This isn't a product promotional advice column. You will not see any links to follow any other site (except for maybe Google ads). I do not recommend any specific over the counter drugs or supplements. This column is merely meant to help desk jockeys lose a few extra pounds as quickly as possible. Please see your doctor if you have any concerns about following the advice contained herein.

Why am I writing this when this is completely outside of my expertise? I guess it's because I'm interested in helping out, as I struggled with losing weight, and couldn't find anything that worked. Also, this article is probably more geared towards guys, as women probably have a harder time losing weight using these techniques since they probably already follow some or all of these tips.

Your comments are welcomed! Good, bad, whatever. Just please don't post a link to a herbal drug or some eDiet book.

Have you ever heard of negative calorie foods? A negative calorie food item is one that takes more energy to digest than it has calories. Take an apple, for instance. It contains a certain amount of sugar and fiber (and nutrients), but , besides water, that's pretty much it. It takes quite the mouth action to eat one if it's not all cut up for you already. Also, the stomach has to churn to process it. What about cucumbers? They have even less sugar than an apple, a bit of cellulose (fiber), some nutrients, some mouth action, and A LOT of water.

Does a negative calorie food exist? Scientists claim that they don't, except maybe cardboard, but who wants to eat that? They say that the human digestive system is extremely efficient, and can get calories out of almost anything edible with very little effort or exertion on our part.

However, it would take an ENORMOUS amount of cucumbers to get the amount of calories it takes to reach your daily caloric requirement to just maintain your weight. You can probably eat them day and night, and still not gain a pound. Do I recommend this as a quick way to lose weight? NO! Absolutely not. But how about eating a mix of fruits, vegetables, and meats to achieve your goal? That's what I will be detailing in the rest of this article, and what seems to be working for me.

Just to give you a background of my usual eating habits, have you ever seen that commercial for Outback? They show a huge, thick, juicy medium-rare (you couldn't really tell what doneness it was, but it adds to my fantasy) steak with a small sprig of parsley on top? That sprig of parsley was "Australian for salad..." That is/was about the extent of my usual diet. If it didn't include mostly meat (and I mean mostly), I wasn't interested. So to regress in my eating habits and eat like a rabbit once in a while was a big step for me. If you can overcome that hurdle, you, as a guy at least, can lose weight easily.

Again, check with your doctor! But these are the things that worked for me. Rotate them and see how they work for you. I'm going to name some "name brand products", but I'm not trying to monetize this site by adding affiliate links to their products. This is for informational purposes only!

So what's the best and fastest way to lose weight?

Eat salads, and lots of them! You've probably heard that before, but the trick is to not add things to your salad that contain fats and sugars. Kraft has a "Free" line of dressings that have very little to no fat, and very little sugar. For other brands, I look at the bottle, and say to myself, "if I drank this whole bottle, how many calories would it be?" Kraft Free Italian dressing, for example, would set you back about 240 calories (15 calories times 16 servings). How many salads could you eat using a whole bottle? Eating salads by themselves is tough enough for a guy, so it needs help! So I personally drown my lettuce and cucumbers with dressing. I eat (or drink) about 1/4 or 1/3 of the bottle per large bowl (and I mean large) of salad. A regular salad bowl won't cut it. Break out the mixing bowls!

Don't add eggs, cheese, or bacon to your salad. Just this list of veggies (can exclude one or more of these, just suggestions):

Lettuce (whatever type you like, including raw spinach, or mix it up)

Cucumbers (lots of cucumbers)

Tomatoes (grape tomatoes are convenient and taste great in a salad)

Yellow Squash

Peppers (green, red, yellow, and/or the spicy/hot kind)

Onions

Any other vegetable that you've seen on a salad and like

I hear what you're saying. "I'm going to get so sick of salad that I won't last a day". Well, mix it up a bit!

Try low fat/low sugar ham, turkey, and/or chicken. I just happen to LOVE mustard, which is apparently a very low calorie food, so if you like mustard also, drown that piece of low-fat ham with mustard, and just eat it by itself. Not to gross you out, but that means 1 teaspoon or tablespoon per bite for me. Turkey and chicken can be eaten on their own, but if you get sick of those too, try to find a condiment that has no calories (or VERY little), and drown it.

