closed all doors on me...internet, phone, even seeing me in person. im devestated and i dont know we broke up because me and his sister got into an argument and she over exxagerated the whole thing and he chose family over me. me and him were so in long everyone knew it. im torn apart and i've been trying to get a hold of him for a week and texting him non stop but now i have read this is there any chance for me...still:(
Hey, I thought I'd ask you for advice on my situation. My ex and I have been separated for about 6 weeks. We were each other's first loves and were happy together. The reasons for our breakup? He didn't think he wanted to marry me... or what I translate that to is, I'm 23, I want to date around before I commit my life to one girl. We were happy together, but for some reason he bowed out. At first I was all depressed abuot it, but as of about 2 weeks ago, I just started not contacting him in any way. During this period, he has been contacting me at least once every 2-3 days... and like this past weekend he called me at 11 pm saturday night... and sent a text right after that was like "ignore that call, I'm just drunk and dumb". I know for a fact he was out at a party with friends, so how can I interpret this? I know he still thinks about me, and I still want to be with him, but I can't bring myself to talk to him unless I know he wants to get back together. Is he just reacting to not having heard from me? His other contact is usually sending me friendly messages with links to sites he thinks I'll like, or asking me how I'm doing. Maybe he just feels guilty for breaking my heart and wants to make sure I am ok? PS- we dated for 2.5 years.
Thanks for any insight
Hi Essy,
My colleague of 1 year and I had been dating each other for 1.5 yrs now. I had some trust issues when he announced he wont be able to marry me bcoz of religious difference. But I loved him way too much 7 lost my virginity to him by then. I just couldnt bring myself to leave him.
We used to have fights and he started talking to our married co-worker. I used to keep asking him about it but he refused to share any details. It continued for 8 months and we broke up in April. We met in London since we both were on an assignment together and stayed together.
In the meanwhile, he got engaged to some girl he has never met since his parents thought she is the right one.
Now both of us are back, but he keeps talking to the married gal. I know its a bit of flirting and I consider it cheating. He is getting married in Dec.
I cant get over him and I want him to love me. He said he loved me and I was his best friend but he doesnt trust me aymore. How do I change that ? I wont break his home. But he is getting married next year and I want to spend some nice time with him before that.
Well me and my ex broke up about 4 months ago and I can't get him off my mind...some of the tip u said are pretty much what I did I gave him his space...and he still hates me I got a email from him in june saying that he wanted me back but he wanted me to drive an hour and a half so that we could talk things out...I never went because I dont have a car anymore.but before that he told me that he still loved me and that i still hold his heart..we were in the process of getting married in 2010 until he broke it off.He always told me that he would never leave me hold me he would hold me so close it's like everything in the world is gone but us two..and everything I do I can't stop thinking about him I have a new BF and everytime I am with my new BF I keep on picturing that he is my old Ex BF My new BF is so clingy and a little obsessive It makes me want my Old BF more in a normal relationship people have their dis agreements unlike me and my new BF we never had a fight I miss having fights I love my old BF with all my heart and I think that he is the only guy that I ever loved and that I want to be with..I can't eat or sleep it's killing me I feel hopeless
my boyfriend and I just broke up after a year and he said he lost feelings for me. Staying strong is really hard, but it's the right thing to do. Besides if your ex was being needy to you I'm sure you'd find it annoying. Something I do is keep him guessing. My ex asks me what I'm doing and I always say I'm going out somewhere. It makes him wonder with who, and it shows him I'm not home all wasting my tears over him.
Ok I need advice pronto!.......
Me and my lover where dating for almost a year. It as long distance though so we never had the chnceto meet... YET I am deeply in love with him idk why! I cant eat or sleep all I do is cry and shit. Its been a month since we broke up I am devastated. I want him back but he doesnt wanttoo talk to me, he tells me to fuck off and that he is over me! When he talks to my friends he doesn't mention me, and he says he's tired of beng single and wants a GF but it seems he doesnt want me. I loooove him! Im pretty and he's not the best looking guy but I love him looks dnt matter. Is it possible I can get him back or am I hopeless :(
P.S I asked if I can go meet him he said he doesn't want me there is he just being an ass cus he knows I love him or does he hate me? The night before we broke up he said I was like a turtle dove for him to love and only him :(
Wish id read this like 2years ago!! Mad but my ex is moving in the next month wer barely in contact and he only lives round the cornor, hurts when we see each other we always try to make the other one jealous n couple of times have ended up arguing, Hes still in my head thought. Then again a fell for him when i was 17 and now im 21. In a way ive got to move on! Theres a reason we arnt together and who knows maybe my prince charming is round the cornor right? (Even tho i started going out wit a guy 2weeks ago n dumped him cos he was nothing compared to my ex!!!) Ohh complicated! Lol x
well im only 12 and me and my ex really loved each other so much i have prayed every night asking god 4 him back but right now he is dating one of my bestfriends and her and i were really close but we r not even friends anymore but he says he misses me and still likes me but yesterday he told me he didnt like me so i got 2 stop txting him right? Im so confused
hi essy,
after four days of being without him and spending my time crying about him and contemplating messaging him all the time, i have decided that in order to get him back, i have to try the one method that everyone seems to be telling me to do; not contact him.
I am, however, so afraid of doing this because i'm starting to think that after i stop contacting him, he won't try to contact me back. He is very stubborn and has a lot of pride so i'm starting to think that he will eventually just begin to really want to move on without me!
what should i do? should i just go with it? or be 'cautious' about it??
THANKS!!
I dated a man for about five months and knew he was the one. I would've asked him to marry me even. But I did a few things to mess it up and lost some of his trust and we ended up going seperate ways. Although that has been almost 8 months ago, we still hang out every couple months and feel he does it out of boredom for some reason. I want this man back but I clearly won't pressure anyone into anything. Quite frankly, I wouldn't want a man that I have to talk a relationship upon them. So, could you be so kind and maybe give a few pointers how I could show him I'm all about him. I'm so lost!
V/r,
Emily
hi :) i thought this was really helpful...but any other advice on my situation would be great! :)
Basicly me and my ex just broke up a few days ago. We have been together for only 8months and already had a one weeks break. i have noticed that he tends to chnage his reason for us ending....he told me that his feelings wasnt as strong anymore...and then said the reason we are not together anymore is due to the fact that everytime we argue we are back at breaking point,,and he cont cope wiht it anymore. The thing is, i feel like he has given up too soon on our relationship which was really strong, but i suppose i had hit the last straw for him when we last argued and he ended it. He says he wants us to get on..and also that he doesnt feel he wants the relationship anymore. I know they is somthing still their as feels cannot just disappear..but if they have they can come back and i want him to see that. Any other advice on how to get him to listen to me about not giving up or anythin would be great...ty :)
Hi, i know you get sooo many comments and questions but hopefully you will be able to help me too... Me and my boyfriend split 18months ago after a 3 year relationship, i didnt think i was ever going to get him backn after the break up so i moved on and accepted it. we split up before as we were constantly together and then he started to ignore me and wnt to spend more time with his best friend than with me. Hes in the raf so was only home at weekends at that point so i found it hard and we argued alot. after the breakup i found a new partner and so did he. we both split from our partners and somehow got talking again. i have never lost any feelings or love for this man and stil feel the exact same way about him. when we first started talking again it was just normal friend stuff, going out for drinks etc, but shortly after he got posted to afghanistan and i had to spill the beans to him on how i felt. he was shocked but asked if we could talk when he got back on his weeks break. i had heard from all members of his family that he stil loves me and is so happy that we were gonna be back together, talking about settling down etc. He came back and we didnt have the talk til 4days later, i felt like a lost sheep wanting to be with all the time, which is where i think i went wrong. we got back together and he spent 2nights at mine, then later that day after the second night he ended it saying it was dayjavoo and it would happen again adn that it didnt feel right. i just cant understand why he would pour his heart out to his entire family for weeks crying to his mum cos he was soo full of regrets from ending it before. now hes done it again. 2 days after he split with me he had to go back to afghanistan. many think he was just scared but i dont no. im sooo confused of what to do here. i no how he feels about me and he nos how i feel bout him. i didnt even feel this low the last time, iv barly eaten in days with having no appitite and every song reminds me of him, especially the one he told me to listen to, the lines went "lets just get back together we should have never broke up" i know its cheesy but its sweet. i love him soo much its unreal and i know he loves me too as he told me.
please help!!
hi essy my situation is horrible
that my x has disappeared on me becoz there is no future for the reltionship.
and he is my teacher and boss at the same time.. i feel that i lost him on all levels i lost my very best teacher in the world i can't do any moe cases with him becoz he is not teachin me the same way he used to do.
I broke up with my boyfriend of two because we got into a fight. He said he needed a break and I suggested the break up. He immediately said can we be friends and it took my by surprise. We were completely in love. I told him a day later it was a mistake, and i made an even bigger mistake by begging him on the phone for 3 hours to take me back. I said everything I could possibly say to convince him to change his mind. He talked to my friends and knew how upset I was. He called and asked how I was. Than i saw him at a party and we completely ignored eachother. This was even more painful. The next morning I called him asking him if he missed us at all or regretted anything. He said no and that I needed to move on because he is moving on. I still can't believe this has happened. It has been two weeks since we have talked and it's like we don't know eachother at all. I still miss him everyday and want him back. I never thought in a million years he would ever breakup with me.
This is the best article ever!
It made me gather myself and start thinking logically.. After my boyfriend said he didn't want me anymore I was devastated and very upset for days! Then I found this article and it has the best advice anyone could have given to me. Its great seriously..
By the way I got my boyfriend back!!!
Thanks so much!!!
