How To: Overcoming Jealousy

November 10, 2008.

Let's face it; everyone has been bitten by the green eyed monster at least once. Some of us have multiple bites and have even grown immune to his nasty sting. While others of us flat out refuse to own up to their frequent visits to the deep dark cave where jealousy lives.

Jealousy is a bad thing. It can make you break into a sweat and cause your stomach to turn over. It can leave you unable to sleep and drain your body of the energy it needs to survive, in severe cases it can result in death!

So before you decide to go over the edge next time your sweetie wants to go with "the boys" on boys night out, or that darling of yours spends all day getting all "dolled up" only to spend it with "the girls", remember to relax and breathe.

Jealousy is one of the most natural emotions there is. C'mon you have invested a lot of time and emotion into this relationship whether it is family or your mate; you don't want to feel cheated out of a good thing. It is only natural to want the best and that it is equally reciprocated in return. However, if left to run ravage like a thief in the night to steal your good sense away, Jealousy will turn your happy little relationship into a seething viper's nest of paranoia, nagging questions and suspicion.

Here are a few steps to help you on your way to overcoming the bite of Jealousy:

• 1) Seek out a friend: Because you're full of emotion and that tends to blind your common sense, a confidant is required to help real you back into to common ground.

Suspicious thoughts can be amplified as you roll them over and over in your head. Like a conspiracy theorist overanalyzing facts and placing great logic and weight on tiny events, you can convince yourself of something that just isn't there.

So go relax with that pal and see what they think of thoughts. If their found to be silly, you'll both have a laugh and enjoy the rest of the evening.

• 2) Be honest with yourself: Self evaluate where your ideas are stemming from. Your worried your man wants a younger you so you: End up "hating on" the new girl in the office who is 19yrs old and is a perfect size negative zero, while your 30 something body has been living on weight watchers and struggling to stay a size eight for two years.

The trick to overcoming this one is simple, take a good long look in the mirror and realize your okay. You're the perfect you for any task you choose to take and your attitude is the most important thing anyone will remember. Focus on your positive points and remind yourself of them often.

If you're concerned about your body, try this out for size, dance naked in candle light and feel sexy! Crazy as it sounds if you take pride in feeling sexy, you will raise your libido and others will be attracted to it! Jealousy is an internal process, but it will be reduced by favorable external circumstances.

• 3) Boost your self esteem: Take time to remind yourself how awesome you really are. Schedule time for just yourself and make is a relaxed environment where you can unwind and realize how amazing you really are.

  Overcoming jealousy involves not just concentrating on the relationships you have, but also increasing your self-opinion in all other areas but most importantly yourself!

Take pride in the things you're good at, take more time with hobbies and sports you may be into. Surround yourself with people who think you're just swell. Get a haircut, buy a fancy new outfit or something sexy...do whatever you can to remind yourself that you're the bomb, and you won't worry about all the rest of the world.

•4) Learn to Trust: It's quite possibly the most essential ingredient in any relationship. You can get along you're your co-workers and gab fabulously with your pals while kick in it at your favorite ball game, However, without trust it all means nothing.

For some people, trust comes easily. They work on the assumption that someone will be truthful and upfront with until the very end. They never doubt the other person until something goes array and someone is proven wrong. But for the rest of the world trust is a nasty word and is reserved for the heroic types.

Giving someone your trust means putting your heart in their hands for safe keeping. It's a precious present and it takes Mojo and killer guts to do it. Thiers no real guarantee that the other person will take good care of it. In fact the scariest part is when some does run off with it and damages it for a long time. We've all been there, and done that!

So for the battle scarred and the foolish, jealousy comes as a ready willing and able martyr to step up in the face of insecurity and grief. But not all jealousy is bad. Come again? That's right! You can determine a healthy level of jealousy by the outcomes of the reaction.

Maybe you're at a costume party and your significant other jokes around and dances slyly with another, then just after the dance they sweep you of your feet and whisper how much they adore you? This only solidifies the relationship and creates a field of trust that surrounds you with a comfort level only known to those whose have slayed the green eyed monster and won!

Next time you feel Jealousy creeping up, take a step back and analyze where it is coming from and if it is justified. Ask a friend for help, then if there is concern talk about your feelings with the other person. Take more time to realize your awesomeness! Eventually, you'll come to dismiss your jealous thoughts as quickly as they crop up and well on your way to being a green eyed monster slayer!

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