If you or your spouse had an affair, you might want to know how to save a marriage after an affair.  Many marriages are saved after infidelity, but it's not easy and it's not certain to work.  If you want to try it, here are some things to keep in mind.

Every good relationship is based on trust.  You need to trust anyone who you are giving so much of yourself to, whether it's a friend or spouse.  If you don't trust them you won't be happy and you probably won't stay in the relationship very long.

You may hear people say that to build a relationship after someone has cheated is just like starting over again.  I disagree.  In my opinion you are starting in a hole after someone has cheated in the relationship.  You aren't starting out the same way as you started when you first met, when neither of you had reason to distrust the other.  Now you already have doubt built right in.  It's a lot harder than starting over.

To bounce back from this deceit both of you will need to be honest, with yourselves and each other.  While it is important to get the anger and hurt out, it is counterproductive to engage in finger pointing and blame.  Since no relationship occurs in a vacuum there are always other factors to consider when trying to figure out what went wrong.

(A very good therapist is necessary to help you get through all of this anger and hurt, and help you get out of the hole.)

If you can both sit down and openly and honestly discuss these issues you may have a chance of rebuilding your trust and love.

A few words of caution:

1. This is not about allowing someone to justify cheating because of something that was going on in the marriage. It was wrong to cheat...period. It's just important for both parties to be realistic when assessing their marriage.
2. Make sure you are trying to save your marriage for the right reason. Do you truly love and respect your spouse? Up until the cheating occurred did you have a strong, loving relationship? If not then why bother to mend it now?
3. Has your spouse always been a cheater? Even though you don't want to hear it, the reality is that if they're a serial cheater they will never change and you are only opening yourself up to a lifetime of hurt and misery. If this was a one time isolated indiscretion you may be able to move on.

I hope these tips have given you some things to consider when you are wondering how to save a marriage after an affair. It can be done, but it will take a lot of time, communication, and renewed commitment.

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