If it wasn't for this article I would have been pathetically
begging him back...
Thanks....
I broke up with my bf in June, but realised couple weeks ago that I made a mistake, but just as I did, he met someone else. So whereas in June and July he was trying to get ME back, by August he wanted nothing to do with me and was well into this new girl.
Unfortunately, I went down the hysterical, jealous and depressed path, begging him to take me back and wouldn't take no for an answer. I wish I had read your article earlier!!!!
I started acting as you suggested, and he is at least talking to me and not so scared of me which is good, but still well and truly seeing this other girl.
He is a hopeless romantic and falls hard and fast for a girl, so even though they have only been seeing each other a couple of weeks and only few dates, I'm soooo gutted. He is an absolute babe with an amasing personality and makes a girl feel like a goddess (I know, why the hell did I leave him? but that's another story), and apparently the girl is really lovely and very likable. SO, he is probably already developing strong feelings for her and she would be crazy to not be responsive so I'm sure they're blissfully happy this first month.
HELP - is it too late for me to get him back? What is the best course of action?
Lili xoxo
(very depressed but acting strong as you suggested)
I've just broken up with my boyfriend of 15 years. We had planned to start a family, but both needed to tidy up our lives first (smoking, drinking etc). I would start to tidy up, but then get slip back into old habits. He told me he couldn't go through it anymore & wanted a baby so bad, but I wasn't doing what I needed to. He said he still loves me. I asked him to give me 1 last chance & if I hadn't changed in 2 months that I would accept it was over for good. He said no & I needed to move on. Please help me!! He means the whole world to me & is my best friend. I don't want to be with anyone else & feel sick everytime I think of him being with someone else in the future & possibly starting a family. How am I gonna get him back? At this stage, I'm feeling low, alone, lost & so upset. I really want him in my life. I hope you can help me. Thanks so much
my boyfriend and i were together for a little over a year. we have broken up twice before but gotten back together with in a week or two. This time he said he's not sure of what he wants. I cried in front of him when he broke up with me, but since then ive been acting cheerful around him. He still comes over every day and he text me every day. the past few nights he would me text me. i would text him for a bit then not text him back.. This after noon he sent me a text saying im getting sick of you not texting me back. What are your thoughts? do you think we have a chance of getting back together?
hey my bf just broke up with me a month ago i have been texting him and calling and pleading and well its not working. im sad all the time and i want him back. He says he does not want a relationship right now.. i dont know what to do . im afraid that if i tell him that the break up was a good idea he will just move on.Im so confused he said that we fought all the time and he does not want to go through that again and i know that i wont want to. But the biggest mistake i made was taking a break after a year of going out. I want him to be how he use to be with me but it feels impossible .... please help
I have a doubt and maybe someone can help.Im following Jackson's course,I sent a note agreeing with the breakup, couple of hours later I got a call from a common friend telling me he's asking about me and how Im doing,saying that he's concerned. What should we do in these cases? What if he directly calls me to ask me how im doing? We broke up 2 weeks ago and I just sent the note yesterday. It was a very messy break up and he feels some how guilty so that is why he's trying to find out how im doing but doesnt dare to call me (so far). What should we do?
Thanks alot,best site I could have found right now.
Hey my bf broke up with me a while back and i've been trying to get him back for months. Reading your article, i have realised that i have gohn about it all the wrong way. I really want him back, but i think i've ruined my chances. Would it still work after all my bad efforts?
I would very much aprciate it if you could help me out here. I hope to hear from you. Thank you for the article. It was fabulous.
Hey girls - Once again sorry for not being able to answer all your comments and emails...
Really I read everything that you write and my first impulse is to think about strategies that you could use.. but like I said there is NO WAY that I can answer all of you and keep my sanity at the same time.
So really, if you want to do yourself a favour and make stuff easier, check out one of the systems I reviewed on my blog. http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/category/get-your-e I am sure it will make stuff easier on you - big time.
Once again sorry for not being able to give one-on-one advice anymore but I am sure that you can understand that I have to think about myself as well..
so me and my boyfriend broke up 2 weeks ago,after dating for 1 year and 5 months.why he broke up with me was because he lied to me about hanging out with a girl, and he tells me that i was not letting him hang out with his friends and i was "sufocating" him. but i want him back so bad and he is sending me mixed feelings. but he doesnt think he is, the other day he winked at me and then drove me home from school. and after i read your article i was thinking that i can get over it and make him want me like i want him, thanks for all your help haha. but can you help me and what i should do now
I just wanted to say thank you for your article! My ex broke up with me about 5 days ago, and its been SO hard, and your advice is really helping me to start to think straight and convince me not to contact him. Anyway, I know you can't answer specific questions so I won't ask any, I just wanted to thank you for your article.
well i am 13 nd i am young nd prob dnt know a lot bout love but i cant get over him. well it started out i was goin out with one of his freinds nd we broke up nd i hve always liked the one him meaning the one i hve the issue with
anyways....
so we started goin out nd i loved it! (:
but, my friend didnt like him nd i was over at her house nd she convinced me to break up wit him. so he was mad at me for a bit nd i did wat u said not to do was nagged him told him how much i messed up nd how i wish i cuud fix thing nd how i wanted a second chance nd he said no me nd u r over period nd said he sdidnt want to be friends it broke my heart when he txted me dat
my friend said one of the things u said to act completely differrent nd dnt tlk to him nd said he wuud come bck nd i dnt wanna give up on him ya no?
so wut should i do please tell me i am despret i love him /:
I live in my husband's country. I don't have full rights here yet. I've been married to him him for 3 years. We separated a few times and came back together - he has funny moods.
He went to live in his friend's flat for the last month as his friend went on holiday and told me I had to move out of the flat by the time he got back. I haven't done. He came back last night I asked to stay one more night he said I could and was v friendly with me.
Today he went to work but before he left asked me where I would leave the key - to indicate I still had to go. I was planning to go stay in a hostel - but to be truthful I have no money to afford it, I'm desperately in love with him and I cannot face going back to my home country - there is nothing for me there and I will miss him all my life if I leave now. I am completely stuck. I can't act like I have another life and that I'm my own person which is what I need to do to get him back, because I don't have my own house to live in where I can be pretending to have an independent life from!
Even though I changed in the last month and got my own life and sense of self back, I don't know how to act now because if I behave independent and uninterested in him or interested in other guys ( which I'm not ) to get his attention, he will for sure make me leave as I don't have any rights to stay in our home in this country - honestly I don't and no there is no organisation that can help me at all (it's a racist country that I live in.)
I know it's important to look a bit different to get your partners attention after you break up but I don't have any money to buy anything new to wear. What can to get his attention without spending money which I don't have !!! How do I get him back. He is giving me mixed messages flirting with me and being kind then rejecting me at the same time. I don't know how to speak with him. Forgetting him is not an option. I do not care about moving on. I love him deeply from the centre of my soul.
DONT READ IF YOU GET ANNOYED BY POINTLESS POSTS.
i have never written on any blog or anything like this before but im hurting :(
i had my first love and lost it. i have never felt anything so painful where it physically hurts to be awake. i dont listen to anything anybody tells me from ' you'll be fine, you'll look back on this and see how stupid you are being' and the one that does my head in...'there are plenty of other fish in the sea' ARGHH that sentence alone makes me want to bang my head against the wall till i pass out!
because right now the way im feelin i dnt WANT anyone else and i dont WANT to get over him, what i want is for everything to go back to normal.it was one month ago. i have good days but then i have bad days. today was a bad day and i was seriously contemplating ringing him, i came on the internet googling "what to message your ex" and came accross this site. after reading what you have said..i am lucky i came across this before i became the stalker ex! i dont really know what im asking here...i dont think im asking a question. i am just in a hurting mood where i want to vent. and i dont know it just feels like people are accually listening...because i read alot of those comments and felt like maybe people do understand what im going through. i want him back. more than i have ever wanted anything in my entire life. and your going to say ..'doesnt everyone?' i dont know what to do. i know couples everywhere are getting back together every single day. but howcome i feel like i am never going to be one of those? i dont want a million pointless relationships that you both know are leading nowhere. im young but im serious when i say i want love and i want love with him. i dont hate him. i hate him for ending something special. but i love him. i thought i would meet someone, fall in love and that would be it. and it was till it ended. i still want it to be. im sorry but this is making me feel better and i dont know why so again im sorry if this is annoying you. i have absolutley no idea if things could ever be agin with us. i wish and pray that it will. and i am going to take the advise of all these comments. if he loved me he would be here, im waiting because he's worth it.
I just read the above rules and i think they are great and simple - however i've already made all of those mistakes -
1 - can i start afresh???
2 - also what happens if HE is doing the above ie he's being strong, he's not making much contact and he's defninitely keeping himself busy - he has a second job and is studying again
do i have a chance here still???
pls help me
I need your help..My ex has recently decided that he wanted to try to make it work with his ex fiance. They dated for about 6 years and were engaged for only a month or so, before he called it off to be with me. We were together for about 3 years..The whole time wasnt serious..Anyways, I need your help. I do not want to lose him, he is the love of my life, and a great wonderful person. I have already made the mistake of crying in front of him, and telling him he was the one. But today is a new day, I read your article and please help me. If he text should I text him back? I am sure he will text in a day or two to see how i am doing, Please reply! Thanks for your article...
i have a problem...i just did the pity tactic??and it really suck!He told me that I'm driving him away more!
Do you think the strategy listed above will still work?