How about wraps? Most grocers carry low-carb wraps nowadays. These wraps are high in fiber, and are perfect for being used as a variety for the rest of this article. Be careful! They're expensive compared to regular tortillas, and some of them are absolutely disgusting. The "Flat-Out" brand, for example, would be better served somewhere else. Mission Foods brands, however, are my favorite! Stuff the wraps with some grilled coarse sea-salted "complete seasoning" chicken (add no or very little oil to a cast iron skillet on medium to medium-high heat 5 minutes or so each side for a perfectly cooked juicy chicken). Remove the chicken and add some onions and green peppers (again, don't add any oil!) Cook them for a few minutes until you achieve the desired crunchiness (or lack thereof). Put some low fat cheese on a low carb tortilla, put it in the microwave for a few seconds (30 maybe?), then add your chicken (cut into thin strips), peppers and onions, and maybe some tomatoes and lettuce and possibly some low-fat sour cream. Drown it with some salsa (Pace, medium heat is good), and you've got yourself a meal! How about a salad to go with it?

I've actually taken those wraps, and just put salsa on them, and ate them like that, for those times I don't want to go through all that work or a late night snack.

Another thing to try is to eat a light healthy (fruits and veggies) breakfast, and eat a big lunch. Then, don't eat dinner, or especially after 4:00 PM. If you can't help yourself, eat very little past 4:00 PM and definitely don't eat past 6:00 PM!

Also, and you've probably already heard this a million times, drink plenty of non-calorie fluids! I can't drink water, for some reason, so I drink lots of Diet Coke. I'm sure if there's war or famine, I'd like water by itself soon enough, but in the land o' plenty, an icy cold Diet Coke is where it's at for me. If you hate the taste of Diet Coke (and, like me, you don't like drinking plain water), try this: Drink Diet Coke exclusively for two days (instead of water or anything else). Make sure it's cold! You'll begin to dislike regular Coke (you'll think it's too sugary), and you'll be better off for it. For you Pepsi fans, my condolences. If you don't already like it, you'll probably never like the taste of Diet Pepsi, so I have nothing for you. (Just kidding). I personally am disappointed when I walk into a restaraunt that only serves Pepsi products, because I do not like Diet Pepsi. I'll drink it only if there's no Diet Coke or Diet Dr. Pepper. But I digress...

I almost forgot. For breakfast (or any time of the day), there's some milk on the market that's actually quite delicious, and has very little sugar and no fat. It used to be called "Carb Countdown", but now it's called (in my area at least), "Calorie Countdown". Choose the "Fat Free" kind. I know what you're thinking, "I hate skim milk, why the heck would I choose a low calorie version of this <explitive deleted>?" Because even though skim milk, to me, is an abomination and a poor excuse substitute for the real thing, Fat Free Calorie Countdown (called "CC" throughout the rest of this article) actually tastes good! It has the consistency and taste of whole milk. This is from a guy who used to put heavy cream on his sugary cereal (as a young adult even!) Whole milk, to me, was "skim milk". Half n' Half was the 2% equivalent.

Some people still don't like "Calorie Countdown" (or CC), but if you do, the doors to losing weight are wide open to you. Want pudding? Get the sugar-free instant variety, and add CC to it for a practically calorie free desert. Want cereal? Add CC to some shredded wheat. Don't like shredded wheat on it's own (even with milk?), add some Splenda to it. Drink it on it's own for a late night "snack".

If you like Chocolate milk, Calorie Countdown also makes a version of that that's low on everything (fat and sugar), but tastes great!

It's literally impossible for me to get through a week (or even a few days) without some event that makes me skip this diet. Cake day or donut day at work, a client takes you out for dinner, you go on a business trip and the people who you meet take you out every night for steaks and drinks...It's all okay, because if you follow these techniques, it's only a temporary setback. Enjoy your occasional big dinners! Just eat salad the next day, and you'll probably still lose another pound or two.

Maybe you don't have the time to follow some of these strategies, and just want a friggin' burger! I was on my own "Wendy's diet" for a while, and actually lost weight doing it! It even involved one of their biggest burgers too! I would order their "#2", which was (and probably still is) a double burger, fries, and drink. The burger's fine, but I switched out the fries for a sour cream and chive baked potato (try not to eat the sour cream, and definitely leave out the butter, but try to eat the skin). I also got a diet coke with no ice. This helps you feel full. I then got 2-3 more sides of small chilis. After eating everything else, when you get hungry later (but you probably won't be), you can eat the chili.

You can also just make baked potatoes. As long as you don't put butter, cheese, bacon, or sour cream on them, and you eat the skin, potatoes are actually healthy for you! Just put a couple in your microwave and cook for about ten minutes (depending on how many you put in there, their sizes, and the power of your microwave. Might take some experimentation). Put some sea salt, Complete Seasoning, and/or other low calorie condiments on it to make it taste incredibly delicious as a snack that will fill you up and not out.

But, the bottom line is, if you want to lose 5-10 pounds quickly (within a few days), just eat salad. You can eat as much as you want, and still lose weight. The other items are really for variety and weight maintenance.