Thank you!
im really n love with im n i jist cant help stayn away frm him
What can i do if my ex boyfriend leave me for another girl ? Our relationship only last 9 days , but i still love him
Hey Essy and all you girls,
Well, I'm in absolute awe of this website. I wish I'd have found it within the 6 weeks ago when my boyfriend of 3 years left me! I guess if i'm honest, I always thought I had the control, because I "knew" how much he loved me. But if I can advise you all of one thing, and especially if you're here pre-breakup, don't take for granted how he feels...
After he left one Sunday afternoon after yet another explosive row, I suppose I just thought he'd come back, like he always did. Sure enough, the following day he bombarded me with texts of utter regret and how he wanted to be with me forever. However, despite how much I wanted him back, my rational side (long may it live!) said not to do anything hasty, let him take a few days to think it through. Historically he'd changed his mind on numerous occasions. One minute he'd want to be with me, the next minute he didn't. So I decided to let it take it's course. Despite this one day of "love texts" from him, after a few days I realised his attitude had changed. Perhaps it was the lack of control, but I got desperate, emotional, pleaded, all of the above and more and all of a sudden the shift of power was relentless. It went from me him wanting me back, to him shutting down. He never detached himself from us completely, we own a house together so not really possible, but he came round one day and announced that there was someone else he liked. My world collapsed. My knees buckled from under me. Everything I thought I knew about him, and us, was gone in a split second. I since found out, irrefutably, he'd been texting this other girl, and since we'd split had gone out on a date with her and kissed. And this was only snippets of what I knew, so god only knows what else there was to tell that during our relationship that he wasn't owning up to...
Anyway, to cut a long story short. Our relationship was going wrong a long time before this other person came on the scene. He claims nothing is going on with her now, but it's very possible he just doesn't want to hurt me. Trouble is, he's actually a "good guy"....well, that's what we all think isn't it. The lies are the hardest thing to deal with. I think I could actually get past this other girl, despite what others might think, but it’s the trust that is in jeopardy. After much deliberation I downloaded TW's book, and it's really great at actually letting you question why or if you want them back, and for the first time in weeks I'm actually wondering whether it's him I really miss, or just not having him.
In the back of my mind of course i'm hoping for a fairytale reconciliation, that he'll see the error of his ways, come running back with open arms. But honestly, as much as guys like the chase, is it not possible that we women also just want what we can't have?
To all you wonderful, beautiful women out there, all I can say, is take time to look at how amazing you are, don't focus all your attention on them. Sometimes the not being able to have something or someone can cloud your judgement. The fact is, maybe the fact they've hurt you, means they simply don't deserve you. On the other hand, if losing something makes you realise you didnt know what you had, fight for it. But above all love yourself, never lose yourself, be true to you, as the beautiful person you are, and the rest....well let the universe and fate decide. Remember, true love is not about finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. And that goes for both of you….
xxxx
i need advice.. please help!
my ex-boyfriend and i started dating in 8th grade and were in a serious relationship up to 11th grade. halfway through junior year he called me one day after a fight and told me that he didn't think he loved me anymore. he went on to say he was sorry and that he still wanted to be close and still wanted to go to prom with me. i was absolutely devastated because we always spoke of being meant for each other and being together forever. i dropped down to 90 pounds after the first three days. i couldn't eat or sleep. i didn't know what to do. we didn't speak much, just casual texting and sometimes he would walk with me in the halls during school. about 2 months later he texts me one night and asks if i can do him a favor. i said yes, sure. then he asked me in the next morning i would listen to his myspace song. i asked him if it was just going to make me upset and he said no and that he thought i would like it. then he called me minutes later crying. i asked him what was wrong and he just kept saying, "can you please just listen to that song for me?" i said "yes, i'll do it." and he was just all choked up and i didn't know what to say so i told him that "i'm always here for you if you need help, i'll always do my best to help you. you can tell me anything." and he cried some more, asked me again to listen to the song the next morning, and said he had to go. i was excited and scared at the same time. i couldn't sleep so i called all my friends telling them what happened. at around 2 in the morning my sister tells me that she thinks the song is up. i rush downstairs to my computer and go to his myspace to hear whatever song it is. i see the song is called "i never forgot". it's the intrumentals to the lil wayne song "something you forgot" he wrote me a song and sang it to those intrumentals. it was about how crazy he was and how he wanted me back forever. i was so happy.
i have to get to the point though. so we got back together and had our 3 year anniversary.. were together for another three months. then we got in a big fight and he told me he wanted a break. he kept assuring me that he would come back to me and that he loved me and that he knew we were meant to be together. this made me feel okay with it. however, a week later at a party a boy threw me into a pool and my ex got very jealous. before this happened he sent me a text saying he loved me and other things like that. after it happened i got a text saying "if you were trying to make me jealous you did a good job. i feel like crying." i found him later sitting on the hood of his car crying and i went to talk to him and i said something like "i didn't want that kid to throw me in the pool, i wanted it to be you" and he replied with "well i knew you didn't want me to do something like that because were on a break. how could you let him do that? i used to do that to you" i said "it wasn't in my control what did you want me to do? look, you're the one who doesn't want me right now." and he said "why do you think that??" i told him because he wanted a break. the conversation continued and he told me that he didn't think he loved me anymore that that he didn't think we were meant to be together anymore but that yes he still has feelings for me. i was crushed. i couldn't believe i was about to go through all this again.
about 2 weeks later i found out he was dating another girl. i was heartbroken. that was 4 months ago. he is still with her. i am still not over this. we don't talk much at all. we don't acknowledge each other in school. him and i are both seniors. the new girlfriend is a sophomore. he texted me two nights ago and said he asked a questions. he asked "do you think i cheated on you for her?" i said that it had crossed my mind. he went on about "how could you think that i wouldn't have done that. i met her a week after we broke up. i never meant to hurt you. i'm sorry it all happened so fast. i'm sorry i've been disrespectful to you, but i wanted all my attention on her because me and her were right together?" what did all that mean? what do i do? is there any hope for us ever getting back together?
i made a mistake of calling my bf 3x today after breaking up w him 5 days ago.
2 mondays ago: i told him we're done coz i felt he's constant dishonesty. then he told me to make sure it's what i wanted coz i would still be miserable.
2 wed ago: he recalled me and told me he "really really missed me". i didnt call him but the next day, i paid him unannounced visit. he told me he had plans at 4pm so i had to leave him. but he had a gift for me ready on sat.
2 fri ago: i called him reminding him i was coming over
2 sat ago: when i called he said he'd be busy but hed hangout w me sunday
sunday: i played a game and told him i couldnt come over coz id be busy. i expected him disappointed but instead he said "ok..."
that day, i told him we're over. i deleted my myspace and blocked him from receiving his email
since, he's called me and said to me how he missed me.
today saturday: wouldve been our 6 mts. i called him 3 diff times. i think i made him realized that i really missed him, too, coz he left me a msg that he's hoping i was ok and that he knew id be strong.
he told me to call him at 930pm. it's now 1050p - i didnt call him at all
what could happen? yes, i want to be back w him coz i dont believe in replacement. he's only my 2nd bf and want him to be my final bf (coz all guys r same)
Essy,
Hello I really think your article could help me in many different ways, but there are some complications in the way of your strategy. For example, the staying away from my ex is extremely difficult. I would really like to have a conversation with you and explain more about my situation to try and get some help. Please e-mail me. My address is chtistinaroberts63@hotmail.com
Thank you so much.
Sincerely,
Christina
hey i loved the artical. but i need help. i wasnt dating this guy but we were unoffical. he says he still likes me but he doesnt have time for me so he "broke" up with me. i really want him back and this time i want to actually be his girlfriend. how can i do that?!?
Hi!
I really love your article, it is very helpful!
I really need help...
My boyfriend and I know each other for 7 years, and we were together for the past 4 years. He is a wonderful man, he did everything for me, really. And me for him.
But 2 years ago I learned that he cheated on me for the first year of our relationship, it has been very hard on me, and from that moment I couln't trust him anymore. I started to check his phone bills, asking him where is was going and who was he going wih, etc... I was also ALWAYS making sarcastic comments about it. I couldn't forgive him for what he did. From that moment our relationship changed a lot. I took me 2 years to forgive him (I have to say that he cheated on me 5 times in a year).
But now (for the past 2 years) he has changed A LOT, really a lot, he stoppped seing his friends or going to partys too often, he doesn't sees those girls anymore, etc.
Bu the fact that I kept talking about what happened before, really killed our relationship. He gradually started to push himself away from me because I was getting possessive.
A year ago I finnally started to let this go. But at that moment the relationship was already changed (in a bad way).
From that time, we went up and down. We were breaking up, making up, around 4 times a year (for the past 2 years).
Each time HE left me telling me that he wasn't feeling good in the relationship anymore, that everything has changed, etc..
We also took lot of breaks. But now for the past months everything was fine, these last 5-6 months, everything has been great. He was talking about trying to live together again etc (the first time didn't worked out).
I was very hapy with him and he seemed very happy with me too. But a week ago he left me telling me that he couldn't stay in the relationship anymore because he wasn't feeling good with himself anymore, and with his own life. He also told me 100 times that "it isn't because of me" but that it's him who has problems.
I told me he still loves me but can't be in a relationship anymore.
In the first place I stopped speaking to me for 3-4 days, bloking me on msn, deleting me for facebook and he also changed his phone number. But when I spoke to this aunt she told me he was suffering a lot, espceially after he sees me.
Now he called me back and we see each other "as friends" we had really a good time the other day and he was very romantic, giving me flowers, opening the doors for me, etc.
And he was flirting with me, he even kissed me.
But when I saw him today he was changed, he was very distant and seemed mad and he told me : " stop running after me, I won't come ack with you, we are only friends and if you still ask me questions about why we broke up, we'll stop seeing each other". Abd at the restaurant he told me that when we were seeing each othe in the time we meet I wasn't so negative, I was positive. I seemed to miss that person I was.
But a few hours after he said that he called me to know if I came home safe.
I'm all mixed up now. Do you think I still have chances? What should I do?
Thank you SOO much!!!
I'm all mixed up because when he's flirty and seems like he wants something else, but without being in a realtionship. And I don't know what to do. Because, at the same time, he is REALLY sure he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. And sometimes when he looks at me he seems so in love! But he seems to hurt at the same time?
Should I be friends with him, as if nothing happened, and ry to be the person he once met? I don't know how to act...
He seems to hurt a lot, I see it in his eyes, then why does he accepts to see me almost every day if it's hurting him?
He says he can't stay in a relationship anymore, but he sees me as often as we did before! what the...!
I'm so lost! Please help!
Thank you so much!
Claudia
Hi...so my boyfriend of 2 and a half years broke up with me a week ago i am so torn and really want him back ....i blocked him on facebook and like took everything that reminded me of him in a box... he said we can be friends and i said not right now we can't ...i feel like he isn't upset like i am ...i just don't think he cares ...the break up was my fault I took my fustration out on him for the past year or so i just had so much going on but the beginning of the relationship was fine ...as you probable can tell im really lost ... i haven't contacted him except on tuesday when he said he is sorry and that ill find someone better and we can be friends ...which i don't know if he means it when he says he wants to be friends... help me please
Thank you ( =
yes.....so true i went through it myself. the 1st time we broke up i had my own pitty party and begged for him to come back, he wanted nothing to do with me! Its like he had the upper hand. Well we broke up again... lets just say that i didnt waste my time waitn around for him, and found SOMETHING to keep my mind busy!!! When he seen that i didnt want him he did everything in the world to get me back. Men like the chace why, i dont know.
hi there.. i am visiting my exboyfreind in a different country, i havnt seen him for 8months, and i know i am being clingy and touchy feely because i havent seen him for a while, and he still likes me but hes trying to make the boundries obvious. so he refuses to like touch me and get all touchy feely. well today i got in a fight with him caz i guess i was being all nosy and touchy feely.. now he is like really mad and i think he went out to go hook up with someone else :(... i dont want to go home with us fightting... i still love him and i want to let him know that i will love him no matter what....
i want to feel him and be close to him but i know i shouldnt but theres no time...
hi essy!!!
i totally need your help!!! :(
my boyfriend dumped me 3 weeks ago and it seems as if he doesn't even care that he did it. he said we could be friends but ever since the break-up we havent had any type of contact. i dont know whether that is a good thing but i really miss him and im thinking of going up to him at school and telling him how i feel because i am tired of keeping everything bottled up inside. i am just so confused. i really fell for him. and we didnt even go out for that long. ive asked my friends for advice but all they say is, "oh, he doesn't know what hes missing out on." you might think that would make me feel better but it doesnt. and to make matters even worse, he broke up with me on the phone. and he said it so rudely. this is how the conversation went:
him: umm... can i ask you something?
me: yeah.
him: what do you think about us breaking up?
me: why?
him: because ive been thinking about it and...
me: so, youve been thinking about breaking up with me?
him: yeah, i just feel as if i dont know you well enough. i mean ive only known you for a month and a half. and plus we dont even spend that much time together.
me: you think that we dont spend enough time together? we see each other like every day.
him: well yeah but... i think that we should break up and see other people. um...
me: so youre breaking up with me because you think you dont know me well enough? i thought that was the reason we were going out: to get to know each other better.
him: well i think we should break up.
me: so youre breaking up with me?
him: sorry, but yeah.
me: oh my gosh!!!
him: .....
me: well..... okay. bye.
him: bye.
yeah, it was dumb. he just dumped me out of the blue. i didnt even see it coming. the day before everything seemed fine. we were holding hands and everything. it came as a shock to me. i dont know what went wrong!!! :( so, essy, do you think i should talk to him one day at school? i mean, yeah, you said that acting like everything is okay is the best thing to do but i cant do that because i have to see him every day because he goes to the same school as me. and we have like the same group of friends. so what should i do; talk to him and tell him how i feel OR completely ignore him and feel despressed? please tell me what to do!!! i really like him.
hi
my boyfriend and i just kinda broke up i guess. he left with out saying anything and he wouldnt look at me. the night before this happened though we got really drunk and he hit me and family members i was with beat him up for hitting me. i tried calling him he just wont talk to me at all. he also moved out of town. what should i do? and he also left most of his stuff at my house...
hi essy
I broke up with my boyfriend last month.
We were seeing each other from last 7 months.
Two months back he went abroad for further studies. We were not in contact then for around 20-25 days.
Once I met him over the internet and he talked about having a break up.
I tried to convince him for not breaking up but he didn't listen to me so we had a break up. Same day he told me that he wanted me in his life as a friend, we agreed upon that.
But i cant stop myself from loving him.
I love him and want him back.
plz help!!
Hey Essy:)
So my boyfriend broke up with me about a month and half ago and eventhough i try to tell myself otherwise i still want to be with him. we were only together for 2 months but my feelings were really strong towards him.
i honestly feel stupid for still wanted to be with him. all my friends tell me that i can do better and i know i can but it doesnt matter cause i want him. its kinda hard to get over him cause we have the same friends and we study together. i basically see him everyday.
when he broke up with me, he told me he just didnt feel the same anymore and eventhough it killed me i was fine with it.
i dont know if its what i want to think or not but i feel like he still wants to be with me but doesnt show it.
i really want to get back with him.
what should i do? :/
please help
Essy... I just need a "yes" you have a chance still or "no" you pretty much ruined it answer... I certainly appreciate your situation, and do not expect you to tell me what to do as I can research that for myself. However, most explanations involve once things ended.
What about 1 year after a relationship, but where you lived with your ex most of that time, and often acted like you were together? What about making all mistakes during and after the relationship? Is that repairable? I will explain my situation as briefly as possible for me below, and if you choose to read, that is great, if not understood.
My boyfriend and I started dating when I was 23 and he was 34. I was his second girlfriend (it had been 12 years since his last) and he was my second boyfriend (1 year since my first and my first relationship only lasted a month). My bf was my first everything (other than bf), first kiss (which by the way did not go well because he caught me by surprise and I was not prepared and I had no clue what I was doing), I think he put a lot of stock in that kiss. Then we slept together (my first time) and after that I decided he needed to commit to a relationship or I was out... so we started dating. 2 mths later he was in a car accident and told me he loved me (first and only time he said it on his own accord). I moved in with him and pretty much from their on out he was confused about our relationship, but did not seem to have interest in any one else (except porn, and there was a lot of fighting about that since it was done behind my back). Our first year we slept together a lot, but then after a year and a half we moved to FL together for him to go to piloting school and do a midlife career change (long story but it did not work out due to the school and we had to go back). We did a lot of fighting in FL and ever since then things were not the same.... we broke up about 8 mths after coming back. During our relationship I was VERY clingy and emotionally needy... but I really think I was trying to make up for the lack of committment on his part and the lack of terms of endearment or words of encouragement. As best friends, soulmates we always were great, a perfect pair. But for romance, he decided in the very beginning (probably at that first kiss) that there was no chemistry, and had a fantasy picture of what love should be. He lets me stay in his home, wants me around, loves to tickle me, the sex has started again (we always sleep in the same bed), but I am moving out.. and I want to stay but he does not seem to be all about the idea. I shouldn't want to stay since we are not together, but I do.
I have made SO many mistakes. I know I need to move out and be independent. I know I need to show him what he has lost, but please just tell me... do I have a chance if I do all of the right things? Or should I fully let go forever?
Thank you so much for your time if you read this...
i am having problem, it's been 6 n half months i am trying to get my boyfrnd back by begging him even been two n half months he switched of the fone and he talk to me once or twice a month on msn. how can i get him back
let me tell you bit more of my story. wel i know this guy for nearly two years. he left me 6 and half months back. we had an arguments about little thing. i was trying to back him back even begged. he is not willing to come back. he used to talk to me but its been 2 n half months he switched off the fone and he talk to me on msn once or twice a week and he said he is moved on and he would never come back.i begged him and he got angry and when ever i say i loove him he go mad and say he would never speak to me again. i do leave 4-5 emails a day and leave msn online i dont get reply but once a month he talk to me and say he is moved on.
do u think there is any chance that he can come back bcoz i have lost a hope.
Hey , my bf just broke off with me on 13th of October because of some communication problems that we faced like SMS-es.. At first I thought he agreed with me that I do not have much time to spend as I was studying in a university and bombarded with many projects and assignments... He sent an SMS saying that lets breakup and hope that I find another guy... The relationship was about half a year.I really miss him so much now... we are still on talking terms via MSN.. I asked for another chance ,but he totally ignore my question.
I dunno what to do now.. Many pple advice me to give up on him as they say that his heart is no longer with me he has lose interest in me. Deep in my heart, I still love him.. I know where my mistakes are already and Im willing to redeem myself as long as he give me a second chance to correct things.. I really want to work things out... Im afraid I will lose him if I dont get back to him asap.. Im afraid time will fade all his feelings away.. sobx
Someone pls help... Im trying to shift my focus to other things but somehow my heart feel rotten and terrible.. It feels like you cant breathe anymore or like rubber bands tight around yr heart.
Any advice besides the mentioned article above ??
I really liked your article.Thank you for your advice! What do I do if I was the one who walked away? I was dating this guy and we had commitment issues, but things were going great and we were talking about moving forward in our relationship! and we had great chemistry and a lot of things in common. One day we got in a real bad argument... Alot of mean things were said... He told me not to contact him, yet he said it wasnt a goodbye.( Very confusing) So he calls me two days later saying he wanted to give me some of my things back, so I decided to give him all the things I had of his and just end it, because during the argument he said he couldnt be with me and he said so many mean things. No words were said during the exchange of our things. I miss him and am very sad how things ended. What should I do?
i read the rules and what to do and i already made two mistakes i kept callin him an i let him know i miss him n how much he hurt me, but i tried your rules any way and now he's callin me names and hugged another girl and said he's glad i got over him so quickly cause he got over me too and then he introduced me to his new girl friend!, and laughed at me and told me to get lost. the reason he split up wiv me is cause i am not as popular as him at school and his mates came before me and i gave him my heart and now i have no idea what to do. i tried your first advice and it didn't work for me, he now hate's me ,but i still want him back so please has anyone got any more advice i need it asap.
hi there essy:). im a pessimist and i try my best not to hope. how do i know that getting back with my Ex is possible?
my ex lives all the way in singapore and im in indonesia. i don't see him, and the only way i can talk to him is through sms or msn. other than that, he is one of the strongest people i know. so when his mind is set into getting over me, i actually believe he will.
is there still a chance?
Ok what if your bf broke up with you... but it was your fault. Does your steps still count.
I tried not to contact him but it has been 2wks, and he hasn't care at all. He was spending his time with his friends, and seems like he's having loads of fun without me.
He even posted on his facebook : Finally, i have never felt so relieved and free.
Is the relationship not coming back anymore?
My boyfriend of 5 yrs and I broke up in August. He'd apparently met someone and they began dating. I was devastated so when we began talking again, I was just happy to have him back in my life. A month after we broke up, we began sleeping together and he said that he wanted to reunite with me, though he's still involved with the other woman. Another month has since past, so I told him to give me a date for our re-commitment and final reuniting. That date is 2 months from now. Is there anyway for me to get him back sooner? Again, he's still involved with the new woman. I want him back though and believe he wants to be back with me. Please help me out.
Thank you so much for this advice!!! I needed something to rely on and your article was there ;] thank you
I'll pass this on to some of my friends too who is having this same problem going on.
I just wanted to say thankyou so so so much for posting this.
My boyfriend broke up with me and came back to me literally within a week!
I took the advice of not contacting him and within 2 days he couldn't leave me alone.
He kept telling me how wrong he felt and asked if we could meet up so i said we would talk about it.
Not even a week later we're back together.
Thanks for giving me confidence and hope.
And for any girls who are wondering if these tips actually work, trust me, they do!
well i have an unusual situation.. I had a boyfriend that i was in love with and we broke up because he "wasn't sure it's what he wanted" so i was devastated. He has an ex that i decided to date (yes it's a girl) but i only dated her to get back at him..ha it worked but i couldn't stand the girl, so i broke up with her. anyway his ex is now at his house everyday and it just hurts me everytime i drive past. anyway i need some help. i don't know how to let it not make me furious. advice pleeassee =]
i broke up with ex a year ago.to some extent it was my mistake coz i used to have a dominating temperment.but he never sad anything and when i went away for studies he started flirting and when i found out he broke up with me.i thought i'll move on to but couldn't..then i thought to make him jealoue i'll go out with someone else, but that didnt help too.i still love him and cannot imagine him with someone else.i even expressed to him that i still love him which i shouln't have done. help me. i really love him alot.
My bf broke up with me.We were together for a year and a half and he told me he didn't love me like I loved him... I was devastated. I did the pity thing for a while and he got back with me but I let him go because I didn't want to trap him. I was pitiful for the week afterward and then I tried to move on by dating someone else. ( during that situation my parents decided they hated him and his decided they hated me) I stopped trying to date the guy and I'm trying to act strongly, but I'm having trouble with it. My parents will likely disown me if I get back with him (if I can...) I'm confused. I really want him to love me again, but I'm not sure how... and I think I really should move on, but he and his family meant a LOT to me... Do I just... give up? What can I do...?
Hi. I love your article and i need some advise.
I know my Ex bf 12 years ago.
We were once together for 2 years.
I did a huge mistake when i'm in college.
I told him that i admire someone. But i said that just to get more of his attention.
At that time we were in different college.
I admit that he is indeed good looking.
I'm so afraid that other girls will go crazy in love with him.
But after since i told him that i admire someone else.
We lost contact.
He didn't call me at all.
I had always been missing him.
He live just 2Km away from me.
We've been apart for 6 years.
but i really think that i need to catch up on him.
What should i do??
hi esmerelda.
my boyfriend broke up with me about 2 months ago and he had a girlfriend, but they recently broke up. I keep reading all these websites saying to act like "you've moved on". unfortunately, whenever i think i should do that, it seems that my ex believes that I have and doesn't want anything to do with me because i've "moved on"
I went to a party the other night and my ex(that i want back) and another one of my clingy exboyfriends(who i dont want whatsoever) were both there. The whole night i could see my ex that i want back staring at me and everything just felt so in place but i couldn't talk to him. there were many chances for me to be able to but i couldnt bring myself to do it. my clingy exboyfriend kept coming up to me throughout the night trying to get back with me and i told him that i wasnt in the mood and everytime he was over by me my other ex that i want back just kept staring over and everytime he saw, he seemed upset with me and it always seemed like he wanted to come talk to me UNTIL my clingy ex came by me.
all in all, i just dont know how to get him back without making him jealous or anything because thats ehat every site and everything i've read and heard tells me to do.
any ideas??
Thanx for the info!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm sure it will help me:)
I have a bit of a different problem.
I have been with my boyfriend for two years, we are on our way to get engaged, and married.
we decided to move in together after the engagement,
just found a house for us, already decided on the furniture, our december holiday with the parents..
I saw lipstick on him and freaked out, broke into his email and facebook and wrongly accused this man in my life. found out the lipstick was mine, laying on the floor and the towel was over my chair,
wrongly accused the love of my life, he is not willing to forgive me, says he cant be with someone who cant trust him, wedding plans are of, house everything,
question is what now, how do you go on with your life, our lives where planned together.
he is stubborn and says, if he gives this another chance he looses his dignity,
he is not willing to listen and understand i panicked when i saw the lipstick.
while browsing on his emails i even saw he already picked out a ring for me.
if lost the best person in my life because of my insecurities, how do u win back someone that you hurt, and broken the trust
my boyfriend told me a month ago that we would be engaged before the end of the year .. then this weekend he broke up with me .. he said we shouldnt have to try this hard o make it work .. when we are both in school and work .. we dont live together .. i am so at a loss right now .. this is the second time we have broken up .. but last year it was because we fought so much .. now he is saying that he just doesnt think this is what he wants anymore ..
do you think that we can get back together eventually and make it work ?? or am i just living with false hope ??
my boyfriend broke up with me for someone and i found out he was totaly useing me. it broke my heart and i really need help because even tough hes a complete jerk i love him so much. but he also lied to me and my friends told me hes a waste of time...is he??
well i have already done the no self worse things, it's been 2 weeks i called once in 2 weeks and did the mental breakdown via txt twice. am i doomed? or is it possible to start this no contact win him back thing now? i feel like a moron and lame!!!
thank you for the article.. lately, i've been like crazy messaging him and thinking of him a lot.. when i stop communicating, he bugs me again and i cannot resist talking to him.. but now i realized, that by doing so, he won't miss me.. and also, i need to love myself more now coz my appetite is affected plus i dont get enough sleep.. oh, this break up is so hard for me!! 5 years has gone to waste i guess..
can someone please help me...
He opened up to me that he's having negative feelings about me, leaving him next year after my graduation.
I always comfort him and say that my absence will just be months since it's only a vacation. But I also mentioned to him that my mom wants me to take a
master's degree in states so there might be a chance that I'll stay longer there. However, I made i clear that it's a very minimal chance.
Then he started suggesting a "cool-off". I was shocked and a bit mad because of his suggestion. He said he just wants to test if he can manage even without me.
He was like testing his love for me and testing his self. But I disagreed and argued that eventually, the cool-off thing will only lead to a break-up.
So because I disagreed he disregarded his suggestion. Later that night, we had a fight over the phone. I can't remember the reason behind our argument but I ended
breaking up with him. I can sense that he's disappointed because we had a promise that whenever we're having troubles, we won't make "breaking up" as an option to solve
our problem. But I broke our promise. The next day, I texted him to come to our house. We were supposed to attend a mass later that afternoon but things changed and got worse.
We were having a plain talk then I hugged him and he moved away. I told him I was sorry for what I did last night but he said he wasn't sure if he still wants to be with me again.
Pissed-off, I forced him and asked to give me a sure answer about what he really wants. He said he doesn't want to be with me anymore. I was mad at him. We argued and we cried then things got more intense... I was so mad at him because he was leaving me and so I slapped him four times and told him to get out of my house. He left me while he's crying.
After two days I talked to him. I thought I can still have him back. But I was wrong. I explained to him, begged him to come back, cried and cried but no matter what I do he won't listen to me. He said I was pressuring him. But it wasn't my intention. I was just scared that if I leave him alone and let it be, chances are... he might get used to it and forget about me. I was really really scared. I asked him what are the reasons why he dosen't want me anymore... he said it was because of my attitude problems (mood swings... and nagging him some of the time), my absence next year...because he had trauma with long-distance relationship... and also because I slapped him.
I tried not to contact him for three straight weeks but it's not working. I deleted him in my Facebook to avoid temptation. Still... He's not calling me or texting me...
But he always respond to my messages... Sad thing, I should be the one to approach him first before he talks to me. My friends only tell me to move on and forget about him... because they say he's never coming back.
But I really want him back...
I don't wanna move on...
I am confused because something tells me that there's still a chance...
maybe it's just misinterpretation...
But he mentioned to me that when he told his mom that we broke up, his mom scolded him and said that she likes me for him.
I mean why would he say that now that we're not together anymore...
Essy... please help me.. what should I do? do you think there's still a chance? and should I really stop having contact with him?
this is difficult for me especially he's my classmate in all of our subjects.
please please please help me...
I miss him so much.. i LOVE him and want him back.
Hi, My boyfriend and I broke up 5 months ago and started seeing eachother again 2 months after the break up. We started off just seeing eachother like one day a week and then it moved to 2 days and so on. Now we are seeing eachother all the time and he is always telling me how much he likes me and cares about me. I'm juts incredibly confused because I know he is seeing another girl. I am quite sure that it is just as friends but they do go on veryyy occasional dates. I have a horrible feeling of jealousy, him and I were together for 2 1/2 years and I hate the thought of him being with someone else. I respect the fact that he told me the truth about her but I just want him to figure out what he wants. He said that he really wants to end up being with me and his actions show that but then when he spends time with her it totally f's with my head. I need some advice. Should I just stop talkiing to him and make him think im more of a challenge then I really am or what? I told him that he needs to stop juggling two girls and that I don't think its healthy for me (which is isn't). I Really dont want to let him slip away and I know in the end I reallllly do want to be with him, he's my best friend. What do i do?
Hi, Essy I need your advice. I have been with my Ex for 6years we were engaged for 10 months we broke up 3 months ago. He did me wrong but I still love him. I have feeling for him but I am hurt it is unthinkable to get back with him but I would like him to turn around to change but I don't believe on this you can change a man maybe inspire him but you can't change someone no matter who you are. We blank talk for 2 months but recently he is sending signal like he wants to talk to me but me I am being strong and pushing away all kind of contact. His family still keep in touch with me but they all acting like they are not aware or not mentioning that we are not together. I don't know what to do in a part my heart crying to get back at him but my feelings are hurt because of his cheating, lying type of character. Please advice me tell me something, Guide me in a way that should know what to do.
Essy,
my bf and i have ben together for almost 2 years. then out of the blue he breaks up w/ me. not in person but over a text, i was crushed immediately, i called him beggin him to come back then he finally gave in, then 20 minutes later he sent me a text that he needed space and that he just wanted to have fun for a while. so i left him alone for the longest time, then out of the blue he sent me a text saying that he wanted talk. so i agreed to talk. even tho it hurt really bad. he talked to me about his current sex life and his drinkin life. he then asked me about mine if i had changed, so i was honest with him. i have nothing to hide. after i told him he was shocked and he kept asking more questions. then the next night he wanted to talk again. so i again agreed to it. he told me that he knew that i still loved him, but he just need to get his hormones out of the way, and his running around. I don't know what to i love him more than anything in the world, and i'd give anything to get him back. i feel safe with him, and i know that he still loves me (well i think he does) he told me that he really really cares alot about me. his mom says that i still have a chance and that he still loves me, but im hurting so bad. i was hurting so bad i found another guy and i dated him for about a month, and we got a little carried away with what we were doing, and i then found out that i wasn't over my ex. and that it took me goin too far to prove it to myself that im still in love with my ex. should i wait? i honestly don't know what to do.. i love him and he means the world to me.
i have a huge problem! before i read this awesome advice, i already did the pity tactic. i called several times leaving voicemails while crying and begging him back. i texted pleading for him to give me another chance. i had no idea that was the WRONG thing to do. is there any chance at all i can fix this, and still have a chance of getting him back?
Hey all,
Thank you for all your nice comments and emails, I really appreciate it!
I hope you can understand that I can not reply to individual cases anymore because it is just too much, I have done it in the past and although it is a good feeling to be able to help people, it just takes too much of my time and energy.
I can not combine my own personal life with answering all questions, even though I would love to help every single one of you.
If you need more detailed help, please refer to the systems that I discuss on my blog. http://www.exboyfriendhelp.com/category/get-your-e They have been helpful for hundreds if not thousands of girls in situations like your own. I am confident that they can help you as well.
I understand that many of you will think that your situation is too unique and that it can not be helped by applying one of the systems, but I am sure that you can. I have talked with so many girls in breakup situations.. Of course every situation is unique, but there are always general problems and general solutions.
Also, don't be shy to take advantage of the 60 day guarantee that comes with these courses. Just try if they work fr you. If they don't: Get your money back. That's the best advice I can give you really. You have nothing to loose and a lot to gain.
All the best everyone!
Essy
Nice article, thanks for the tips.
believeinhim
hey essay hv been with my bf for 2 yrs the relationship has been bad this yr. he cheated on me and has not lost contact with the person he did it with. this has really hurt the realaionship. he recently told me he doesn't love me but cares about me...what do i do..have cries so much..it's even worse cuz we live together..do u believe that we can get back together if he doesn't love me anymore. is caring for someone Alot te same as loving someone?
Hi Essy wonderful article, it's really helping me.
Yesterday my boyfriend and I broke up, I saw it coming but I really care about him, and I still do SO much. I pulled a dumb move though on the phone last night, crying and playing the pity card... (damn.)I couldn't help it though, he kept texting me most of the day like he used to, telling me what he was doing and even calling me the pet name he gave me! It hurts so much. He is two years younger than me, (I know... I've already heard it all)but he's so tall and we met when I was back in high school, and our classes were mixed so I had no idea.
Anywho, I'm a freshman in college now. And last night he said he broke up with me because he felt like we never did anything anymore like we used to, and that he wanted to try dating someone his own age. (I already know there's another girl in the picture.) But he's a good guy, he didn't cheat on me, he's always been honest, and showered me with affection till the last week... he even cried on the phone. And asked if we could get back together in the future after he acts out on all his curiosity... But I didn't know what to say, I wanted to say yes... but I really didn't know. I said... don't make fun of me... but I said, "most likely."
I'm such a mess, and I'm miserable. I want him back... but I want him to be happy. Do I let him date that one girl? I don't want to wait if he's never coming back. Please any advice would be great. I already deleted every facebook entry I had with even a hint of depression in it (and that's a lot of them...)
Monday is our anniversary, he's coming over to say goodbye. What should I do? Should I cancel? I really don't want to... but I don't want to blub in front of him either!
Thank you!
Lichadoll
Hi Essy,
I have read ur page, n i really hope u cn help me..
I and my boyfriend know each other since past 4 years n have been in this relation since 3 yrs.. Just 5 months ago i moved out of country for higher studies, while he is still in the same country, finding a job for himself.. He has always been a little less confident about himself.. Hes one of those insecure types.. When we got into the relation he said that we would have no future, as he could not marry me.. And had said that we would continue the relation only till end of college.. I had agreed, cause i had no idea about how would we fare in the relation and marriage was a far off thought.. But i loved him a lot.. And within sometime he started loving me too.. N he really loved me a lot.. Not only me, all our friends could feel it.. They used to say that we are as good as married.. We had a beautiful time for 3 yrs with no major fights or disagreements.. bt he used to always tell his other friend tht i was too good for him, n tht i deserved smeone much better thn him.. he did evrythng i used to ask for.. evn if tht meant setting peer pressure aside and doing the right thng.. at times his friends used to tell him tht i boss him, but he understood tht whtevr i said was for his good.. he evn quit smoking.. We were just so much in love.. it was pure..
After colg, i had thought he would break up or at least talk about it.. But he didnt talk about it directly.. Whenever i would be sad about leaving the country and him, he would say that he would be here for me when i get back after studies..
After i reached here, things were fine.. We spoke online n were all good.. I was upset when i got here cause i was all alone.. n i used to often cry on phone while talking to him.. And all along this time he was trying to find a job n be tensed abt it.. Then a month ago he went to his parents place.. so during that time i couldnt speak to him much.. So i was a little frustrated tht hes nt giving me time.. A week ago whn we were chatting he asked me to "move on".. I couldnt understand anything.. He had never said anything like that ever.. He said tht he was really tensed about his future and he didnt want me to be dependent on him.. the thought that i was waiting here for him, was trememdous for him.. he said he has no confidence in him n tht thngs r bad for him, n he doesnt want me to suffer along with him.. i tried to make him understand tht i was not dependent on him, and if in future he doesnt get settled well, i would not force him to marry me.. we ended the talk on bad terms.. i didnt talk to him for a week.. a week later i called him to sort out thngs.. At first he was rude to me,.. he spoke in a way he had nevr before spoken.. he tried to hurt me.. i was devastated tht how could the man i loved so much n who loved me so much turn out to b like this.. how could 3 yrs of trust go away in 3mins.. i was really devastated.. thn later in the night he spoke to me.. this time he tried to explain me thngs.. but i would honestly say, it was very much different.. i could sense the tension in his voice.. he was stammering n repeating thngs he had said.. he was talking all weird thngs.. he had nevr let himself speak out so bad.. he was telling hw thngs were bad for him here.. hw his family or friends were nto supportive to him.. how my demands further added to the problem.. i could honestly sense him a lot tensed.. at the end of it he cried too.. he said tht he still loved me, but some or the other time this had to end.. he didnt want me to keep thnkng abt him n waste my time n career.. he didnt want me to thnk of him, so tht later whn i get married to someone else, it would be easier for me.. he said tht if we continued this relation, i wont b able to adjust later whn we break up..
I couldnt do anythng.. i had to agree.. he said sorry innumerable times.. he said all good thngs on hw much he still loved me n tht i was the closest to him n all.. i was all confused..
the next mrng he msgd me asking tht if we could still keep talking.. he said sorry for yestrday, but said tht it had to b dne.. he didnt want me hurt.. but he said tht if it was alright with me tht we could still keep talking..
thn for next two days we spoke a lot.. i tried my level best to make him speak up.. whn i was thr with him, i always used to make sure he speaked his mind so tht he doesnt remain tensed.. but nw tht i was away i was scared too many thngs would have heaped up in his mind.. i tried my best not to let him see tht i was sad.. i evn laughed n tried to make him laugh..
its been just 2 days since we broke up..
n m really scared.. i love him just too much.. i have given away all i had in me, just for him.. i cant lose him.. i knw i will nevr b able to get him out of my mind.. m too used to him..
evn nw my mind is nt able to register tht hes nt with me.. i try my best to keep repeating it to myself, but at times it has no effect, n at times i burst out crying on slightest thought..
i dnt knw whts happening to me.. i dnt knw whts gonna happen.. i really love him n i want him back.. but i want him to b happy.. i am just not able to understand anything..
pls help me.. wht shuld i do.. wht do u thnk will happen ahead..
pls reply..
hey,
So this is my situation. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and a half(1 1/2). We startin dating when he came back from his first year at university and had been doin the long distance last year and the start of this year. Its hard because we both don't have vehicles and trains/buses can get expensive so we don't see eachother often. Our summers are devoted entirely to eachother. This year back at school, we have had a hard time getting back into the routine that worked for us last year. Well, over halloween weekend i went to visit him and he completely from the party and when i had talked to him about it, he was saying that i over reacted and was making a bigger deal than it was. We fought for a while over little things that i never knew bothered him. That sunday going back on the train had me thinking. So, sunday night we talked and decided to break up. It was what he wanted. Monday he talked to me because we decided to stay as friends and i had asked him if this is what he really wanted, telling him if it wasn't that id be willing to continue to work on this but his only response was that it was too late to go back and 1 day wasn't enough time. So plan A had failed miserably so i went to plan B and just work on myself. I do love him very much and i miss him terribly and wish he could soon realize what he lost. I wouldn't talk to him, but he would message me on msn (he says that he was worried how i was handling everything). We talked about the friends with benefits idea but decided it might not work out. Than over the weekend i had gone home which was really nice to stay busy and not dwell on my feelings. He kept texting me, talking to me on msn but i didn't want to talk to him because the entire time i never felt pain or suffering from him but only concern for me. This isn't a bad thing but i didn't feel as if he was hurting from this breakup and i didn't put any impact on him for that year and half. On the weekend he had told me when i got back to school that he wasn't doing to well. It had finally hit him that we weren't together anymore and he felt as if he hasn't blown enough steam. I told him to talk to me and we talked about our pasts and what brought us to break up, i now understand why he "broke up" with me. He felt i was too immature and that i wasn't on the same page as him. He wanted to give me that space to grow and enjoy my time for when i go to holland this summer on a work abroad experience. We finally decided to go ahead with the whole open-relationship idea. We were both really excited and i had completely forgotten about the pain, suffering, and horrible things i had to endure. It had dawned on me a little while after that i am in no position to accept or handle the fact that he will be sleeping wth other people. Im tryin to be really strong. Not crying a whole lot or thinking about it because final exams are coming up and i can't fall behind. I talked to him about how i was feeling because i really wanted to have everything we agreed upon but couldn't handle it at the moment. I still wanted to see him, hang out as friends, and talk to him but it wouldn't feel like anythin was different from when we were dating which would make it only harder for me to have that chance to move on when hed be looking at it as only casual or friends. He understood everything i told him completely and said that his intentions are never to hurt me so if im ready to do it, than we will if not we will just remain as friends and talk on occasion. Now that hes not talking to me anymore, i want him so bad. I want to talk to him desparately but i know i can't. I know that if i do, he will never get his space or grow or yet alone miss me at all. He is really busy with school which i understand and he is working towards getting into law school and becoming a lawyer so his workloads are increasing and pressure / demands are higher. We had our problems with me not feeling wanted. I felt as if he had me as a side thing and im always there so he could do whatever pleased him than come to me when he had the free time. His sports, friends, school all came before me. which ok, i can handle that but when i do visit him i still feel like i don't exist while surrounded beside him with all his friends but when the lights go out, its all about me :S which is hard to handle.
What can i continue to do to keep working on giving him his space without ruining or breaking my chances of getting him back. Is there anythin i should be doing for myself also?
Please let me know.
thanks.
Dear Essy,
My boyfriend broke up with me last night and I feel lost and confused. So what did I do? I typed 'how to win a guy back' into google, and I came across your page, which seems really helpful. You see, I only started university 2 months ago and I got together with my boyfriend straight away. He had just broke up with a long term girlfriend whereas I have never had a serious relationship. We clicked straight away and our relationship developed very quickly as we live in the same house so everything is amplified. Although we have only known each other for 2 months it feels like we've known each other for years. The thing is, we were really happy together up until a few days ago when everything suddenly changed. He started avoiding sex, then just avoiding me in general, not sleeping in my room, being really distant. He told me I was being too clingy and i told him that it feels like he can't be bothered anymore. We spoke last night and it turns out that he is always comparing our relationship to the awful relationship he had with his ex. He told me he's scared to get too close because we'll end up hating each other, so he just wants to be friends. I know what he means but I just want him back! It's hard to avoid him because we live together and we have the same friends. What am I suppose to do? I just want him back :(
Please help me xx
Hey..my bf just broke up with me ydy after 2 years 2dgr..we wer very close and did everything together so obviously im devestated..we had a fight a few days ago about how i was being so hard on him lately and i apoligised to him and promised it wouldnt happen again..since i said that he started acting differntly towards me like he was taking advantage of what i said then last night said he didn't want us to be together as we fought too much..i begged him not to let me go and then decided maybe if i agree with him he would change his mind now he's txtn me askin can we meet up in a little while and see how things go..what will i do?..i know i should keep him stewing for a while but i want him back soon as my birthdays next week and christmas is only around the corner..x
hey essy remember me? 7months ago? Well remember I told you I would let you know what ended up happening? Well we finally got back together after like 8 and a half months!!! phew!! finally! Just wanted to let you know how things played out. Thanks for everything I really appreciate it...
-kitty
Hey Kitty! :) Of course I remember.. That's great news! :D
Congrats, and thanks for getting back here to post this.. It really means a lot for me to read it. And maybe to some of the other girls too!
All the best, together with him ;)
My boyfriend just broke up with me yesterday and I really loved him. His reason was that he "didn't feel anything for me anymore" and that "he still wanted to be friends". I knew this was coming because he was becoming less and less passionate, we never got together anymore and I had to tell him to kiss me. I told him I wasn't ready for it to end but we broke up anyway. How exactly do I get him back cus I miss him so much!
Hola Essy,
So ive been reading some of ur advice and suggestions to other people and think ur probably one of the most experienced and smartest person to come to... so, my story is...
Me and my boyfriend dated for 2 1/2 years, and Halloween Day, we met outside of a party where he told me he wanted to talk, so, when i met him there, he got really nervous, and couldnt look me in the eyes and was really shacky and said "i think we need to break up, i dont think its working out" and basically... i got one of my friends to ask him why he did it and... basically its because we fought too much (thats what he told her)... like, little fights every other day... and it was a lot of me nagging him about stupid things all the time... but you know, obviously i miss him, and ill do a lot to get him back, i mean.. we were REALL in Loooove. It was different from any other relationship... we grew up with eachother, like, we were eachothers 1st kiss, 1st hand hold, 1st i love you... you get it.. i dont want to walk away form him.
so, we havent talked in person really the past 2 weeks (he brok up with me two weeks ago)... we smile at eachother a lot at school, but we dont talk in person.. i wanted to give him his space.. plus im too nervous to talk to him.... but, the past 3 days ive texted him, only once, and waited for him to text back (like you know.... im not gunna text him... then an hour later text him again... that is what i mean by only texting him ONCE a day) but the past 3 times hes gotten friendlier and friendlier, adding in "lol"s and "haha"s and not being so snippy with his words...
but ok, hers my plan.. tell me if i should do this or not.... or how ud revise this plan...
Ok, so., my ex has always been a really jelous guy, so, i was gunna get one of my friends to text him and say "hey, how are u, etc..... are you the one going to dinner with victoria tonight?" and he'd probably say "no, why?" and she'd say "ohh, well she just told me she was going to dinner with someone but didnt tell me who it was, so, i figuerd yall had gotten back together.." and then maybe he'd ask "well who is she going with?" and my friend would say "i dont know,why dont you go ask her?"
so, automatically, in his mind he'll ASSUME its a DATE (which it wont be) and that i LIKE the person im going with (which, i already asked one of my best friends to go with me [just to waffle house]).... so... whatcha think of the plan? any revisions? would u even take this plan? thank you so so much! If this works, i owe you!
i was with my boyfriend for almost a year, we are really perfect together, we have the same likes, dislikes, we've never been mad at eachother, never shouted, or argued, but he text me saying he wanted to talk to me, so he phoned me, and i could tell he wanted to say something to me, he said "i can't be with you" he has MAJOR paranoia, and thinks the whole world is trying to get him and thinks people are trying to break us up, it's all in his head, and i've told him to see a psychologist, I phoned him a couple of times, just so we could talk, he lives 6 hours away, i just wanted to know why, because he didn't give me any reasons, anyway, i want to phone him, just to explain that im letting him be, and when he feels ready to contact me, he can..i'm worried he's not going to, or that hes going to think because i've moved on, he doesn't want to drag me back again? when really more than anything i just want to be back with him. Like i said, theres no reason for it. Do you have any advise? :/
essy, we need you. i'm certain trying to read hundreds of emails and providing sound advice can be excessive when it is just you; perhaps your gf donna in example 1 would assist you in providing feedback for us. we need you!!!
Hey Tiffany,
Thank you for your comment, but sorry.. I really can't give one-on-one help anymore, it was taking me several hours per day and that's just too much. Even with Donna helping out (if she wanted to) it's just not realistic.
To be honest I never expected this Hub to be this popular.. I hope you all still find it helpful, even without the personal advice. Best of luck!
okay well here is my problem me and my bf broke up and now im finding out my friend likes him and they may be going to a movie together and he knows i still like him but him and her might go out and i need to get him back cuz i really like him so any info on how to get him back and note im in nmiddle school! plz tell me what 2 do
My boyfriend broke up with me, like, one and a half months ago. I have to thank my work for keeping me very occupied to cry over my loss. However until now, i frequently thought of him, and the sweet times we used to have. Your article encouraged me alot, to move on and get over my breakup. Bu he isnt talking to me anymore, nor did he ask me out for movies together with my club mates like those times before we got together as a couple. So... perhaps, for my case... this relationship cannot be saved. It is really over i guess...
I strongly believe that i am not THAT into him anymore because i forced myself to numb the breakup mentally, i can live on with my life without my ex, not texting him or calling him either, but, why do i still think of him so frequently? Is it because he is my first love, or do i still have left over feelings for him, or am i just missing the feeling of being loved and being in love?
Hi Essy! I'm only sixteen years old but my boyfriend of four months broke up with me on Veterans day, I was completly not expecting it, and I'm devastated. A couple weeks before that we had thought about breaking up becuase we fought over stupid things which were mostly my fault, but we decided to stay tgogether and he said "he wasn't ready to be without me." But he came over Veterans day night and I was so happy, I had it all planned out but he looked sad when he got here so I said lets go talk and he immediately starting crying. He said that the fighting had torn us apart and that he wasnt in-love with me anymore, but that I'll always be his first love. We were both a mess and I had to give everything back becuase I couldn't bear to look at it. I really am inlove with him, but I've broken all the rules already. I texted him saying I missed him and tried expressing how I feel but he just says "idk i need space" and I asked if he thought we'd get back together soon and he said "I dont think so." And then yesterday, my friend was texting him and said "You dont miss colby at all?" and he replied "not really." I just don't know what to do, I know I'm young and that it's only highschool but he's honestly my first love. I'm so scared that hes going to find another girl and I want to talk to him but I'm keeping my distance and havent texted him since saturday. I've considered suicide in the past week, I just don't know what to do anymore, I mis him so much. Please help me.
Hi Essy..
My boyfriend (28) and I (23) was in a relationship for around 8 months - there have been alot of things going on in his life the past two months as we started the first 5 months by having a long distance relationship where we saw eachother 2-3 days every second week, but it worked out well and we were very much in love. Two months ago he moved to my city (not together)and because of that we of course start seing eachother quite often which was a huge different of course. As mentioned before he is 28 have had a couple of past relationships but they only lasted for maximum 1 year and he have never lived together with anyone. He is wokring as a chef and have been doing that in eight years where he have almost worked every day from 10am to 11pm which means he havent had time so spend alot of time with his former girlfriends and it still only last for 1 year appr. When he moved over he started a job from 7am to 3pm which is a crusial difference from his former working hours which also have made more space for us spending time together. anyways we went to Paris for an extended weekend two weeks ago which was a fantastic trip he was all over me, telling me how much he loved me etc etc. But then last week he says that he lost the spirit in the relationship and asked how I saw our future? and suddenly seemd very different and confused. I asked if he wanted to leave me but he said that he loved me and were to happy for me to just end it. We suggested to take some time from eachother but I was so devastated I did what you shouldnt do and called him two days later and said I really hoped we could sort things out as I really loved him - he said that I couldnt force him to make a choice and that he wanted it to work but just couldnt say when. I thought about things and was vey confused as the whole thing happend so sudden but I decided that I cant be toghether with one who dont know when he want to be with me again as I just wont allow myself to sit and wait for him to come up with an answer. so I ended things two days ago and expalined him that I love him and its hard for me but that I cant be together with one who dont know if he want to be with me or not! he didnt really have much to say. but today he came over to exchange stuff (keys etc.) and we talked about all other things than us - the only thing I asked was if he had been cheating on me or meet another girl because then I wanted to know and he answered 'no and I dont even want to'. He asked if could come over for a cup of coffee tomorrow but I said I had plans and we could meet up next week for coffee. The problem here is that the whole thing happend so fast and I really love him and everyone thought that we would be together 'forever'. I dont know what to do as I want to move on but at the same time I see him as my future man and we have spoken about living together etc. so I dont understand why he sudden dont want to be with me? what do you suggest me to do? im so confused.
Many thanks,
/Steph
does this still aply if you've already messed up by calling him? even if when you did that everything blew up and drama was crazy? i know i want him back but he doesnt seem to care. i think i really hurt him with the breakup.
I got to know tony before I dated him. He really like me lot and wanted to date me but I wouldnt date him and he try so hard to get with me. And I got to know him pretty well before we dated. So one day I gave him chance. And we started had some pretty amazing times together. About a week ago he dump me. He said he might like someone else. And said he didnt like me anymore. But I didnt understand how he could not like me all of the sudden. So I agree on the break up and went my way. I didnt talk to him really at all for a week, other then to get my stuff back. It was hard for me to sleep at nite. He told my sister i was to clingy and didnt give him space. Like I text him to much. So I didnt text him at all. Then week later he texted me at 1am to see where i was. I was sleeping but next day texted him said i was at my sister but why did want to know where i was. he said cause wanted see if u were at my apt. I ask why did want to know that. He said cause i was laying in bed and wanted to hangout with u. And I go at 1am in the morning. And he goes of course. I couldnt sleep and i wanted to hangout with u. Then next nite he came over to watch movie. He started flirting with me and give me like these hints to kiss him. Then all sudden we were kiss. I ask if he was seeing someone. He said no and that girl he like arnt going work out because she wont talk to him. But Idk if I should beleive that. But my sister think he dump me cause that girl got jealous knew he really like me lot and found out he was dating me and she wanted him then he dump me and then she does want him now cause not dating and he said not really talking to her but idk if that a lie. He has never lied to me that I know of... But anyways he left after movie i said come back later to nite if u want. He said it will be late. I go i dont care. He goes be around 2 or 3am. He came back 1am. He like see I show up early for you. Then he stay the nite. The next day he didnt really text me back that much but he was pretty busy with school,homework,hangout with his buddies and taking naps.... lol
But idk what to do? I really like him lot and I really want to get him back.
I also did make some huge mistake when were dating and little mistakes and I also told the truth and he gave me another chance...
I just really like him lot... I cant stop thinking about him and he amazing to hangout with. He really nice guy! And I just love everything about him. Im trying so hard to get him back but I dont want to psh him away. Can anyone help me at all?
Hey Essy,
My ex and I broke up about a week ago because he "needed his space" and he was constantly texting a 8th grade girl(his ex of one week) who is clearly obsessed with getting him back. We're highschoolers. The past month has been hard because he was always on and off; one moment he would tell me I was annoying and to go away and the next he would be all over me. It seemed like he was unstable all the time, which made me go on a rollarcoaster of emotions. So we broke up (Thursday), but two days afterwards (Saturday) we went on a school trip together. We have all the same friends, so we were together all day. The thing is, he wouldn't stop stepping on my shoes, play punching me, messing up my hair, and poking my hips. Which confused me. The next day(Sunday), I texted him and he responded, to my surprise, but then he had to go to a soccer game. Later that night I got word from a friend that he was bashing me all day and making fun of me. Monday night he texted me asking me if I told a guy that he liked the middle schooler, which I didn't, but I found it odd that he texted me about such an odd thing. Tuesday we walked to english together having a comfortable conversation. So what I would like to know is what should I do?! I want him back, but I don't want him to be unstable! and I'm not sure if I should ignore him completely or not..
what about if i already cried to him and called and texted. i really could'nt help my self. but today I did'nt text him at all so far. I got to see him two days in a row and when he drops me off at my house i start with the crying shit but he still hugged me both nights? Do I still have a chance. He says he does'nt want a relationship with me anymore and he's tired of all the fighting and it took me a year and eight monhs to realize how mean i really was to him i really changed though I know he's really worth it. So do the same rules apply?
helllo ladies idk, since i found this site last weekend, i'm wondering do we truly want those guys back? we are doing the exercises, not calling, not texting, and keeping our distnace blah blah blah.... doing all this will it actually bring him back?
Hey Tiffany, I appreciate your feedback but this Hub is not a forum.. As you can see there is already a comment overload happening.. If you want to start a discussion you may want to join a forum somewhere.
Also, saying that I dont offer guidance is not nice, as I have built this hub by myself and it has helped a lot of girls, there is loads of proof in the comments. I can not help everyone with specific advice anymore, true. But I have done my best to cover all areas and give examples and give pointers as to where to look for further information for those who want it.
Please remember this is free information, so you can hardly demand me to put my life on the line to help you out. Although I would love to help everyone - It's simply impossible.
If you need more advice the best thing I can recommend is that you have a look at my blog where I discuss the best systems out there that give detailed advice on getting a guy back. There is good info in there.
essy, i did not say that to attack you or to be mean...
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JaneL says:
13 months ago
Yes it's unfortunate that many girls try and use the pity tactic in an effort to get attention from an ex. I have to agree with you Essay when you state that looking for pity is the worst thing you can do.
Show your ex that you can live without him and chances are much greater that he may decide that he can't live without you.
Interesting topic and well written I might add.
All the best
~Jane